Chapter 18

BPOV

His eyes sparkled and burned, the most beautiful smile crossed his face I felt my bones melting. He threw his arms around my waist and lifted me from the floor swirling me in the air around the room. He laughed so carefree so happy. He finally stopped and set my feet on the ground, he hugged me and sunk his head into my now deranged hair taking in a huge gush of air.

"You remember." He said his face still buried in my hair I couldn't see his face but happiness emanated from his entire body.

"Not all of it." I admitted.

"What do you remember?" He asked curious now looking at me.

"Well" I paused for a second trying to force all the memories I had from him to come back. "I remember that song and something inside me knew it was my song, and then I remembered being alone in a forest, your face came to me, so cold, so composed." Anguish took place of happiness in his eyes. "And then I looked at you and knew that it was you and that you were back." I smiled

"That´s all?" He asked incredulous.

"Well of memories yes." I only had those memories of him, but my feelings were something else there was a lot more to it but I couldn't put it to words.

"What else?" He asked taking my hands into his.

"I am not sure I can explain. I don't understand it." I confessed. It was hard for me not understanding exactly why I felt this way about him. I always thought when you loved someone it was a love purely based on memories, on things that were build together but this was entirely different and completely new. Because of that song, I knew, and I was sure I loved him, no conditions, no memories, it was pure love. I loved him with every cell of my body and with all my force, and I couldn't bring myself to deny that, even if there was no reason, even if it didn't make sense I couldn't stop loving him.

"Try." He said his eyes begging.

"I only have these tree memories of you, but you see, they mean so much more than I can understand. I know there is something missing but I can´t tell exactly what it is." Did that make sense to him? It didn't make sense for me. "And when you finished and looked at me, I knew it was you, I was sure this was the song you played for me, I can´t remember when or why, but seeing you there at the piano made me sure, almost like déjà vu." He nodded

"So you don't exactly remember me." He asked in a grave tone.

"Not really." I answered embarrassed, pain crossed his eyes.

"I understand" He said releasing his arms from me.

"Don´t I" whispered in his ear holding him tighter, being apart from him seemed so wrong. Now that I had him so close, I didn't want to let go, I needed him.

"Why?" He asked still not responding to my hold on him.

"Because I might not have memories of you, but I know I-" I stopped there.

"Know what?" he was impatient

"I love you." I sunk my head into his chest, I felt the warmth reaching my cheeks. He let out a long breath.

"How can you be so sure?" He asked, but the sadness was now gone from his voice.

"It´s complicated." I stated.

"I´m sure I can keep up." He laughed, I knew I missed something, like an internal joke.

"I can´t remember, I am not sure what happened, or why it ended up like this, but there is something more, something inside me just draws me to you, it feels wrong, to be apart from you." I pursed my lips, maybe I was saying too much.

"Nonetheless I would feel better if you could remember everything. I don´t want you to regret anything once your memories come back to you." He said putting a distance between us. My arms were empty, a part of me was missing. I didn't want to give away how wrong it felt so I just nodded.

"Maybe there is something I could do to help." My eyes flashed to his, he wanted to help, so he wasn't planning on staying apart for long, I liked this.

"Why don´t you tell me something? If you tell me I might remember." I suggested, he just shook his head.

"I am biased." He stated.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked curiosity burning.

"Wait here." He darted out of the room and in amazing speed he was back, with a small notebook in his hands. He pulled me to the couch and sat right beside me, putting it on my lap. I looked at him waiting for an explanation.

"Maybe, it would be easier if you looked at it from your own perspective." He opened the first page and looked at me expectant.

I ran my eyes through the first page and it was easy enough to recognize my handwriting, it was my diary.

"Oh"

I read the first page and it didn´t surprise me when I saw his name on it, but the memories didn´t come to me. I knew he was eager to know if I remembered something, he was fidgeting in his place, but I didn't dare disappoint him so I turned to another page. It was the second time I saw him, I got now the internal joke, he said that to me when he asked me about Phill and mom, but again, no memories.

"Anything yet?" He asked but I just shook my head.

"Do you want to stop?"

"No" I answered too fast, he just chuckled.

I read countless pages about us and about his family, how he was always trying to warn me about how dangerous he was, how he was always giving me the choice, how he saved my life and how natural it was for me to be around them, it seemed so easy, I did remember how it felt when I didn't belong, I was sure I was a freak, well seeing from this point of view I was definitely a freak, who would have thought that my place was with a bunch of vampires. I laughed and turned to another page, my birthday, an accident, it seemed a tragedy but even reading it I knew it was not a big deal, for me anyway. I kept on reading and reached another page but this one was almost empty the lonely words made my inside fall apart. "He left me." Without thinking I threw my arms around my chest, making sure they held everything in place, why these words would cause me so much pain? I couldn't understand it, in a second I felt my entire body breaking, I turned to another page "He didn´t want me." I felt my heart being ripped apart, I gasped for the unnecessary air, but my lungs weren´t there either. It was the thought, the thought of being apart from him, of never seeing his gorgeous face again and of never hearing his sweet velvet voice that made me hurt so bad, again the unconditional love was there. A flash of memory came to me, the vision of my plain human body and then his body, his glorious body, it was easy to see why we weren´t right, I was no good for him.

"Are you hurt Bella?" He said holding my hands and undid my grasp. "What is it? Did you remember something?"

"You di-dn't wa-nt me?" I felt my voice breaking with small sobs I couldn´t care less about my memories, the feeling, the hurt those were still there and they were real almost tangible. He sighed.

"It wasn´t like that." He was now wiping the tears of my face. "I didn´t want you to be in danger."

"Then why?" I asked trying to recompose.

"Because, I thought I was the one putting you in danger, you were in danger every second we spent together and that day, the day of your birthday, it was all the proof I needed to get resolution in place. I didn´t want you hurting anymore. I wasn´t ready to the one who harmed you beyond repair, love." His last word sent a wave of warmth through my entire body. So he left me because he didn´t want to hurt me, he feared for my life, I couldn´t find the words to describe how that felt in one fraction of a second all the hurt, all the pain all the doubts were lifted and I knew he loved me too. He pulled my head up so he could look me in the eyes and waited, but I couldn't find my voice.

"It was a lie." He reassured. "I had to lie or you wouldn´t…" I interrupted him

"Still…" I said dropping my head, embarrassed, I wanted to tell him I still loved him, I wanted to tell him how he had left his mark in me no matter if I remembered.

"You regret forgiving me don't you?" He said his voice full of defeat.

"Still" I repeated "I do love you" and it was true, but I was not sure he would take it.

He tilted my chin up with the tip of his fingers and leaned in closer, his lips brushed mine ever so slightly, I wasn't even sure they were there.

"I love you more." He whispered, his breath made my lips tingle. He then pressed his lips against mine with so much passion I forgot completely who I was. My lips parted giving in to his, my heart raced in my chest, I was ready to give all of me to him but way too soon, he stopped, my head between his hands, I looked at his expectant face and another memory came to me.

"At least I didn´t faint this time." I smiled he laughed.

"We can work on that." He said delivered a small kiss on my lips. He pulled us closer, I could feel his skin slightly colder than mine sending small shockwaves through my entire body. I knew I belonged to him, even with no memories I couldn't argue with myself, something inside me yelled that this was right, that there was nothing I could do to fight it and I was pleased with my lack of strength because I didn´t want to fight it.

Don´t hate me it is a bit short but I was so excited to show you how Bella saw this entire situation that I had to end the chapter soon.

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