hope you enjoy this chapter it's in bella's point of view. Also some of you have said that you are confused about the story. to clear things up for you i need to know what exactly your confused about so you can understand whats going on.
Please continue to review and i'll try my hardest to get the next chapter on tommorrow, but i'm not makeing any promises.
thanks for taking the time to read my story i hope you all will enjoy whats coming up in this chapter and the ones following.
lov ya
-bluerose
As months passed Jamie and I got closer, which drew her further away from the Cullen's. After Edward had kissed me and I saw the box I didn't know what to do. I refused to watch the videos of my past. I couldn't pull away from my mission now, I worked to hard to quit when I'm so close to getting what I want.
"Hey guys" Jamie said smiling when she came up to the table one Friday. I couldn't help but notice that she was more happier then usual. "So I was wondering if you all would like to come to my family get together tomorrow?" she asked taking her seat between Edward and me.
Of course Edward automatically responded trying to beat me to the punch. "We'd love to Jamie" he said counting the whole group.
"Great, Carlisle and Esme can come to." she said looking at them. Then she turned to me, "What about you? My mom's really looking forward to meeting one of my best friends." She said cheerfully. Just to pee Edward and the rest off, also to get in closer, I told her I'd be there.
"Well if your mother is looking forward to seeing me, then I can't let her down. I'll be there." I told her sweetly with my usual edge. I also gave an evil grin that only Edward would see. I was telling him that I wouldn't strike out. It's the fifth inning and I'm leading by a score of 40 to 10 and he wasn't going to catch up.
"Yey, all my favorite people are going to be there." She said to happily again. By her reaction and the look on Edward's face I knew she was keeping something from us. Tomorrow I would figure out what she hid and use it against her.
The following morning the sun gazed through my window; I got angry quick. Out of all the days to be sunny in Forks, it had to be today. Then it hit me, if I couldn't go out then neither could the Cullens. So I made sure I'd be able to go. I went to my closet and pulled out my darkness attire. It was the outfit that even caused the Voltri not to draw their eyes away.
Yet while I did an envelope fell along with the no name tape. I left them as they fell while I got dressed. Though afterward knowing I shouldn't I picked up the two items. When I looked to see who the envelope was addressed to there was no name. It surprised me I never saw it before when I was searching through the box. Calmly while trying to figure out where the envelope came from I opened it. The paper was small; I knew right away it came from a small note pad like the ones you would find in a hotel room. When I opened the folded paper I couldn't stop my self from gasping. I recognized my sloppy unneat handwriting from when I was a weak human. Shaking I read what I wrote many years ago…….
Edward,
I love your. I am so sorry. He has my mom, and I have to try. I know it may not work. I am so very, very sorry.
Don't be angry with Alice and Jasper. If I get away from them it will be a miracle. Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially, please
And please, please don't come after him. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me.
I love you, Forgive me.
Bella
I couldn't believe I didn't see this before. The letter dropped slowly from my hand and landed gracefully on the couch. I then trembled while I looked at the video in my hand, pretty sure what was on it. Knowing I again shouldn't I placed it in the VCR, then turned on the TV. I slowly sat down on the couch where the letter had fell.
The video opened to James turning on the camera and positioning it. I watched as he disappeared into the shadows. A minute or so later I came through and as I watched the shadow move slowly, but quickly I heard my mothers voice. While I was watching my past before my eyes I remembered how I saw that day and comparing it to what I saw on the tape. Watching the tape made me realize how brave I've always been. When I saw him brake my leg I cringed at my reaction to it.
And when he said those words I knew he was right. If I would have died Edward would have went after him. But would James believe the same thing today, would Edward really go after him if he were to kill me in this present day? It was a question I didn't have the answer to it only brought up another question. I felt my self starting to shed tears when he finally came. I watched how the camera amazingly got everything on tape after I shut my eyes. The agony on Edwards face was excruciating as I screamed in pain, and then when he actually decided to suck out the venom I saw the look of hunger in his eyes, but the love in them was more powerful and non resistant. He never left my side, he was always there.
When the tape went blank I stared at the screen. I watched my refection and realized how much he use to love me. I still couldn't get why, and for the first time it was a question I didn't want to know the answer to. I closed my eyes as my mind reverted back to the kiss three months ago, he had done it so passionately. Could he still love me after all I've done?
"Come on Bella, Darkness! Get your head together. He betrayed you and doesn't love you and never really has. You need to finish your mission today. It's time to get back to your Nature. Soon Jamie will be turned and all the Cullens will die if they intervene." I convinced myself. Then I headed out the door.
When I pulled up to the house I grinded my teeth as I saw their cars on the curb. I casually parked behind his well known Volvo. As I was walking up the drive lots of eyes peered on me. I could imagine what they were thinking. she's hot, I'm scared, etc.
I loved my darkness outfit, I truly felt like me again inside it. A woman that gets what ever she wants with out the death of human life. At least Alice was good for something in my years. If it weren't for her I would have never learned to flaunt what you got. I knew no matter how much she hates me she'll be happy that I finally got something right. That's why I chose to wear black leather. My long sleeve top was a turtle neck and had a hood. Just like my black pants it stuck to me very closely. My leather boots had two inch heals and came up to my knees, but my pant legs covered them. Then I had gloves and sunglasses on.
When I got to the door I rang the door bell. in no time Jamie answered the door. She cheerfully said, "Hey Bella, come in." she was also holding a baby boy. It confused me, but I passed it off. As I walked through the door I glared at them evilly. I was amazed that Carlisle actually let them come, also excited that they were in a pack. This meant that they were scared of me. When I glanced at Edward he was tense, but he just looked into my eyes. I hoped he didn't figure out I had been crying, but being Edward I didn't put it pass him. He always knew when I was hurting.
I reverted my eyes to the baby boy in Jamie's arms pulling away from Edward's gaze. I couldn't help but be curious. The sleeping child interested me and reminded me of Isabelle, also the human girl I raised. "This is Luke, my little brother." Jamie responded looking down at him.
"He's cute, one month?" I guessed by his size. I got stiff as Edward walked up to us. I couldn't look at him when he was this close. Mainly because I was afraid of what would happen.
"Yeah, how'd you know?" She asked with suspicion in her voice. Because I have had one and almost raised two. I thought in my head.
"I've been around lots of babies. I know how to tell." I ended up telling her while looking at her face. Still refusing to see Edward, she just gave me a polite smile and turned to talk to him. I glanced back at his family as they watched me suspiciously.
A half hour passed before anything big happened and when it happened everything in my life changed. Edward and I had just been following Jamie around the whole time. Me to get her alone, him to protect her from me. I still couldn't look at him. The three of us were talking to Jamie's cousins when her mother yelled from the kitchen. "Jame, I need you." Jamie rolled her eyes as she turned to me. I knew what she was going to ask by the look in her eyes.
"Hey Bella, do mind holding him for me while I go help my mom?" she asked. I hesitated; I couldn't take him. I was afraid that I would lose control, I couldn't risk his life.
" I can't Jame. I haven't held a baby in along time." I told her.
"Jamie, get in here!" her mom yelled again more demanding.
"Please Bella, Just for a minute. I won't be long." Jamie begged me. I didn't understand why she was asking me, there were all these other people around.
"Jamie" her mom yelled furiously.
"Coming mom" She shouted turning toward the kitchen, then turned back to me. " Please Bella." She begged again. I glanced around the room, still not looking at Edward. His family watched me curiously together seeing what I was going to do. Then I looked at Luke, he was calmly sleeping in Jamie's arms. He looked peaceful and all my confusion of her begging went away. At that moment all I wanted to do was hold Luke close to me. I needed to hold Luke close to me.
"Fine, ok" I finally said. As Jamie carefully gave Luke to me, trying not to wake him, Edward's family got tense and were about to react, but held back. After I had a hold of him Jamie ran into the kitchen. Then everyone went back to what they were doing, but I felt the Cullens watching me.
I looked down at Josh and smiled. I gently rocked him from side to side, I finally felt happy. I didn't pay attention to the Cullens though I could hear their whispers. I didn't care that the Cullens where near, all I cared about was the baby boy in my arms. I started to talk to him just like I did to Isabelle. " Don't worry little one when your older you'll understand why I don't have a choice. Your sister won't leave you for long. I'll make sure she comes back for you." a few minutes passed before I took the chance to touch him. I carefully held him in one hand and carefully took the other and gently touched his face with the back of it.
Out of no where his eyes came open and he started screaming like crazy. I don't know what happened, but my maternal instinct came in. I automatically brought him up to my shoulder and rocked him up and down. I also started humming to him. He started to calm down and it wasn't until afterward that I noticed everyone staring at me. "How did you calm him so quick? No one besides my mom has ever been able to stop his crying and even that takes a while." Jamie said with amazement pulling me out of my trance. She was the reason why I noticed everyone.
I looked up to my crowd and around the room. Without looking at Jamie I responded, "I guess I just have a way with kids." After I looked around the whole room, quickly passing up the Cullens who couldn't take their eyes off me, I looked back at Luke and started humming again as his blue eyes stared up at me. "What is that your humming to him?" Mrs. Nate asked not even a minute after I started humming again. It took me a second to realize what I had actually been humming the whole time. When it finally clicked I spoke.
"Oh, it's my lullaby. It was hummed to me long ago; it helped me sleep and relax." I said calmly staring sweetly at Mrs. Nate. Then out of no where she spoke.
"Can you play it?" Isabelle asked. As I turned to her I caught Edward's glare, then looking at my daughter I responded.
"No, I'm not that good. I know how to play, but the one who wrote it for me has a lot more talent and I'd be a disgrace to him if I played it." I stated. I also took the chance and glanced at him. Edward gave a little smile; I wished it was my favorite one. Then he whipped his head toward our daughter and by their facial expressions I knew she thought something about me. Though I was happy he defended me, I also got that I could only blame myself for the way she acted toward me.
I should have taken her with me. I looked away from them and back at Luke as Jamie joined me. Though she was having a conversation with me I was to deeply into my thoughts to pay attention.
Isabella Marie how could you abandon your child, even if they were to care for her. She's your daughter, your only child. Your miracle and everything good in the world. You truly are evil. I started to think looking down at Luke. I then reverted my eyes from him and looked around the room for Isabelle. She was talking to Alice about me. She had no clue I was staring at them, but Alice glanced my way. I smiled a bit while my thoughts pulled me in again. But he has raised her well. She's tough, strong and determined just like him. Thank god that she has the heart of the lion and not of the lamb. If she had the heart of the lamb, of me, she would have made my mistakes and that would have been very bad.
I looked away from her then ashamed at myself. I lost my daughter the day I walked away. They betrayed me, but I betrayed her. That was the most horrible thing I could have ever done. It's my fault she thinks so little of me. I deserve to have her think so little of me. I looked down at Luke not wanting to think about my troubles anymore knowing that they would be what would get in my way of my mission. I refused to believe that they already had. Yet as I looked at Luke different thoughts came to my head.
I can't believe I actually remember how to hold a child and know what they want. The last time I took care of a child was Jackie. I told myself I needed someone to love and since I knew I'd never have my daughter back I found a substitute. I should have never left Isabelle with him. But I didn't want to take both parents away from her. I would have had to kill him to get her. I still should have tried. Then maybe she would understand… He did betray me; I hate him. He's my worst enemy and knows all my weaknesses. Keep it in your head Bella.
Then I broke I didn't want to believe my thoughts. I couldn't handle it anymore. I searched for his face. I turned around and he was staring right at me. He smiled my favorite smile and for the first time since the kiss I felt my heart jump. I turned around quickly very confused with my self. All the things I worked for up to this point was slowly disappearing. I only had one thing to do and though it was suppose to be an easy task it turns out to be the hardest I've ever had. All I could think was, Why did he smile at me? I shouldn't feel weak at the knees. How can he still make me feel vulnerable? He still stops my heart and makes me want him more. How, Why?
Then my thoughts stopped cold in their tracks because I heard Edward chuckle behind my back. The only reason he would feel the need to chuckle with pleasure was because of me. Automatically I caught on as I pulled my shield over my thoughts once more. I was terrified of what he had heard and even more scared that I took it off subconsciously because I didn't sense any danger. The last time that happened was when I was with my parents.
A few hours passed by slowly. I kept my distance from Edward and couldn't let go of Luke. He kept me calm and seine. "I don't get it." Jamie said to me after I had just fed Luke.
"What?" I asked with no anger or hate in my voice. It shocked me, but I passed it off as I tried to burp her brother.
"How Luke can act like that around you. Not that there is something wrong with you Bella, it's just that he's never been that comfortable with a stranger. And you are different yourself when you're around him." she said amazed.
"That's babies for you; they can't make a person soft. They shouldn't be underestimated. As for Luke being comfortable you'll have to ask him, because that's a mystery even to me." I stated feeling the human in me come from hiding.
"Boys are strange." she joked with a light chuckle. I joined her and grew silent when Edward joined us just after Luke had burped. The conversation was dieing anyway; things were getting uncomfortable.
"Hey Edward, where have you been?" Jamie asked glancing and shifting her body toward him as he came up.
"Around, like always. And trying to guess what people are thinking." he responded moving his eyes and staring at me.
"How's that going for you?" I asked calmer then I wanted to. I was also accusing him with my eyes.
"Not that well. The one mind I still want to hear in all the universe, I can't. And I'd trade hearing anyone's mind to hear hers." He stated glancing at me. I glanced down at Luke knowing Edward was talking about me. The worst part was, he said it with love in his voice. He sounded exactly like when he talked to me the night I agreed to marry him. My heart felt it and heard it loud and clear. It also started to call to him. That was when I knew I had to leave. I could feel the tears in my eyes and when I looked up at them I knew they both could see.
"Bella, are you ok?" Jamie asked me really concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I told her hearing my voice strangely break as the tears flowed. I turned to Edward, then looking in his eyes I saw his concern and pain for me. I had to get away before I broke down like I did the night I went through my box. I handed Luke to Edward flinching when our skin touched. That kiss ran through my head. As I was handing the baby to him I said, " I just need to go."
After I knew he had a hold of him I ran out. But while I did I took the chance to tell him something my soul needed him to know. So I took my shield down and thought. My heart hasn't beat in 120 years Edward and you're the reason. I now have to hold it back from coming out of my chest and you're the reason for that too. I didn't look back to see his reaction, I just had to get away.
When I got home I could smell them and hear them. I walked inside and found five vampires staring back at me.