Friday, November 19:

Station 51

Morning had dawned greyly, both smog and clouds blocking the sun, casting a gloomy pall over the city. To Roy, it looked like there was to be no respite from the continuing rain that had been water-logging the area for the past five days. The good news was that the threat from brush fires was virtually non-existent. The bad news was the increase in traffic accidents due to slippery roads and limited visibility. Other hazards included washed-out roads and the increased likelihood of mudslides. The overabundance of water could undermine the foundation of a road or cause hillsides to suddenly collapse in a lava-like flow of oozing mud.

As Roy pulled up, got out of his car and headed towards the station, he saw Cap standing in the doorway, arms crossed tightly against his chest, watching him intently. Cap's expression was as dark and unreadable as the clouds gathering to the east.

"Morning, Cap!" he greeted with a wary smile. "Looks like we're in for another stormy day."

"Roy, I'd like to see you in my office."

"Sure, Cap. Let me just unload this stuff in my locker and…"

"Right now, Roy," Cap interrupted tersely, motioning for Roy to follow as he turned towards the office.

Roy shot an apprehensive look at Cap and nodded before obeying. The captain shut the door, walked over to his desk, and sat down heavily behind it. Roy remained standing uncertainly by the door. He rarely saw Cap looking so distressed. Cap sighed, looked up at Roy and gestured towards the chair. "Have a seat."

Roy glanced nervously around the room as he sat down. "Cap, what's wrong?" He hesitated a moment, picturing several worse case scenarios and coming up empty.

Cap frowned down at his hands for a moment and then up at Roy, looking as uncomfortable as the paramedic had ever seen. "I got a call this morning from HQ. It's about the exam."

Roy winced. 'Omigod! We failed!' The unwelcome thought flew unbidden to mind. He forced himself to ask, "And?"

"Congratulations, Roy. You passed." For a man offering congratulations, Cap certainly didn't look too happy.

Roy stared blankly for a beat. Then a relieved grin appeared on Roy's face as he let his breath out in a whoosh. "That's great! You really had me worried for a minute!"

Cap did not smile in return. "John didn't pass. Apparently he was only a couple of points off. He can retake the exam in six months. Plus he has to take some courses to recertify. He'll be temporarily assigned to 127's. The squad is out of service until his replacement gets here."

Roy's smile abruptly faded, the shock registering in his eyes. After hearing the first words, the rest of Cap's statement was drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in his ears. "Didn't pass…." he whispered to himself incredulously. His awareness shrank to the space surrounding the chair in which he sat. He recalled Johnny's words in the squad after they had rushed a young girl to Rampart a few weeks ago. How his partner had said that he didn't want to go back to the engine. How he had said that he didn't know what he would do if he couldn't be a paramedic. While Johnny seemed almost carefree on the surface, Roy knew that his true feelings ran deeply and were not something that he casually shared. The clownish façade was his way of safeguarding that which he valued most. Roy didn't notice Cap come out from behind the desk to stand in front of him.

"Roy?" Cap asked for what must have been the third time, eyes carefully searching Roy's face.

Roy's eyes focused slowly. "Uh, I'm s-sorry, Cap. I wasn't listening. What do you mean Johnny didn't pass? How could he not pass?" The idea of Johnny failing the exam was preposterous. "You aren't joking with me, are you?" He seized on that last thought, hoping.

Cap perched on the edge of the desk and fixed a hard look on Roy. "I wouldn't joke about this. I don't know what happened. All I know is that HQ called this morning to say that Gage did not pass the exam and that he would need to be reassigned somewhere else until he can recertify."

"Are you sure there's no mistake? How could he not pass? He's one of the best damned paramedics around!" Roy exclaimed with a mixture of incredulity and incomprehension. His glance darted around the room, as if the walls held an answer to his questions there.

"All I know is what I've just told you." Cap appeared as frustrated by the sketchiness of the information he had been given as he was by the news itself.

"I don't believe it. I can't believe it." Roy shook his head.

Cap stood and put his hand on Roy's shoulder. "To tell you the truth, I can't believe it myself. Go get changed and put your stuff in your locker." Cap looked at his watch and clenched his jaw. "We'll have roll call in ten minutes. I'll talk to John when he gets here." He escorted the shell-shocked paramedic to the door. "And, Roy? You know my door is open any time." Roy nodded mutely before making his way to the locker room.

Ten minutes later Cap was reading the duty roster to the assembled men. "C-shift was really busy yesterday and didn't have time to do much else. There is a lot of hose that needs to be cleaned and hung. DeSoto and Stoker, that's you."

Roy nodded, grateful that he had something physical to do with someone who would not spend the day yapping at him.

"Lopez, kitchen. Kelly, latrine."

"Latrine again. Why do I always get latrine?" Chet grumbled sotto voice.

"Got a problem with that, Kelly?" growled Cap, glaring at Chet.

Chet stood up straighter. "No, sir."

Just then the sound of wheels sliding on gravel signaled a car pulling rapidly into the parking lot. A car door slammed, followed by the sound of running footsteps. Four heads turned expectantly towards the door, but Roy couldn't bring himself to look. He knew Johnny would be able to see the truth in his eyes

"Gage is gonna get it," sing-songed Chet softly, unable to resist.

"Shut up, Kelly," Cap glowered at the man. "Dismissed." He waved his hand in the general direction of the others as he turned away. Johnny burst through the door, took in the sight of the missed roll-call and an angry-looking captain heading his way, and started to make his excuses, saying, "Sorry I'm late! Cap, I can explain…"

Cap cut him off. "Gage! In my office. Now!" He turned and walked away. Johnny raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders in Roy's direction, then followed Cap into the office. What he didn't see was the pained expression on Roy's face.

Cap preceded him into the office and silently indicated that Johnny should take a seat.

"Cap, I'm sorry I'm late. I can explain…"

Cap shook his head and put up his hand to forestall any further explanations. "That doesn't matter right now." He sat on the edge of his desk, reluctant to say what needed to be said. "I got a call from HQ this morning. It's about the exam. I'm sorry, but you didn't pass."

Johnny's mouth gaped slightly and he shook his head, not believing his ears. Face paling as his hands tightened on the arms of the chair, he swallowed twice. "I didn't pass?" he said almost inaudibly. "I had to have passed!" he exclaimed loudly, jumping up from the chair, disbelief evident in his expression. "I knew that stuff! It wasn't that hard! There must be some mistake!" He pushed his thick, unruly hair back from his forehead.

"Sit down, Gage, and hear the rest of it." Cap ordered, not unkindly.

Johnny slowly sat down again, still shaking his head. "I couldn't have failed. I know I didn't do that badly. I know that stuff." He tapped his chest for emphasis as he looked up at Cap. "I know that stuff!"

The two men stared at each other for a moment. Cap shifted uneasily on his perch. "They said you can retake the exam in six months, plus you have to take some classes to recertify. In the meantime, you'll be assigned to 127's."

"There has got to be some kind of mistake! What do they mean 'I did not pass the exam?'" Johnny's tone and face eloquently conveyed what he thought of that notion.

"They didn't give me the details. All they said is that you didn't miss by much."

"What the hell does that mean? Well, I don't believe it! I just don't believe it!"

"I'm having a hard time believing it myself. I've seen you work. I saw you and Roy studying. I know you two are the best. I don't know. Maybe you just had an off day or something."

Johnny leaned back in the chair, looked at the ceiling, then at the floor, and blew out a short breath. "Well, uh, actually, I, uh, didn't do much studying while I was camping. I mean, it seemed easy enough the first time. I figured I knew it. I didn't think there was going to be a problem." Johnny stopped talking as the idea that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't been as well prepared as he thought began to form in his mind.

"At the risk of stating the obvious, Gage, are you telling me that you didn't study for the exam?" Cap's voice rose with irritation.

"I did study," Johnny protested weakly. After a beat he added in a subdued voice, "I guess it wasn't enough." His head started to ache and a lump formed in the pit of his stomach.

"I guess not." Cap folded his arms across his chest

Johnny let his head drop back against the wall behind the chair and closed his eyes. 'Omigod.' It was both curse and prayer. "Who else knows?"

"I spoke with Roy this morning."

"Did he pass?" The sudden surge of jealousy both surprised and shamed him.

"Yes."

"Good."

An uncomfortable silence filled the room once more. Cap shifted position again, carefully evaluating the paramedic with his eyes. "Are you up to working at 127's today? They've been filling their shift with overtime requests. They could do it again today."

Johnny opened his eyes and nodded numbly. "I'll get my stuff."

The two men rose to leave the office. Cap put his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "I'm really sorry about this, John."

"Yeah. Me too."

Four sets of eyes had watched the procession to Cap's office, waiting to talk until the two men were out of earshot.

"Wow! Johnny sure picked a bad day to be late! Cap's really pissed today!" commented Marco, hands on hips. Mike nodded in agreement, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Gage is gonna get it!" Chet sing-songed once again, with a smirk.

Roy tossed an exasperated glare at Chet. He ran his hand through his hair and stared distantly at the closed door of Cap's office, wondering how the interview was going. "That's not why Cap is so upset," he said softly.

"Oh yeah? Then what's eating him this morning?" Chet moved in front of Roy, arms crossed, looking expectantly into his face. "You were in there with him earlier. Give."

Roy stepped back a half a pace, sighed and rubbed his hand across his brow, wondering if he should share the news or not. He figured that it might be easier on Johnny if he didn't have to tell the guys himself. "Cap got the results of the paramedic exam this morning. Johnny didn't make it."

The stunned silence that greeted this pronouncement was broken by the sound of Craig Brice's voice saying, "So Gage didn't pass the exam?"

Then three voices began speaking at once. "What! What do you mean he didn't make it?" "Madre de Dios! This is not possible!" "Johnny didn't pass the exam?"

Roy raised his hands, futilely trying to maintain his personal space, as Chet, Marco and Mike crowded suffocatingly close. "I ... I don't know. Cap said that HQ called this morning and told him that Johnny didn't pass the exam." Roy swallowed. "I don't know." Still half not believing the news, his thoughts were flowing like molasses.

"Now you all know I like to yank Gage's chain. But he's a damned good paramedic. There has to be some mistake!" Chet fairly bounced on his toes with indignation.

"Yes, he's the best! Surely this is a mistake!" added Marco.

Mike just shook his head. "I can't believe it!"

The four men stared at each other in disbelief. "Well, if you ask me …" began Brice, in his calm, rational voice.

"Shut up, Brice," snapped Chet.

"Shh! They're coming," said Marco, who happened to be standing where he could see the door to Cap's office open.

Johnny stopped short when he saw the others still standing in the engine bay, looking like a bunch of deer caught in the headlights.

Cap, who had been hard on Johnny's heels, nearly bumped into him. "Don't you men have work to do?" he barked over Johnny's shoulder. Chet and Marco pivoted into each other in their haste to retreat to their assigned duties.

"What's my assignment, Captain?" inquired Brice.

"Later, Brice," snapped Cap, amazed at the man's seeming obliviousness to the situation. He gave Johnny a gentle push in the small of the back to start him walking towards the locker room again.

Brice turned to face Johnny. "Sorry you didn't pass the exam, Gage. You probably would have if you went more by the book instead of always trying to make up the rules as you go and …"

Brice didn't have time to finish his sentence as Johnny lunged at him. Cap and Roy managed to restrain Johnny, while Mike yanked Brice back beyond Johnny's reach.

"Mike, take Brice into the kitchen and get a cup of coffee or something!" Exasperation edged Cap's voice.

"Okay, easy, Pal! Settle down! You okay? You okay?" He placed a calming hand on Johnny's chest. "Look, I know you're upset." Cap's voice trailed off as he watched the paramedic's reaction closely. Johnny was breathing hard, but not struggling against their grip. A muscle twitched along his jaw, while his gaze was fixed on a spot across the engine bay.

Johnny shrugged free and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay. Sorry. Sorry. I'll go to 127's. Just let me get my stuff out of my locker." He strode quickly over to the locker room without looking back.

Cap and Roy silently watched him go. "Uh, Roy … Could you go talk to him for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure, Cap."

Roy found Johnny standing motionless in front of his locker, staring at nothing. He paused in the doorway, watching for a minute before clearing his throat. Johnny startled, looked over to the doorway, then back at his locker again, banging the door open and grabbing a paper sack.

Roy moved farther into the room. "There's got to be some mistake. I can't believe you didn't pass the exam. You know the computer screwed up last time. Maybe something happened this time, too."

"I don't know. Part of me can't believe it, either. I'm sure I knew that stuff. It seemed so easy. I was so sure I would pass. I thought I knew that stuff." Johnny said tonelessly, staring into the locker, the burst of energy apparently spent.

"You do know it! I know you know it! We studied everything together! I know you passed!" Roy protested, hoping that if he said it enough times, it would be true.

"You studied everything, Roy. I goofed around in the mountains for two days. I screwed up big time! I didn't pass!" His voice grew louder with each phrase. He hurriedly began stuffing his belongings into the paper sack.

Roy opened his mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out.

The frenetic activity in front of the locker ceased again as suddenly as it had begun.

"I don't want to go back to being just a firefighter." Johnny rested his forehead against the open locker door.

The silence thickened the air around the two men. Finally Roy gritted out, "I don't know how to tell you how sorry …" Roy's voice cracked. He stretched out his hand. Johnny flinched and Roy let the hand drop back to his side.

"At least let me help you with that." Roy reached briskly for the paper sack. Johnny made room for Roy in front of the locker. Roy dumped the contents of the sack out onto the bench and began folding the clothing more neatly. The rest of the items in the locker were transferred to the paper sack in silence. Johnny stared at Smokey for a long moment before carefully peeling the tape off the poster. He rolled it up, added it to the bag and closed the locker door.

After crossing to the doorway he slowly turned around. "Thanks, Roy. I'm really sorry about sticking you with Brice again." He looked like he tried to smile, but his face wouldn't cooperate.

"Yeah, well don't worry about it." Roy gave a half-smile of his own.

"I'll catch you later."

"Yeah." Roy watched his friend cross the engine bay to where Cap was waiting by the door.

"I'm sorry I lost it there for a minute, Cap." Johnny stared past Cap, out the door. The growing darkness outside matched the gloom within the station.

"Understandable, Pal. Are you sure you're up to this? Do you want to go home?" Cap put his hand on Johnny's shoulder, causing the ex-paramedic to make brief eye contact.

"Cap, you know I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset. But I really need to work today. I just need to work."

"Okay, Johnny." Cap shook hands and clapped him on the shoulder. "You know my door is always open if you ever want to talk."

"Thanks, Cap. I appreciate that." This time the attempted smile looked little better than a grimace. "See you around."

Johnny walked out of the station and tossed his bag onto the passenger seat of the Land Rover. Roy stood behind Cap, and together they watched Johnny drive away in the drizzle that had started to fall from the sky.

Roy went into the kitchen for a glass of water. He needed an aspirin. Or two. Or maybe the whole bottle.

Brice was standing next to the table, waiting impatiently to get to work. "Shall we inventory the supplies, DeSoto?" His bland expression made it appear as if he were unaffected by the present mood of the station.

Roy glared at Brice. "I am going to hang hose." His hand trembled slightly, sloshing the water in the cup. "Go alphabetize the drug box, Brice." He slammed the cup down on the sink counter. "Alphabetize everything in the damned squad." Roy stormed out of the kitchen. "And leave the friggin' compartments unlocked!" he yelled back over his shoulder.

Cap caught Roy's arm as he swept out the door and pulled him aside as gently as he could. "It just started raining. Why don't you go clean up the dorm?" he quietly suggested. Cap watched Roy's retreating back until he rounded the corner. The sound of a foot connecting solidly with a trashcan was heard.

Brice gazed nonplussed in the direction Roy had left. He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and stated to no one in particular, "Well, that certainly wasn't very professional of him."

'This is going to be one helluva long shift.' Cap leaned against the doorjamb as silence descended upon the station. Now he had a headache, too.