Journal entry N°22- Don's journal:

Unexpected helper.

There was a time where I looked at my reflection and I saw nothing but flaws; a time when I used to look at my brothers with envy… a time when I hated the little things that made them special.

Leo was obviously grooming himself to become a leader; he was a great strategist at such young age, he mastered katas like Mikey ate pizza and he was Splinter's star pupil.

Raph was incredible strong for a little kid; he could lift both my brothers like they were soft pillows and fight for hours without breaking a sweat. Also, his attitude and courage were something to admire.

And surprisingly, Mikey had his own special abilities. (No, eating doesn't count) The little guy was fast and extremely athletic, like some kind of bubblegum rabbit!

But me? What made me special?

I wasn't good at ninjutsu, I was weak and clumsy; all I had was my books and my love for science but what was the purpose of learning a whole encyclopedia when I couldn't even face my brothers in a friendly sparring match?

What was my purpose in life despite being an outcast?

How could I be part of this clan if I wasn't good at anything but being a nerd?

I never expected my questions to be answered as neither I expected certain hotheaded brother of mine to answer them. But you know what they say: sometimes help comes from unexpected sources and unexpected people.

…

…

6 years ago

A very agitated 10 year old Donatello chased his red-clad sibling downstairs breathing hard through his mouth as he ran in an attempt to tackle him but young Raphael was faster. From time to time he would tease his little brother by slowing down and then picking up the pace when he got closer.

Donatello finally gave up the chase due to exhaustion and fell to his knees giving loud wheezes as he recovered his breath; his Master may have taught them breathing exercises but that didn't mean his little body would acknowledge them over night.

"RAPH, GIVE IT BACK!"

"You'll have to fight for it, dork-face"

"I just want my book, Raph. I'm not looking for a fight!"

The red-clad turtle sighed. No matter what he did, his genius brother refused to stand his ground and that was getting on his nerves.

Ever since Splinter decided to train them, Donatello didn't seemed to want to learn the ancient art of ninjutsu and the worst part was that he didn't have a convincing excuse for his lack of interest. He was intelligent, more than his brothers and Sensei; he had potential and his secret set of skills the purple-clad turtle didn't care about that. The only things that got his attention and total devotion were his books, thus this became the perfect way to push Donatello's buttons and force him to let his fighter instincts be free in order to defend the one thing he loved the most.

But apparently- and much to Raph's frustration- stubbornness ran in the family because Don preferred chasing him around for hours rather than tear him a new one. Or at least try.

"Donnie, how are you gonna be a good ninja if you won't fight?! Now, either you fight me or I'll throw your favorite book into the toilet!"

Don felt a twinge of fear deep in his gut but even so, he glared defiantly at his brother. "You wouldn't dare"

Raphael smirked mischievously. "Watch me"

The red-clad turtle ran towards the bathroom being followed by Don very closely; it would be a matter of seconds before his little brother got to him, took the book from his hand and ran to Splinter which would mean 3 weeks without TV, games, and extra homework. The thought alone made him shudder but he knew it wouldn't come to that for he had already lifted the toilet's seat before Donatello stormed inside the room.

Again, he had his speed to thank.

The smirk on his face grew wider when he saw the terrified look on the purple clad turtle's face.

"I'm going to tell dad! I swear!" Don weakly threatened. "A-And he'll make you do more push-ups and… and he'll give you more math homework!"

Raph shrugged. "I can live with that"

With that said, he let go of the book.

Young Donatello gasped and watched in horror how his beloved "Manual for Young Scientists" fell into the porcelain seat. He didn't know if his book had fell into simple water or urine and he didn't really want to think about it but it was inevitable to stop his very active brain from imagining the worse.

The little dark green turtle crossed his arms, a smug smile plastered on his face as he saw the book's pages soak into the clear water; now it was only a matter of time before little shy Donnie turned into a raging fighting machine. Little did young Raph know that not everyone could react out of anger like he did.

Young Donatello's bottom lip quivered, his tiny hands were curled into fists, his whole body trembled and those soft chocolate colored eyes were clouded with unshed tears; it was now that Raphael realized he had messed up big time.

"Why do you hate me so much?!" Don sobbed. "I know I'm useless, ok? I know I'll never be good at anything but being a nerd but you don't need to destroy my things to prove your point!"

"Donnie, I… I'm sorry! Didn't mean to-"

"-LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The purple-clad turtle ran to his room and once there, he locked the door and threw himself into his bed, curling up in a tight ball. He wished his father would've been there, he wished his brother's would've been there instead of outside gathering supplies but what good would that make?

What if they did something else, something worse to him and his belongings? It was only fair, he thought, he deserved it.

A fair amount of time had passed before Don heard someone knocking at the door. At first he thought it was Leonardo, they shared that room after all. However the muffled voice that called his name wasn't Leonardo's.

"Donnie?"

"Go away, Raph" Don replied weakly, his whole body still shaking.

"I'm not leaving till you open this door and listen to me!"

Raph's tone of voice made Don flinch. -I might as well do what he says or else it'll be me into the toilet this time- he thought grimly. He quickly opened the door and jumped back to his bed, grabbing his pillow to hide his wet face behind it.

"What do you want now?"

Young Raphael sat beside his genius brother. Sheepishly he rubbed the back of his neck and spared a brief sideway glance at the trembling turtle, he felt his heart shrink when he saw the tear marks dampening the purple cloth. Clearly things hadn't gone as he planned but one thing was for sure: he had a chance to play his cards right this time.

"Donnie, I dunno what gave you the silly idea that I hated you but truth is I don't, ok? And I'm sorry about your book -"

"-you should hate me. All of you"

The young dark green terrapin spun his head to give Don a full view of his shocked expression. "Bro, that's crazy talk! Why would we hate you?"

"You said it yourself! I'll never be a good ninja" The sobbing turtle said, sniffing loudly. "I think we'd all be happy if I just… disappeared"

Raph didn't know what upset him more: Donnie's unnecessary tears or his resignation to such ridiculous thoughts.

He felt like succumbing to his anger again but it had been proved already that it would only cause his sibling more pain and self loathe so he decided to go for a gentler approach.

A finger tapped Donnie's shoulder twice and he jerked back in surprise. When the first thing that came to his line of sight was Raphael's hand extended towards him, the little genius frowned in confusion.

"What's this?" Raph asked.

"Y-Your hand?"

"Yeah smarty pants but what's on my hand?"

Don squinted his eyes and saw the puckered line of dark green skin. It was about three inches long, his first stitching job.

"It's a scar"

"And do you remember how I got it?" Raph kept asking.

"You were playing in the tunnel Splinter told us not to go to"

"And?"

"And when you came back, I had to clean it up, give you a shot and stitch it up. Raph, where are you going with this?"

"Splinter said that if it wasn't for you, I'd have a nasty infection and I would've died. So if you just disappeared, do you think I'd be alive now?"

Don's sobs suddenly stopped but before he could reply, Raph tilted his little brother's chin up so golden eyes could meet watery light brown ones.

"You are part of this family, Donnie" He continued. "We'd be lost without you and that big brain of yours. And don't you ever doubt of our love for you again; father, the guys and I will always love you"

There was a long moment of silence between the brothers as the little genius repeated Raph's words in his mind like a broken record.

They loved him?

They needed him?

It was all too beautiful too be truth but the way Raph looked at him let young Donatello know his brother wasn't lying.

"Then why do you push me so hard and make me fight you?" Don asked hesitantly.

Raph sighed loudly. "Gosh Donnie! Because one day we're gonna be fighting bad guys and if you don't know how to fight, I'll never forgive myself for whatever happens to you because I didn't help you now!"

And without another word, young Raphael pulled his brother in for a hug. The little genius heart swelled and his eyes let escape a couple of tears but this time they were out of happiness.

"Besides, I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to help you" Raph added pulling away from the embrace to thumb the stray tears away from his brother's face.

"What about Leo? He's my big brother too" Don pointed out.

"He has to make sure Mikey doesn't stick his head between the railings again" Raph teased causing Don to laugh so contagiously he ended up joining him.

One they calmed down, young Donatello threw himself once again into young Raphael's arms and squeezed him tightly.

"Thanks Raphie"

Raph patted his brother's shell. "Anytime"

As the hug came to an end, Raph's little fist impacted into Don's arm hard earning a yelp from the offended brother.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Just so you know what to expect if you ever tell the others about our little talk" Raph winked mischievously. "Now c'mon, we have work to do"

…

…

From that day on lots of things changed for the better: my way of thinking, the way I looked at my brothers and especially the way I fought.

I'm still the genius around here, I still have my books and yes, sometimes I question myself and my abilities… but whenever that happens, I know I can count on my unexpected helper to pull me back on my feet.

End of Journal entry N°22

…

…

Whoa, what's this? Another update?

How cute.

Be happy, world.