I'm kind of at a road block with this story... I know where I want it to go, I'm just having trouble getting it there. I don't want to post garbage, so I'm taking my time getting from here to where I wanted to be with it. Once I get past the next two chapters, it's going to get really good!
September 3rd, Booth's Apartment
"What's happening to you Booth? I can't be with you if you don't let me in!" she yelled as I stormed down the hallway to the bedroom.
"I don't know what you want from me Bones. I'm trying here, I really am...I'm back at work, we hang out with the squints, what else do you want from me? It's not like this has been easy for me Bones. You don't know what this is like, you never let me forget that..." I screamed back at her. "Fuck, damnit Bones! You can't leave your bag anywhere you want..." I screamed again as I landed on my hands and knees, having tripped over her overnight bag.
"I thought I'd be in there before you, I'm sorry Booth..." She tried explaining from the doorway to the bedroom.
"Yeah well, you weren't..." I seethed getting back to my feet, turning towards the sound of her voice. "It's not supposed to be like this Bones, it shouldn't be this hard."
"What shouldn't be this hard?" She asked softly.
"This, us, whatever this is becoming... I wanted this more than anything, well almost anything, but I can't seem to make it work, I don't know who I am anymore, but this person, this guy having this conversation with you, this guy who picks fights with you, it's not me Bones. The Seeley Booth you knew may have never left that ship..." I said sadly.
"I don't know what that means. You're right here in front of me Booth. You're still adjusting to your new limitations, I know that, I knew that going into this relationship. Maybe I push you too hard." she said.
"Maybe you do... but if it weren't for your constant encouragement I would never have gone back to work, I wouldn't be as far as I am now. But maybe I'm not ready to be this far, cause it feels like I'm living a lie." I said before I could filter my thoughts.
October 1st, Founding Fathers
I've replayed that particular argument so many times in my head, that was the boiling point for us, the night that I gave up on having a real relationship with her. I let my demons get the better of me, and now almost a month later, I wished that I could go back and change things.
"Booth, are you alright?" Angela asked me, pulling me out of the memory.
"Uh, yeah sure Ange. Just tired. I think I'm going to get out of here though..." I answered.
"Hodgins can take you, I think we're all about ready to go." She offered.
"I can get a cab Ange, it's okay." I tried as I pulled out a few bills from my wallet, dropping them on the table.
"I wouldn't hear of it... you're coming with me, no arguments." Hodgins said throwing his arm over my shoulder.
"Okay, okay..." I answered trying to shrug his arm off my shoulder.
As much as I missed being out with all of them, it wasn't the same without her there. I stayed quiet the whole ride to my apartment, listening to Angela and Jack talking about a case they were working on, one that was given to the field agent that replaced me. Sure I got to interrogate, and oversee the cases the brain trust were working, but the days of hanging out at the Jeffersonian were over. I did most of my work from my office, occasionally tagging along with Luke to help him understand the squints when he needed it. He was doing a good job, especially fitting in with them, something I didn't think would be possible for such a green agent with a lot to prove. Luke had only come to the agency right before my accident, but he showed a great deal of potential, which is why they put him on my team when I came back. When Bones first suggested I go back to the bureau I laughed it off, resigned to the fact that all I would be was a desk jockey, but Hacker informed me that while I would spend a good amount of time behind a desk, my skills would be more useful as a team leader. I had four agents that I was overseeing at any given time, Luke Grant being the only permanent member of my team, and the new liason to the Jeffersonian. It was Hacker's way of keeping me out of the field, yet allowing me to still work with the squints. The adjustment was rough for me, I wasn't used to having a go between, and I wasn't used to not getting my hands dirty. That was a big reason Bones and I weren't getting along, I took a lot of my frustrations out on her, but it was still no excuse for treating her the way I did.
"Booth, we're here." Jack said breaking me from my thoughts.
"Thanks Hodgins. We still on for the game tomorrow night?" I asked.
"Of course, I'll bring the pizza." he answered.
"Booth I'm sure she'll call you. Whatever happened...you'll work it out." Angela said as I got out of the car.
"I'm not so sure Ange. But thanks." I replied before I shut the door.
I counted the steps to the door, then took the stairs up to my apartment, the counting had become normal to me now and I did it without thinking. I wondered if Jared would be home or not as I unlocked the door listening for noises that would let me know. It was quiet as I walked through to the bedroom, loosening my tie and removing my jacket as I went. He must have been staying with the current girl of the week. I changed into sweats, pulled a beer from the fridge and parked myself on the couch, wishing more than anything that the phone would ring and it would be her on the other end.
"Seeley?" "Dad?" I heard getting closer as I was waking up.
"Beccs, Parker?" I called out, slowly sitting up, startled that I was still on the couch.
"Seeley, did you forget that I was bringing Parker by this morning?" Rebecca sounded annoyed.
"Morning little man. No Beccs, I must have fallen asleep before I set the alarm." I said as I shuffled into the kitchen.
"Daddy, are we gonna go see bones today?" Parker asked, throwing his arms around my waist.
"She's out of town bub, but we can still go see Angela or Jack, maybe he has some new bugs for you to look at." I answered, the pain in my heart growing worse.
"Seeley, Parker has all of his work for the next five days as well as the instructions on the punishment paper he is required to write. If you need anything just call, and Parker be good for Daddy, I'll see you in a few days, Love you." She said squeezing my arm before she left.
"Did you have breakfast Park?" I yelled into the living room, where he was flipping through channels.
"Yeah, mommy made me eat that square cereal again...she never buys cocoa puffs anymore." he whined.
"How about after I get dressed we go to the diner, then we'll stop and see Jack." I said after I chugged my coffee.
He mumbled something I guessed was "sure" as I passed by him on my way to shower and get dressed. When I walked back into the bedroom I could hear rustling around and I wondered what Parker was getting into.
"What are you doing in here little man?" I asked.
"How come all your clothes have those little pieces of stuff on them?" He asked quietly.
"Well... uh, I can't see to pick stuff out so Angela came over and put them on there so I don't look like a bum. See the black t-shirt with the cards on it is right here, and my favorite dark jeans are here, my striped socks are right here..." I said showing him every item as I pulled them out and tossed them on my bed.
"That's so cool..." He said, in awe.
"If you say so little man. Hey, listen can you make sure you have all of your stuff in your backpack for me? We'll have Jack look it over when we stop by the lab." I asked, pulling the t-shirt over my head.
"Yeah daddy. When is bones coming back?" he said quietly.
"She'll be back by the end of this week. But I don't know if she'll have a lot of time to spend with us this time, like she did last time. She's been gone for a while and she'll probably have lots of work to catch up on." I answered, wondering if she'd even want to see me at all.
I called for a cab and let parker tell the driver where we were going and pay him when he dropped us at the diner. We ordered and talked about football and what Parker had been doing in school while we waited on our breakfast. Every time I had my son up until this point we'd been surrounded by my friends, and colleagues, without them around I could feel the anxiety digging into my mind. The two minutes I waited while he went to the bathroom, the five seconds I couldn't feel him beside me as we walked to the Jeffersonian from the diner, it all had me panicked. It took everything in me not to hold his hand every second, but I couldn't do that to him, I needed to make everything as normal as I could, even if it caused me grief.
"Parker Booth, why aren't you at school?" I heard Angela ask as we got to her office.
"I got suspended Aunt Ange. But it's okay because now I get to hang out with dad." he answered nonchalantly.
"I don't even want to know what you did, but judging by that shiner I can only guess that you were fighting right?" She asked him, as I wondered what his little face looked like with a black eye.
"Yeah, John took Lainey's lunch box and wouldn't give it back, and then he started calling her names. He was being such a jerk, she's smaller than us and it wasn't nice. So I decked him." Parker said proudly.
"Angela is Jack around?" I asked, wanting to get the scoop on Parkers schoolwork before I completely lost him to distractions.
"Yeah he was working on the murder that Luke brought in this morning...I can watch the little guy for a while." She offered.
"Parker, listen to Angela, I won't be long." I said sternly over my shoulder as I turned out into the hall.
I listened as Parker and Angela's conversation turned from the fight to the new painting she put up and then I made my way over to Jack's space in the lab.
"Booth, did I see Parker running around?" He asked before I was even close to his desk.
"Yeah, suspended. Thought I told you about it last night, remember, I asked if you could give me a hand with his assignments..." I reminded him.
"Agent Booth, I thought you took the rest of the week off?" Luke asked from behind me.
"Yeah kid, my son is suspended and his mother can't take anymore time off the trial she's working. Heard you're keeping these guys busy." I said listening to his footsteps come around me.
"Yeah another murder like last week, same MO." he said questioningly.
"Hodgins did you find any connections in the particulates yet?" I asked.
"Still analyzing. I did however find two specific types of soil in the latest victim's shoes. One is a match for the soil found in the first and fourth victims clothing, so there is starting to be some kind of consistency, killer's getting sloppy." Jack spouted off.
"Agent Booth, I was wondering if I could pick your brain about a theory I have about the profile Dr. Sweets gave us... maybe tomorrow if you have a few minutes we could meet up and discuss it?" Luke asked.
"Sure kid, say noon tomorrow? Angela can probably take Parker for a while so we can meet. I'll let you know if anything changes." I suggested, not wanting my son around for that particular conversation.
Luke and Jack went over a few more details to the case while I waited for Jack to look over Parker's assignments, and I couldn't help but let my mind drift to the many times I'd stalked back and forth from her office to Jacks area, the hundreds of cases we worked, the conversations about sports he and I had to clear our heads when we got stumped. So many things everyday that I didn't think twice about losing until they were gone, or changed, haunted me everywhere I went now.
"Booth... Seel...you fall asleep on me over there or what man?" Jack's voice broke through my thoughts.
"Uh, no sorry I was just thinking about something I need to do later. Do you mind helping me and Parker with his stuff, I know you're busy, it's just that Jared is kinda hit or miss these days and I can't see what he has to do, or check it when he's done. Plus I know he likes it when you help him with his science stuff, so I just thought he'd fight doing it less if you helped him." I spewed, hating having to ask for help.
"No problemo. I can swing by early before the game starts and work with him for a little on what he has done so far, and then we can all catch the game together." Jack answered, always managing to avoid making things awkward.
"I miss her man..." I blurted out before I could stop myself.
"She's coming back tomorrow Booth, and she can't avoid you forever. Maybe she just needed a break, you know more than anyone that she doesn't handle change as well as she lets on, and there have been a lot of changes lately... I bet she comes back and everything will be fine, you'll see." He offered.
"She was pretty pissed at me before she left man, I don't know. I may have ruined it..." I said honestly.
"Listen, you know her and Angie talk, and from what she tells me Brennan is more mad at herself than you. She feels like she pushed you too hard, that she didn't listen to you or let you figure all this out on your own schedule." He said quietly.
"What? Jack, she did everything right, it was me who was too stubborn to appreciate her efforts, I just blamed her for feeling like things were moving to fast, blamed her for feeling like things were out of control there for a while. She's the only thing that kept me going sometimes..." I admitted.
"Did you tell her that? Or did you let her go on thinking that she was pushing you too hard? I think the two of you just need to talk about things, get everything out in the open. Sometimes you have a tendency to put up this front that you're strong and nothing affects you, when in reality you just don't know how to deal with it, or you're afraid to admit you need help." Jack said.
"Yeah, surprise I do have a character flaw after all..." I laughed, "I just hope she's willing to listen."
"It's hard to tell with her man, sometimes she surprises you though. Even Angie has a hard time getting her to open up about things, but in the end she always does." Jack said eagerly.
"So you'll be by around five or so?" I asked a little weary.
"Is something else bothering you Booth?" he asked me.
"My anxiety is up a little I guess. Having Parker all week by myself, Bones coming back, it's got me all amped up man." I said feeling his hand come down on my shoulder.
"Listen you know that if you needed anything I could be at your place in just a few minutes, and Angie really likes spending time with Parker too. Don't worry G-man, I don't think you'll need us." he chuckled as I silently tried to reassure myself.
I listened to Angela and my son for a while before I went back into her office, their banter was so entertaining. He'd ask a whole mess of questions and without missing a beat she'd answer, even the tough ones.
"Angela are Daddy and Bones fighting?" I heard him ask.
"Listen Park, sometimes grown ups need some space. She really did go away for work, but she comes back tomorrow. Don't worry about her and your dad, there is nothing in this world that could keep them apart for long." Ange answered.
"But don't they work together anymore? I mean they always work together..." he questioned.
"Things are a little different now Parker. Your dad can't always go out in the field now, and sometimes she did things for other agencies, not just the FBI and he never went with her for those." She stated.
"Since he got hurt?" he asked, my heart felt like it was going to explode.
"Yeah but even before that little guy..." she told him, "I don't think you need to worry about him though, he's the strongest guy I know and even though things changed for a while, he'll be back to his old self soon."
"Will he be able to play hockey again Angie?" He asked out of the blue.
"I don't know Park, but maybe someday. He can still go to the games with you though right, and spend time with you, and do guy stuff with you. Just some things have changed, others will never change." she explained.
"Hey kiddo, you done bugging Angela yet?" I said noisily entering the room.
"Booth, uh, how long were you out there?" She asked nervously.
"Long enough Ange, long enough..." I answered moving as close as I could to her, "Thanks for that by the way. Sometimes I worry about how much he is affected by this. You answered questions he'd never ask me."
"Dad, can we pick Bones up from the airport tomorrow?" he asked.
"We'll see Parker." I answered as the knife in my heart twisted a little deeper.
After Parker finished some of his assignments and promised to work with Jack everyday till he got them done, we relaxed while the sounds of the game played in the background. Parker described the major plays to me, and I found myself enjoying his commentary more than the announcers. There was something about his perspective and excitement that made it one of the best games I'd ever experienced. In the bottom of the eighth, I heard foreigner coming from the kitchen where I'd left my phone. I rushed to answer it before it went to voicemail, but after ramming my shin into the coffee table I didn't make it in time. A few curses later I was listening to her message.
"Hey Booth. It's Tempe...Bones. I'm arriving tomorrow at 2:45pm, and I was hoping that we could talk, maybe you could meet me at the airport? So I'll try you again later, maybe you're still at work." she said shyly.
I listened to the message three more times before I closed my phone, the sound of her voice soothing my soul. Everything in me wanted to call her immediately and tell her that I would be there waiting as she stepped off the plane, but knowing her, I didn't want to overwhelm her. I needed to play my cards right if I wanted a chance to fix the mess I'd made.
"Daddy, you missed the end..." Parker called to me.
"Well you can tell me about then. Jack you want another one?" I asked before returning to the couch with two bottles of beer.
"Parker, you need to start getting ready for bed, and you can tell me about what I missed when I come in to say goodnight okay?" I said.
"But Dad..." He whined.
"No buts, this isn't a vacation bub, I already let you watch TV, I may be a pushover for some things but I'm not budging on this one. Head in and get a shower." I stated firmly.
Once Parker was out of the room I told Jack about Bones' message. "This is a good sign man. She didn't sound mad right?" He asked.
"No, but she sounded nervous." I said replaying the tone of her voice in my head.
"Nervous is better than mad, or upset. If you want I can take Parker after your meeting with Luke, that way you and her can have some time to work things out." He offered.
"He's so excited about hanging out with her though... Maybe we can meet up with you guys after we talk for a bit." I reasoned.
"You need to talk to her, and it will only be worse if you have Parker with you, you'll both be filtering what you really want to say to avoid bringing him into it." Jack said honestly.
"You're right man. When Parker goes to bed I'll call her and let her know that I'll be there." I said.
With Parker in bed, finally asleep, I settled into my bed to call her. It took me three times before I actually let the call connect I was so anxious to hear her voice again.
"Booth." She answered.
"Hey Bones, I got your message." I said.
"You'll be at the airport then?" She questioned.
"Yeah Bones, of course. Someone has to be there when you get in trouble for smuggling bones into the country." I joked.
"I'm not... oh. I get it." she paused, "Have you been okay while I've been gone?"
"Work's been keeping me busy, and Parker is with me for a week, he got suspended for fighting and Rebecca couldn't get any time off." I replied.
"I didn't mean that. I was meaning to call... I just needed to think..." she stammered.
"It's okay Bones. Really. But... I miss you. I'm sorry, I could have called you too." I sighed.
"We can talk about all of this tomorrow Booth, when I get in. You should get some sleep, it's after ten there right. I'll see you tomorrow..." She tried to hurry off the phone.
"Bones, wait, I just want to say that whatever it is we're going to talk about tomorrow, I just want you to know that, I've never been as happy in my life as when you are in it. I'd rather fight with you anyday than not have you in my life." I spat out quickly.
"Me too Booth...Goodnight." She said quickly before the line went dead.