Title: 3 a.m. Booze Bumble
Author/Artist: sailorraspberry
Medium: Fanfic
Theme: Humiliated
Genre: General, Humor
Version: Manga
Rating: PG-13

Pre 'Paging Doctor Venus'

Serenity hiccupped and chased it down with another shot of brandy. "How many more of these until I'm drunk?" She fumbled for the amber liquid, cheeks pink and eyes glassy. She hiccupped again.

Endymion lifted his glass in the air. "You're already there, sweetheart."

She hissed as the drink sizzled down her throat. "I wish Venus was here. She could try those gelatin shots with me."

Kunzite lit up a cigar and puffed out a plume of smoke. "She said she'd be down in a minute." He had pulled his hair back in a nappy ponytail, cuffs undone and sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Mars waved the cloud of smoke away from her face, nose scrunched. "Yes, and that was... A half hour ago?"

He shrugged. "A lady's got to look pretty."

Serenity snorted as she wound her arms around Endymion's waist. "Venus always looks pretty. Even at three in the morning. Trust me."

Mercury and Jupiter exchanged glances.

Nephrite dug through the cooler, eyebrows knitted together. "Hey! Who took the last ale?"

Endymion smirked a bit and hid his hand behind Serenity's back.

Zoisite rolled his eyes and propped his feet up on the card table.

Jadeite was snoring on the armoire.

Venus hummed to herself, head tilted as she toweled off her hair. She was draped in Kunzite's robe, moist and pruned and freshly washed.

She hoped they weren't getting too wild without her. And at least saved her a shot of tequila. Just because she was dedicated transporter didn't mean she wasn't allowed to have any fun.

As she shrugged off the robe and stepped into a frilly little white dress, she thought she heard something bang shut.

She dismissed it for Serenity tripping and set to combing her hair.

Nephrite slammed the lid shut and tapped his foot expectantly, arms crossed and hair askew. "I bought that ale with my own money. Because I have money, and I like to spend it on booze."

Endymion took a sip of Serenity's drink. "I have money."

"Yes, but you're not allowed to spend it until you're king. And whenever the big man gives you some cash, you spend it on mushy little things for the lovely Serenity."

Serenity blushed and pulled at the fabric of her dress. "Don't you like the dress?"

Endymion pressed his lips to her temple. "I love it."

Jupiter rolled her eyes. "You know, Neph, I wouldn't mind receiving an earring or two once in awhile."

He exhaled noisily. "I bought you that... That thing last month. From the women's store. What was it again?"

A smirk tugged at her lips. "Lingerie, Nephrite, is hardly a gift."

He couldn't help the waggle of his eyebrows. "I liked it."

Mercury wiped a hand down her face. "You would."

"I'm sorry?"

She decided it was a lovely time to settle herself on Zoisite's lap.

Kunzite stubbed out his cigar. "Maybe you drank the last ale, Neph."

Nephrite narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," he bent back against the table, arms crossed. "That you bragging about your money means nothing if you drank the last ale."

Endymion tugged Serenity closer and snuck a gulp out of the bottle. He covered himself by placing a wet kiss on her mouth.

Venus examined herself quickly in the vanity mirror, plucking at her hair ribbon to straighten it out.

She cast a glance at her shoes, pondering.

But she shrugged it off and went without them.

Nephrite's nostrils flared.

Kunzite lifted a brow.

"You owe me one ale."

He chuckled, a sort of rueful, taunting laugh that had Nephrite reeling. "I didn't drink your ale."

"Yes you did."

"No, I didn't."

Jupiter tried to intervene. "I'll buy the ale, okay? I have money. I can buy it."

Nephrite waved her off. "This isn't about the booze anymore." He paused and sized Kunzite up. "This is about pride."

Kunzite rolled his eyes, approaching Nephrite with practiced calmness. "Listen, let's not get too riled up about this."

Nephrite hesitated, and that's what he was looking for.

His fist caught him in the nose.

Endymion laughed, bringing out the ale and taking a generous swig. Serenity looked, wide eyed, up at him. "You had the ale?"

"Hell yes."

She looked over at the two kicking and biting and punching as they rolled around on the floor. "Aren't you going to stop them?"

"Hell no."

Jadeite twisted around from his spot on the armoire to stare up at the ceiling. He heard the rumble, blinked and contemplated it through the lingering haze of sleep.

At Endymion's shout, "From the left side, Neph! The left side!" he shot up.

"I'm missing the fight?"

Mars looked over her shoulder at him. "Go back to sleep."

He bounded out from beneath his quilt. "No! Why didn't you wake me up?"

She rolled her eyes and didn't respond.

Jadeite jumped over the fighting duo and grabbed the spare chair beside Zoisite and Mercury.

Zoisite's eyes grew wide. "What are you doing?"

"Having fun."

Kunzite had successfully pinned one of Nephrite's shoulders, and though he was raining fast, painful blows onto his arm, he felt his victory.

That is, until something smacked him across the back of the head.

He saw nothing but black.

Nephrite's jaw fell open, shifting his weight to support the unconscious Kunzite. Jadeite stumbled over to the corner and hurled before passing out against the wall.

Everyone gawked as Kunzite rolled onto the floor. Everyone except Endymion.

"That turned out better then I expected."

Serenity turned on him and punched his arm with every ounce of strength she had. "You're a jerk, you know that?"

His smile explained that, yes, he did know that.

Zoisite helped Nephrite carry Kunzite over to the couch while everyone simply stared on.

"What the hell?"

They spun towards the doorway, where Venus stood, eyes wide and mouth ajar. She blinked a few times. "What's going on?"

Serenity moved to explain, but Endymion wrapped a palm over her mouth and kissed her sweetly on the brow. "Neph and Kunz got into a little fight."

Venus' expression flip-flopped into utter horror. "You didn't kill him, did you?"

Everyone looked over to Kunzite. "No," Mercury peeled open one of his eyelids. "He's alive."

"Fantastic," Venus approached and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulder. "Can someone help me here? He's not as light as he looks."

As Zoisite helped her heft Kunzite down the hallway, she wondered which was worse.

The fact that she was with a man who lost a fist fight, or that she would have to be there when everyone teased him about it tomorrow.