Chapter 2: Bella-Falling

My life was just spiraling downward. He was gone. He said 'take care of yourself' and I agreed although I'm not sure why or how I could promise that. What was there left to take care of? He took my heart with him, he was my reason to breathe. Maybe it would have been more fair for me to ask that he take care of my heart. There's always something you could have said.

At this rate, it might have been to refreshing to hit rock bottom. I might stand a chance of finding a way of climbing out, but still, I am falling. I thought maybe if I had Jacob, sunshine personified, I could cope; but with his sudden rejection of me from his life, I was even more acutely aware of how far I had yet to fall.

How is it that falling in love is effortless and beautiful? It breathes life into you. Yet the fall from love is a gut-wrenching, soul-shattering trip? I knocks the wind out of you.

Even the loss of my best friend was enough to have me screaming myself to sleep and clutching my sides to keep myself together.

There really is too much time to think when you're hiking. Especially when you have no one to talk to, thanks Jacob. When I stepped through the tree line of that perfectly circular meadow it took me by surprise, I must have been lost in my thoughts. Not even the low branches snagging my hair distracted me.

I took in the sight around me. Sure, it was beautiful, but this place held nothing for me and was nothing without him. The disappointment crushed me, my knees buckled and I had no choice but to kneel to the ground, to clutch the grass as if it were the only thing that held me to this earth, the only thing that held me to my sanity.

The waves of pain washed over me before I had any hope of holding them back. Before I knew it, I was curled in a ball. Maybe this is rock bottom. I wasn't sure I wanted anything to hold me here anymore, and I wasn't sure I had my sanity as I saw a figure step into the meadow opposite of me. He was tall, with dark hair, bergundy eyes, ripped jeans and button down dark green shirt. The following conversation and interactions with Laurent was surprising, then terrifying, then exhilarating.

And then hopeful? Could I really take him up on his offer? Could I just leave? And with a vampire that I'd only met once before, who may or may not eat me. Would that really be worse than my current situation? Heartbroken, what's the worst that could happen?

But what about Charlie? Aside from it being a crazy idea, Charlie was the only reason I really needed to think about it.

Why is it when you have a lot on your mind, that you end up at your destination that much quicker? The thought crossed my mind as I pulled in my driveway. Charlie was already back from fishing. It was later than I thought.

"Bella?" Charlie called as I walked in the door.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Where have you been?"

I surmised from the ominous look on his face that he knew that I wasn't at the Stanley's today as I said I would be. I decided to stick with the truth.

"I was hiking," I admitted.

"I thought I asked you to stay out of the forest." He was starting to look angry.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

I was a little upset that my last night at home I disappointed my dad. If I was being honest with myself, I had already decided to go. The agonizing part was figuring out how I would say goodbye to Charlie without him knowing it was a goodbye.

I started to make dinner. I wrapped the potatoes in foil and placed them in the oven and then pulled the cutting board out and starting trimming the fat off the steak. After I put the steaks in the oven I decided to go up and take a shower. Who knew when I'd get a chance to take another?

As I stepped out of the shower the smoke alarm went off. I threw the towel around me and ran down to the kitchen to find Charlie pulling the steaks out of the oven. I was comforted that maybe he might be willing to use the stove after all.

I trudged back upstairs to get dressed. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt. Just as I opened the door, I turned around and put my PJ's on. I didn't need Charlie being suspicious.

"You know, Bells, it's kind of early." He said as he gestured to my blue PJ bottoms with the clouds on them.

"I know, but I'm not going anywhere. I just want to curl up and finish my calculus homework." My heart clenched at I blatantly lied. I would not be doing math, and I was not staying. I tried to keep a smile on my face, tried everything in my power to keep from displaying any behavior that may betray my intentions of leaving.

As I cleaned up after dinner I thought about the things I would need to take with me. I always could pack light. A pair or two of jeans, a flannel shirt or two. I wondered what the weather would be like where we would be. Definitely my hairbrush and some socks. I would need money.

It occurred to me that I should write my father a letter. It would be my goodbye. I spent the rest of the time washing thinking about what I wanted to say.

I finished with the dishes and went to my room to start my letter. I would have time to finish it before Charlie went to bed.

Dad,

I sorry that what I'm about to do will hurt you, but I have to leave.

I stared at the paper for the longest time. It really sunk in that I would be hurting him. I would be leaving him the same way my mom did. But what else could I do? He wasn't happy with my sitting around here being heartbroken.

So I continued:

I'm leaving because I need to time to set things straight, to get my heart together. I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger.

You are a great dad and I love you very much. I don't intend of staying away forever, just a while. A few years at the most. Please don't look for me. I promise you wont find me. I can't tell you where I'm going, I'm not sure myself.

Please tell Renee that I love her very much and that she did nothing wrong. Neither did you. Please don't be mad at me.

I promise to take care of myself, now please do the same for me. Take care of yourself. Eat everyday, live your life, and please, please don't worry about me.

I love you,

Bella

This was officially the hardest letter to write. Maybe I shouldn't go. But maybe I'll find him, I really do need to go.

Just as I finished, my dad peaked his head in my door to say goodnight, unknowingly to say goodbye. I closed my notebook and got off my bed. I felt myself wanting to tear up but I battled to tears. A few more minutes, I told myself. I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed him.

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Bells. Goodnight." He patted my back and then left to go to bed.

After he closed the door I whispered, "Goodbye."

And I let the tears fall. Through my blurry haze , I emptied my school books out of my bag and began filling it with my jeans and shirts that I already decided on. I gathered together some socks and undergarments and my brush. I had that feeling that I was forgetting something, you know, that same feeling that you always get when you're packing. But what else was there? Oh, and some money. I'd grab some money out of the grocery jar then next time I went downstairs.

I heard Charlie snores start. That was my cue. I grabbed my bag and made my way downstairs. I looked around one last time and then stepped out the front door.

I left my keys by the door, I wouldn't need them. I stepped down the porch steps and just as was about to sit I heard the rustling of trees and Laurent suddenly appeared in front of me.

"You've decided to come!" He exclaimed.

I noticed in that moment his eyes were brighter, but not because of the color. He seemed to be truly thrilled to have a traveling partner.

"You do realize that you're going to be carrying me, right?" I had to ask to make sure.

"Ha, I'd like to see you try to outrun me!"

"Are you ready to get going?"

"Actually, do you mind if I use your shower?"

His request took me by surprise. But I figured why not? I turned around and headed back into the house and although I did not hear him following I knew he was. I led him upstairs and showed him to the bathroom and set him out a towel. I was about to step out of the bathroom when he grabbed my arm.

"Will you stay in here with me?" What an odd thing to ask. I stayed on the logic that I was doing a lot of crazy things today.

He began stripping and I turned around because it was a little uncomfortable. When he turned on the shower and stepped in I finally turned around and sat on the edge of the sink.

"I ran here from Ontario," he told me, "unless you count the rain, I haven't showered since I left Denali."

"How long ago was that?"

"Three weeks ago." He peaked his head out and asked, "Is this the soap you use?"

I nodded.

"Put it in your bag."

I wondered if he gave me something to do because of how uncomfortable I seemed. I grabbed the wet bar of soap and went downstairs to find a plastic baggie to put it in. That's when I realized that I didn't set the note out for my dad. I put the soap in its new bag and then went back upstairs to pack it away. I quickly found the notebook with the letter in it and reread it once again.

There is a naked vampire in my shower and I'm about to run away with him. I giggled to myself if only to fight the deeper emotions that I was feeling.

I folded the letter in thirds and scrawled 'DAD' across the front. I place it on the center of my bed.

Laurent was leaving the bathroom as I was leaving my bedroom.

"Here," he tossed me a roll of toilet paper, "stick this in your bag."

I stared at him incredulously.

"What? You think we're going to stop and find a nice toilet every time you have to go?"

He asked seriously, but then he cracked a smile.

"You're going to need some food, I don't know how often you eat, oh, and some water," he rambled on.

"I've never done anything like this before, I'm going to need a few more minutes to get those things." I was feeling a little flustered.

"That's ok, I'll just look around. I never get to see the insides of human houses."

"Um, make yourself at home?" I said as he wandered over to the mantle.

"Look how awkward you were growing up, but you're beautiful now."

I blushed, "My feet never caught up, I still can't walk across a flat surface without tripping." I laughed at myself and he let out a low chuckle.

I don't know why, but I felt comfortable with Laurent. It was beyond reason and explanation but I was starting to feel as if maybe I could begin to climb out of the hole I fell into.

"Are you all packed and ready to go?" He asked.

"You know, I think I am ready." And I was.

With that we left.