Evan wondered what he ever did to deserve someone like Jonathan. He wondered if it was fate that he had called him that night, had been on the phone with him when it happened. What if it had been someone else? Would he still be stuck in a deep endless dark world, surrounded by his past, his insecurities and his inability to ask for help?

He didn't know, but all he could think about was the fact that he had never felt like this before. It was a feeling that escalated as he silently crept upstairs while Jonathan slept in the early hours of the morning, to turn his computer on and view the videos he knew the man had been uploading on his channel.

All the time that they had spent together, the laughter, the dinners they fussed over, and the games they played were all there for Evan to finally see with his own eyes. Even a small slideshow of pictures that Jonathan had taken, from Evan sleeping, to him flipping him off when he was doped up on medicine.

"To the left, Evan! Oh my god!"

Evan laughed as he watched himself sitting next to Delirious on the floor of the fort as he guided him through the streets of Los Santos. His smile was so radiant and he could still feel his bright color even though he had his sight back. He always would. Delirious would always be a warm blue ball of light in his mind, one that wrapped him up in a warm blanket of comfort and kept him calm and at peace with the world.

Evan's heart thudded when he finally worked his way up to the first video that Jonathan had posted. He had titled it, 'Important, please watch!'.

Evan clicked play and his emotions ran free when he watched the moment that the entire world got to see his face for the first time.

He was beautiful and sad and it hurt to watch him but Evan couldn't tear his eyes away.

"Hi." He started off uncertainly, grinning shyly at the camera as he searched for words to say. "I . . . am obviously not Evan. Which is why I need to talk to you guys. Um, I'm Jonathan. I'm sure you all know me better as Delirious."

He paused and rubbed at his tired face and Evan thought about how exhausted he must have been from taking care of him, staying up late to listen up for him just in case.

"I'll just get straight to the point. Evan was in an accident, a car accident. But don't freak out, because he's okay. He's alive and a little worse for wear, but he's kicking. But, um, from the point of impact of the other vehicle . . . it's left him blind. His optic nerves are swollen and bruised and all that fun stuff, but the doctor says it should only be temporary. So now we're just waiting to see how fast and how well his eyes heal."

Delirious cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "So, he's going to be out of commission and we don't know how long. I don't want him to have to worry about his channel while he's recovering. I don't want him to worry about anything. Which is why I am here at his house, taking care of the bastard."

He chuckled to himself and Evan stared at that sad smile. "He's uh, not in a good mood lately and I'm doing the best that I can and I just want to make sure that everything is going to be right as rain whenever he recovers. He's really scared that he won't get better and I'm trying to prove him wrong."

Evan bit back the guilt he felt.

"And I know that everyone has always wanted to see my face, so what better way to get the views up on his channel, than to post myself on it? I wouldn't have done this otherwise, but he needs this. He needs me and if giving up my face means that he won't have to worry about his channel for however long it takes to get his sight back . . . I'd do it all over again. So, please watch this and share it, signal boost it, do whatever you gotta do to help Evan's channel out while he gets better. I would appreciate it so much and I'll even start uploading more videos of me and him together on here for you guys."

Evan bit back fresh tears when Jonathan looked into the camera. "Evan is such an important person in my life and he didn't deserve to have this happen to him. He's been such a good friend to me and he's just . . . I wouldn't be where I am today without him. He's uh . . . he's pretty amazing and I'm actually not even telling him that I'm doing this. He'll just have to see for himself when he can see again and kick my ass then. But you will see again, Evan, I promise you. I'll give you my eyes if I have to."

The video ended and Evan just sat there with a flurry of feelings turning circles in his stomach. Then there was a sweet familiar hum behind him.

"Hmm. I'm really really glad it didn't come to that. I like my eyes right where they are." Jonathan said from where he was leaning against the doorway of his room. "Which is in my head, looking at you."

Evan broke into a smile and caught himself blinking back the tears again. He stood and made his way over to the long lean body that was waiting for him. "I still can't believe you did that. I can't believe I was the last one to see your face."

Jonathan grinned, "I know. I always wanted you to be the first. I'm sorry."

He took Evan's fingers in his hands, playing with them mindlessly when he pulled him down on top of him onto the bed. Evan straddled his waist and watched him kiss his fingertips one at a time.

"Don't be. I'm just happy that I can see you at all." He caught Jonathan's fingers and intertwined them before he leaned down and placed a careful kiss on his lips. "Thank you, for giving up the biggest part of you . . . just for me."

Jonathan looked him in the eye, "Stop thanking me. You deserve it."

"I don't think I've ever deserved you."

"Well, you have me so deal with it." Jonathan chuckled and Evan flattened himself on top of him until he wheezed dramatically and pretended to die.

Evan finally let him breathe and rolled over onto his back beside him. "What are we going to do?"

"About what?"

"Us."

Jonathan rolled to his side, "Well, that depends on what you're going to do. Are you going to go to California?"

"I don't know. I always wanted to be closer to all the action, but I'm kind of scared to be honest. There's so many people there and so much responsibility. I just, I don't know." Evan sighed and tucked his head under Jonathan's chin.

"Don't stress about it. Either way I'll be visiting you. Whether you're here or there. Or you can come my way. We'll figure it out." Jonathan felt Evan's hair tickling his nose. "I promise."

Jonathan stayed for another week and helped Evan through three more migraines and four nosebleeds. His headaches were almost permanent and it was understandable because his eyes were still adjusting, but it was bothering Jonathan. So he made him go to the doctor again and they confirmed his suspicions and told Evan that he needed glasses to combat the slight blurriness that was left permanent from the accident.

Evan groaned but Jonathan grinned as he pulled him along to the eye doctor to help him pick out some frames. "Come on, you look fucking adorable with glasses."

Evan looked up at hopefully, "You think so?"

Jonathan slipped a pair over his ears and smiled, "I know so."

There was that warm radiant light pulling him in again and Evan couldn't help but let his face heat up. His heart stuttered when Jonathan kissed him right there in front of everyone.

"I like this pair on you. They're thick and black and make you look like a huge nerd." He said and gave him another quick peck on the lips.

"Then I'll get this pair. Just for you." Evan hummed happily and with his new glasses led Jonathan along to the store down the block to find some Legos to build when they got home.

They spent what time they had left together in the fort most days playing games, or walking around town so Evan could show him things he couldn't while he was blind. Evan insisted that they watch every sunset and Jonathan be the big spoon.

And on the nights that they stayed up watching a tv show, Evan would crawl into his lap and kiss him silly until Jonathan's fingers ran up his shirt, then he would hesitate.

"We'll only go as fast as you want us to, Evan." Jonathan reassured him and Evan nodded uncertainly.

"I just want to kiss you." He whispered and pulled at one of Jonathan's lips with his teeth.

"Then kiss me."

"I'm gonna to go to California. I need to at least try it out before I shut the idea down completely. I mean, it's beautiful over there and some of the guys are already living there." Evan said it like he was scared of what Jonathan thought about it. His nerves relaxed when the man smiled sweetly over his shoulder while he flipped pancakes.

"Okay."

Then Evan was tapping his finger against the counter before he knew it, sending his nerves into another nauseous knot. "When do you have to leave?"

He sighed and made their plates, "Soon. I need to check in with my family and get some more videos done."

Evan simply nodded. He didn't want to show his anxiety or his fear of being alone again in an empty home with no one's footsteps to hear but his own. Jonathan had other obligations, he knew that. He knew he had a life to get back to, things to take care of and he bit his tongue because he didn't want to get in the way of any of that more than he already had.

"What's on your mind?"

Evan blinked when he sat the food in front of him. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"About?"

Evan swallowed his fear down and grinned, "You."

He leaned over and pressed his lips against the side of Jonathan's face, laughing when his glasses hit his cheek bone and almost came off. "Sorry, I'm still not used to these things."

"It's okay." Jonathan chuckled and straightened them for him, his fingers lingering on his face for a moment. He caught his eye and he saw the hesitation in his brown eyes. The smile faded. "There's something you're not telling me."

Evan swallowed when Jonathan's hand dropped, so he placed his own on his fair face and let his finger run over the scar that still had no story behind it.

"And there's something you aren't telling me." Evan countered and that was the first time he'd caught Jonathan off guard.

His blue eyes flickered with fear for just a moment before they were filled with regret.

Evan took his hand, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to push you into telling me."

Jonathan shook his head and grinned weakly, "No, it's okay. I knew I'd have to tell you eventually. It's kind of an obvious scar." He cleared his throat and met his eyes, "I was always the weird kid at school, but I was also the nice one that never fought back. I had this friend who had the worst boyfriend a girl in high school could have. You know, that controlling one that wanted to murder anyone that looked at his property. She always came to me asking for advice and I'd tell her like it was. One day she stood up for herself and stopped taking his bullshit. He got furious of course so she ran and ended up at my house. I took her out into town to take her mind off of it and cheer her up. That was first time I had let someone in and deliberately tried to take care of a person. I was good at it and a few days later she found the courage to break up with him. He was beside himself and everyone in the lunch room was laughing at him when she did it. I was so proud of her. Then he made eye contact with me and I knew then that he had found out. But I didn't think anything of it, because what could he do to me?"

Evan squeezed his fingers when he paused and took a breath to calm his nerves. "I forgot about the whole thing until the day I decided to walk home instead of riding with my brother because he had practice after school. I didn't . . . I couldn't hear him coming up behind me. There wasn't anyone else around and he tossed me in an alley and had me pinned against the wall with his knife beneath my chin. I couldn't move. I couldn't scream." His voice caught. "I couldn't breathe."

Evan felt him shaking, "You don't have to keep going."

Jonathan shook his head, "No, I need to tell you." He rubbed at his face. "He was so angry and he towered over me."

"It was you wasn't it?! I know it was you, you little faggot!"

Jonathan could still hear his voice in his ear as the small blade pressed into his skin.

"I heard you like cock. Isn't that right, you queer?" He spat, the malice in his voice was clear and Jonathan was frozen with fear. He couldn't even blink. "Well, you're gonna take my cock since you decided to persuade my other outlet to fucking dump me! You piece of shit!"

Jonathan gasped when he spun him until his face was shoved into the brick wall and his pants were being forced down far enough. He managed to say, "No!"

But his plea went unheard and his heart was about to burst out of his chest as the knife threatened to cut into him even further each time he struggled. The guy's hand was rubbing him hard enough to leave bruises as he rutted against his back. Just as soon as he felt the stiff cock pressing between his cheeks, he let out a yell that echoed and he heard tires screeching out in the street then the roar of a familiar engine. A car reversed into view and he saw his brother jumping out of the vehicle. The guy holding him down panicked and let the blade slide from his jaw, down his neck as he bolted and ran down the alleyway and out of sight.

Jonathan grabbed at his neck, trying to staunch the bleeding as it gushed. He slid to the ground with his brother's voice echoing in his ear.

"I didn't remember much after that. Just waking up in the hospital with a new found fear of sharp objects and human contact." Jonathan grinned sadly. "I kind of alienated myself after that day. I stopped talking to my friends, I stopped helping people. I stopped everything. I went numb and I was so scared to even go outside for the longest time. I would only talk to my family and Luke. But I eventually got out a little more, but I was always so cautious. For years and years, but then I found something that woke me up inside. I started gaming and the I met the guys, and then you. I got better."

He looked over at Evan and gave him a serious look, "So, trust me when I say that I will never force you into anything you're not ready for. Trust me when I tell you that I love you and that you are the most important thing in my life. You helped me when I was in the dark for so long and I think it's only fair that I did the same thing for you. I'd do it again."

Evan sat there, stunned. "I . . . God, I'm sorry that any of that happened to you and I swear to you I'll never let that happen to you again. I'll never hurt you, I'll never use you or leave you. I'm glad you were the one on the phone with me that night because if I had died, you're voice would've been the last thing that I heard. And you were the first light that I saw in the dark, even when there were others standing in the room, you were all that I could see. You're still the only thing I see and you're all I ever want to see and I love you for putting your life on hold and making sure that mine kept going. For taking care of me, for holding me in the middle of the night when it stormed. For holding my head up when I didn't think I would make it out of the dark."

Jonathan slowly let a smile crawl across his face and he couldn't help but giggle, "You looooove me. You wanna huuug me. You wanna kiiiiissss me. You wanna marrrrry me."

Evan shoved him with a laugh but pulled him in a second later and kissed him until he felt lightheaded. He pulled back and wiped at Jonathan's wet lips with his thumb, catching his hazy blue eyes. "Shut up, Delirious."

"Whatever you say, Owl man."

Evan never did get around to telling Jonathan what exactly was eating at him. Instead he kept it bottled up, that fear that ate at him night and day. He brushed it aside hoping that the feeling would just eventually pass whenever he got to California and settled in. But it never wavered and he was almost sick as Jonathan helped him pack and get all of his belongings shipped to his new home. Then he was nearly trembling as he was getting ready to say goodbye to the one that kept his head level and mind at ease. The one person that kept the light on in his dark world.

Jonathan took his face in his warm hands and kissed his forehead and Evan absorbed his touch, he took in as much of him as he could. His smell filled his head as they embraced in the bustling airport. Delirious kissed his cheeks, his nose, his lips. He looked him deep in the eye and grinned as he adjusted his glasses for him. "I'll come see you as soon as I can, okay?"

Evan nodded with a lump in his throat and tightened his fingers on his waist. "Okay."

They shared one last long and heavy kiss before Jonathan reluctantly pulled away and Evan was left standing there as he walked away. He knew it wasn't the last time he'd see him, but he was stuck thinking about the possibilities. What if he ran into family problems and had to wait weeks to come see him? What if his plane crashed?

"Stop." He told himself and shut his eyes as he caught his own flight for the U.S. But once on the plane, he dozed off and dreamed of horrid things. Things like too much rain and lightening that crawled through his house seeking him out and grabbing him by his feet only to pull him from his balcony so he could fall to his death. Things like blue eyes that slowly got darker and darker until there was no color, only black.

He threw his guts up when the plane landed.

Craig, Lui, and Tyler helped him get his things into his apartment and unpacked. They knew something wasn't right when they caught him sitting on the edge of his sofa staring out at the city below in silence for almost an hour, twisting his fingers in his hands but they never pried. All they could do was shrug at each other and attempt to cheer him up and take his mind off of whatever was bothering him.

"Hey, Evan you wanna go get something to eat? You look like you could use a good hamburger." Tyler suggested and watched Evan fake a grin and nod, slipping into his shoes and leaving with them. He was good at hiding it, but he didn't fool anyone.

They spent all day out and about, letting him get out and view the sites, taking in his new home and what all it had to offer that he hadn't seen yet. The guys were starting to think that he was okay, until he rubbed at his face and gave them a warm yet forced smile as they walked down the sidewalk.

"I'm gonna turn in for the night guys. I'm tired. Thanks for helping me with all my things, I appreciate it."

They waved and watched him go, looking around at each other before Lui nodded and pulled out his phone. "I'll call him."

Jonathan had only been home for two days before he got a call and he knew what it was about before he even answered. Luke raised an inquisitive brow but Jonathan just grinned and shook his head as he answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Delirious." Lui greeted him, but he wasn't his normal chipper self.

"Hey. Is this about Evan?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

He shrugged to himself, "He was acting weird before we parted ways the other day. I knew he was lying to me when he said he was okay. Listen I've already got a flight booked and I'll be there soon, just don't tell him. I told him not to hesitate to ask me for help but you know, old habits die hard I guess. Just don't worry about him, I'll be there soon."

"Alright, man." Lui said but then he hesitated on his next words. "So . . . is there something going on between you two? I don't mean to pry, I just couldn't help but notice how distant he would get whenever you were mentioned. It's like he misses you so much he'd just rather not think about you at all."

Jonathan grinned at that, "I don't want to bring that out in the open just yet, not until I'm there and know that he's okay."

Lui giggled, "But there is something, isn't there?"

"There is."

"Ha! I knew it." He high-fived someone in the background. "Well, I guess we'll be seeing you around then. Safe travels man and I hope you can get him out of whatever state of mind he's in."

"Me, too. I'll see you guys around." Jonathan hung up and looked back up at Luke who simply nodded.

"So, you're really gonna fly all the way over there?" The older man sat back in his chair.

"I have to. I never should've left him to begin with." Jonathan ran his hands through his hair and scratched thoughtfully at his head.

Luke sighed. "You know what you really need to do, Jonathan. After everything you've told me even I know what you need to do. I know it's a big step and a huge change but you need to do it. Otherwise, everything you did for him would've been for nothing. So don't talk yourself out of it."

"I know." Jonathan nodded and Luke stood, pulling him into a tight warm hug.

"I'm happy and I'm sad. But I love you, man and I know this will all work out for you." Luke pulled back and gave him a pat in the face. Jonathan smirked and Luke rolled his eyes. "Okay enough mushy stuff, let's get you packed."

"Thought you were gonna cry there for a second." Jonathan chuckled and ran down the hall when Luke swatted at him.

Evan didn't know why he fell back into his dark place, the one where he was alone because he knew that he wasn't. He had his friends close by and a boyfriend that was coming to see him soon. Or so he hoped and maybe that was his problem. He never could stop the silence of his apartment from sinking in and convincing him that Jonathan wasn't going to make it or he would be delayed or he'd have more important things to do. It was driving Evan mad and he knew what he needed to do, he knew what he needed to ask the man whenever he showed up. But until then he was dying a little on the inside having to deal with himself on his own. He needed Jonathan's light back, needed his gentle hands to keep him up on his feet.

Evan attempted to keep himself busy for the next two days, Skyping with Jonathan whenever the man had the time to call and sit with him. He never would give him a date for when he would be heading his way, all he would tell him was, soon. Those calls held him over and shed just an inkling of light on him, but it wasn't enough to keep his dark dreams at bay because that night one pulled him under and he couldn't get out of it.

It was hot, almost suffocating as he drove down an empty road. It was the same dream he used to dream of before Jonathan chased it away and it was back to haunt him now that Jonathan wasn't there. The rain started to fall and he knew what was coming and he began to cry as he listened to Jonathan's cheerful voice echoing around him in the vehicle. The intersection neared and his heart pounded, the tears wet his face. He saw the headlights and he shut his eyes tight when the sound of metal hitting metal pierced his ears. Then there he was, weightless as the car turned in the air over and over. But the next part of the dream was always the worst.

That scream. The panic in Jonathan's voice. The fear.

"Evan! Please!" He always choked. "Oh my god . . . please! Say something!"

But he said something new this time.

"Evan . . . I love you."

He managed to whisper, "I love you . . . Jonath - ." And then a light engulfed him, death perhaps. But the crack of thunder as he woke up sweating in his bed made him realize it was nothing other than the flickering of lightening as it poured outside his window. Evan felt his lip quiver and he cried into his pillow, grabbing the sheets in his hands trying to swallow the fear but nothing helped. Only one thing ever did. He fumbled for his phone on the side table and he listened to it dial as he stood and walked back and forth trying to calm his nerves.

"Evan?" Jonathan answered.

Evan sniffed, "Jonathan?"

"Hey." The worry was clear in his kind voice. "Are you okay?"

"No." Evan wiped at the hot tears still streaming down his face. All he could do was pace. He paced until he was standing in his living room staring out at the rain.

"Shhh. Take a deep breath." Jonathan instructed him calmly. "Now, tell me."

Evan exhaled and pulled at his hair, "It's storming here . . . I need you and I'm sorry I didn't say anything before. Everything inside of me has been fighting it, because that's how I've always been, you know that. But I can't do this. I can't be alone, without you. I miss you so much."

He took another breath and almost choked on a sob but Jonathan was talking in his ear and it soothed him enough.

"It's okay, you're okay. I want you to listen." Jonathan said and got quiet, to the point where Evan had to make sure the phone hadn't cut off.

"Listen for what?" Evan asked and his head snapped up when he heard a knock on his door. Before he even wondered who it might be rapping their knuckles against his door at three in the morning, he felt him.

Jonathan was on the other side and the relief that washed over him when he ran over, turned the knob, and saw his face was indescribable and quite possibly the happiest moment of his life. His entire body sagged from the mental exhaustion he'd endure over the past three days, but Jonathan's hands were there, wrapping around him, holding him together.

"I'm here, Evan, I'm here." Jonathan led him to the couch and pulled him down into his lap, a position they had grown comfortable with. Evan tucked his head into the crook of his neck and breathed him in, soaked up his warmth and that brilliant blue light that swallowed him whole. It only took minutes for his fears to disappear completely, like it had never been there at all.

"I love you." Evan mumbled against his skin. "Move in with me, please. I feel like I'm dying without you here next to me."

Jonathan smiled, "It's already done."

"You're serious?" Evan sat back and looked at him in disbelief.

"Yes, I'm serious. As soon as I got home I started working on getting me moved over here with you." He kissed his lips lightly. "I know you need me and I was never going to leave you alone. I just wanted to see if you would admit it. But you had to be a stubborn ass and bottle it all up again."

Evan snorted, "I only lasted three and a half days."

Jonathan brought him down for a deeper kiss, pulling away when Evan but at his lip. "I love you and I missed you, too. And I don't ever want to sleep without you again. The bed was too cold and I had horrible dreams."

Evan almost shuddered. "I don't want to think about the dream I just had. It was the worst one."

Jonathan ran his thumb across his lips, "Shh, then don't think about it. Think about me instead. I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere."

"No. You're not." Evan smiled and threaded his fingers through that soft hair he knew so well that smelled so strongly of Christmas and happier times like running through a windy forest chasing lightening bugs. "Take care of me?"

Jonathan nudged his cheek with his nose, "Only if you want me to."

"I want you to." Evan let his tongue slide along Jonathan's lip and he opened his mouth for him, the kiss deepened and Evan felt the heat swell with Jonathan's hands as he let them slide across his bare skin.

Jonathan couldn't imagine a better way to take care of Evan, laying him down on the over-sized sofa and kissing away his insecurities, pulling at the fabric of his briefs until his tan skin was exposed for miles in the light of the storm that raged on outside. He couldn't think of a prettier sight than Evan beneath him, lips red from rough kisses and teeth, back arching out of pleasure. He couldn't imagine a prettier sound than Evan sucking in air like he was dying, moaning as he dug his fingers into him whenever he went a bit faster, hit a bit harder. He couldn't think of anywhere he'd rather be than making love to the one person he'd ever really known inside and out, the one person that was a light in his darkness just as much as he was for him.

He couldn't say no when Evan said breathlessly, "Open your eyes. I wanna see you. All of you."

Evan never took his eyes off of his and it was the most erotic thing Jonathan had ever experienced as he watched him come undone while he stared into him. He watched him come down from his high and kissed him until the storm sent a crack of thunder into the atmosphere, making them both jump.

Evan snorted on a laugh and Jonathan couldn't stop from following him into a fit of giggles. The couch was where they stayed all night, their hands never leaving each other's body, their lips never straying to far from the pair beside them. Jonathan couldn't sleep, just watched as Evan fell asleep on his chest until the morning sun crept in slowly stirring his raven haired lover. His sleepy grin was something that he wanted to wake up to every day and now he could.

He slid off the couch and pulled his underwear back on, heading for the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Evan asked tiredly from the sofa.

"I'm going to cook us some food, goober."

"Oh." Evan remarked cutely as he stood and made his way over to the bar. "What kind of food?"

Jonathan shrugged and smirked, "The kind you eat."

The Asian gave him that look. The one that said, "Seriously?"

But Evan wouldn't have it any other way; his best friend and boyfriend standing in his underwear cooking them breakfast at six in the morning, shaking his hips to the music on the radio, leaning over the bar to give him a kiss, along with a piece of bacon. Coming back moments later to pull him to his feet and force him to dance with him, kissing his shoulder, kissing his hands, tickling his sides, putting a smile on his face.

Jonathan knew that he'd never get tired of pulling him in for hugs, never tire of his lips, nor his smile. And he knew he'd never get tired of taking care of his partner in crime.

And Evan knew he'd never be unhappy again, never have another bad dream, never hurt. He knew he'd never stop seeing blue.

-END-