Krauser beat Ada, it really is that simple.

Thanks a lot for reviewing Alexia's letter;
Desert Starr, rockof90, Master of the Cupcake, XSakixTakashiX, Frozen Labyrinth, Zombiegirl2007, d-chan-67, AerisTifaYuffie, WeskyTron4211, Gerkyhen and Inochi N- f.O.G.

I do not own Jack Krauser, or anything else from the game Resident Evil the Darkside Chronicles. Capcom does.

Warnings;Slight bashing, for this is Krauser. OBVIOUS spoilers for RE DC.

Just a small note; I do NOT like Manuela. If you do, and can't stand the thought of me cracking a bad joke or complaining about her, then I suggest you click the tiny X in the corner of your screen. I warned you.

Enjoy.

Capcom...

Guess who's back, back again... It'd be Jack, run while you can.

First of all I would like to point something out that has to do with my first letter. I sent you a picture of myself, holding a sign that said 'Capcom is going down'. I specifically asked you to send me that picture back, as I looked very good in it. I never got my picture back, so if I do not find it on my doormat very soon, I will set fire to your office. Or perhaps my new friend, Alexia, will. She holds a grudge against you too, so I bet I could get her to help me out here.

My picture, I want it back.

Now that we got that out of the way, let's move on to the actual subject of this letter. I have played your new Chronicles game, and I was very pleased to see you put me in it too... That is, until I finished the game, and realized that you have been making me look like a fool again. I am not a fool, so I will now, as I did before, explain what has bothered me and what needs to be changed. I really hope that this time, for once, you will actually read a letter before disposing of it.

I need to add though that I will also point out the things I did like, because maybe it will make you feel better and thus more motivated to change certain parts of the game.

Now let's get this thing over with.

1. The start.
The way the game starts is just brilliant. Leon almost getting killed by a snake, because he prefers to stare at a butterfly, is pretty damn awesome to me.
The fact that I killed said snake while Leon was being a clueless fool, amused me even more. I must say, that was one of the funniest cut-scenes in the whole Resident Evil series, so you should keep it that way.

2. My appearance.
For the love of all that is sacred to me, I look amazing. I must say that I pull off big muscles a lot better than that Redfield bastard does... The only problem with my appearance is that you made my head a bit too small. Or maybe you made my muscles too big... No wait, that ain't possible, my muscles can never be too big.

Fix my head, will ya?

3. A missing dog.
I'm not quite sure whether there was a missing dog in real life, but in the game you placed a poster of a missing dog on the same wall that had posters of missing girls.
I know that is a strange detail to notice, but it made me smirk. You can keep the dog, Capcom. If it is a dog, anyway... I just thought about this again, and it could've also been a really ugly girl.

Ahwell, doesn't matter... Ugly girls need to be in games too, so keep it/her anyway.

4. The helmets.
Some of the zombies are wearing helmets, which amusingly enough, you can shoot off their heads. However, some of the helmets they were wearing were pink.

Just because they are zombies, does not mean you should take their privilege of looking like a man away from them. The ladies wear pink, the men wear black. It really is that simple.

5. The helmets II.
The helmets, they look like condoms. Now why on earth did you make them look like that? Just because they are zombies doesn't mean they wear their condoms on their heads. It makes no sense, Capcom. Change them into normal helmets, or even berets, but lose the condoms.

Of course the zombies get hostile if you make them look ridiculous. I know I would with a rubber on my head.

... Hehe, I actually tried to pull one over my head one time. For some reason it broke.

6. That guide.
Did you see him? You made me and Leon all sad after seeing him die, but to be honest, I didn't give a damn. That guide was such a wuss, he wouldn't have been able to help us out anyway.
Take it easy on the drama, Jack Krauser doesn't care about a lot of things but himself anyway.

7. Manuela's singing.
Have you met my friend Alexia? Both Manuela and Alexia had the same virus, and both were singing.
Alexia is obviously a better singer than Manuela. That isn't relevant, but I still felt like pointing that out.

Alexia looks a lot better too, actually... I should give her a call soon, I'm sure she'd like to see my condoms again. And no, they won't be on my head.

8. First 'boss' fight.
It was easy, I only used my handgun, even though in real life, Leon and I both went through several shotgun shells and even a few grenades.

9. My attitude.
Whenever I talk to Manuela, I sound like an asshole. I like it, it reminds me a lot of real life, so don't ever change that.
I particularly enjoyed how you made me so blunt. Leon was being all sweet and understanding, and I just ruin the mood by saying things like "we're the ones who saved you," or "they're all dead," as if I didn't give a damn.

True, true, seeing as I really didn't.

10. Leon! Leeoon... Leon!
Manuela only gave a damn about Leon, so it surprised me she never tried to shag him... Every single time she would see Leon again, she would be acting all worried... However, whenever she saw me, she hardly said anything.
It does not please me whatsoever that that butterfly-loving fool is more interesting to the ladies than I am.

Did you not see my muscles? My blue eyes? My amazing beret?
Or did you not hear my sexy voice?

Anyway, I have been thinking about this, and came to a very simple conclusion; Leon reminds Manuela of her girlfriends at school.
And I see why, as Leon would make a great girlfriend.

Too bad for him he's not the best boyfriend material though.

11. Manuela.
It appears you too noticed how she is whiny. She reminds me a lot of Ashley, but in a way, Ashley actually had a much more enjoyable personality. At least Ashley would every once in a while yell at someone and show some spunk, while Manuela never showed any of that. She reminded me more of a dog, while Ashley was more of a cat. I prefer cats over dogs, so it's not hard to understand who I liked more.

I don't like the drama in this game, and for some reason, it all had to do with her. I was actually glad about...

No, I will mention this at the end. Let's carry on.

12. Javier Hidalgo.
What a monster. I'm not talking about the human organs, because that was just plain gross, but about his mutated form. He looked ridiculous and reminded me of Saddler in a certain way.

The only cool thing about his mutation were his joints, which brings me to...

13. Shoot his joint!
For some reason Manuela suddenly decided his joints were his weak spots, and she started setting them on fire, while Leon and I tried to shoot them.
I found this very funny, because a joint is also a name for a smoke that contains weed or pot, so technically, Manuela was lighting her father's joints.

No wonder he was such a strange man... If you can get your own damn daughter to light your joints, you're beyond addicted, you're just a fool.
Safe to say, it made my day.

14. The ending.
Manuela survived in real life, in case you wanted to know. But I preferred the 'bad' ending, because I was really sick of her moaning and groaning all game long.
Also, to die the way she did wasn't all that bad, at least it looked cool. I died once, and it didn't look that cool, let me tell you that.

Then again, I had a mutated arm... So in the end, at least my death was more epic.

15. Random thoughts.

- I liked how you made two chapters that contained my thoughts. I don't completely agree with the fact that at times, you made me sound scared, but still... You gave me, the one and only Krauser, some awesome screen time all for myself. And Leon didn't get any of that.

So yes, Krauser approves. Just make me sound less scared in certain parts... I wasn't scared, it was Leon who was scared. Which shouldn't be surprising seeing as how much of a fool he is... Getting distracted by a butterfly, what a joke of a 'man'.

- Sacred Snakes... What a stupid name, don't you agree? I hope you never give me some kind of gang in a video-game, because I really do not wish to be known as the leader of the 'Cunning Krausers', 'Beautiful Berets' or 'Jolly Jacks'. That'd be so wrong, I don't even have words for it.

- I like how you gave us alternate uniforms, even though it was a short and simple game, and you didn't see those uniforms in the cut-scenes. At least I did get to wear my beret, so really... I approve.

- I think you should put me in yet another game, and it would be lovely if, in that game, you would explain to everyone how I got my scars.

If you want details on how I got my scars, feel free to e-mail me, and I would gladly inform you... That is, if Wesker hasn't killed you already by the time you get this letter. I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case, because he is really angry these days. And no, it's not related to PMS.

- Oh yes, Wesker. I like him, I just thought I'd point that out to you once again. That man really helped me after the Hidalgo-problems, so you better show him some more respect and add a few more cut-scenes that have him in it. I bet he would appreciate it greatly.

- The last thing I wanted to point out that, despite some epic fails, you did make me look better than you did in RE4. I am mainly shown as a humorous, strong and hard-headed man, and those parts of my personality you captured very well.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go because the rest of the game didn't really interest me, and I don't feel like expanding my letter with meaningless comments on some of the conversations that took place in the game.

Apart from, maybe... Well, the Ashfords are awesome, and when Steve died, a fly landed in my eye, making me tear up a little.

... Oh yeah, one more time; Send that picture back! I will include another picture of myself holding a 'if you don't send my picture back, you're going down' sign. I hope that will finally make you feel like replying to my letters.

Jack Krauser.

...

I just figured I would prevent Krauser from posting this letter before I had the chance to say something too. This is Wesker, and you will be expecting another letter from me soon, as it appears you never replied to my first and second.

Don't expect me to give up just because you ignore me all the time... The more you ignore me, the more you will hear from me, until I either get what I want, or until you die in the process.

Sincerely,
A.W.

...

Hahaha strangahs, I was havin' fun at the strangah's house when he told me he wrote y'all a letter again. I just felt like adding a lil' note, pointin' out that I want to be in another game too... Can't have a good game without someone that knows all about them guns, right?

Merchant.

...

Hi mom! This is Chris!

I was hanging out with Wesker, or more like, hiding from him, when I noticed this envelope. I figured I'd put my note in here, because otherwise I will forget to post it, and that will piss Claire off like nothing else ever would. Except for PMS, anyway.

I hope whoever receives this will forward this note to you... People who receive this; This is my mom's address;
Mrs. Redfield - Bluegrass ... Streetway 665 ... 654993 AW ... Silent Hill.

Anyway, I will be home for Easter, and Leon is coming too because his mom is currently dating the president, and that pisses him off. Claire is coming too, and she's taking Steve, I believe. I wonder how, though. Ahwell, doesn't matter. SEE YA!
Your lil Christopher.

Pfffffffffffff... This took a while, but hey, better late than never. Unless you hated it, but then I don't understand why you are still reading.
You gotta looooove the Krauser. :) Tee-hee.

Ahwell, if ya liked, leave a comment. If ya hated, flamers will be forced to smoke Javier's joints. Which sounds wrong, now that I think of it...

Also, feel free to leave the name of who you want to write a letter. ^^

- FUNK.