It rained all through the night and Evan didn't fight it when Jonathan pulled him off the floor and into his bed. He didn't sleep on him, but Evan curled up beside him, his knees and legs resting against him and his forehead pressed against his shoulder.

He slept soundly when the thunder was just barely a low rumble. But whenever the storm picked back up and the lightening cracked like hammer on stone, Evan would jump out of his skin, shaking and pulling in air like he was being suffocated. Jonathan was always there, wide awake each time waiting to calm him down.

Evan's episodes became less violent the more he woke up to Jonathan's hands on him, reassuring him that he wasn't upside down in his car listening to him scream his name. He would hush him, pull him against his chest while he bit back tears, and run his hands over his back until he fell asleep again.

Eventually Evan stopped moving away and let his arm wrap around Jonathan's waist and anytime he woke up he'd grip him tighter to remind himself that he wasn't alone and that Jonathan was really there. Evan still couldn't wrap his head around it. He couldn't comprehend that he was hugging Delirious close in his own bed. He couldn't get past the frustration of wanting to see him and not just hear him. The wait was eating him alive.

Jonathan's plan to pull Evan out and to the park was shot down by the weather and it rained for the next day. Instead he settled for making Evan sit outside on the porch with him and enjoy the wind and the smell of the rain as it came down endlessly.

"Is it weird that rain is one of my favorite smells?" Jonathan asked and Evan shook his head from where he was laid back in his chair, a foot propped up on the patio table.

He took a deep breath and said, "No. It's not weird. I like it, too. And fresh cut grass, and gasoline."

"Yeah." Jonathan looked over at him staring off into nothing until he closed his eyes and rest his back. The wind was ruffling his hair and the skin beneath his eyes was red and a bit puffy from wiping tears from his face all night and morning. The thunder had come and gone and now it was a steady shower of heavy rain and the occasional big gust of wind that blew mist onto their exposed skin.

"So, when do I get these things taken off?" Evan held up his arms where his cast were still securely holding his bones together.

"You have an appointment tomorrow. I assume they'll take them off, it's been almost three weeks. Your arms should be alright now. They're gonna do a headscan while we're there and see how your eyes are doing. You know, check if the swelling has decreased."

"Okay." Evan said and went back to listening to the rain and absorbing the aura that Jonathan was giving off beside him.

"Are you hungry?"

"Very." Evan said when his stomach made a noise.

"What do you want?"

"Some hot grilled cheese sandwiches smothered in pizza sauce."

Jonathan groaned, "Jesus, that sounds amazing. Let's go make it, right now."

Evan held his arm out with a grin and let Delirious pull him into the house. The wood floor transitioned into tile as they entered the spacey kitchen and he pushed himself onto the counter and listened to the man work around him.

Pots clanked together, cabinets opened and fell shut, utensils clinked in the drawer. The heat from the stove top settled into his side as Delirious buttered bread and unwrapped cheese slices, the butter sizzling when it was placed into the skillet. The smell was comforting and it made Evan a bit nostalgic.

"My mom used to make us grilled cheese just about every other day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's a wonder I'm not three hundred pounds." Evan said while his feet swung free beneath him.

"Yeah, me too. Mom and my Granny both made us eat like we would starve if we didn't. I was chubby when I was little, but then I hit puberty and shot up like a fucking weed. Sorted that issue out." He giggled to himself and drifted over to the radio. The room filled with music and Evan couldn't see him, but he could feel him. The air shifted with his movement and it painted an unclear image in his head.

Delirious was swaying his hips just slightly as he flipped the sandwich, Evan heard the butter sizzling fresh when he did. He felt him move across the kitchen and pull paper plates out and a jar of sauce that made that odd sucking noise when he opened it. He spun in a circle with the spatula in his hand, singing a few words and he acted just like he'd always pictured he would. Goofy, carefree, outgoing, just . . . Delirious.

Evan felt himself grinning and then he felt eyes on him. "What?"

Jonathan eyed him suspiciously, "What do you mean 'what'?"

"I can feel you looking at me." Evan shrugged.

"Oh." Jonathan said and he snorted. "Sorry. It's still strange having you this close. I can't help but look at you."

Evan smiled at that.

"Come on, let's eat." Jonathan grabbed the food in one hand and waited for Evan. He let him choose whether or not he wanted to be led around. A grin pulled at his lips when Evan slid off the counter and let his fingers find his shoulder. He held on and followed Jonathan back outside onto the porch where they stuffed their faces until they couldn't take another bite.

"Dude."

Jonathan groaned. "I know."

Eventually the rain slacked off and Evan was getting tired of the quiet. "I don't want to stop you from making videos or playing games."

Jonathan shook his head immediately, "Dont worry about that. Luke's taking care of it for me. I've got a ton of backup videos that he's uploading for me every few days. So, for real, don't worry about it."

"Okay."

The silence stretched on and it was starting to get to him. Jonathan could feel the restlessness coming off of him like heat. "What do you want to do?"

Evan rubbed at his useless eyes and shrugged, "Something normal."

"Like what?"

Evan sat forward with his elbows on his knees, "Like . . . watch a show, play a game, read something, play my guitar. Ride my bike."

"You have a bike? I love bikes."

"I have a motorcycle. But, yeah, I've got a bike, too." Evan nodded.

"How come you never told me you had a motorcycle?" Jonathan asked, a little bit shocked. Motorcycles were sexy and the fact that Evan had one was flipping a switch on something that he didn't want turned on.

"Doesn't really matter right now, does it?" Evan said but bit his tongue. "Sorry, I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer. It was my brother's, but it didn't run right for the longest time. So he just gave it to me, said it suited me better anyhow."

"It does suit you. I never pinned you for a bike guy, but now that I think about it." Jonathan squinted against the sun that escaped from behind the clouds. "Well, considering it'll be wet out here until tomorrow, let's go find something to do inside."

"Like what?"

"Let's build a fort in the living room." Jonathan said and pulled Evan to his feet before he could protest.

The small hint of a smile that stayed on Evan's face while Jonathan ran circles around him was enough to keep him going. He found every blanket and sheet he could get his hands on, except for Evan's bed set. To make it even more epic he found small hooks and screwed them into the high ceiling and strung the fabric up until it looked like a canopy above them.

"This is so awesome." He muttered to himself and confiscated all the pillows and couch cushions and spread them across the floor inside the fort, where he fell down onto them.

Jonathan looked up at Evan as he felt around on his hands and knees until his fingers found his leg, then he plopped down beside him. "It feels awesome in here. Too bad I can't see it."

Jonathan tucked his arms behind his head and looked up at the sheets hanging high above them. "Well, all of your sheets are either white, grey, or purple. There's a blue blanket up there in the mix. They're hanging kind of loose, layered over one another, covering us in a colorful canopy. I found some Christmas lights in your closet and those are hanging in here, too. They're kind of dim, gives it all a soft glow. This is the best fort I've ever made. Not to brag or anything."

"Sounds really cool." Evan grinned with that small sadness ever present in his eyes. Jonathan pulled his phone out and took a picture of the two of them lying there just for the sake of showing it to Evan when he could see again. He didn't want him to miss anything.

"It's amazing." Jonathan sat up and looked down at him, "We're gonna play a game."

"A game?"

"Yeah, sit tight." He said and jumped up, running around the house, grabbing various objects with texture and character before he settled on the fort cushions once again. "I'm going to give you something and I want you to tell me what you think it is."

Evan nodded and held his hand out, feeling the object that Delirious put in it, trying to imagine it in his mind as he ran his fingers over it. He grinned, "This is that little Luigi figurine you sent me forever ago."

"Ding ding ding!" Jonathan smiled and gave him the next object that Evan made a gross face at as he squished it around in his hands.

"Um . . . what the fuck is this?" He laughed and then it dawned on him. "An ice pack! It's an ice pack. Right?"

"Yes! Okay next one."

For the next hour they sat there in their fort, laughing at the things Jonathan was handing him; tiny miscellaneous objects that Evan forgot he even owned, things that made him smile, things that made him feel better.

And it wasn't until he had gotten really comfortable and sleepy on the cushions, listening to Delirious laugh while he watched Step Brothers, that he truly appreciated what he was trying to do. If he wasn't there beside him, taking his mind off of the darkness he was covered in, he didn't know how he would be handling it. He'd probably be calling his ex, begging her to come help because he didn't have anyone else or he would just be laying around, rotting away.

"Hahaha! This is my favorite part." Delirious giggled at the television and Evan listened. He knew exactly what part it was and he could see it in his head.

"Hey Derek, you know what's always good for shoulder pain?"

Evan busted out laughing and he said it in sync with Delirious, along with the movie. "If you lick my butthole!"

They rolled on the floor, laughing until Delirious was crying and Evan couldn't breathe. He clutched at his stomach and when he opened his eyes, for a split second he thought he would be able see and it hit him hard. It knocked him back down into that terrible place he'd always been. Reality sunk in and he felt short of breath.

"Evan." He heard his name falling from Delirious' lips as he stood and stumbled out of the fort, out of the living room, past the kitchen. But before he could reach the stairs there were firm hands wrapping around his middle. "Evan, don't."

He spun in his arms and tried to push him away but Delirious gripped him tighter and moved until Evan felt his back against the wall. "I can't fucking breathe!"

"Then let it out!"

Evan choked on an involuntary sob and the panic boiled to a head and he pushed out a heavy breath before it came back in even faster. The anxiety gripped his lungs and pulled in air and expelled it at whatever speed it wanted. His heart tried to keep up. "I can't . . ."

"It's okay." Jonathan said in his ear and Evan knew he would be sliding down to the floor if the man wasn't there holding him up against the wall. "Relax."

Evan tried, letting his nerves unclench while his breathing slowly started to even itself out. Once it was over, he felt his entire body go limp, but Delirious held him there even when he started crying profusely onto his shoulder probably soaking his shirt that always felt like it fit him really well.

"Do you want to be alone?" Delirious asked softly and Evan found himself nodding against the side of his face.

"Just for a little while." He mumbled and tried not to let his knees buckle when Delirious stepped back. He handed him a dish rag that he wiped at his face and nose with before he let the man lead him up the stairs by the arm. He crawled into his bed and felt Jonathan's presence still standing at the door. "I'm okay. I just forgot I was blind for a second while we were laughing and when I opened my eyes I was expecting to see you next to me and I just . . . freaked out. I'm still scared that I'll never see again."

"You will." Delirious said and Evan heard the resolve in his voice. He believed it and that gave Evan something to hold onto.

"I'll be manning the fort if you need me." He said and Evan listened to him walk back down the stairs, he felt his light and his warmth fade the further away he got. It was such an odd feeling, like he was being drained. But he ignored it and rolled over until he dozed off into a restless dream that he almost thought was real.

He dreamed he was walking down a dark and empty road, covered in thick fog. The air was heavy and he saw a figure standing in the glow of a street light. The closer he got to them, the warmer he felt. Their face was hidden beneath the shadow of a hood, but he saw a white smile when he finally approached.

"Hi."

He recognized the voice immediately; Delirious.

"What are you doing here?" Evan asked, his voice echoed around him.

The man shrugged, "Just trying to help you. But I'm not sure you want me to. You're always pushing me away. I thought we were better than that."

Evan felt the dread running up the back of his neck when Delirious started moving backwards away from him into the thick fog. "We are. We're better than that!"

Delirious stopped in his tracks, "Do you need me? Or am I just wasting my time on someone who doesn't even want to live?"

Evan couldn't get the words to come out of his mouth nor his legs to move when Delirious started to fade until he disappeared completely, taking the light with him.

Evan was alone.

He was in the dark.

When he woke, he was alone and in the dark and he his feet were swinging off the bed and onto the cold wood floor. He stepped out of his room and carefully down the stairs until he almost tripped on the pillows and cushions littering the floor. He felt Delirious' light before he was even in the fort. He got to his hands and knees and crawled inside feeling for the warmth that he knew was there.

Delirious was lying on his side shirtless, in his briefs and he sounded half asleep and confused when Evan lifted one of his arms up to crawl beneath it. But once he assessed the situation he stretched his arm out and slid it beneath Evan's head, pulling him closer with his other.

Jonathan settled once again and Evan fell asleep with his head tucked against his chest and Jonathan's gentle hand resting on his waist. And when he woke he wasn't alone. There was a warm light swallowing him whole even though the only color he could see was black.

Delirious cooked them breakfast and told him the most ridiculous stories about his life as he licked the bacon grease from his fingers. Evan's ears were filled to the brim with his bubbly laughter and he could feel him looking at him when it faded into that signature soft hum.

"You're looking at me."

"How?! How do you know every fucking time?" Delirious exclaimed and let his hands lift into the air dramatically.

Evan laughed at him, "Your hands are in the air."

"Are you sure you can't see? Because now you're just freaking me out."

"I'm pretty positive I can't see." Evan grinned and looked straight ahead while he ate another piece of bacon. "I can feel you."

"You can feel me?"

"Yeah, it's hard to explain. But if we played hide and seek, I bet I could find you every single time." Evan said matter-of-factly and wasn't surprised when Delirious made him shake on it, then disappeared without a sound.

Evan pushed his plate away and let his fingers and memory guide him through the house until he caught a faint feeling, like he was being watched. He followed it up the stairs until he could finally feel the warm familiar light beckoning him to the closet at the end of the hall that had slats. It was perfect for peeking out of and the disbelief was clear in Delirious' voice when Evan opened the door with a smug grin.

"No way. No fucking way. Cover your ears and count to twenty this time." He said and tiptoed away again.

It took even less time for Evan to find him hiding in the downstairs bathroom. He was standing in the bathtub with his arms crossed and as soon as Evan pulled the curtain back he said, "Explain."

So Evan tried the best he could.

"I can't see you, but I feel you. I can see this light in my mind. It's really faint, but it's warm." He tapped his finger against his leg as they sat on his bed. "It's kind of like the light, early in the morning when the sun hasn't quite come up yet. It's pale blue and yellow and it's really comforting and I see it when you're near. Well, I don't really see it, I feel it. That's what you feel like. You have this aura that you project and it's the only thing I feel in the dark." Evan finished and Delirious was quiet.

"I'm sorry if that weirds you out."

"No. It's um . . . pretty cool, actually." Jonathan gave a small laugh and rubbed at the back of his neck. "If you had a color, you would be purple. But like, kind of red. Reddish purple. You're really passionate with everything you do and that's what color comes to mind when I think of you."

Evan found himself grinning, "You're like a bubbly, bright, smiling ball of energy and I see blue and yellow. Bluish yellow."

"Cool." Delirious smiled.

"Yeah." Evan ducked his head.

"Come on, you need a shave and a bath before we go to the doctor." Jonathan got off the bed and went into the washroom where he ran a hot bath and found a new razor. Evan followed him in and didn't bother waiting for him to leave before he stripped and slipped into the water. He felt eyes on him but for some reason it didn't bother him.

Evan soaked in the water until he thought he would fall asleep in the bubbles, always resisting the urge to let his arms slip in to join him. He relaxed even more when he felt Delirious pour water over his hair, followed by his soapy hands that rubbed deep circles on his head.

Evan couldn't help but groan a little. "Sorry. That feels so good."

He hummed behind him, "It's fine."

Then his fingers slid down to his shoulders where they dug in and rubbed. Evan's head hit the edge of the tub and his sighed. "Dude."

"Yeah?"

"Dude." Evan repeated and Delirious laughed.

"See? Isn't it nice to be taken care of?" Jonathan asked. "I bet you've never had a massage your entire life."

"It's so fucking nice and no, I haven't." Evan said and pulled in a breath when his fingers went lower down his back, pressing against tense muscle he didn't know he had.

"Well you deserve it and I'm more than happy to give it to you." Jonathan's voice went soft and sincere.

Evan thought about his words for a moment and wondered what they meant. Did he mean that he was willing to give him heavenly massages everyday, because Evan would gladly accept. Or did he mean something more than that? Evan didn't ask, he couldn't, because he really wanted it to mean something more than just back rubs. He liked being taken care of. He liked his hands on him, keeping him anchored to the earth and his head level while he stumbled around in the dark. He liked him being here. He liked the warmth he gave off.

He liked Delirious.

"Thank you." He said and shivered when his fingers left him. The thought was still heavy on his mind and that was where it stayed as Delirious washed his face for him and let him soak awhile before he got out and wrapped his towel around his waist. Then his light was there, pushing himself onto the counter by the sink. He reached out and pulled him closer, until Evan's hips were pressing into the marble and Jonathan's legs were on either side of him.

Jonathan tilted Evan's head up by his chin and rubbed a bit of shaving cream over his skin, then he reached for the razor by his side. "Now, I have a sharp object in my hand. So, be still."

Evan's skin stretched as he tried not to smile, "You with sharp objects is never a good thing."

"But, you trust me right?"

"I have no idea why, but yes, I do." He grinned and felt the man's light glow a bit brighter. His fingers gripped his face and he let the razor glide smoothly over his jawline and beneath his chin. He took extra care around his lips and after he'd finished and wiped the excess off he ran his hands over his smooth skin, making sure he hadn't missed a spot. Jonathan let his fingers linger longer than he wanted them to and pulled them away.

"You're good to go, man." He said but Evan was still standing there with his hands pressed flat against the counter on either side of him. Jonathan could feel his breath ghosting across his chest and he felt the heat run through him. Evan pulled back, but didn't step away. He tried to look where he thought Delirious' eyes would be and he watched his color turn a brilliant mixture of blue and pink.

"Don't move." Jonathan said and Evan waited. He shuffled over on the marble and Evan felt his warmth seeping into him. "You're looking right at me."

The emotions washed over him like a wave and he huffed a laugh when he felt the tears that had pooled wet his face, "I'm so fucking scared that I'll never really get to."

"You will, Evan." Delirious slipped off the counter and wiped at the wetness on his cheeks. "Now, get dressed. We don't want to be late."

"Melanie!"

"Jonathan!" The tiny blonde bounded his way and he wrapped her up in a hug when she reached him. "How is everything? How's he doing?"

He let her go and sat back in his chair in the waiting room. She took a seat beside him. "He's doing a lot better than he was. I had to fight him for a whole week after he got up and moving, but he's coming around. They're taking his casts off now, he's been bitching about them forever. So, that's one less thing I'll have to hear him gripe about."

She smiled, "That's so good to hear. Does he have trouble sleeping or anything like that?"

The grin faded from his face and he knew she saw it, probably felt his mood darken along with it. "Yeah, he . . . uh kind of freaked out when it stormed the other night. I found him crying in the corner of his room. He told me every time it thundered it sounded like his car getting hit that night. He kept feeling like he was hanging upside down listening to me screaming his name and I . . ."

He paused when his voice caught. "And I had to stay there with him until it stopped thundering. He woke up every time, out of breath, scared, and all I could do was hold him, you know?"

She let her small hand rest on his shoulder and they both jumped when her pager went off between them. "Shit. I'm sorry, I've got to go. We got a new patient who thinks he's stuck inside the Planet of the Apes universe and we're all out to get him. He needs to be in the psyche ward, but until then I'm his nurse. Lucky me."

He stood with her and she stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, "I'm glad he's getting better. You're going a good job, Jonathan. Keep it up, stay with him, and hold him every night if that's what it takes. Like I said before, give me a call if you need anything."

"I will, thank you. I'll see you around, Melanie." He waved her off and she turned at the next corner, breaking into a jog.

He sank back into his chair where he waited for another twenty minutes before Evan came out of the room he'd been in for the past forty-five minutes. The nurse led him into the waiting area and he brushed her off, insisting he was fine on his own. Jonathan watched with a smile on his face as Evan walked directly toward him with cast-less arms, free from the hard white constricting material.

"Dude, I feel like a new man." Evan said when he got close. He smiled and ran his hands up his bare arms.

"You look like it." Jonathan chuckled. "Better?"

Evan sighed, "You have no idea. So, where to now?"

"Now, we go get that fat head of yours scanned." He giggled and dodge Evan's hand when he swatted at him. "Come on."

Evan grabbed his arm and followed him to the elevator and out onto another floor where they walked left and right so many times that Evan felt a bit dizzy. It wasn't until he listened to Jonathan talking to the nurse that he started to feel nervous. What if his eyes weren't any better? What if he was going to have to have surgery? What if he had to quit YouTube? What if he had to quit everything?

"Evan. They're ready for you." He heard Delirious say and when he felt the nurse's hand on his arm guiding him away he stopped and reached for the light that always made him feel like he wasn't drowning in the dark or hanging upside down.

"Can he come?"

Jonathan was jarred by the pure pleading in Evan's eyes as he reached back for him. He glanced at the nurse with a raised brow, waiting for an answer and he stepped forward when she nodded. He reached for Evan's outstretched hand and their fingers threaded together. It made something heavy settle in his chest and it put a lump in his throat.

"I can't come in the MRI room with you, but I'll be just outside the door, I promise." He said and Evan squeezed his fingers.

"I know." Evan let him go and turned inside the room, following the woman.

The wait was excruciating and he felt a small hand on his shoulder after thirty more minutes of pacing. He turned to find another nurse grinning up at him. Why was everyone so short around here?

"So? How is he?"

She handed him the paperwork and smiled, "Good news. He doesn't need surgery."