Bella POV

"Let me get this straight," sighed Edward. "Carlisle has formed a friendship with… the principal?"

I giggled, as he reacted exactly as I had expected him to.

"The best part is," I continued, "Carlisle was telling Ned all these secrets about Emmett, and Ned vowed to tell the whole staff room at school."

Edward chuckled.

"Now that," he laughed, "would be funny!"

It was Wednesday, and Edward and I had just arrived at school. Emmett had tagged along in the Volvo this morning, and he was beginning to get annoyed that Edward and I were making fun of him.

"Shut up, Eddie poo," growled Emmett. "This will affect you, too. Imagine what sort of stuff Carlisle has told this Ned about you."

Edward's face fell, as he realized that he was indeed doomed.

"Here comes trouble," muttered Emmett, pointing at the principal who was jogging over to us with a big grin on his face.

"Hey kids," he greeted. Kids in the car park stopped what they were doing and stood as still as statues, staring at the confrontation before them, open-mouthed. It seemed, that no one could believe that the principal was being so friendly with those Cullen kids. I blushed as I realized that they were all staring at us.

"The doc invited me to your big birthday party this weekend! It's going to be so much fun! Just don't have the music too loud. I wouldn't want to pull a face muscle yelling at people over that racket!" he grinned, before waving and jogging off in the direction of his car.

There was whispering as the kids in the car park regained their senses and began walking off in the direction of the school, realizing that the action was over.

"How humiliating," groaned Emmett. "Carlisle has ruined my birthday party. Inviting the principal, ugh. It's my party. Carlisle has no right to invite anyone, especially losers like the principal."

"His name is Ned," I grinned, to Emmett's discomfort.

Emmett collapsed on the ground, muttering to himself. Edward grabbed my arm and steered me in the direction of the school.

"Just leave him, Bella. The mental asylum workers will be here shortly to collect him and take him far, far away," muttered Edward. I laughed, knowing that Ned the principal was probably in the staff room at this very moment telling all the teachers funny stuff about the Cullen's.

It was going to be a good day.

Edward POV

I heard that Edward uses twenty tubs of gel on his hair every morning!

That Alice girl cries when she misses episodes of the teletubbies? Sheesh!

That moody Jasper kid is into porn? Weird…

Apparently the principal and Dr. Cullen are like best friends now. How embarrassing for the Cullen's.

Oh, he's been telling the whole staff room stuff about them.

Rosalie and Emmett do it in McDonald's toilets? Whoa, she's definitely my type!

Apparently Emmett ate Rosalie's lipstick one day and got lipstick all over his face, and went to Wal Mart and was wondering why everyone was laughing at him!

You know that old hobo that stands on the corner every Saturday grumbling and scaring off little kids? Apparently that's Edward!

It was turning out to be a horrible day. Ned the principal had told the whole staff room all about our embarrassing little secrets, apart from the fact that we weren't human, and now it had spread all over the school, and I was the one who had to read their thoughts.

As for the old hobo that stands on the corner every Saturday scaring off little kids, how dare they suggest that it was I! However, I had my suspicions that it was Jasper… Carlisle getting his facts wrong is not what we need right now. In fact, Carlisle should just keep his mouth shut about us!

To make matters worse, Ned decided to sit at our table at lunch. The whole cafeteria was laughing in their heads at us. Bella was over by the cafeteria door handing out fliers for Emmett's birthday party.

"Hey kids," greeted Ned. "Having a good day?"

He put his tray down on the table and winked at me. I shuddered. Emmett looked as if he wanted to sink into the darkest pit of oblivion and never return.

Why did Carlisle have to choose this guy! … thought Emmett.

I hope that Emmett boy keeps the music volume to a minimum at his quiet, party. Actually, maybe I can convince the doc to make him have no music whatsoever! Hooray!

I glanced over at Ned, frowning. I whispered something to Emmett so that the principal wouldn't hear. We rose to our feet, picked up our trays and moved over to a different table by the door.

Ned looked up and grinned at us.

"Yeah, I've always liked the table by the door better than this one!" he called, grabbing his tray and running over to join us.

Emmett groaned and rose to his feet.

"I have to go see a teacher or something for some reason," mumbled Emmett, running off in the direction of the door, leaving me with the principal.

"Yeah, I have to um… go do that, too," I agreed, getting to my feet and running after him.

"You haven't had enough to eat, young man!" called the principal, causing the whole cafeteria to burst into laughter. "We don't want your blood sugar levels to decrease! We wouldn't want you feinting or anything!"

I swore under my breath, wanting to get as far away from Ned as possible.

Emmett POV

"I need to speak to Dr. Cullen," I snarled to the office lady at the hospital. She glared at me.

"Dr. Cullen is in a meeting," she said simply, before returning to typing on her laptop and sliding the window shut. I slid the window open and sighed.

"Look, I really need to see him. It's urgent, you see. Family matters. Carlisle will understand, I'm sure? Although, I'm pretty sure he'll be angry… well, disappointed when he finds out you didn't tell him I was here, don't you?"

Her face went pale. She picked up the telephone on the wall and dialed a number.

"I'm very sorry to interrupt the meeting, Dr. Cullen. But your son is here. He wishes to see you. Says it's urgent. He seems pretty determined to see you, doctor."

She put the phone back on the wall and slid the window shut. I slid it open again and frowned at her.

"Well? Is he coming or not?"

"Don't get your knickers in a knot. Here he comes now. Ha! He doesn't seem very happy, either. Good luck getting out of that one, kid."

Carlisle strode over to us and sighed when he saw me.

"What is it, Emmett?"

With one final glare at her, I turned to Carlisle. I didn't care who he was, or what he was, but Carlisle was going to stand here and listen to me for however long it took me to get my point across. In fact, I could be very convincing. If I were him, I'd be scared.

"This Ned bloke. You're not to talk to him anymore. Cut off all connections with him, understand? Carlisle, he's our principal. That means he's off limits to you. Can't you find a better friend? Charlie, perhaps? Your friendship with Ned ends now, and he's not coming to my party because you had no right to invite him!" I whispered furiously, as the lady in the window had slid her window open and was straining her ears very hard to catch a word of what we were saying.

Carlisle sighed and shook his head, to the lady in the window's delight.

"Emmett, you get me out of a very important meeting to tell me this? Couldn't it have waited? Besides, I'm the father. I'm centuries older than you are. Somehow, I think that I'm going to be the one disciplining you, not the other way around. Now go home and do your homework or something. Ned is my friend, Emmett. Whether you like it or not, he will be at your party."

I stuck my finger up at him before turning and walking out of the hospital, not bothering to say goodbye. Carlisle had gone way out of line this time.

Doctors were supposed to be smart. Carlisle was a complete idiot, and was probably a really bad doctor. Even Edward was pissed at Carlisle for befriending Ned, and he was the one who usually laughed at everyone else for something like that.

It just wasn't like Edward to be pissed if it wasn't really bothering him. He was bothered. I was bothered. Alice, Jasper and Rosalie were bothered.

Ned the principal was going to ruin everything!

Ned POV

For the first time in my life, I had a friend that I actually liked! Carlisle was really fun to hang with. I just knew that my wife would agree if she were still here. She had been kidnapped a few years ago. Everyone said that she ran away from me because she thought I was a nutcase, but that wasn't true.

They had even forged a note by my wife to say that I was a nutcase and that she was running away! Then they had denied forging the note and said that it was real.

None of that was true. A real nutcase had kidnapped my wife. I just knew it. That wife of mine had loved me. She hadn't wanted to get married, but I convinced her five minutes before the priest made it official. From then on, things had been great for us!

She had liked to be stupid and yell at me and tell me I was a nutcase and that she wanted to run away, and then I would laugh at her and tell her and tell her she was funny. She was very funny, because she would keep yelling and say that she was being serious, and that I really was a nutcase.

On more than one occasion, she had even taken the joke so far as to spend a few days at our daughter's place.

It was all a joke, though. She hadn't meant any of it.

We had been in love, and we still were.

I just knew that she was probably in some kidnapper's dark, damp basement at this very moment thinking about how much she loved me…

Ned's Wife POV

"Maid!" I cried. "Maid, help!"

The little brown-haired girl ran into my bedroom in alarm, panting.

"What is it, Mrs. Schwarzenegger?" she asked, searching my eyes for an answer.

"I spilt a little wine on the new fifty thousand dollar table! But it's okay. You can clean it for me, can't you? Good. Get onto it."

I left the room and walked down four flights of stairs and into the grand entrance of the mansion, with its marble floors and twelve-foot ceilings, it was gorgeous.

Leaving Ned had been the best thing I had ever done! He was a nutcase, completely mental! Ned needed to be put into a mental hospital before he went on a killing spree or something.

And even after I had left a note telling him that he was a nutcase and that I was leaving him, he seemed to think that our daughter had forged the note, and that I had really been kidnapped. How stupid could you get?

Now I was married to Arnold Schwarzenegger, living the best life imaginable. I had the world at my fingertips, an endless supply of money, and my name was known in every household across America. If only Ned bothered to watch the news, he might realise that I really had ran away…

Stupid guy. I felt sorry for whoever he was annoying at this very moment…

I know that adding in Ned's Wife's POV was kind of random, but I thought it was necessary; to make it more obvious that Ned really is crazy. Arnold Schwarzenegger was the only person I could think of, and I really couldn't imagine being married to someone like him. XD (no offence, old boy!) Review. (: I love the feedback!

-Bellapouts