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Chapter 5
I remember the sensation of flying and someone covering me up. I also felt a cold touch to my cheek and the dreams came again. Those were happy dreams, where all my friends played together on the beach, all the Cullens were there, my werewolf friends were there even Charile and Renee. We were all in La Push enjoying the sunny day, everyone, just happy, but when I looked closer I could see Edward isolated, sitting alone staring at the horizon, I wanted to go to him, but my legs wouldn´t move and as I tried to reached for him the distance between us seemed bigger and bigger. I woke up gasping.
I saw something moving in my periferal vision and I rubbed my eyes to get a clear view of it.
- Alice? - I asked a bit groggy
- Good morning sleepy. - She sang while she darted in and out of the closet taking clothes from boxes and bags and coming back with a bunch of my clothes and throwing them on the floor
- What are you doing Alice? - I whined
- Cleaning up. Since you don´t do it, I guess I´ll have to. - She grimace
- Alice, I need those clothes - I cried
- No you don´t, I got you new ones, so for each new piece I got you you have to get rid of 2, and since you wouldn´t do it... Well, I´ll just do it for you and if my math is right you will have to get rid of all your old rags - She grinned
- But Alice...- Before I could finish she held a finger in the air warning me
- Don´t argue Bella, I can see I´m going to win. By the way, it´s for you - She frowned, before I could ask what was she talking about the telephone rang.
- Hello?
- Bella? How are you?
- Oh, I´m great Mike, how was the trip home?
- Great, My mom is giving me a hard time, she said I lost too much weight, and I´m not feeding right - He laughed
- Parents will always be parents - I chuckled
- I just called to check in how your stomach was.
- It´s great, thanks Mike.
- Ok Bella, see you in a few days I guess
- Sure, see ya.
I hung up the phone and got scared when Alice was standing besides me with a grimace on her face.
- Gosh, you scared me - My hand jumped to my heart as if to hold it in place
- Isabella Swan you are so cold - she gave me a hard look. Huh? That was unexpected, cold? Why?
- Why do you say that Alice? - I shrugged
- Did you see the way you talked to your boyfriend? You might have hurt his feelings you know? -What? Boyfriend? Mike? I felt the world spinning as that sunk in.
- Alice are you drunk? - I asked holding myself not to laugh
- No, why would I be? - She shook her head in confusion
- Me dating Mike? - I couldn´t hold my laughter anymore - Are you insane? Mike is a friend, and sometimes he turns into a creepy stalker but nothing BUT friends.
- That changes things - She said with a huge smile on her face.
- Change what? - And than it hit me like a truck without breaks. If Alice thought I was dating Mike then... I felt the ground was being taken away from me, I tried to hold to the walls but I couldn´t find my arms my eyes closed and soon I lost all my senses.
- BELLA? Bella? - I felt cold hands on my forehead, I tried to answer but I couldn´t I was still in shock
- What happened Alice? - I heard Carlisle ask
- I dont know, I just talked about treating her boyfriend bad, she went into hysterics, she started laughing and asked if I was drunk and then she passed out. - I blinked at the memory
- Bella are you ok? - Carlisle asked
- Yes - I groaned, I tried to get up but 2 pairs of hands pushed me to the bed
- Stay like that for a few minutes ok? Alice come with me - They left me in my bedroom I concentrated on their talk trying to make sense of Alice´s words
"Why would she go into hysterics over that?" - Carlisle asked
"It seems she is not dating Mike" - Alice responded with a cheery voice
"Oh"
"Yes, I know. Should we tell him?" - Alice Asked
"Would that change anything?"
"I don´t know" - Alice shrugged
"Go, he is almost here" - Alice said in a hurry
Alice was back in the room before I could think about their conversations.
- Hurry, we have to get you ready, your little episode made us out of time, go take a shower - She commanded
- Alice, What is this about?
- Just go! I have to leave. Try to pick something nice to wear, It won´t be hard
- Alice.. - I groaned, she shot me a menacing look and defeated I went to get ready to whatever she was setting me up.
I took a long hot shower trying to make sense of what just happened. So Edward thought I was dating Mike, is that why he looked in pain and agony? But he left me because he didn´t want me anymore, he didn´t love me anymore... I held tight to my chest, I didn´t want to break into pieces, I had some pieces of me already in place, most of the people I loved were back in my life, and seemed pleased to have me back, I rejoiced over the memory of Esme´s face when she saw me, and tried to keep good memories, but as soon as I ran that night in my mind I saw his face again, in pain, anger, agony, I wanted to make things right for him. What could I do to make things right for him?
I dried my hair thinking how I could make things right for Edward, how could I give him happiness. but the only option that crossed my mind was too hard for me. I could leave them alone, never show up and pretend they dont exist, that would give him some peace of mind. I can´t do it, I love them, they are my family too, but I love him more, can I endure this pain to make him happy? I thought that if I ever met him again I would hate him for leaving me, for not wanting me, but I still loved him. Yes, that is the right thing to do.
I finished with my hair and moved back to my room, defeated by my decision, but I still have a few moments with them smiling at the thought that Alice did forget to pick up the pile of old rags as she called it, I felt triumphant, this battle I won. Shock crossed my face when I passed my door and noticed the pile was gone, where it once stood was a little note, I picked it up.
"You really think you´d win this one didn´t you?"
Damn it, why could she see the future. I went inside my closet cursing Alice for being that good and started looking through the clothes she left there. From what she said earlier I figured I´d have half of the normal amount of clothes to pick up but I had triple the original amount. I gasped and spent at least 5 minutes looking for something more comfortable and less Alice.
I ended up in a blue blouse and caqui pants, they looked good enough. I moved to the kitchen realizing I didn´t have breakfast and grabbed cereal and opened a new box of milk, I checked twice to see if it was still good, I also grabbed an apple but I only wanted half, I was cutting the apple in half when the doorbell rang and scared me. I looked up with a little jump and soon enough there was blood dripping from my hand.
-Great! Just a minute - I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my hand breathing through my mouth to avoid passing out and went for the door I was so frustrated with the situation that I didn´t pay any attention to my tone when I opened it.
- What? - I widened my eyes. Edward´s eyes flew to my hand where I just had open a cut - Wait here. I´m so sorry about this.
- Bella are you alright? - He was beside me taking my hand before I could even take two steps. I knew how much pain he went through, and I knew it was much more painful because my blood made him burn more than any blood ever did.
- Edward don´t - I pulled my hand out, but he picked it up again
- I can handle it - He took a deep breath smiling at the smell, was he masochist now? - Let me see it.
- You don´t have too, I got it - but he held my hand tighter and removed the towel.
- It doesn´t look bad, you won´t need stitches or anything. Do you have a first aid kit?
- Yes - I went to the bathroom and brought it back with me, I handed to him, I knew if I smelled the blood I would pass out, and I didn´t want to pass out, not again, not in front of him and easy enough he didn´t seem to have any trouble with it.
He gently removed the towel and started cleaning the injury, I payed attention to his work, watching him take each breath, like this never hurt him, like my blood was nothing but water, my blood didn´t have any appeal to him now? Did he hate me so much that my blood was somehow disgusting to him? I know it is a sick thought but I felt a bit offended, this was the one thing I knew I had on him. He cleaned the injury twice and made a perfect bandage covering every inch of the injury. It stung a bit but not as bad as if it was a deep cut, this one was just superficial. I stood up and started cleaning everything bleaching the places where I spilled blood.
- I´m sorry I interrupted your breakfast - He smiled at the half apple and the cereal already turning into something disgusting
- Well, good thing I don´t appeal to you anymore or I would be breakfast - I half smiled at my dark joke
- Bella, this is not funny. - He frowned in disapproval
- Sorry. Ahm, Edward - I felt my hole burning inside me when I spoke his name - Why are you here? Alice just left and...
- I´m not looking for Alice - He arched one perfect eyebrow
- Oh - I knew what he wanted, he came here to tell me to leave his family alone, to never bother them again. He couldn´t tell me yesterday so he would tell me today
- Actually I came here looking for you - he was serious, I was right about this. I´ll do this fast, less pain for me, I´ll bring his relief soon, I want him to be happy. I wanted to make the words come out but I couldn´t, Why was I being so selfish now? I already made this decision, I just have to do it.
- You look beautiful - I looked up to his face in confusion, I felt the burning reaching my cheeks.
- Thanks- I mumbled. I headed for the couch. Yes this was easier, I wouldn´t trip or anything, or fall down on my knees when he smiled at my decision. I sat on the couch pulling my legs up. I braced them with much force I could not to break down.
- Edward - I looked into his eyes, trying not to give anything away, but I could feel the panic building up in my chest. I took a deep breath. He came to take a sit beside me still staring at me, I closed my eyes so I could concentrate. Focus Bella, you can do this, you can make him happy. That´s what you want. - I´m sorry I intruded your life last night, I didn´t mean to. I know it´s hard for you to be around me and I could see how painful it was.
- Bella - He interrupted me, thousand of emotions crossed his face. I had to do this. For him.
- Please let me finish - I took another deep breath - I could see how hard it was for you I saw the pain and agony in your eyes, and I never wanted that for you I want you to be happy, I need you to be happy. I love your family, but if that makes you suffer soon enough they will suffer too, and I can´t live knowing I´m the source of your pain. So I will leave you and your family alone, I will pretend we never met - small lumps started to form in my throat, my voice was getting smaller I fought with all my strength the tears that threatened to come- It´s what you need.
- You are being completely absurd. - what? I was in shock, his clenched his jaw so tight I thought it was going to snap at any moment, pain and anger burned in his eyes. Wasn´t this what he wanted? I was confused he saw the confusion in my face and relaxed his jaw, he took a deep breath and composed himself, now he had a sweet look in his eyes.
- I... - He held one hand up stopping me from saying sorry
- I came here to ask if... - he twitched his fingers and looked almost embarrassed - if you would like to be friends. I know I made you suffer in the past but I´m really sorry about that. I shouldn´t have said those things, I had everything right in my mind but they came out the wrong way that day. Please forgive me.
- I... - I was completely stunned at his response, this was not the thing I would have expected not even in a thousand years. Hate? Yes but friends? Were all vampires on drugs now? How could he think I could be friends with him, knowing how strong my feelings for him were. Maybe his feeling were not strong but mine had crossed the friendship line years ago. What was this sick joke? - I don´t know. Edward I... I am confused, I don´t know what to think.
- Please consider it. - he gave me the crooked smile I loved his scorching golden eyes burned into mine. He got up - I´ll be waiting you answer. - He said before he left.
Friends? Can I even consider it? How could he ask me to be friends with him if what I wanted was to love him to be his lover, his mate, was this how Jake felt when I started going to La Push? Could I be friends with him and just be content I had his presence in my life? What if he decided to leave again, this friendship would worth nothing, and I would be the one falling into pieces in the end. I thought about the subject with tears rolling down my eyes. I stood there holding my self for hours, considering, as he asked. Eventually my thoughts drifted to a different direction everything seemed blurry but with rich colors. I knew I was dreaming but yet it felt so real.