Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.
Note to Readers: Thank you for the reviews and PM's. Well, based on some recent possible spoiler implications for season 6 involving a time leap this story will have one, as well, although the time leaps scenarios for S6 I have heard on the grapevine range from 6 months to five years. I hope you enjoy chapter 2. Happy Reading!
Our Solemn Hour
By Dawn Nyberg
Chapter 2: Hand of Sorrow
"…So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed, was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?" ~ lyrics excerpt from Hand of Sorrow by Within Temptation
Nine Months Later, Tonganoxie, Kansas
Sam squinted at the early morning light as he exited Helen's Hilltop Bar and Restaurant where he had been working the last six months. The bar closed at 2 AM but the clean-up after the big biker party kept Sam there cleaning with his other co-workers until the wee hours and Sam stayed behind another couple hours to prepare the bar for the next days service and lock-up. There was a large biker gathering for the weekend and business was heavy. Sam had started out as a busboy and was quickly put behind the bar when they discovered he had a knack for fitting in and could work a bar like an old pro.
Tonganoxie wasn't far from Lawrence and Sam figured he could lose his past there, lose himself but still be close to Dean in his own way despite them being in different states.
He got in an old Jeep Wrangler he had bought shortly after settling in Tonganoxie. The Jeep was crap compared to the Impala. It wasn't home and held no memories of a distant life. Sam's mind went to Cicero and his big brother. He had stayed nearby for three months and watched Dean from afar and it was when he stayed hidden in a group of people watching a little league baseball game and his brother and Lisa that he decided it was time to move on. Dean was okay and despite the far away look he still got now and again, his brother was settling into his new life away from hunting and it was time to go. Sam needed the three months to settle back into his own skin so to speak. He still had the nightmares of Hell and the cage but most of all he was still haunted by the memory of Lucifer inside his mind, his body. The craving for blood was gone but it didn't mean he still couldn't sniff out a demon when was around.
He still hunted but only nearby cases because he felt responsible in some way for the new onslaught of supernatural activity. Heaven and Hell were a mess after the apocalypse was averted. There were plenty of things that go bump in the night to hunt. He still had work to do but couldn't bring himself to go on the road not with out Dean. He hadn't seen Castiel again and he had never contacted Bobby to tell him that he was alive and out of Hell. What's the point? He's better off without me, safer and he'd tell Dean for sure, he thought to himself although it was obvious that during his brief stay in Cicero that Dean wasn't talking to Bobby and was making an attempt to swear off the hunting life, so Bobby had to stay out of the loop.
He turned onto Evans Road and made his way down the long rural road where he lived in an old farm house a mile and half off the road. It was run down but the rent was cheap and he sent the money to an old retired couple in Florida living in a senior's mobile home park. He pulled into the long dirt and gravel driveway to his house and when he pulled up out front he saw a trench coat figure step from the early shadows and he knew even before he saw his face that it was Castiel. Sam tensed and shut the car off quickly. He walked with purpose toward the front porch, "Is he okay? What's wrong?" Sam's eyes and voice were intense.
Castiel offered that soft smile, "your brother is fine." Sam studied the angel for an intense moment and puckered his eyebrows.
"Then why the hell are you here and do I even have to ask how you found me. Tell Joshua to stop passing along messages. I just want to be left alone Cas is that so damn hard for you to grasp."
Castiel cocked his head slightly, "you're angry."
"Damn straight. I just want to be left alone." Sam pushed past the angel and started for his front door.
"Dean needs his brother," Castiel offered evenly.
"You said he was okay," Sam stalked toward the angel and looked down at him. Castiel merely offered that unreadable soft smile of his.
"He is," Castiel answered and then paused. "For the most part."
"What does that mean, 'for the most part' … either he is or he isn't dammit!"
"He is living the life you made him promise to," Cas replied. "He works at a local garage and attends little league, football and soccer games. He even goes to parent teacher nights with Lisa at Ben's school. He goes through the motions and has retired from hunting and sworn never to return to it."
Sam sat down heavily on the front wooden steps of his porch. The sunrise was cresting over the sparse collection of trees off to the side of his driveway. The golden light of the new day glinted in Cas's eyes as he took a seat next to the youngest Winchester. "Do you talk to him?" Sam asked his voice soft.
"No, I keep watch just as you asked and check in on him. He never knows I'm there. I even watch him in his dreams but he's never seen me."
"His dreams? Are they nightmares?" Sam's eyes looked troubled and weary.
"Sometimes," Castiel offered without preamble.
"About Hell?"
Castiel shook his head slightly. "Not his Hell," he replied. "His nightmares are of what he thinks you're going through and he remembers the cemetery and when you went into the hole." Sam dropped his head into a hand and ran a shaking hand through his long bangs.
"Are they all bad?"
"No, mostly he dreams of when you were both young or that he gets to see you again as you were and you fish," Cas said with a smile and Sam quirked an eyebrow at the angel.
"We fish?"
"Yes, at a placid lake, it is peaceful. It's a place he has dreamed of more than once. I found him there once when I needed him. But, he dreams of the place often, however, you are there with him now."
"Why are you doing this Cas? Trying to guilt trip me into letting him know I'm alive. For what? Why? He's better off; he's living the life he deserves."
"He is living a life that does not define him. Yes, he has known some happiness and the promise you asked of him has been fulfilled. He may stay in that life but you need to unburden his soul and allow him to know you're alive."
Sam shook his head. "Nah, he's moving on Cas, he'll let go … he's letting go."
"He'll never let go of your memory Sam, never."
"No, but he'll let go of the burden of me," Sam added softly. Castiel studied the young man next to him.
"Then why is he packing this very minute to drive to Lawrence?" Sam shot an intense look at Cas.
"What? Why?" Castiel gave this knowing shake of his head. "What?"
"Do you have no idea what tomorrow is? Are you that lost?"
Sam could only offer a perplexed look at the angel. "What's so special about tomorrow? It hasn't even been a year since that day in the cemetery, so…"
"Tomorrow is your birthday Sam and Dean is coming to see you at the only place he can feel is your grave. He is returning to Stull Cemetery to talk to his brother on his birthday." Sam closed his eyes for a moment to calm the emotions rolling over him like a tsunami.
"He's going back there?" Sam spoke his thoughts out loud and Castiel seemed to pick up on that and said nothing. He was learning some of the human quirks he kept encountering.
"Yes and it is time to give him peace Sam."
Sam felt his chest tighten and his throat constrict against his pent up emotions. Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's time Sam … go to him tomorrow." Sam cast an anguished glance at Cas. He offered a curt nod as a tear broke free and rolled down his cheek unchecked. "You'll go?"
"Yes," Sam's voice cracked. The second big 'yes' in his life and he hoped its result wouldn't be as devastating as the first.
To Be Continued
I hope to update every weekend unless time permits earlier posts they could come sooner! Thanks for reading.