Wednesday, December 1

Station 51

Cap noticed that both paramedics were upset when they returned from the run. At first, he chalked it up to the after-effects of dealing with a particularly abusive and obnoxious victim. He was used to Roy's broodings and usually did not worry about them over much. But Johnny generally never shut up. In fact, he usually was quite vocal after an irritating run like that. If he was brooding, it meant something bad was brewing.

Just before it was time for the men to turn in for the night, he sought out Roy. "Can I see you in my office for a minute?" he quietly asked. Once inside, he examined Roy with a searching expression. "What's up?"

"Uh, bad run."

Cap considered this for a moment. "Is John okay?"

Roy shrugged ever so minutely before answering. "I think so."

Cap was an astute observer. "Are you covering for him?" While he didn't enjoy sounding like an inquisitor, it was his job to ensure that his men were fit for duty.

Roy's response was a little slower this time."No, I wouldn't say that," came the subtle misrepresentation of the truth.

Cap considered Roy in silence for a moment longer. Before he could speak, Roy began talking. "I'm a little worried about him. He looks kind of thin and tired to me. He's … I don't know. He's not himself. It's like he's here, but he's not here. He can do his job and all, but I'm worried about him."

Cap digested the information. When no more was apparently forthcoming, he asked, "Would you go find John and ask him to come here?"

A few minutes later Johnny entered the office. Cap looked up from the papers he was idly shuffling around on the desk. "Shut the door, John." He waited until Johnny had done so and taken a seat. His gaze swept over the paramedic, noting the apparent tension in his posture. "What's up?"

"Uh, nothing. Bad run."

Smiling faintly at the almost identical reply to the question, he asked, "Are you okay?"

Johnny hesitated fractionally before answering. "I want to finish the shift. I can finish the shift."

His eyes assessed the young paramedic intently. "Get some sleep, Gage. You look like hell."

Johnny's eyebrow's rose in surprise at the unexpected remark. "Uh, okay. Cap."

Cap nodded once. "Dismissed." While he hoped that Johnny would snap out of whatever was bothering him and would give him every chance to do so, being able to perform his duties was of paramount importance. Safety, both for the public and for the crew, had to come first. He would continue to monitor the paramedic's performance.

Johnny had tried really hard to obey his captain's order about getting some sleep. Worried that his tossing and turning would disturb the others, he took his turnout gear to the break room midway through the night. The scene with the difficult victim kept re-running in his head. He alternated between being disgusted with himself over not being able to start the IV and horrified about the potentially deadly mistake he had almost made with the IV solution. While his heart knew that he had done the best he could, his head shrilled loudly that he was a failure. Maybe they shouldn't have given his license back after all. The series of events since he had lost his license had eroded his confidence in himself as effectively as the winter rains had eroded the shoreline along the Pacific Coast Highway.