For the beginning of self-loathing :

To Mikan Hyuuga

Tokyo, Japan

From Mikan Hyuuga

Dear Mikan Hyuuga,

Oh my sweet baby. If you are reading this it means that your Daddy has notice that you are starting to blame yourself for my death.

So first thing first, don't you dare hate yourself over me. I choose to have you. I choose you. You may not understand yet but one day you will. There will be a day when you are happily married with the man you love and you guys may or may not decide to get pregnant. You my dear baby were a surprise. Once you get pregnant with the baby of your beloved you will understand. And in that moment when you realize that you have a baby inside you, your baby inside you, you will love it. I cried tears of joy and your Daddy, oh how your Daddy reacted. He went crazy, he was so happy. I had never seen him that happy and I'm comparing this to when your Daddy came and got me at your great grandpa and I remembered him, the day I said yes when he proposed and the day of our wedding.

You see, even before you were born we loved you. We loved you more than anything.

So please, please don't hate yourself, because I love you so so much.

I don't know if your Daddy told you about his childhood, the parts that didn't revolve around me or anyone else.

Well, Uncle Ruka was a big part of that part of his childhood. And if your Daddy hasn't, I want you to go right up to him and tell him to. Tell him that it is an order from his wife.

I know your dad will be mad, not at you but at me. I know that he wouldn't want you to know, he really is ashamed of it. A lot of things happened when your Daddy was a kid and he hated and blamed himself, well that is before he met me. Me and the rest of the gang helped him to forgive himself. So, I know he will help you.

Did you know that the day that I told him I was pregnant the first thing he did was go on line to look for a house. That was the first thought he had, he wanted you to be comfortable and have the happy childhood that we were deprived of.

THEN, he went out and got a dog.

Obviously you already know about the dog. Oh you should have seen the argument we had, don't get me wrong I absolutely love dogs but I thought it wasn't a good idea because once you were born we would have to be taking care of a newborn baby AND a puppy.

But eventually he wore me down. telling me how every kid deserves a dog and it is a necessary happy family accessory and that Uncle Ruka would help train the dog. Which really means he will sit down and tell the dog what and what not to do. So the minute I caved your Daddy grabbed my purse and dragged me out to the closest dog store. Well, I'm sure you know what happened next.

So we ended up taking this adorable Golden Retriever puppy home. You should have seen the second he and Uncle Youichi came over and saw Bell. Bell was a happy, hipper puppy and when she saw Mr. Bear all she saw was a walking teddy bear, so she went for it. And if you know you know that isn't what you would call a loving and nice person to strangers. Poor Bell never went anywhere near Mr. Bear again.

Your Daddy had everything planned out, just for you. He bought a house right outside of Tokyo. The house was really cheap, it was cheap because it was a piece of poop. It was practically falling apart, so he would go to the house right after work with Uncle Ruka, Uncle Youichi, Yuu, Koko and every other guy friend we knew to help fix up the house of course there was one of Auntie Hotaru's gadgets helping. Don't tell Daddy but I think the gadget did most of the work. But sweetie, he even asked Uncle Tsubasa. And I don't know how they are now but I can tell you one thing, your Daddy did NOT like uncle Tsubasa.

Can't you see how much we love you? I loved you so much that I willingly gave my life for you. And your Daddy did absolutely everything he thought you would want or need. Even fix a house with someone he REALLY did not like.

So, my sweet baby, please don't hate yourself. Don't blame yourself, I forbid you to. How can you hate yourself when you are reading a letter right now that shows that I love you so much that I worked really hard so I can be with you even when I'm not there. I love you. Tell Daddy I still love him.

Love, Mommy.

I do not own GA. please review!