SLASH Rated T16+ - language & some blooper-ish stupidity.
ALL IS FICTIONAL & NOT MINE.
Pranks Gone Wrong:
Trick-o-…Crap!
"Trick or treat - Matt's a cheat - Gimme something big and sweet - If you don't, I won't sue -…" Jeff chimed as the masked person hauled him over the shoulder down into an endlessly dark tunnel. Only the large steps knocked like pebbles skipping over a lake on the humidly muggy walls. Opaque black surrounded and drank every heavy thud that died after several feet of reverberation.
"Then tonight I won't be blue…" the younger Hardy trailed off, reaching and breaking a piece of the gravelly wall off and tossing it straight forward where the man headed, he agitatedly huffed and squirmed when he heard no end to the rock fractures bouncing down, down, down, down then fading completely, "Are we there Yet?"
"Fine, Don't answer me. This lil number goes out to all the trick-o-treaters stuck on some stranger's back, just to let you know that there are lots in common with sore thumbs and slabs of pig…" he mumbled, rising on his elbows, he began to sing in his best high pitched voice, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T! - Y'know what that word means to Me! - R-E-S-P-E-C-T-!…"
The 'enigma' tried his absolute hardest to keep himself entertained and he was loving Every minute of unknowingly annoying his captor. Hours later, he kept on singing at the top of his lungs unaware of the building agitation he caused, "…Killer crack skulls - 'n I don't care! - Killer crack skulls - 'n I don't care! - Killer crack skulls - 'n I don't care-! (psst!…hey, I'm singing to you…) Killer crack skulls - 'n I don't care! - Killer crack skulls - 'n I don't care! - Killer crack skulls - 'n I don't care!…"
"…Jeff Hardy Is~Clau~stro~pho~bic! - His name is my name too! - When ever we go out, - The people always shout:…" the smaller male's voice peeped to a whisper at the last trail of the poem, the giant sighed a breath of sweet relief that maybe his little tormentor forgot the haphazardly sung rhymes and gave up. Jeff shouted into his ear and lurched his whole upper body upward off the shoulder that propped him up, "-There goes Jeff Hardy Is~Clau~stro~pho~bic! - A-la-la-la-la-la-da-da-doo-doo-doo-! Jeff Hardy Is~Clau~stro~pho~bic! - His name is my name too! - When ever we-!…"
"…O, m'darlin', O, m'darlin', O, m'darlin', Clem~en~tine! - O, m'darlin', O, m'darlin', O, m'darlin', O, m'darlin'," the blonde wiggled and beat his fists to his own rhythm in no time after finishing several versus of repeated parts, and immersed himself into his songs, "O, m'darlin', O, m'darlin', O, m'darlin', Clem~en~tine! Everybody, Sing it with Me-!…"
"Shut up with Clementine!" the body carrying Jeff stopped mid-tempo of his mother goose rhyming, the 'enigma' sucked in an agitated breath and stilled.
"I'm still waiting for my 'R', 'E', 'S', 'P', 'E', 'C', 'T',-" he said uncaring that a bloody butcher's cleaver glinted just under his swinging knees, "-and my Mandatory 'C', 'A', 'N', 'D', 'Y'."
"Not with that horrible memory," the man half growled, taking Jeff by his underarms and holding him an arm's length away. The younger Hardy pouted and crossed his arms as his body was held a good two feet above ground, the man threatened, "Be afraid. Be Very, Deathly Afraid."
"And You're the Boogeyman in my closet?" the younger man shifted, his knees kicking and arms grabbing at his sides in the explosive giggle fits fighting out of his lungs. The man only glowered all the firepower his eyes could muster, Jeff wiped several tears away as he continued to yelp, chuckle and snort, "M-my ribs! My k-k-kidneys! Th-the Pain! C-can't sss-ssssstop laughing! C'mon, any three-year old can pull the 'demented killer' look off easy for 2.99 at the Costume-Mart! Take it from me, Psycho Wannabe, they are a hellalot scarier than You!"
"And only You can pull off the 'Dumb Blonde' act without the costume…" the blood-bedecked man said.
Laughter died away, the unhidden green eyes glared dulled plastic daggers at his captor, "What! Say it to my face!"
"I Am In Your Face!" the man shook Jeff until he about nearly lost his head to one particularly harsh jab of his body into the air.
"Closer," the younger Hardy said, then he mumbled softer when he felt himself being retracted away from the descending rumble of stairs, "…closer."
Jeff drove a swift elbow into beneath the mask, into the bloody crazy's collarbone; a move he learned from Punk for self-defense. A satisfyingly hollow and pained wheeze whistled through the burlap mask with darkened holes for a view. Adding a kick to the guts for good measure, he barked senselessly at the wounded giant, while still being suspended in three feet in the darkness, "There's where your big mouth gets you for calling me a 'Dumb Blonde', y'sack of bloody potatoes! I aughtta peel your hide with a spoon and mash ya like the spud you are!"
"Being abducted is Not a Trick and You carrying me around all night was sure Not a Treat! I don't like your sense of humor, Mister! Not worth one peep for my efforts!" having his collar held with one hand and still having no ground to drop a roundhouse kick with, the smaller kept right on running his mouth at the newly de-clawed monster, "Now, I asked 'Trick or Treat!' Not 'Kidnap and Mistreat!' And that means that you pick giving me a Treat or making me do a Trick!"
"I've had it with you!" the man growled coherently.
"Good! Me, too! I've lost my Appetite!" Jeff haughtily proclaimed under his breath, turning his nose up and away to the side. To the giant's dismay, the scrawny arms folded over one another and locked, "Hmph!"
"I've got a Trick for you to do…" the taller mumbled cheerlessly.
"Great! I want Extra interest with my Treats," Jeff's eyes alit with mischief and gratitude for his efforts.
"Are You Serious!" the giant took a double take to the brightened green eyes.
"Gimme-Gimme! Fill 'er to the brim!" Jeff exclaimed happily as he unhooked the pumpkin from his back pockets, he held the orange plastic ball up to his chin and prayed oh-so-sweetly, "~pweese?"
"Grow Up!" the man deadpanned as quickly as the other's hopes were raised.
"Take a Flying-Backwards-Head First-Leap Off Mount Everest!" the smaller threw the pumpkin at the other man's head, only bopping it loudly and adding to both their anger; Jeff didn't hit hard enough, and that the other got bonked in the first place.
"Ladies First…" was the last sentence the smaller male heard before his own trail of screams down a dark tunnel his body flew.
"OUCH!" he landed on what seemed like damp grass in a cornfield full of pumpkins twining and tangling about his body as he rolled around to get to his feet, shortly he dusted himself of the muddy soil and stomped around the raised green fans, "Rude! Rude! Rude!"
"The next time you grab me like that, I'll have the butter ready for spreadin' and the gravy train fully loaded! Y'hear me, Psychopathic Wannabe!" Jeff screamed as he tripped in circles around giant orange vegetables the size of large dogs overpopulating the space, and leaves slapping him as he fell over every vine as thick as his arms, "I'm Ready and Rearin' to kick you back into last Halloween and then imma turn you around and kick you ten Halloweens Forward straight on your butt!"
He fought through the waist-high jungle of thick squash vegetables, occasionally batting the sandpaper-like riffles out of his path. He stumbled through the moon-illuminated garden and jumped on a vegetable that was four feet taller than the fool who threw him into this place, taking hold of the thick stem, his legs pedaled him up on the slippery waxy surface, then he sat at the top before mumbling, "Hickory Dickory Debts - The guy went up the steps - When Jeffie struck gold - And when you come down, y'better have my candy in hand!"
Jeff pouted after he somewhat caught his breath, he folded his arms and grumbled, "I'm Still Hungry!"
"Get back here, Coward!" the younger Hardy growled after a short while of hearing a far off echo of heavy feet on stairs and a hole in the sky, he jumped and reached for the dark blotch he nose-dived in from, "C'mon! Fight me like a Man!"
"Yeah! Thass right! Y'better Run!" he tiredly huffed, cooling down slightly from his anger, he squeaked in his raspy voice, "Tryina scare me! I don't scare easily! Jeff Hardy Is Not Afraid Of Anything!"
"Boo!" a pair of hands pushed Jeff off from the top of the pumpkin and onto his stomach in the garden again.
"Yipes!"
This is just for light reading=less than 2000 words! The story hasn't even started & it's already getting nuts. Those songs Jeff sung were his variations of the traditional Trick-or-Treat rhyme, Aretha Franklin's 'Respect', 'Jimmy Crack Corn', 'John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt', & 'Hickory-Dickory-Dock'. I gave away Kane's identity, too. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! But don't you just love a childish Jeffie clashing with a crazy Kane? Haw-Haw-Haw! (*~*) lovely.
Won't harass for reviews. Review for yay, boo for nay.