"Sooo, how did it go? Did she talk shit? Want me to be mean to her? Because I will, I'll be so mean. I'll tell her that her hair is stupid. Chicks hate that. She'll probably go home and cut it." Jonathan joked when he sat back down on their blanket in the sun. But Evan was zoned out, staring off at nothing.
"Evan." Jonathan snapped his fingers and Evan jumped slightly.
"What, no, sorry." He grinned and shook his head. "She just wanted to see how I was doing."
Jonathan squinted, "Yeah, how are you?"
Evan smiled so wide that it hurt, "I'm . . . really good, actually. Despite being in total darkness."
Jonathan gave that stupidly sweet hum that always followed his giggles and Evan felt it deep inside of him. A place that had never been touched before that moment. "That makes me happy, man. I was scared you'd be an angry mess this whole time."
Evan picked at the hem of his jeans, feeling a certain set of nerves tighten for the first time in a long time. "It's you, you know. I would be a very angry mess if it wasn't for you. So . . . thank you."
"You're very welcome. I'd do it all over again, too." Jonathan cleared his throat and if Evan could've seen his face, he'd imagine him rubbing the back of his head nervously, maybe ducking his head shyly. He could hear the uncertainty in his voice. "You mean a lot to me, Evan. I'll stay up here forever if you need me to."
Jonathan could have punched him in the chest because those words basically did just that and it hurt. His chest hurt and his heart pounded and the urge to cry was stronger than it had ever been. He couldn't remember the last time someone had done anything for him, let alone leave the comfort of their own home just to come take care of him and make sure he was okay.
"I know." He got out and swallowed back everything that was threatening to come out. But he couldn't stop his fingers from reaching for Jonathan's face again and he felt him smile beneath his fingertips, dimples formed in his cheeks and his lips were soft and full. He let his fingers ghost over that scar again, but Jonathan didn't flinch. Evan wet his lips and the image that had formed in his head was stuck in his mind. Dark haired, fair skinned, dimpled cheeks, pierced ears, a smile that stretched for days. Delirious was pretty. He felt pretty . . . and blue. He was warm, warmer than usual.
Evan smiled, "You're blushing."
Jonathan smiled even wider and shook his head, "No."
"I might be blind, but your face is a thousand degrees right now."
"Sorry, I'm just not used to attractive people touching my face." Jonathan gave a small laugh and Evan felt his jaw clench. He pulled his hand away and turned where he was sitting and laid his head in Jonathan's lap, staring up at what would be the sky, but instead it was black. Delirious' hands immediately went to his hair and Evan grinned.
"You know me so well already."
"It's a habit. I like playing with hair." Jonathan ran his fingers through his jet black strands that were softer than should be legal.
"I like having my hair played with. Guilty pleasure." Evan smiled and then relaxed, letting his mind wander as those fingers ran in lines across his head. "What does it look like?"
"Hmm." Jonathan contemplated. "It's very blue and bright. It's pretty clear, but there are a lot of clouds in the distance headed this way with the wind. They don't look dark, but it could rain later. I dunno. It's like a stereotypical day in a park, kids running around, people laying out on blankets, wind blowing, a clear blue sky. It's kind of perfect."
Jonathan painted the scene in his head for him and Evan could see it clear as day. "It is."
"I want a hamburger. Fat juicy hamburger with extra cheese and a shit ton of fries." Evan groaned and rubbed his stomach as they drove back through town an hour later.
"Jeez, you lard." Jonathan laughed. "No, that sounds fucking amazing. We're getting one."
He searched his GPS for a burger joint and let Evan pick from the list that come up close by. Evan chose and they drove across town to the restaurant, parallel parking in the street and laughing shoulder to shoulder through the front door of the establishment. It was Evan who tried to hide a blush when Jonathan slid into the booth next to him instead of across from him, invading his personal space. But as Evan was quickly learning, he didn't mind how close the man got. He was actually starting to encourage it.
Evan leaned against him, "Just find the best looking burger on there and get me one, please. I want a coke."
"Sir, yes, sir." Jonathan said and laughed when Evan nudged him. It was their first dinner out together and Jonathan was feeling that horrible ache again. The one that engulfed him when he thought about the fact that Evan couldn't see him sitting right next to him, smiling at every word that came out of his gorgeous mouth. He couldn't see all the people looking over at them when they'd burst into laughter while Jonathan recorded him trying to get the straw of his drink into his mouth, failing.
He had always known what he'd felt for the Asian. Ever since the day he did a face reveal all those years ago, Jonathan knew. He hated that he had done this to himself, let his affection for his friend turn into something he'd never get to see a conclusion to let alone a beginning. But, like he'd said, he'd do it all over again. For Evan, he'd walk off the face of the earth if it meant he could have his sight back. If it was only to watch him fall.
Evan's behavior was still changing by the day, that much Delirious could tell. The man didn't wait for a helping hand because he would reach and grab onto him before Jonathan had a chance to even think. Evan also stopped calling him Delirious, instead using 'Jonathan' as freely as he wanted, which was often and cheerfully said. He was like a different person and it send a jolt through his body when he would see him leaning against the railing of the stairs, grinning down in his direction, waiting for him to come help him down.
Eventually he stopped staying in his room for most of the day and began dragging Jonathan outside to enjoy the weather and feel the sun on his face. Jonathan didn't know what had changed his attitude so suddenly, but he liked it. He liked it too much for his own good and he didn't fail to notice the distance growing smaller between them. He had always given Evan his space, always letting the other man choose how close he wanted to sit. Lately that space was practically nonexistent.
For the past three days Jonathan had been searching relentlessly for someone. He was stalking Evan's personal life on his laptop and found an old instagram picture of his little brother who, if he hadn't known any better, he would've mistaken him for Evan. He then proceeded to stalk everyone else tagged in the photo and wrote their names down. He waited until Evan went to sleep that night and made a phone call.
"Melanie. Hi, how are you?" Jonathan began, "Listen, I've got another favor to ask of you."
"Lay it on me." He heard the amusement in her voice and grinned before he unloaded his favor onto her. It was a big one and it would take time.
Two days went by, July was getting nearer, and he was having trouble sleeping as usual. He was always awake making more small videos for Evan's channel. Videos that consisted of the two of them on their daily adventures. But everyone loved it, he knew they would. It was the one thing everybody wanted; to see his face and to see them together. The fort was hanging around him languidly, calming him down with dim lights as he finally felt himself falling asleep. He dozed with the same face on his mind, the same eye crinkling smile, and breathless laugh that always caught him off guard.
Evan's heart jumped to his throat when he sat straight up in his bed. Sweat was beading on his forehead and Jonathan's voice screaming his name echoed in his head until it disappeared. He didn't know what had woke him up, not until he heard a small rumble of thunder in the distance. Something else was thundering up the stairs and he knew what it was. He cracked a grin in the dark.
"Hey." Jonathan said when he entered the room and sat beside him on the soft mattress with messy sheets. "It's about to storm."
"I'm okay. I swea-" Evan stopped and jumped when he saw the lightening flash across his vision. "Oh my god."
He squeezed the sheets in his hands when he saw it again, the thunder following it. "I saw that."
"What?" Jonathan was in disbelief. "No, wait."
Then he rolled over to the side table and pulled out Evan's flashlight. He clicked it on and pointed it into Evan's eyes. "Do you see that?"
Evan felt the tears forming and he nodded excitedly, feeling out of breath. "Yeah."
Jonathan laughed with him and took his face in his hands. It turned into a hug when Evan pulled him closer and tucked his face beneath his chin and cried. Jonathan wiped furiously at his face as his own tears escaped while he held his friend. He pulled him back and looked him in his puffy red eyes. "How strong is the light?"
Evan shook his head but he smiled nonetheless. "It's not strong at all, but I can see it. It's like when you close your eyes in the car and you can see the light flashing behind your eyelids. It's like that, just fainter."
"That's amazing." Jonathan whispered and pressed his forehead against his and they stayed like that for a minute, until Evan had stopped crying. Until the thunder cracked and the rain came down, pelting the house and filling it with a constant rumble. Evan flinched each time it boomed, shaking the floor beneath them. Jonathan stayed with him, pulling him down, wrapping them up in the sheets and letting Evan fit his body against his. His head was heavy but reassuring against his chest and he slept without a fuss.
Evan woke to a faint light that was mixed with Jonathan's. It surrounded him and for the first time in weeks he felt completely happy. Jonathan moved and curled his arms around him tighter. Evan sighed and relaxed against him, letting his warmth consume him, and it was where he wanted to stay; in his arms. They both slept for a few more hours until Jonathan woke and rubbed at his eyes with an adorable yawn.
Evan grinned, "Good morning."
"Morning." Jonathan grumbled but a moment later he sat up, wide awake. "Did that really happen last night?"
"Yes." Evan laughed rolled onto his back, waving his own hand in front of his face. "I can see light."
Jonathan fell back onto the bed and laughed into the pillow before rolling and flopping his limbs all over Evan, still giggling. "I am so fucking happy right now, dude. Like . . . I don't even know how to describe it."
Evan smiled and wrapped his arm around Jonathan's head in a loose headlock, "I can tell."
"How?" Jonathan mumbled beneath Evan's arm.
"Your color is brighter than normal."
They stayed there for a while, talking about their favorite colors and the way the sun rose and set. They talked about the ocean and the winter winds and the way the cold made you feel like nothing could be worse than the freezing water melting and soaking into your shoes. They talked about them; the first time they spoke. The first message, the first Skype call, the first game they played.
The first time Evan heard him laugh.
That was the first thing that he held onto. The first thing he grew to adore.
"Hey, guess what day it is?!" Jonathan asked as he bounded into the living room and down into the fort.
"Hump Day?" Evan replied, trying not to sound amused but he couldn't help it. Not when Jonathan was as bright as the sun.
"Nooo. It's Canada Day! So happy Canada Day you hockey-loving, syrup-drinking, apologetic dork." Jonathan giggled and let his head fall onto Evan's shoulder. "I'm just kidding."
Evan grinned, "I know and thanks."
Jonathan sat up, "So, they're doing a thing downtown all weekend. Just community stuff, you know. They'll do fireworks for three nights, so I was thinking we could go each night and see them."
"That sounds fun." Evan beamed and they laid around in the fort for awhile. Jonathan watched some of the guys' videos while Evan listened, laughing at Nogla's panic and Brock's epic puns.
"So, I've been working on something behind your back." Jonathan mentioned while they ate lunch. Evan's heart immediately set off at a sprint, thinking he was about to confess to showing his face to the world.
"What? Should I be worried?" Evan teased and watched his figure create a hazy blue void in the light in front of him.
"No." Jonathan mused. "You should be excited. Finish eating and I'll show you."
So, Evan finished up his BLTs that he had to admit were the best he'd ever had, then followed Jonathan like a moth to a flame out into the garage.
"Okay, so I've been fixing your motorcycle and I've been doing some extensive googling. I found an old abandoned airstrip not far from here and thought we could take her out for a spin, go as fast as we want with no one around. Then head back into town and catch the fireworks. What do you say?" Jonathan was watching him intently, searching for any sign of reluctance but found none when Evan smiled.
"Yeah, let's do it."
Evan witnessed his color burn brighter, feeling it reach out and take hold of him like it always did. It was so comforting, he could live in it.
"Well, I've already got us some snacks and stuff in a backpack so let's grab our shoes and jackets and go." Jonathan grabbed him by the arm excitedly and Evan never wanted him to stop. He never wanted whatever this was between them to end.
He never wanted Jonathan to stop laughing, that short sweet him reverberating in his chest. He never wanted him to stop looking at him, burning holes into him because he loved that feeling; the tingle that ran down the back of his neck when he felt his stare. He never wanted him to leave. Evan wanted him to stay and keep filling his house and his life with that energy and light that he'd never found with anyone else.
Evan pulled his helmet on over his head as Jonathan wore his little brother's that he had left behind.
"What are you waiting for? Hop on." Jonathan reached out and caught Evan's hand letting him feel his way up and over onto the seat where he fitted himself snugly against his back. His long arms wrapped around his waist after he made sure the backpack was safe over his shoulders and his jacket zipped up.
The bike roared to life and Jonathan felt that wave of arousal rush through him like it always did anytime he heard a motorcycle engine come to life. It thrilled him and turned him on the same time. He revved it, making sure nothing sounded wrong with it before he rolled them out into the street, lifting his feet and hitting the gas.
Evan held him tighter when he made turns and it filled Jonathan up with something he didn't want to give up when the time came for him to leave. And deep down he hated that he had even thought about it, but a part of him didn't want Evan to get better. A part of him wanted to stay here and keep him under his wing, to take care of him. He'd always been good at taking care of people, but one night years ago had turned him against it. He pushed people away and the only social interaction he allowed was his family and Luke.
Until Evan.
With Evan, he'd do anything. Go out of his comfort zone, show his face to the world, and give everything he had. Because Evan was someone who understood, he was someone who meant something to him, someone that listened to his late night rambling nonsense and stupid stories. Evan laughed with him, he was on his level and his level had been unoccupied for years; he being the only tenant.
They reached the airstrip without a hitch and Jonathan stopped to take a picture of the scenery in front of them, then a quick selfie with an oblivious Evan in the background. "We're here. You ready?"
"I'm ready."
Jonathan smirked and hit the gas, their speed climbing, Evan's arms circling around him tighter. He could feel his heart beating through his chest that was resting firmly against him. The wind whipped harshly against them but it felt freeing to just . . . go. He went faster still, as fast as he was comfortable going with Evan wrapped around his middle.
Then he heard him laugh.
It made a smile spread and he went faster, until he felt Evan sit back. He let his arms spread out catching the wind and he laughed until he was high. The sun was a haze in his eyes but he could see it, glowing like it was an faint candle flickering in the distance.
The smile he wore hurt his cheeks, pressing them into the cushion of the helmet. He brought his arms back down when he felt Jonathan about to make a wide turn. He imagined them in Los Santos in GTA at the airport that was home to many of their shenanigans, ones with the guys and quiet a few when it was just the two of them. The runway always stretched out in front of them, seemingly endless; a flat sun-bleached shade of grey until it dropped off into the ocean of California.
Evan finally felt them slowing, coming to a stop minutes later. Jonathan put the kickstand up and got off, taking his helmet off. He reached over and pulled Evan's off as well, placing them on the ground with their pack.
"Scoot up." Was all he said and Evan did it without question, until Jonathan got on behind him.
Evan raised a brow. "What are we -"
Jonathan leaned his body against him and let his heavy hands rest on his waist. He said it in Evan's ear and it send a line of heat somewhere Evan never thought it would go, "It's your turn."
"I . . . um, okay." Evan stuttered and kicked the stand back up, balancing on his toes. "No helmets?"
"No. Feels better this way." Jonathan said and Evan agree completely. He liked it better feeling his long body behind him, wrapping around him like the light. He gave the bike some gas, picking up speed. He liked his face being free to take in the air and the cool sharp wind of the Canadian summer. This was something he'd never done. He'd never rode this bike, never sneaked onto a closed abandoned runway and took it as his own. He had never felt this free or himself with anyone. Never felt so . . . whole.
"Left a bit." Jonathan instructed and Evan leaned a little until the man said, "There. Keep it straight. Hit the gas, go as fast as you want to go."
So he did. He accelerated and Jonathan's hands slipped around him, holding him soft and firm, unknowingly grasping tightly to his soul. He held him like he did those two nights that the rain had come down hard, bringing lightening and the promise of ear-splitting thunder. His arms were like a lifeline and Evan was the one on support. The air cut into his face and he sighed against the wind as it etched away any fears he had of never getting his life together, of never being normal, never finding that person that he connected with on the deepest level. Jonathan's touch wiped away any doubt he had in his mind that he couldn't feel something for a guy. Because that said guy was holding him, keeping him planted in a circle of security, keeping his mind in a state of comfort and at some points, bliss.
"Alright, start slowing down. Count to ten, brake, and then make a wide right." Jonathan's voice rang in his ear.
He was close.
And hot.
Evan started to turn after he braked. Then he felt the man move forward, his entire body laid across his back. He reached for his hand and pulled them further to right, guiding them. He straightened the wheel and his hand fell from Evan's.
"Go!" He yelled and then laughed like a maniac when Evan was pushed back by the inertia as they sped down the runway at top speed. One arm circled around him again and Evan felt himself laughing with him, the adrenaline coursing through his veins like liquid gold. He closed his eyes, letting the dark swallow him whole and the feeling of flying took over his body. He was falling. Faster and faster and faster. Closer. Jonathan pressed his face against the back of his neck and he shivered hard.
"Slower." Jonathan said in a tone that had Evan wondering where it had been the entire time he'd known him. It was disastrous and deep and soothing all at the same time. His fingers moved with the decreasing speed, rising up his sides until he came to a stop when Jonathan told him to. He didn't have words when they got off the bike, just a smile and then he reached for his soft cotton shirt and pulled him into a hug, squeezing him harder than he meant to, but deep down he wanted him even closer. As close as he could get without killing him.
"Thank you." Evan exhaled against his shoulder. "I haven't had that much fun since . . . I don't know. Since my family was still a family."
Jonathan didn't speak, just held him tighter which wasn't possible but he tried. He held him until he realized the sun the was dropping quicker. "Come on, the fireworks are gonna start soon."
Evan nodded against the side of his face and they left the helmets strapped to the motorcycle, deciding to be dangerous but free. Evan got behind him on the bike and they took off back towards town. He buried his face into Jonathan's jacket, which was actually his jacket that Jonathan had scavenged from his closet, but it already smelled like the guy. It smelled like the forest mixed with Christmas. Pine and rain water and a splash of sexy.
And it wasn't until Jonathan had him by the hand and was pulling him through the crowd to an empty picnic table off the beaten path that he acknowledged what he was feeling for his faceless friend. It wasn't until he pulled the blanket from their pack and laid it across the table, pulling cookies from a bag and sitting cross-legged on the wood letting Evan's head rest in his lap, that he truly realized. It wasn't until he saw the pinks and the blues and the bright yellows of the chemical reactions of the fireworks in the sky above him, not until he heard Jonathan hum beneath his breath, felt his fingers in his hair, felt his smile. It wasn't until his light overpowered everything else and finally engulfed his body and his soul.
Evan realized then that he was falling in the love with him. He was falling in love with a guy that the whole world had seen. Everyone . . . except for him.