Journal entry N°9-Raph's journal:
Just listen.
She looked weird from the moment she came into the kitchen.
But not weird as in: "Hey, has someone seen my brain? I left it on the table last night"
No.
She looked weird as in: "Fuck, I just ran over a kitten. Twice"
Or something between those lines; one thing was clear, though… she looked weird.
Felt weird too.
The vibe around her didn't feel nice. It felt dark, gloomy… a bit unlike her.
Just a bit.
I mean, she is dark and gloomy on a regular basis but today she was all that and a rainy day.
Anyway, she barely answered our "good mornings", ignored the big plate of eggs and bacon Mikey prepared and before we left for training she had given just three bites to her toast and only drank half of her orange juice.
I thought she could be sick, so did Don and Leo.
Brainiac was all over the lil' witch asking her if she needed a pill or something and Leo suggested her to rest and take the day off.
She just shook her head, said she was fine just a bit absentminded.
When we trained, her moves were sloppy and more than once she got some nasty blows from Mikey's nunchuks. I've been hit once or twice with those fuckers and let me tell you, it's not funny business; so what had me freaking out was the fact that she barely cried out or whimpered when she was hit.
Really. Weird. Shit.
At the end of our morning session, the knucklehead apologized a zillion times and, again, she shook her head and made up a lame excuse.
Splinter noticed this messed up behavior of hers and called her to his chambers. After exactly ten minutes of being there, she came out… still looking shitty.
I guess Sensei couldn't make her talk. That's a shocker!
I dunno why I paid that much attention to her; normally I wouldn't care. However, there was something in the way she acted today that made me think of myself after a really bad day.
Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she had a bad day and no one to talk to about it.
But that's ridiculous! She has plenty of people to talk to!
There's Mikey who can make her laugh, or Donnie who can either bore her to death or wow her with his geeky inventions; there's Master Splinter who can help her relax or something like that.
And how can I forget… her boyfriend-in-denial: Leo.
Say what you want but I'll never stop teasing those two. Trust me, it's way funnier than watching stupid TV shows.
Now, what I don't understand is if she has plenty of people to talk to, why rejecting them all? Could that be one of those: "I need to be alone" girl things?
Beats me.
The day passed by; we continued to do our stuff and decided to leave her to her business.
Streets where pretty quiet and it was cold so Leo called it a night early. It was almost midnight when we came back home and she hadn't moved from same spot where we left her before we went outside for patrolling.
Mikey called her for pizza. She refused politely.
Donnie suggested a movie. She thanked him but said she wasn't really in the mood.
When Leo finally asked her what troubled her, I clearly saw her faking a yawn which made my gullible brother think that all what she needed was some nice sleep.
Poor moron.
They all went to bed and she stayed there, channel surfing.
I was gonna hit the hay as well but… I didn't.
Seeing her so lost, sitting alone in the couch with her laptop but nothing doing anything really; all silent, almost like a ghost… it didn't feel right.
But what could I do?
I ain't one to cheer up depressed people, that's Mikey's job and even The Mikester couldn't manage to get a smile from her the whole day.
Still hesitating and asking myself if this was a good idea, I walked to the same couch she was sitting on.
"Hey"
"Sup" She said, eyes never leaving the screen.
"Mind if I-uh… sit here?" I asked tentatively, not expecting a positive answer.
To my luck (or not?), she didn't say no. I sat beside her but not too closely. You see, Who and I ain't friends but we ain't enemies either; we have this "invisible line" drawn between us and as long as she doesn't trespass mine, I won't trespass hers. And believe it or not, it makes life easier for both of us.
Hmmm… maybe I should've done the same with Leo years ago.
But back to our main story, shall we?
Ok, everything was going well so far; we were watching TV, a show called "The Planet'sFunniest Animals".
We stayed like that for around fifteen minutes, maybe more, watching how a cat licked repeatedly his owner's head while pre-recorded laughs could be heard in the background.
"I'm sorry I haven't been myself today"
I ain't gonna lie saying that didn't take me by surprise.
Seriously, I almost jumped outta my shell when she suddenly decided to talk! But, being the skillful ninja I am, I masked that reaction so perfectly even Master Splinter wouldn't have noticed.
"Last night I… I kinda took a trip down memory lane" She said. "Remembering family moments and such"
For those who don't know, it's been three years since she left her place and moved to NY and normally, she misses her family even though they ain't exactly the definition of functional… but hey! Nobody is.
I heard sniffling and I glanced at her. She was crying.
The only thought in my head at the time was: "Ugh, please don't ask for a hug!"
Before you start bashing me with your smartass commentaries and rants about how "heartless" I am, let me make something clear: I'm Raphael, I'm a butt-kicking ninja and I don't hug anyone except my close family. And even they can't make me hug them on a daily basis.
If I was a different kind of person… turtle… I would've offered a hug or some heartwarming words.
But that ain't like me.
Cruel? Cold? Maybe.
Don't like it? Tough shit, son. I ain't gonna change that.
Doesn't mean I can't offer a friendly ear once in a while, though.
For the next 2 hours I sat there, listening to her talking about stuff I rather not reveal; some of that info was quite personal and in case this journal ends up in the wrong hands aka Mikey, I better leave out the specifics.
By the time the last puppy video ended, she was done with the crying, talking and it seemed to me that most of the gloominess had faded away.
"Sorry for dumping this on you. I know you hate sentimental crap as much as I do"
I chuckled. "There's nothing to be sorry for, kid. Even a hothead like me can take a bit of that"
"Still… sorry". She said, stretching her arms lazily before she left the couch.
I could've let her go… there was something I needed to know. Otherwise I would never sleep peacefully ever again.
"It's not that I really care but… why me?"
She said it herself, I hate playing psychologist so naturally, I wanted to know why she trusted me enough to allow me peek into her personal Pandora's Box.
"I didn't need to laugh, think discuss or analyze this…" She said "…I just needed someone who would just listen"
Then she turned around and I saw a faint smile appearing on her face.
"Good night, Raph… and thank you"
She headed straight to her bedroom after that.
Heh, that went well.
And Leo says I never listen! Well, he better ask his girl because I'm damn sure she would disagree.
I have to confess it was nice she picked me of all turtles.
Wait, wait... wha?
End of Journal entry N°9
…
Those poor innocent shippers~
So sad, so confused!
They come flocking to my Fic-site
Crying, "Ship it like FedEx, please!"
But did I ship it?
... maybe I just did~? *sinister smirk*
Nah! I kid, you silly guys! You're just seeing things!
...
...
Though I kinda have a thing for bad guys. Juuuust saying~ *Neil Degrasse Tyson reaction* I'm a terrible human being, aren't I? XD