A/N: Hey guys! I never have any idea what to say here without sounding sappy or awkward, but I just really wanted to let you guys know how much I appreciate all the great reviews I'm getting. I really struggled with chapter six, and they helped me push through and get it done. And now we've arrived at the part of the story I really want to write, and I'm really excited to hear what you guys think of it.
Six chapters of buildup might be a bit much but trust me my friends, shit is about to get real. Enjoy.
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"Shepard. I see you didn't take my advice." Aria T'Loak commented, as Shepard settled her heavily armored frame onto the delicate leather seat at her left hand. She raised one eyebrow in the pretty asari's direction and the woman waved one slender hand. "I told you to find a man, but you look more tense now then you did before you went through the Omega 4 relay. I could set something up for you, if you`re having trouble."
Shepard leaned back, crossing one ankle over her knee and her arms over her chest. She was exhausted, not in any mood for game-playing, but there was nothing else to do with Aria. The woman always had to have the upper hand, the conversational advantage, and as a result talking to her was much like beating her head against a brick wall. She could, eventually, go places but she was inevitably going to get a headache in the problem. "Thanks, but I`m not interested in a match maker. I see you`re well informed as ever, Aria. What else do you know about what happened?"
"I know that human colonies stopped disappearing." She replied. "Other than that... speculation, rumor, outright lies. More of the last than anything else." She narrowed her stunning eyes in Shepard's direction, but evidently was unhappy with the blank and intensely uninformative expression on her face. She stood, looking out over the blazing hot and frantically packed nightclub that formed the jewel of her empire.
"What do you want here, Shepard?" She asked, finally. "I'd assumed you would run back to the Alliance and start trying to get them onboard with your Reaper war again or at least get back to your self-righteous sheriffing of the galaxy. I certainly didn't expect to ever see you again."
"The Alliance won't listen to me." Shepard replied bluntly.
"That doesn't surprise me." Aria laughed, folding her arms under her breasts and continuing to stare out across the red-washed dance floor below. "What surprises me is that you think I will."
"I don't care if you listen to me or not Aria, at least not today. But I figured it would be fair of me to come and tell you what I'm going to do, since you gave me no small amount of help while I was hunting Collectors." Shepard replied. That peaked the other woman's interest, at least enough to draw her gaze away from the dancers spinning around their cieling mounted poles. She sat down again, her lovely yet dangerous eyes picking over her visitor from head to foot.
"Tell me then." She attempted to sound bored, and failed.
"I'm going to unite the Terminus." Shepard replied bluntly. One of the guards laughed, a sound which died quickly in his throat as he realized that she was not joking.
A moment of silence passed between them, where even Aria could not hide her shock and then her outright disbelief. "I think the Omega 4 relay softened your brain. No one has ever managed to unite the Terminus Systems, not for anything. Pirate kings, mercenary bands, warlords, matriarchs, murderers and kingpins, every variety of evil has tried and every single one ended up in a body bag. Eventually. Most of them were begging for it."
"I'm not a pirate, a kingpin or a mercenary. I'm not any variety of evil." Shepard replied.
"Which makes what you are saying even more ludicrous!" Aria's voice was heating up, suddenly full of angry emotion. It was the most that Shepard had ever seen from her before, but she schooled her own features, keeping them placid and neutral, letting Aria lose her composure. "That's all the Terminus System is, a collection of criminals fighting over scraps. Who among them is going to follow you?"
"The Terminus Systems are ruled by criminals. It's full of people, every day people, who have flaws and virtues just like those that live in Council space. I don't give a shit about pirate kings and their petty power struggles. I'm going to unite the real people of the Terminus, so I can protect them from what's coming. So they can protect themselves." Shepard kept her voice calm, which only seemed to annoy Aria more. She stood up again, and started to pace back and forth. Her guards stared, first at her and then back at the woman in her white and grey armour that was eliciting such a response with her bold, insane claims.
"So what, are you just going to kill everyone who stands in your way?" Aria demanded. "The Blue Suns, the Blood Pack and Eclipse already all hate you, and they're just the beginning. The very, very tip of a legion of scabby villains who are going to want you dead if you try to do what you say you're going to do."
"If I have to, I will." Shepard replied, uncrossing her legs. "Which is why I came to tell you what I intended before I started. I will kill you Aria. If you get in my way."
That stopped her, made her back go suddenly rigid, the elaborate, inter-connected lines painted along her brows contracting as she frowned. "Is that a threat?" She hissed.
"Yeah, it is." Shepard answered bluntly. "So we can do this a few different ways. We can all try to kill each other right here and right now." She eyed the bodyguards reaching for their weapons and then nodded at her own companions, Tali and Garrus, who had already drawn their guns and lined up shots. "I can walk out, go get started and we can come back and try to kill each other later. You can get out of my way, which means leaving Omega and the Terminus behind in case you were wondering, or you can help me."
"Do you really think you can win a fight here? In the middle of enemy territory? With me?" Aria's azure eyes gleamed in a similar way to Shepard's in the ruddy red light, pins of fire in unknowable depths. Shepard had not stepped into this conversation without certain things worked out.
"It's possible that I could lose. I'm sure you've set up all sorts of elaborate fail safe measures, which I could have missed and I suppose it's possible that my backup team overlooked one of your snipers when they infiltrated the upper level and set up position." She nodded up at the corner where a poorly hidden turian sniper usually crouched. Legion waved one mechanical hand back, never moving his eye from the scope that was trained directly on the suddenly much less aggressive asari and Aria's eyes narrowed.
"Interesting company you've started keeping, Shepard." She said, settling back down in her seat.
"Only the best, Aria. You might be king shit on Omega, but Omega is a pisshole at the best of times." She ignored the furious look THAT little comment earned her, pressing on. "And you know it. You can't beat me like you beat Patriarch or the hundreds of other scurrying little cowards you've crushed over the centuries. If you try, it'll only end badly for you."
For a long moment they glared at each other, or rather Aria glared at her while Shepard returned nothing but a mute and unrepentant stare. Finally, the other woman looked away.
"What exactly do you want me to do?" She asked.
"Put out a message through all your channels. Tell the pirates, the slavers, the mercenaries that lord over the weak and the poor in this string of shit-hole planets that I'm coming for them. That they have no chance. Tell those weak and poor that they have no reason to fear anymore, no reason to keep their heads down and let them be walked all over." She stood, stretching and swinging her head from side to side to crack her neck. "Tell them there's a war coming, and that in the end the only thing that can save them is themselves."
She headed down the stairs, past the shocked and confused bodyguards with their open mouths and quivering mandibles before she turned and tossed a thought over her shoulder.
"And make sure you get the message yourself. I might like you, a little bit, but I meant what I said. If you get in my way, I'll kill you." She turned her back again, the space between her shoulder blades itching as Aria stared daggers into it.
"You don't act much like the saviour of the galaxy." She called after her. Shepard shrugged, not turning around.
"Heroes only live in heroic worlds." She replied, before she made her way out, Tali and Garrus keeping their hands on their weapons until the last set of double doors had slid closed behind them. The elcor bouncer glanced up at them, ignoring the eternal crowd of prattling posers trying to make their way into the famous club. She supposed there was nowhere else to go on Omega, but Shepard rolled her shoulders and made a face, feeling like the sweat and stink had bypassed her armour and found its way into her living skin. Beside her, Tali let out a whooshing sigh of relief.
"I wish you'd told us what you were going to say in there." She commented. "I mean, I always knew we were going to have to unite the Terminus in order to fight the Reapers, but I didn't expect you to be quite so... direct about it."
"What do you mean, you knew?" Garrus asked, rubbing the steel plate that had replaced much of her lower jaw on one side. "It sounds insane. I never heard a word about it until we were inside there, with guns already half-drawn."
"The Alliance and the Council are already set up to deal with threats; they just don't believe there is one." Shepard explained tersely, as they made their way back toward the Normandy airlock. Legion did not join them; he would find his own way back through a more subtle route that would cause less panic. "The Terminus Systems are spread out, constantly fighting with each other and led by a bunch of greedy idiots. They also contain roughly a third of the galactic population. If the Reapers are smart, and we know they are, where do you think they're going to start their attack?"
Garrus nodded slowly. "I understand the logic, Shepard, but Aria was right. No one has ever even gotten close to uniting the Terminus systems and with your former Alliance ties..."
"I know what I'm up against, Garrus." Shepard cut him off as they reached the airlock and punched in the code that allowed them access. "But I've never let the odds keep me from trying, and succeeding. I seem to remember people telling us it was impossible to get to Ilos, or through the Omega 4 relay and back, or to destroy the Collectors. We'll figure it out."
"You will, Shepard." Garrus confirmed, sounding more confident already.
"I said we Garrus." She reminded him, as the beams of sanitizing light began sweeping over them. She scratched automatically at her scars, which were prone to itching and always aggravated by the dry crawling sensations that accompanied decontamination.
"I heard you. And I said, you. You always figure everything out, we are but your humble lackeys, following blindly and getting shot at for you." His voice was deep, rumbling with teasing mirth. She punched him in the arm.
"Asshole. You guys are like my family." She turned to Tali, it was impossible to read her expression under the mask but she was willing to bet she looked as shocked as Garrus. She had always assumed that they knew how she felt but... well it was possible she was as difficult to read as she blamed other people for being. She smiled after a moment, and put her hands on their shoulders. "I mean that. If I'm going to go on another insane mission intending to do the impossible I can't think of anyone I'd rather have with me then you two."
"Then why do you always call me an asshole?" Garrus asked, his mandibles vibrating in what Shepard knew was a strong show of emotion.
"Because you are an asshole." Tali replied. Her voice sounded tight, as though she were holding back a tide of strong feelings, but happy. Her two-fingered hand rested on Shepards own shoulder.
"Totally." Shepard agreed, and they all went back inside to dinner.
Later, after assuring Rupert that his vegetarian take on burritos were fabulous and cramming one down her unresponsive pallet as proof she made her way to life support, as she almost always did when she was off duty even though she was exhausted. Donnely gave her a knowing wink as she punched the holopad to allow herself access and she gave him the finger in response. It seemed like every day the crew grew closer, tighter. She wished she could be more a part of it and less like a spectator trying to fit in, but there simply were not enough hours in the day. She had to take what she could get, and she chose Thane almost every time. He always looked her in the eyes, after all.
"How are you feeling?" Shepard asked, as she took her regular seat. Her brain was humming dully, a constant vibration she could feel in the back of her skull that was becoming increasingly distracting as days dragged on. Outside of mission it was becoming hard to stay focused, hard to hear anything outside the droning static of her exhausted, half-formed thoughts. But she focused on him as he shifted in his seat, running a hand over his still heavily bandaged chest. He should still be in medical, but he was as stubborn as her. He did not want to stay in bed.
He smiled broadly at her, something he had been doing with increasing frequency despite his obvious discomfort as the healing continued. It had been a week and a half since the surgery and, by all accounts, he was making a perfect physical recovery. Seeing him so happy was a great relief, since it indicated his mental health was not far behind.
"Siha, I feel amazing." He said, his voice a deep thrum of genuine pleasure in the back of his throat. He had started calling her that the day after his surgery, when he woke from the stupor of anesthesia still blurry eyed and only half aware of what was going on. She had been there, of course, drinking tea and pretending to read some poorly written political diatribe about her fake death and what a betrayal it was while she watched him sleep. He had steadfastedly refused to tell her what it meant, seeming to take pleasure in the way she pretended it annoyed her. "I had forgotten what it meant to breathe without pain."
"I'm glad." She replied honestly, grinning. She waited a moment, then made a great show of leaning slowly toward him, pretending at casual conversation. "So are you going to tell me what Siha means today?"
"Today?" He made a great show of thinking carefully about it. "No, I don't think so."
She pouted visibly, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her chair again. "You suck. I could just go on the extranet and find out you know, or get EDI to find out for me."
"Indeed you could. But I can see that you have not, and therefore I have no reason to believe you shall make good on those threats now." He replied, smirking at her over the bridge of his scaled knuckles. She glared at him for a long moment, strumming her fingers against the table as she thought of various ways she could wipe that satisfaction of his face. There were lots of things she would love to do, close, hot, sticky things that would do something to quell this raging female hard-on she was carrying beside her overwhelming exhaustion. But she could not do any of those, not yet. He was still recovering, both from the surgery and from the shock of the sudden change in his situation. And she was still recovering from what had happened with Kaidan. Luckily, none of that needed to be said out loud.
"Well, maybe I`ll come up with a nickname for you then." She said finally, after a long moment of fantasizing about what his amazingly vibrant skin might look like under all that leather and bandages. He narrowed his eyes only slightly as she looked up toward the cieling, thinking hard. She grinned harder at the look on his face as she began to think out loud, not particularly in his direction, but still watching him.
"Something human and obscure, so you won't know what it is." She mused, tapping one finger against her lip as she thought. There were many options that she dismissed instantly for being too sappy, too obvious or something that another member of the crew might identify if they overheard. Her thoughts wandered back and back, through the various poems and books she had been forced to study during her highschool equivalency courses at Command School, the stories she had heard during her three years of aimless wandering and back to Mindoir, to the tales of her childhood. Something stirred there, something human, obscure and very, very fitting.
"Have you ever heard of Rama?" She asked, pronoucing the word with an accented twang she had spent hours and hours of speech therapy carefully eliminating. He narrowed his eyes even more.
"Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about." He lied, poorly.
"Then Rama it is." She said, pushing herself up with both hands. "Some day, I'll tell you what it means."
As she moved to walk past him, he extended one hand, touching her wrist lightly. When she looked down at him all hints of their playful flirting were gone. He looked suddenly serious and nodded back to her seat. She hesitated, not sure what could have brought such a look to his face. She had been coming by at least every other day since his surgery and it had seemed like they were going to do nothing but tease each other and make small loops of comfortable conversation. After a moment, she sat again, folding her long hands in front of her.
"How are you feeling?" He asked, quietly. She leaned back, feigning casualness and flippancy, but was instantly put on guard. Even though she had not caught anyone talking about her since she had walked in on Miranda and Thane she could feel eyes on her every time she walked down the hall, disecting the bags under her eyes, the slouch in her shoulders, the way she dragged her feet sometimes as though they were too heavy to lift. She tossed one hand in the air, as though brushing away the question.
"I'm fine. Just fine. Why does everyone keep asking me how I'm feeling? What do they expect?" She could feel a twinge of irritation building. Who said she always had to be fine? Everyone else seemed about ready to fall apart at the seams half the time, why should she always have to be the superman, picking up the pieces and molding everything back the way it was?
"I expect everyone keeps asking you how you are feeling because you look terrible." Thane commented softly, studying her. She could feel his gaze moving along her shoulders, where the muscles bunched into rock-hard knots and along the slouching posture she had aquired since her bones seemed too tired to hold her up properly. When he looked back up at her face she could feel his gaze linger around the dark bags under her eyes, the wrinkles that were beginning to spring up across her forehead and around her full lips despite the Cerberus facelift. She shifted, folding her arms across her chest.
"Thanks." She grumbled sullenly, turning to look at the guns mounted against the wall instead. There was some smart-aleck joke to be made about guns in a life support room, but she could not think of it at the moment. She proceeded to ignore him, and he proceeded to wait for her to stop being irrational. Finally, her head snapped back and she glared at him. "What do you want me to say?"
"I want to know how you are feeling." Was his maddeningly simple reply.
"I'm just tired." She lied. "I haven't been sleeping well."
"Mindoir again?" He leaned forward and his fingers twitched as though he wanted to reach out and touch her. Her hands were tucked firmly into her armpits though, supporting her defiant cross-armed position. He kept his folded together, hiding his mouth behind them. It was his most expressive feature, or at least the only one she could read with any accuracy, and it sometimes bothered her that he went to such lengths to hide it. She did not mention it though, not at the moment.
"Sometimes. Other times... no. I did some things in between there and Command School that were... not good." She sighed. "And there was Torfan."
He nodded, saying nothing. She could feel the momentum of her confession boiling up and choked, coughing into her hand to hide it. She had spent enough time pouring over her feelings and having touchy-feely conversations about them. And he had enough of his own pressures and issues to deal with. She did not need to make things harder on him, to pile things on at this most delicate time. But his silence spurred her on, made things come rushing out.
"And after Torfan there was Ash, that is Ashley Williams, and so many other bodies while I was hunting Saren. And then I died. And then there were the Collectors and that... thing." Her lip curled as she thought of the malevolent orange eyes, the vortex of shrieking death that had exploded out of a jagged metal mouth in a desperate bid to consume and destroy her. "And all those liquified colonists. I keep... seeing things everytime I close my eyes. If I sleep I don't rest, so it's easier not to sleep at all."
"You're going to have to sleep eventually." Thane replied, his voice sympathetic at the same time as it was pragmatic. "That is simple biology."
"I know. I keep hoping if I make myself tired enough I won't dream." She set her hands on the desk, running her fingers across the back of her hand. Once, there had been a scar there. An ugly purplish swath of jagged tissue left by a clumsy drunk with a broken bottle who thought that he could tell her what to do. There had been a lot of people in her life, at that point at least, who had been stronger than her, but not him. Whenever she touched the back of her hand, she could feel the tremor of his snapping bones shake up her arm, a phantom of violence and anger. She felt it now.
"Siha." Thane's hand was there, suddenly, folding over the smooth skin that had once borne so much damage. She looked up at him. "Have you thought about seeing the doctor?"
"I am not going to take pills to fix this." She insisted fiercely. "Stims are a necessary evil, but I'm not some loser who can't be happy without a head full of chemicals. I'll beat this the same way I've beaten everything else. By being too stupid and stubborn to give up."
"If these dreams of your past haunt you so, perhaps you have not beaten everything as thoroughly as you thought." Thane said gently. She snapped her hand out of his grip and stood up abruptly. Some piece of her that remained rational told her that she was not helping anything as she moved to the other side of the room, arms crossed again, glaring at the mass effect core. She heard him stand as well, the gentle creaking of leather, a muffled grunt as some pain of surgery stung him. "There isn't any weakness in needing help, sometimes. Depending on it, maybe, but you've never depended on anything but yourself. I don't see that changing."
"I don't need pills." She insisted fiercely.
"Yes, you do." Thane replied, bluntly. "You need to sleep. I can see it in every inch of you. You're being irrational because you're too tired to think straight."
"I can think just fine. I just talked Aria T'Loak into helping me unite the Terminus Systems." She replied defiantly. He just looked at her for a long moment, face blank.
"Perhaps you should sit down. This is worse than I thought." He said finally. She glared, opening her mouth to say something scathing before she realized he was teasing her. She was not sure if that made her more or less angry until she started laughing, and leaned her forehead against the cooling glass of the window. He stepped closer, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Siha, I worry about you."
"Don't. I can handle it. I can handle anything." She replied, looking up at him through eyes blurry with exhaustion.
"If that is true of anybody it is true of you, I suppose. Still, I think it would be best if you saw the doctor." He was a persistent bastard, as stubborn as her in almost every way.
"Maybe later. I have work to do right now." She said, the most she was willing to bend on this matter. "Legion downloaded a bunch of charts from Geth space onto the Normandy. I have a lot of reading to catch up on, the last time anyone updated a map from that area was three hundred years ago."
Thane looked as if he might say something, then as if he might do something. His hand was warm against her bare shoulder, smooth as snakeskin which she supposed made sense. At length, he dropped his hand and nodded. "As you wish."
She nodded back to him and left, heading up to her usual evening ritual. Reading charts until her eyes burned and her head ached. Push-ups then, as many as she could take, until her arms trembled and seized under her weight. As she tossed herself down on the bed, bathed in sweat, her entire body a roadmap of stress and pain she knew it was no use. Her rest was fitful and shallow. She woke two hours later, still exhausted and went to take a shower, because she had nothing else to do. There were people all around her and yet, as always, Shepard was alone.