Sunday, December 5:
Johnny's Place
A pre-dawn run had kept the A-shift of Station 51 from returning until after the eight o'clock hour. Johnny had quickly changed out of his turnout coat and uniform, and left the station without speaking to anyone. Construction detours snarled traffic, even on a Sunday, and the rain did nothing to cool the temperature of the frustrated drivers. It was well past nine by the time that Johnny made it home.
"Good morning, Mr. Gage!" Mrs. Carter sang out brightly.
"Good morning, Mrs. Carter."
If the landlady had any ideas of asking Johnny for assistance with a little project that morning, she must have quickly repented of them upon seeing the stormy expression on his face.
He took the stairs two at a time. Hands trembling, he fumbled with the key. "Damn this lock!" Finally it turned. He banged the door open, then kicked it shut with his heel. Stalking over to the refrigerator, he yanked the door open and grabbed a beer.
Three beers later, he slouched on the sofa, not quite numb enough, but too tired to walk across the room to get another one. The phone was ringing. Again. He mustered enough energy to reach over and detach the cord from the back to stop the intrusive noise.
Three quarters of an hour and the rest of a six-pack later, a knock sounded on the door. He ignored it.
The knocking resumed. "Johnny, are you in there?" came Roy's voice through the door.
"Dammit!" Johnny muttered, heaving himself off the couch. Slamming the door open, he barked, "What do you want!"
Roy stepped back half a pace. "I was worried about you."
Johnny glared at his friend, then moved aside, permitting entry.
As Roy stepped into the apartment, his eyes took in the empties by the sofa, then looked back at Johnny. "You gonna spend the day drinking?"
"It's none of your damned business! But if you must know, yes. I am," he said sarcastically.
"It is my business. You're self-destructing and I can't just stand here and watch."
"Well, no one asked you to!"
"I'm sorry. I didn't come here to argue with you."
The two stared at each other for a moment.
Breaking eye-contact, Johnny asked, "Do you want a … something to drink?"
"Coffee would be good."
Annoyance plain on his face, Johnny filled the kettle with water, banged it into the burner and set the flame to boil. He reached up into the cupboard and brought down two mugs and the jar of instant coffee. He turned around, leaning back against the counter next to the stove, arms crossed, waiting. Roy remained standing near the doorway. The clock ticked off the seconds as the water seemed to take forever to heat.
"What was that with the little girl?"
"Nobody got hurt."
"That's not the point."
"Who the hell do you think you are? Captain DeSoto?"
The water in the kettle began to bubble.
"Oh, come on! You're acting like a rookie."
"Well, excuse me! I forgot you always do everything right."
"That was a lucky stick and you know it!"
"You didn't flunk the damned exam!"
Steam began to puff from the spout of the kettle.
"You didn't flunk the damned exam, either! Why the hell are you acting like you're not a paramedic?"
"I'll be seeing the friggin' shrink tomorrow! I don't friggin' need this from you!"
The kettle whistled shrilly.
"What the hell do you need?"
"Leave me the hell alone!"
Johnny removed the screaming kettle from the burner and switched it off. Still with his back to Roy, he said more quietly, "Just leave me alone."
Roy stood silently for a moment. "Okay," he said softly, then turned and left the apartment.
After hearing the door close, Johnny got another beer and went back to the sofa.
Roy's Place
Roy stood outside in the hallway, his breath tight, feeling like he had just run a race and come in last. He hadn't meant to buy into Johnny's anger. He knew better than to argue with an angry, intoxicated man. But this angry, intoxicated man was his partner and his best friend. He had come over with the intention of offering support, and he had only made things worse. He sighed, hoping that seeing the psychiatrist would do some good, because he certainly wasn't providing much help at this point.
As he navigated the rain-slicked roads, he replayed the conversation over in his head, thinking of the things he should have said, wishing he could take back some of the things he had said. Reaching home, he ducked through the raindrops to the front door, where Joanne greeted him.
"You're back early. How'd it go?"
"Terrible."
They walked into the kitchen, where Roy dropped down heavily onto a chair next to the table. Joanne came up behind him, putting her arms around his shoulders and pressing her face next to his. He leaned back into her embrace for a few moments.
"Where are the kids?"
"They're playing at the neighbors."
He caressed her arms for a minute and then pulled her around to sit in his lap. He cupped her face gently in his hands. "I love you, Joanne." His arms moved down to encircle her shoulders as he pulled her tightly against his chest, burying his face in her hair. "I need you," he whispered.