Chapter 3: Holding on to You
After multiple hours of sitting across from each other in cheap, uncomfortable motel chairs with itchy fabric covering the seats, in what Dean believed to be awkward silence. Although; Castiel did not seem to be feeling anything while staring out the window except, possibly, concern. Dean swore it was the fifth day with Castiel just holding Dean's wrist over the table, when Sam finally came home.
As he turned locking the door with one hand and looking down at his phone with the other he chuckled,
"Alright Dean, what's going on." He turned the lock.
"Cas sent me a text and all it says it's 'dean is compromised by oxytocin-"
He froze and his face dropped as he turned to see Cas holding Dean's wrist with Dean, face down, forehead pressed against the table and other arm limp at his side. He looked dead.
Sam dashed towards him as Cas held up one hand and quietly shushed Sam.
"He finally fell asleep for a second. He keeps trying to get up and walk away and throwing up or passing out."
"What the hell happened!" Sam exclaimed.
"SHHHH!" Castiel urged.
"He was poisoned by Becky with a love potion intended to have a very different result that would've lead her to you.."
Sam took a few steps back and sat down on the bed looking at the floor with his hands folded in his lap. At first, Cas believed Sam was beginning to cry,
"Sam...don't...I'm sure there's a way to fix this. I can ask around and-"
"FIX!" Sams smothered noises started to sound like someone was strangling him before turning into full blown, hysterical laughter.
"WHY WOULD I EVER WANT IT FIXED-" Sam sucked in air before starting to roll around on the bed holding his sides.
"This is perfect, this is too perfect. What did I ever do to deserve such perfection." Sam cackled.
"By being the world's best younger brother, Sammy."
Dean mumbled picking up his sleepy head and rubbing both of his eyes.
Dean shivered a little.
He needed to touch Cas.
Sam gathered himself before saying,
"Ok so, now that you have a reason out of your control to explain how you've always acted- Dean are you okay?"
He was visibly shaking.
He set his palms flat on the table and slowly shook his head yes, eyes moving rapidly as the room began to swivel.
"I think we should go back to the bunker." He suggested quietly.
"why, cuz you have a crush on Cas? No way, we have a case here."
"Sam, I don't think Dean will be very...useful."
Cas said the last word as Dean lost his battle against vertigo and slid ungracefully out of his chair and onto the floor.
"uh, okay well. How do we fix him."
"...I don't know. Frequently these things don't last very long. Sometimes as short as half a day. Depending on how powerful the witch was."
"Can't I just find her and beat her into the ground until she gives me a quick fix…" Dean mumbled into the floor.
"...Oh-Kay...I'm going to finish what we started here and then I will get on the love potion issue. You said it was Becky? Where is Becky now?"
"She's…-"
"yea, Cas, taken care of, you said that." Dean tried to slide himself upright.
"but what does that mean?"
"Uh. Well. She's probably in some level of purgatory… She's a repeat offender with love potions. We can't just have her running around with all her information about you guys with witches."
"Well get her back to earth ALIVE so that we can get some damn answers" Dean snapped,
"can someone HELP ME OFF THE FLOOR."
Sam snickered.
Cas transported himself and Dean back to the bunker and Dean slouched down onto his bed, sighing loudly.
"I'm getting too old for this shit."
He started to shrug off his button up flannel shirt as it was covered in sweat.
Cas just stood there watching.
"I can...feel, how uncomfortable you are."
He stated in a tone that sounded more like a question than a fact.
"I highly doubt you can. I've never been this…" Dean dry heaved,
"uncomfortable in my-" He lost his balance trying to get his arm out of the sleeve.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON." he exclaimed.
"I feel like that time that Same turned me into a vampire only worse." He slouched to the right, half his shirt still on.
Castiel walked up to him and placed a hand on the side of Deans face, tilting his body slightly to the left so that he could pull the other sleeve off the mans arm.
Castiel blushed slightly as he heard Dean's thoughts begin to swirl around one single thought,
'Keep touching me'
Castiel stared at Dean for a moment.
"It's less like a driving need to survive like the vampires" He mumbled as he slid his fingers back into Dean's hair,
"It's more like…" He placed his other hand on the other side of Dean's face and this time Dean made an audible little gasp that he was too euphoric to be embarrassed about.
Cas's words became a little breathy,
"It's like a bad addiction. You withdraw from me when I'm not around. These potions are taken very...seriously."
Dean rolled his face around in Castiel's hands, rubbing his cheeks on Cas' palms.
"This feels different. Why does this feel different."
Castiel put one knee on the bed to Dean's right. He leaned forward and smiled. He had found a way to cull the deafening screaming in Dean's head.
"Because no matter how much you want to do drugs, drugs never want to do you." Castiel smiled as he crawled into Dean's lap.
"This should bother me, how badly I need you to touch me. But all I can think about is you touching me…"
Dean was Castiel's captive audience. Eyes wide and staring straight into the endless oblivion of galaxies that swirled in Castiel's blue eyes.
Dean tried to maintain some kind of semblance of himself and choked out,
"Oh, are you saying you want to do me Cas because I've gotta say, I don't know how I feel about-"
"Do you have faith in me, Dean?" Castiel asked as he brushed his lips over Dean's.
"Do you believe I'd never do anything to hurt you?"
Dean felt such incredible happiness well up in his chest a tear pricked the corner of his eyes and he blindly nodded his head yes.
He reached up and grabbed Castiel's tie,
"Entertain my faith."
He whispered pulling Cas in closer and their lips clashed together.
"What do you want me to do…" Cas breathed out between Dean's attacks on his lips.
"Don't stop touching me…" Dean panted.
"God it feels so good when I don't ask you to."
"I told you, these potions are worse than drugs because no matter how badly you want drugs, drugs never want you back. But…"
Cas ran a hand down Dean's chest.
"A person, can want you back…And that's possibly the most potent thing I've seen in humanity over all the years."
Dean grabbed Castiels wrist before his hand slid all the way down his abdomen.
"You're just trying to make me feel like I'm in control." Dean mumbled.
"You ARE in control. I won't touch you if you don't want to be touched. I won't do anything I'm not positive you want. I'm just trying to make you feel better."
Dean let go of Castiel's hand and nodded his head in agreement.
"Just have faith in me, Dean. Tell me what you think you need."
"it's only just tollerable when I touch you. It's way better if you touch me…"
He shrugged his coat off and loosened his tie, but left the shirt buttons for Dean, who gave up after the first button because his hands were shaking too hard and he ripped the front of the shirt open.
Castiel simply smiled as the shirt fell away and he kept his balance with a knee on either side of Deans hips, he allowed his wings to burst forth, tie still hanging loosely from his neck.
Castiel leaned forward, pressing their chests together.
"Just have faith, just hold on to me."
Dean always knew Castiel was an angel, but he had never seen it so vividly as he did right now. Wings spread out behind him, arms open, a smile on his face.
"ok…"
"You need some sleep, Dean." Dean shook his head yes.
"Wait, I.." Dean was getting drowsy,
"Are you making me sleep?" he slurred out. Castiel just smiled.
Dean tipped his head up timidly, this action wasn't coming from the raging craving inside gnawing away at him. It was far more earnest. He hesitantly put his lips to Castiel's and when Cas leaned forward Dean flinched back for a second before grabbing the back of Castiels neck and squeezing as he pressed their lips together in the only genuine action he felt he'd done in a while.
Castiel wrapped his arms around Deans neck and let his wings close in around them, he sighed in relief as he lowered them to a laying position and Dean fell under Castiels grace and entered the best dream he could ever remember having. Everything was so warm and kind. Every touch from anyone felt like heaven.
He decided if this was what faith felt like, he would have it more often.