Disclaimer: The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

Note to Readers: Again, thank you for the reviews and PM's they are appreciated! This chapter is a little longer than the others have been. I hope it meets muster. Happy Reading, I hope!

Side Note: I took the title of this chapter from a Tori Amos song with the same title.

Our Solemn Hour

By Dawn Nyberg

Chapter 6: Silent All These Years

" … For now the thought both of lost happiness and lasting pain torments him …" John Milton, Paradise Lost

Early Morning, Sam's Place, May 3rd

Dean had wondered around the top floor and true to Sam's words there wasn't a lot up there and only one bed. It wasn't big upstairs; a couple small rooms down the hall mostly empty just the spare wooden wardrobe or smaller dressers. Dean stood looking out over the open field he could see outside Sam's window. He released the thin curtain when he heard the bed creak quietly as Sam stirred and sighed. He turned around and met his brother's eyes and smiled. "Mornin' sunshine," Dean's voice was relaxed. Sam studied his brother for a long moment.

"Morning, what are you doing up here? How long you been up here?" he sat up and ran a hand through his hair. Dean just watched him.

"Awhile," Dean answered evenly.

"I woke you up, huh? Sorry, but hey, I'm good" Sam tried for chagrinned but Dean could see the pain buried deep and Sam was trying to dodge and he wasn't going to let his little brother do that. "What?" Sam looked at Dean when his brother remained silent.

"You're good? That's gotta be a joke, right? Sam you scared the crap out of me last night." Sam huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes as he pushed the sheet off of him and threw his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Don't be dramatic Dean," Sam's voice sounded harsh but beneath the surface so weary. "Look I tried to get you to stay at a motel. So, I get a little vocal. They're just dreams."

"Just dreams?" Dean couldn't mask the incredulous sound in his voice. "You sounded like a Wendigo was ripping you a new one man." Dean's concern came across as anger. "Hell, Sam, we ain't been back together even twenty-four hours and you're already keeping secrets. Those nightmares are more hardcore than anything I went through dude. You were wild Sammy. I tried to wake you up but it's like I wasn't there I had to get some reinforcements …"

Sam's eyes snapped to his older brother. "What hell does that mean, reinforcements?"

"I yelled for Cas, okay? Get over it man, you needed him, hell, I needed him, you were on some kind of nightmare trip and you wouldn't snap out of it."

"So, what you let him do his angel whammy on me and I …"

"You what Sam? Sleep through the rest of the night without a nightmare, yeah that sounds about right. Look you were out of it man and I couldn't help you so I got someone that could, okay?"

"I don't need a keeper Dean. I've been doing just fine on my own. They're nightmares, so what?" Sam fumed. "I can handle it!"

"Really? You sure about that? 'Cause I see the couple bottles of pills that seem be handling some of it for you."

"Stay out of my stuff," Sam accused.

"They're sitting out in the open Sam," Dean pointed to the short bureau on the wall they sat on top of along with Sam's watch. "Anyway Cas knew about them and told me."

Sam turned to leave the room and Dean reached out a hand and gently grasped his little brother's right forearm. "Wait, Sammy, please…" Dean waited until Sam made eye contact with him. "Just talk to me man. You need to," he urged keeping his voice soft.

Sam just shook his head. "You didn't," he said flatly.

"Eventually I told you … a little … you know what I did while I was there, what Alistair had me doing when he took me off the rack."

"Yeah, you told me that eventually man, but there was a lot more you never talked about. Remember what you said to me on that pier … you said there aren't words and you were right. Look just because we've both been to Hell doesn't mean we experienced the same Hell, okay?"

"What? You sayin' I won't understand," Dean's eyes were hot. Sam's eyes softened.

"No, Dean, I know you'd understand but look we just had our own versions of Hell and you were right 'there aren't words' and talking about it isn't going to help." Sam started to leave again and Dean once again stopped him.

"I was wrong Sammy, okay? You need to deal with whatever it is that is haunting you man. Look I know all about the inner demons that piggy back in your head after that trip down under … I want to help," Dean's eyes were earnest. "Let me." There was the hint of a plea in his voice and the caring showing in his eyes made Sam's throat constrict. He swallowed hard.

"I can't," his voice trembled and he walked out of his room leaving Dean behind stricken silent by the raw emotion in Sam's face and voice.

A Little While Later

Dean walked out to the porch while Sam was in the shower. They had had a quiet cup of coffee in the kitchen and were going to go into town for breakfast. Dean needed to make a phone call. He pulled his cell out and selected the number he wanted and waited, it only rang twice, "Dean?" the voice sounded a little anxious on the other end and he couldn't help but smile softly in response.

"Hey Lisa," Dean's voice was gentle.

"Are you okay? I haven't heard from you since you got into Lawrence." She paused a moment. "How was the cemetery … are you okay?"

"Yeah, about that," Dean began. Lisa knew Sam was dead he had told her he had been killed in the process of stopping the apocalypse but hadn't gone into too many details. "Sort of ran into someone there."

"Someone or something," her voice was anxious. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm good," he assured. "Hey, how did Ben's soccer game go?"

"The team won and don't change the subject," her voice steady. "What happened?"

Dean paused because there was no gentle segue to the truth, so he just said it, "Sam," he said bluntly. "Sam was there. He came back. He's alive." There was dead silence on the phone for a long moment.

"Your brother Sam?" her voice sounded stunned and confused all at once and Dean did smile because he still sort of felt the same way, too.

"Yeah, long story, but all that matters is that he's alive. He needs my help Lisa," he lowered his voice and stepped off the porch not knowing if Sam was done with his shower upstairs and not wanting his kid brother to hear him.

"Bring him back to Cicero."

"He'll never do that."

"So what are you saying? How long are you going to be gone? Talk to him, he'll come. You can help find him a place. I don't want to know the details of whatever happened Dean, but I want you back here. You have a life here."

"Lisa I know that, okay? But, this is my brother and there is no way he'll come to Cicero to live. He's messed up right now and there is no way I'm leaving him."

"Okay," her answer was quiet. "Do what you have to for your brother but can you check in here … Ben will want to talk to you and hear your voice."

"Sure, look once his head is a little clearer …"

"Try to get him here Dean. Maybe he'll surprise you." Dean knew in his heart of hearts that his brother wasn't stepping foot in the house back in Cicero but he couldn't think about that now. There were a lot bigger issues at hand and Sam's emotional and mental health were what mattered to Dean right now.

"Yeah," Dean replied. "I better go Lisa Tell Ben I said Hi, okay? I'll keep in touch."

"Okay, where are you anyway?"

"Tonganoxie, Kansas."

"Tonga … where?" Dean huffed a laugh.

"Tonganoxie it's outside Lawrence," Dean heard the screen door open and he turned to see Sam standing there. He was dressed in jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt, his hair still damp and pushed back. He waved at his brother and offered and tentative smile, "I gotta go, Sam's here. I'll call," he assured. The phone call ended with some too quiet whispers that Sam couldn't hear.

"That Lisa?" Sam asked without preamble.

"Had to call her," Dean answered. "Told her I'd be here for a while."

Sam shook his head, "You should go back to your life Dean. We can keep in touch." Dean looked at his brother like he had suddenly sprouted horns.

"Sammy this ain't like you've been away on some long trip man and were catching up," Dean rubbed a hand across his tired eyes. "I'm here, okay?"

Sam didn't have the energy to argue. "You hungry? I'm starving? Come on," Sam raised his keys and started walking toward his jeep.

"I can drive," Dean offered and looked at the Impala. Sam eyed the familiar black car and shook his head.

"Nah, come on," he jerked his head toward his jeep. "Anyway, you don't know where the hell you're going around here. I got it covered."

Dean nodded and followed his brother "Yeah, okay."

The jeep moved down the asphalt toward town and Dean glanced over at his quiet brother and watched as the wind buffeted his hair. "So, where we going?"

"Corky's," Sam answered easily.

"Who's that?" Dean looked squarely at his brother. Sam laughed.

"Not who … it's a restaurant in town."

"Oh."

Sam parked in a spot outside the non-descript restaurant, "Come on." Sam urged and Dean climbed out. Sam pulled on the door and let Dean walk in first and Sam followed in.

"Sam, good morning kiddo," a waitress, an older woman with a name badge on that said Sherry on it smiled at Sam.

"Hey Sherry," Sam smiled easily at the older woman. The woman eyed Dean.

"So, a booth today … since you have a guest or do you want your usual spot at the bar?" Sam offered her a dimpled smile that edged on sheepish. Dean smirked. He couldn't figure out how his little brother could still look sheepish and pull off that dewy-eyed thing he was still a sucker for.

"Sherry," Sam tossed a thumb in Dean's direction. "This is Dean, my older brother. He's visiting from Indiana." Dean didn't miss the visiting comment from his younger sibling.

"Brother? Aren't we full of surprises," she looked Dean over and smiled. "Yep, I can see it in the eyes. Hi Dean, nice to meet you."

"Thanks Sherry, likewise."

Sam and Dean sat and ate their breakfasts in silence for a long time and finally Dean had to say something. "So, people know you around here, huh?"

"I live here Dean, yeah, I know some." Sam answered and clammed up. Dean sighed.

"Care to expand on that?" Dean urged. He was trying to get Sam to talk about anything.

"I eat here sometimes; it's a good place to stop when I work over late at work. They open at 6 AM, so they come in handy when I'm coming off a late night and clean-up at work. They got good coffee."

"Yeah?" Dean didn't know what else to ask. He had remembered them driving by a movie theater on the way here and an idea sprang up. "So, you wanna maybe catch a movie tonight or something?"

Sam shook his head. "Nah, I can't. Gotta work I only had my birthday off. The Biker Bash is happening this weekend and we're packed."

"Biker Bash?" Dean reiterated with a look.

"Yeah, it's an annual thing," Sam supplied. "Helen's Hilltop Annual Biker Bash."

"You said you bartend there?"

"Yeah, you can come if you want. The beers cheap and I'm sure you can get a good pool game, too." Sam paused. "No hustling …" his voice dropped off.

"I haven't done that in a while Sam," Dean supplied. "Your promise made me go legit remember?" Sam dropped his eyes from his brother's as his memory's went back to that car ride toward Detroit when he made Dean promise not to try and get him out of the cage, out of Hell … made him promise to go to Lisa.

Helen's Hilltop, Later that Night

Dean had met the crew and Missie and they all seemed like a good bunch of people. Dean was glad that Sam hadn't surrounded himself with shady people. He kept going outside to check out some of the awesome looking bikes, some classics, some Hogs and of course a few crotch rockets. Dean had to admit it was one hell of a party and it almost made him think things were good with Sam, almost … but he knew this was all a front. He could see in through a window at Sam working the bar, the smile, the laughs and it was all one big damn front. He could see past it all and it made his gut clench because it sparked a fear of losing his little brother. There were much worse losses that didn't include death.

Missie's father made an appearance and walked up to Dean. "Sort of remind me of your old man," he said easily. "I can spot a Winchester anywhere." Dean looked at the man. "Jack Benning, I'm Missie's dad."

"Hi sir, so you knew my dad, huh?"

"That I did. He even saved my ass once on a hunt that went south. So," he pitched his head back toward the window and Sam. "You here to help the kid?" Dean's eyes were wide for a moment and tried to play it off.

"He looks like he's doing okay to me."

"Oh yeah," Jack mused. "Look I've seen the look before in Nam and he's got some kind of kick ass monkey on his back. He's been through some shit," he looked Dean over and into his eyes, "you too, I'm guessing but …"

"Yeah," Dean offered his voice a bit stressed.

"Here," Jack handed Dean an envelope. "Missie called to tell me earlier that Sam's big brother was here and it got me thinking. If that kid in there is even a 10th the hard headed stubborn bastard your dad was then it'll be a snowy day in the Mojave before he talks about whatever is eatin' him. Take it," he motioned for Dean to open the envelope.

"It's keys and directions," Dean looked confused.

"Take a few days at my cabin. It's a two hour drive from here. It has some good fishing, quiet and maybe…" he left it unfinished and Dean knew what he meant… get Sam talking.

"I don't think I'll be able to get him to take off with this Bash thing," Dean looked through the window at his brother.

"Let him finish tonight and we got it covered. Just get that boy's head on straight before it eats him alive."

"Thanks," Dean gave the man a sincere look.

"Yeah, yeah, look I owed your dad one, okay, so I'm just paying it forward with his boys."

The Next Day, on the road

"You gonna talk anytime today grumpy?" Dean looked over at Sam sitting in the passenger seat of the Impala. Sam stared out the window. "Hello, Earth to Sam."

"What? Look I'm in the car going to who knows where. I shouldn't have left the bar in a bind."

"You know Missie said she's got it covered. They survived before you Sam, they'll be okay. Anyway, I told you this is some vacation time that Jack was offering. He said he owed Dad one and thought we'd like his cabin.

"Whatever," Sam grumbled. The kid was on lockdown and Dean was determined to break the lock and take whatever level of pain and anger Sam could dish out. He'd take his share if it helps Sam find some peace.

Two Days Later at the Cabin

They were sitting by the quiet lake their fishing poles put aside and just watching the ducks swim by as dusk approached. "Sammy?"

"Don't Dean."

"Don't what?"

"Start up with the 'you gotta talk' crap, I'm good."

"You're not. You can tell me," Dean urged. "You have to talk about it."

"I don't have to do damn thing," Sam stood up and started walking back to the cabin. Dean was up and going after Sam, the gloves had to come off, no more soft stepping around his brother.

"Yeah, you do," he grabbed Sam by the arm and in hindsight should have seen the fist coming but he didn't until it collided with right side of his jaw snapping his head to the left. Damn the kid had a hell of a right. Sam was on him and he stepped back and blocked another punch, tasting blood from the first.

"Screw you!" Sam ground out. He wasn't pulling his punches and this fight was escalating quickly. Dean went from offense to defense and his fist connected with Sam's jaw and saw blood blossom on his bottom lip.

"Sam stop it," Dean shouted as he side stepped a knee jab. "Sonofabitch," he hissed out as he barely avoided the rib breaking kick. He dropped low and swept Sam's legs out from under him, dropping quick and elbowing Sam in the ribs, enough to hurt maybe slow him down but not break anything. Sam was fighting hard.

Dean struggled to pin his brother and managed to work himself behind him, wrapping his arms and legs around his tall brother while he was on the ground. Sam struggled like a wild Colt bucking the bit and lead for the first time. "Talk to me!" he barked. "Let it out Sammy," he begged. "Please, it's killing you … let it go, I'm here."

Sam was bucking and growling in his brother's hard grip, trying to break free of the solid hold. "Let go Sammy, please," Dean's voice broke but his hold didn't. Sam was choking on tears of anger and agony now but he still struggled in his brother's four point hold. "I'm here Sammy, I'm not leaving you," at those words Sam broke.

The guttural scream of agony echoed into the night sky and the crescendo grew from guttural raw screams to wailing sobs that spilt Dean's heart in two and threatened to render his soul in pieces for the pain he felt coming off his brother in waves. The wailing continued to echo and Dean held on to his little brother as his masks and guarded walls fell away, "I'm here," he whispered into his brother's ear trying to make him hear him above the wailing. "Sammy, I'm here."

To Be Continued