Disclaimer: As you all know, these characters aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.
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Day 5: Providence26: Liv's diary is given to Alex after Liv's premature death which explains her feelings which she never acted upon (perhaps one of the entries could be that she almost did but Alex went to Africa)
Universe: Post Season 14 finale, assuming Olivia is killed before the squad gets to her.
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September 12, 2000
The Morris Commission assigned us a permanent ADA. I guess she's supposed to rat on us if she doesn't think we're behaving properly. Elliot already hates her, decided he hated her the moment he saw her. Me? I'm not too sure yet. Mixed feelings, I guess.
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December 16, 2000
My mother died today.
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January 8, 2001
Cabot's getting along a lot better with the squad. Maybe she'll work out here better than I expected.
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March 1, 2001
Right as I was starting to convince Elliot that Alex belongs, she goes and pulls a stunt like this. Accusing me of being drunk and thinking I saw Plummer. Fuck her.
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November 16, 2001
Alex is just…she's amazing.
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March 1, 2002
We work together. It could never happen. But damn was she looking good tonight.
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March 22, 2002
Alex was suspended today. I don't blame her for doing what she did. I would've done the same thing.
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April 3, 2002
Fuck. Shit. Fuck. She's asleep in my bed right now. Fuck it. I'm sleeping on the couch.
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April 4, 2002
She kissed me. Fuck. She kissed me.
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April 29, 2002
How am I supposed to talk with her like we haven't been basically living together for the past month?
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September 16, 2002
I'm in too deep.
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October 3, 2002
I think I love her?
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October 30, 2002
Oh what the fuck? She went out to dinner with fucking Langan in that red dress. Oh fuck, I acted like such a child.
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June 15, 2003
I should tell her. Just say it right out: "Alex, I'm in love with you."
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October 1, 2003
I waited too long and now she's dead. Well, kinda.
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January 12, 2005
I should tell her now. But she's only back for the trial and then she'll be gone again, so what's the point?
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February 11, 2009
She's back.
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March 10, 2010
Why do I keep waiting so long? When am I going to learn that we never have enough time? I waited and she died. I waited and she left. I waited and now she's going to the Congo. Am I ever going to learn?
Alex, if you're reading this: I love you. Always will.
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June 4, 2013
Dear Olivia,
You died, you asshole. You died and I never got a chance to tell you and you never got a chance to tell me. And now look at where we are: you're dead and I'm left here. So fuck you, Olivia Benson. I love you so much.
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Alex drops the diary on the coffee table and leans back against the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest, as sobs wrack through her body.
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
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