Jonathan wanted to feel relieved, and he did, but there was something that didn't feel quite right about it.

"You say that like there's bad news, too." He cracked his fingers and shifted on his feet.

She grinned at his antsy demeanor, "The only bad thing is that now it's just a waiting game. He won't be able to see until his body is ready to. He's still healing. He could wake up tomorrow and see just fine or it could be another week, a month, we don't know. It could be sudden or it could be gradual."

"So the nerves in his eyes are okay?" He asked, finally relaxing a bit when she nodded. He let out a breath, "Thank you."

He didn't care if it took another month or a year before Evan could see. He was just happy that he didn't need to have a surgery that risked him being in the dark forever. Jonathan knew Evan wouldn't be able to live with it and Jonathan wouldn't be able to deal with him trying to end it. Evan wouldn't be able to do anything. YouTube would be a thing of the past for him, he was probably losing some of his income as it was from lack of inactivity, but Jonathan had a plan for that.

He looked up to see Melanie waving at him at the end of the hall but his train of thought was derailed when Evan came out of the room and immediately reached for him, pulling him into a hug. It meant something and Jonathan was squeezing him back just as hard.

"I'm gonna be okay." Evan mumbled against his shoulder and Jonathan fought against the tears that threatened.

"I told you so, didn't I?"

Evan laughed and it was so warm and real that Jonathan wanted to hold onto that sound for just a little while longer.

"Yeah, you did." Evan nodded and breathed him in. His fingers involuntarily squeezed him harder, "I can't wait to see you. It's killing me, man."

Jonathan laughed and soaked up the warmth he only got to imagine through a screen. He really couldn't get enough. "It's killing me, too. Especially when you're looking right at me without even knowing it. It's the most insane feeling."

He felt Evan swallow before he pulled away with a smile, "Am I looking at you now?"

"Almost." Jonathan stepped to the right. "Look to the left just a bit. There. Now you are."

The feeling ran through his body like it had been for the past few weeks whenever Evan accidentally caught his eye. He knew it wasn't real but whenever it happened he always pictured what his reaction was going to be when he finally got to see him and it made his heart pound in his chest each time. It was a moment he had always thought about, the moment Evan would lay eyes on him for the first time. He was caught in his thoughts and fell even deeper when Evan started to smile, his empty eyes still on his and he said, "Hi."

"That's so not cool." Jonathan muttered and Evan ducked his head.

"Sorry. You wanna get some food and head home?" Evan suggested and Jonathan took him by the arm and led him out, forgetting completely about the small blonde who was watching them intently with a knowing grin before she turned and left.

Evan's mood changed dramatically and he even went so far as to ask Jonathan to call the guys so he could talk to them personally.

While he talked, Jonathan was putting labels on everything be could find so Evan didn't have to wait for Jonathan to tell him what was tea and what wasn't.

Evan was in heaven when he took his first shower in weeks and he felt for the shampoo feeling an 'S' on top of it and a 'P' on the soap. Jonathan had labelled it like salt and pepper for him. He laughed.

He came out of the bathroom and felt for the clothes that were always laid out for him and dressed himself. Then he waited at the top of the stairs for the arm that always slid around him and took him to the bottom.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Evan could hear the grin in his voice and very suddenly he blurted out, "Let's play something."

"Like what?"

Evan shrugged, "GTA. I can try to drive somewhere but you have to direct me. Kind of like that time we rode the motorcycle together on there and we had to guide each other. Record it and post it to your channel. It'll give you something to do and I'm sure everyone is waiting for some new content anyway."

"Alright, sounds fun." Jonathan led him to their fort in the living room and hooked up the console to the tv and the tv up to the laptop. Without Evan's knowledge, he set his phone up on the entertainment center. He started the game up and got Evan's character into a car and set a way-point before handing him the controller.

"This is weird." Evan grinned and hit the gas.

"Left a bit. Hard right! Slow down, okay go, go, go! Evan, the train!"

Jonathan had never laughed so hard and so long in his life. Evan had a permanent smile on his face the entire time Jonathan rolled on the cushions beside him, slapping him on the arm as he snorted and giggled. Despite seeing nothing but black he was having a good time, soaking in the warmth sitting beside him, glowing less yellow and more blue in the dark.

"Oh man, that was so fucking epic." Jonathan wiped at his eyes as Evan stretched his arms and rolled his neck.

"Felt nice to hold a controller again." Evan grinned at the floor. "We should keep doing this, but with other games. I think it'd be good for your channel."

"Why are you so worried about my channel? You're the one that's inactive right now. You need this. Not just for your YouTube, but for you. It's good to hear you laugh."

Evan shook his head, "Don't bother with my channel. I can hold off a little longer until I can see again. I can make it work."

But Jonathan had already made sure Evan's channel wouldn't suffer from his accident and he would keep it up for as long as he had to. It didn't matter if he had given up the one thing that made him so interesting. He gave it up for Evan and it was a decision he wouldn't take back nor would he ever regret it.

The next few days passed by without too many incidents. At least none that couldn't be fixed. Evan pulled a plate out if the cabinet one day and a glass came tumbling down with it, shattering into tiny pieces across the floor.

"Fuck!"

"Don't move. Just stay where you are." Jonathan instructed him calmly and slipped his shoes on and grabbed the broom. He swept around Evan's bare feet and dumped the pile of glass shards in the trash.

"I might've missed some tiny ones. Hop on my back and I'll get you out of the kitchen, then I'll sweep again."

Evan sighed, aggravated with himself again. "I'm sorry."

"I'll slap you if you keep saying you're sorry." Jonathan stepped in front of him. "Now, get up here."

Evan touched, feeling for his shoulders and learned that he was shirtless. It was the first time he soaked in the information his fingers were relaying back to his brain. Delirious was hard, but soft. Hard lean muscle beneath soft smooth skin. His shoulders were somewhat broad and his waist was small judging by how easy his legs wrapped around him when he hoisted himself up. Delirious held his legs and showed no sign of struggle or exhaustion from carrying his heavy body. He was strong.

Evan breathed in and he got a lungful of faint spice, like pine needles and subtle cologne. It smelled nice. Delirious smelled nice. His hair was soft against the side of his face and he felt every muscle of his back when he slid down, letting his feet touch the floor once more.

"Thanks."

"Yep." He said and his sound ventured back to the kitchen where he swept twice more before letting Evan anywhere near it again.

Then one night as they were listening to music while they rocked back and forth with the gusts of wind that blew the swing on the back porch, something happened that sent Jonathan into a fit.

It was so nice out and Evan wanted to sit outside for a while. So there they were, relaxing, enjoying the sounds of trees swaying back and forth as the sun dropped.

Evan could feel the light on his face, warm and comforting and all he wanted was to see it. "What does it look like?"

Jonathan glanced over at him sitting there looking out at the sky with such reverence. Like he could feel the world turning, making life go on while he sat alone in the dark. It was heartbreaking to see the yearning in his brown eyes.

"It's beautiful." He said, his voice barely above a whisper. "The trees are bending and the sky is almost cloudless. But there are some just on the horizon, turning a bright shade of pink, purple now. It's like the days when I was little and I could feel the day ending, running through the woods, finding really cool rocks and filling my backpack with useless things. It's hard to feel that anymore, but sitting and watching the day fade away is always a nice reminder."

Evan knew that feeling, getting lost in the trees with his brother until the blue above began to fade and made everything feel more dangerous. More adventurous. Nowadays it meant nothing, just another day come and gone. He'd always thought he'd feel that adventure again when he met the right person. That person he could escape with, be himself with, and never have to give up anything in an effort to keep them close. He didn't want the relationship to be a fucking struggle every time. He just wanted to be happy and overwhelmed by their presence each time they walked in the room. He wanted someone that made his chest hurt and his heart ache. Someone that made him lose his mind.

"The sky is bright orange now and there's a huge flock of birds that just came out if the trees. They look like ants running across the sky." Delirious said and the small hum he let loose at the end of his sentence made him glow so blue that Evan sighed. The color wrapped around him and it was stunning how good it felt, like warm breath running down his neck.

He felt dizzy.

"The sun's gone. The sky's a deep orange now, fading into blue. Another day done." Jonathan said and he looked over when the color red appeared in his peripherals, his heart jolting at the sight of blood pouring down Evan's chest. The color soaked his white shirt and Jonathan couldn't breathe.

"Holy . . . Evan!" He jumped up and pulled his own shirt off holding it to Evan's nose that was continuously gushing deep red. The smell of copper filled his head and he shook away the memory that tried to surface.

"Your nose is bleeding. A lot. Okay. Shit." Jonathan tried to quell the panic rising in his voice.

"I'm okay, Delirious. Just really light headed." Evan said and tried to sit up but Jonathan pushed him back down.

He grabbed for his phone and dialed, putting it against his ear as he listened to it ring.

"Melanie! He's fucking dying through his nose! Like a waterfall coming out if his face! Is this normal?!" Delirious yelled frantically into the phone when the blonde picked up.

"Okay, calm down. Nosebleeds are perfectly normal for someone recovering from a concussion. It's nothing to worry about. Just let it run its coarse, clean him up, then let him rest." She said and listened to him let out a breath of relief.

"I said I was fine, you idiot." She heard the other man say and laughed.

"Jonathan, he's okay. Nosebleeds will happen. So don't freak out if it happens again." Melanie reassured him.

"Okay. Thank you. I'm sorry if I interrupted anything. I'll talk to you later, I gotta clean him up. Looks like someone gave birth out here or something." He said and hung up, pulling Evan up by his arms and guiding him into the house.

His shirt that Evan still had pressed to his face was no longer blue, but dark red and completely soaked through. The smell was driving Jonathan mad and it was triggering that feeling he thought he'd suppressed long ago.

"Let's get upstairs." He said, taking Evan's hand, pulling him up through his room into the washroom where he grabbed the shirt and let it fall in the sink. The smell was so strong he had to breathe through his mouth for a minute while he let the shower get warm. He shut his eyes tight.

"Are you okay?" Evan asked, his voice echoing slightly in the cold white room.

"Yeah. Fine." He lied and opened his eyes. Evan was covered in blood, like he'd been fighting a fucking bear, or shoved against a wall with a knife to his throat -

"Shit." Jonathan cut off his train of thought.

"Hey -"

Evan reached for him and Delirious caught his hand, "I'm fine, Evan. Really."

"Now look at who's the bad liar." Evan said.

Jonathan shrugged it off. "Just shut up and take your clothes off."

"Not even gonna buy me dinner first, I see how it is." Evan joked and pulled the ruined white shirt over his head. Jonathan watched him unbutton his jeans and push everything down in one go, stepping out of them and kicking them aside.

"You're hilarious." Jonathan tore his eyes away as Evan stepped into the shower. The glass was foggy but he could still see him leaning against the wall for support. Jonathan bit his tongue and pulled his own clothes off, making his way over to the glass door that Evan obviously wasn't expecting to open.

"What are you doing?"

"You're still dizzy, I can tell. I don't trust you in here by yourself." He said smoothly, attempting to keep his eyes off his body but it wasn't working in the slightest. Evan was . . . attractive. But he'd come to that conclusion a long time ago ever since he first showed his face. He never let himself longer on it for too long. That was a story that would never begin. "Let me help you?"

Evan nodded and swayed on his feet when everything felt it was moving again. Delirious took him slowly led him backwards until his back came to rest against the wall. He wiped at the blood that had dried on his face, his fingers running down the drip lines to his neck, nails ghosting over his apple.

Evan swallowed past the heat that was clouding his thoughts. Jonathan's color was so vibrant now. But he was projecting something very heavy, holding back something even heavier. It was kind of hard to breathe. His fingers were kind, gentle as he wiped his skin clean and he could picture the blood swirling in circles as it drifted in the water around their feet.

He heard Delirious sigh and he felt a wave a guilt roll off of him. Evan didn't like the way it made him feel and he started to feel the way he did the night he'd listened to Delirious crying downstairs, choking on sobs.

"What's wrong?" Delirious stilled his hands and Evan didn't realize his eyes were watering until he blinked.

He sucked in the hot air and let it go, "I don't blame you, Jonathan."

Evan watched his deep grey color slowly fade back to blue as his fingers fell away from his skin. He felt his eyes on him and he could picture the water dripping from the tip of his nose. Evan then realized it was the first time he had ever called him by his given name.

"I never blamed you."

A small breath passed Jonathan's lips and Evan felt it on the side if his face. "I'm sorry I ever thought you did."

The cloud above Jonathan's head disappeared completely and he felt like he should once again. Evan relaxed. "It's okay."

The air between them remained normal and Evan was grinning when he asked, "Will you wash my hair?"

"God, I knew I spoiled you." Jonathan said and let a laugh out, reaching for the shampoo none the less.

"Hey, my arms are still kinda weak from lack of use. So, this is a little bit necessary." Evan slouched even more when those fingers slid into his hair.

"Whatever you say." Jonathan said and the humor in his voice put Evan at ease even though they were two grown men standing in a shower together. He felt better and he went to sleep still feeling a bit dizzy but it was for a completely different reason.

Jonathan didn't really sleep for the next two days. He stayed up for hours when Evan was asleep so he could make videos in secret and upload them to Evan's channel without his knowledge. The feedback he was getting from it was incredible and the boy's were signal boosting everything he put up.

Evan came down one morning and plopped down beside him in his underwear and said, "Let's go to the park. Grab some snacks from the store and chill out."

Jonathan was more than happy to say yes to the plan. The fact that Evan actually wanted to get out of the house on his own now, was a miracle in itself.

"Sure. Let's go whenever you're ready, Captain Underpants." Jonathan grinned over at him and watched Evan lick his lips, feeling something pull at his gut before he got up and moved away.

Evan was brushing his teeth when he heard a phone ringing downstairs. It was the familiar sound of his video's outro, so he stopped to listen.

"Hey, baby girl." He heard Jonathan greet whoever was on the phone with a smile. "I know I've been gone a while but I'll see you when I come home. I promise, peach."

Evan's stomach dropped.

"Give the phone to your momma. I love you, too. Hey!" Jonathan chuckled. "Hey, Lys. How's life without me?"

Evan felt his legs going numb from standing still, frozen in place. His spit the toothpaste out and felt his fingers shaking around the faucet as he turned the water on. Questions were running through his head at the speed of light making him sick to his stomach.

Did Jonathan have a family? A wife? A kid? Why didn't he say something about it? Why did Evan feel so unsettled about it?

It didn't make sense to him and Jonathan was just as dandy as ever when he helped him down the stairs and into the car. He was as blue and warm and giggly as always while he dragged him around the grocery store for snacks.

Evan laughed at Jonathan laughing at the names of some of the things he'd never seen before. He smiled and carried on with him, but still couldn't shake the feeling he had from overhearing that phone call. He hated that it was eating at him. He hated that he felt disappointed because it was such a selfish thing to feel about someone that wasn't even his.

"It feels so good out here today. I'm glad you wanted to get out, you homebody." Jonathan joked and Evan gave a quick grin before letting it drop, not thinking about the possibility of Jonathan seeing his indifference. They laid out a blanket and anchored it down with their shoes on each corner before they sat back and relaxed, letting the sun soak into their skin.

Evan couldn't get it off his mind and he let it slip out of his mouth before he could stop it. He bit his tongue when he said, "Am I keeping you from someone?"

Evan felt Jonathan's eyes on him and he tried to determine his mood by what color was coming off of him. To his surprise he was just as blue as he pictured the sky to be, the warmth of his smile reaching him when he said, "No, you're not keeping me from anybody."

Evan scratched his head, feeling a little stupid and a bit embarrassed as he laid on his back in thought.

"Is that what's wrong with you today? You're worried somebody's waiting for me at home?" Jonathan pried and Evan rubbed his eyes feeling worse about the entire situation now.

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

A hand slapped him on the head, "Don't say the 's' word."

"Sor-" Evan began but cut it short and laughed instead.

"So, where did that come from?" Jonathan picked at his fingers in the sun while a breeze rolled by.

Evan shrugged, "I heard you on the phone this morning. It just sounded like . . . I don't know."

"Oh. No, that was my sister and my niece. They stop by my house once a week to hang out and my niece called because she's pissed I'm not there to let her play my games. She's so sassy, it's great."

Evan smiled, feeling a bit disturbed at how relieved he was. "She probably gets it from you."

"Yeah, probably." He giggled and opened the pack of Oreos in his lap, tearing open his milk carton and dunking one in.

"First one's mine!" Evan said and opened his mouth, humming around the soggy cookie when Jonathan placed it carefully in his mouth. After he swallowed it down, he sat up and shrugged out of his light jacket, breathing in the late spring air.

"So, tell me something about you."

Jonathan stopped short of dunking another cookie in, "Such as?"

"Anything." Evan grinned. "Like, what do you look like?"

Jonathan ducked his head before he remembered that Evan couldn't see it anyway. "I've never had to explain to anyone what I look like. So, I seriously doubt I can do it now."

Evan cocked his head to the side in thought. "Can I feel you, then? That way you don't have to try to paint me a picture."

Jonathan closed up his milk and crawled his way, sitting in front of him cross legged feeling slightly self conscious about the idea of Evan's hands on him. But the feeling passed when he saw Evan hesitate. Jonathan grabbed his hands in his and lifted them to his face where he let them stay for a moment.

Evan's face went blank with concentration, fading into something softer and indescribable the longer he let his fingers slide over his face. They ghosted over his cheek bones, tracing lines over the edge of his ears.

"That tickles." He said, his mouth pulling into a smile, his heart hammering as Evan's fingertips came to rest on his lips. His right hand shifted and it was terrible, the ache in Jonathan's chest, the way Evan's fingers, as if on instinct, moved to cup his jaw. His thumb came to rest on the pout of his lip as Jonathan's smile faded.

"You feel . . . nice." Evan tried to make their eyes meet and he didn't know that he was succeeding.

Jonathan could feel the heartbeat in his face. He could feel Evan etching something permanent into his skin with every stroke of his finger and a strong shiver ran down his body when Evan found the scar on the left side of his jaw. He swallowed as he followed it all the way down to his neck.

"You have a scar."

He nodded against his fingers. "I do."

"What from?"

His head shook slightly against his will and Evan lifted it back up when he tried to let it drop. He felt ashamed for some reason, for having such an ugly reminder of that haunting night on his skin.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me." The Asian stared into him with warm eyes. "What else do you have that I can't see?"

Jonathan inhaled, trying to get past the memory that had almost surfaced. He appreciated Evan changing the subject as fast as he did. "My ears are pierced."

Evan proceeded to touch the studs in his ears before he let his hands run through his hair.

"What color is your hair?"

"Dark brown."

"And your eyes?"

Jonathan shook his head and said, "I'll let you tell me."

Evan grinned, "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say they're blue."

"I guess you'll just have to wait and find out." Jonathan licked his lips and his eyes caught sight of a figure that had ventured off its original path upon seeing the two of them sitting there. He recognized her even though he'd only seen pictures.

"Um, just to let you know why I'm about to get up and run, your ex is closing in fast and I'd rather avoid this conversation so I'll be back whenever she leaves. Bye!" Jonathan said in a hurried voice and all Evan could do was listen to him jump up and walk away towards the restrooms at an abnormally fast speed. Then he heard her coming up beside him. He cocked his head to the side.

"Evan?"

"Avery."

"Hi, how are you doing?" Avery asked in her tiny voice and if Evan knew her at all, she was probably wearing an off-white beanie and a grey jacket with the sleeves rolled up. She took a seat beside him.

"I'm okay. Blind at the moment, but okay."

"Yeah, I heard about the accident not too long ago. I considered coming over to see if you needed help, but I knew you wouldn't want me to." She said and he could practically see her brows scrunching together with concern.

"It's fine, thank you though. I appreciate the thought, but I have a friend staying with me already. He's looking after me." Evan said and glanced around, trying to find that light in the dark and he spotted it far away, faint but there. Watching and waiting. He wished he would come back, but he understood that Jonathan didn't want to risk her recognizing his voice and possibly exposing him for who he was. Or maybe be just didn't want to speak to her, period. Evan knew he didn't like her, but he never knew why.

Jonathan was chewing the inside of his cheek, his face still tingling from Evan's touch, the butterflies still turning circles in his belly as he watched Avery chatting with Evan.

At first he felt the sting of jealousy when he grinned at her, but it was chased away each time Evan's gaze flickered in his direction.

Then, a look crossed Evan's face that he couldn't place.

"Avery, I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy."

He could feel her smile. "It's okay, Ev. Some people just aren't meant to be together. It's not that you didn't make me happy, I just knew that who you were as a person was clashing with who I was and I think that when two people know that they're going in two different directions, it's best not to draw it out."

He knew he liked her for a reason back then. She was smart and kind, but she needed someone to depend on and he thought he was the one that was supposed to take care of her. But he was wrong. He never was good at taking care of anyone, his brother was plenty proof of that.

Jonathan's light started moving closer and he felt his existence washing over him again, his light that he depended on. Evan realized he wasn't supposed to be the caretaker or the one to be dependent on. All along it was he who needed to be taken care of.

And maybe Jonathan was the only one that could. He knew him like the back of his hand now, knew what set him off, what calmed him down, what put his mind at ease long enough for him to fall asleep. He knew what made him laugh, what made him tick.

"Yeah." He smiled back as Jonathan's light drew nearer.

"It was good seeing you and I'm glad you're okay. I'll leave you and Delirious alone for now." She said sweetly but before she could stand he grabbed her by the arm.

"How did you . . . how do you know that's Delirious?" Evan asked, his nerves in a knot all of a sudden.

He felt her confusion and then her realization. "Oh my God, he didn't tell you."

"Tell me what, Avery?"

She took a breath, sounding somewhat giddy. Evan didn't understand until she said, "Okay, he's been posting videos to your channel."

Evan sighed, "I knew it. I told him not to worry about it."

"That's not the only thing, though. The first one he posted, it was just him talking, explaining to everyone why you weren't able to post and he asked for help with boosting your channel's views in the meantime while you got better." She paused and Evan raised an impatient brow. "That video alone has over thirty million views and you've gained a million subscribers, almost two now."

Evan was more confused now, not less and his heart was hammering. "Why? What's so special about that video?"

She gave a small hum of amusement. "He showed his face, Evan. For you. And that is sweetest thing I've ever seen anyone do for someone. Especially since he's so popular for being faceless. He gave that up to make sure you'd be alright and I have to tell you . . . he is gorgeous."

Evan just sat there in pure shock as he absorbed the information. He didn't even hear her say goodbye, or see her get up and leave. All he could see was that bright blue warm light walking his way, surrounding him with something he never knew he needed and something he'd grown to want. Something he craved.

A sense of security and comfort and everything he'd been looking for. It just wasn't in the form he had expected.

A man.