Disclaimer: The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

Note to Readers: Time was short again, so I hope this isn't too bad. Again, thanks for the reviews and PM's, I appreciate them all. This chapter is around 5 pages. Happy Reading, I hope.

Our Solemn Hour

By Dawn Nyberg

Chapter 9: Until it Sleeps

"Where do I take this pain of mine? I run but it stays right by my side. So tear me open and pour me out there's things inside that scream and shout … So tear me open but beware there's things inside without a care and the dirt still stains me, so wash me until I'm clean …" Lyrics excerpt by Metallica, Until it Sleeps

"I remember saying 'yes' and when he took me over …" Sam visibly shuddered, his voice a mere anguished whisper.

"You do?" Dean's voice was soft. Sam nodded. "You remember him closing up the hole in the wall?"

"Yeah," Sam's voice shook. "I was there Dean … just trapped inside. When he left you there we went somewhere not sure where an abandoned place," Sam closed his eyes briefly.

"Sammy, it's okay, it's late … why don't you rest?" he urged gently, not wanting to push his fragile sibling.

Sam was quiet for a long moment, "There were people," Sam said suddenly and Dean frowned in confusion.

"People?"

"From my past Dean ever since I was a kid Lucifer called them Azazel's gang. They had been around me ever since I was a kid. My prom date … a former teacher and more …" Sam's voice was quiet but held the tone of betrayal.

"Why them?"

"Pay back for yanking my chain or something like that …" Dean felt a cold sweat ignite along his spine.

"Pay back? Sammy what did that angel bastard put you through?"

"They're dead all of them," and the flatness of Sam's voice scared Dean. "I ripped them apart," he shuddered under the sheet. Dean's eyes blazed suddenly.

"Hey," his voice firm. "You didn't do anything, it was him okay, him not you." Sam shook his head.

"No, I was there Dean he said he'd take the gag off we talked to each other in the mirror, it was me…" Sam choked.

"Listen," Dean dropped a hand on top of Sam's head. "Yeah, you were awake in there for all of it but it wasn't you moving your body Sammy, it was him … understand?" Sam was quiet. "Hey?"

"I understand," Sam offered quietly. Dean wasn't convinced but it would have to do for now. "Sammy, you don't have to keep talking right now, okay? Look, I know I wasn't a font of sharing when I got back but what I did tell you eventually did sort of help not so much weight, ya know?" Sam tilted his head and looked up at his brother from his pillow. Dean flashed a reassuring smile.

"Hell is agony Dean … it's just a word, a thought until you're there…" Sam just talked like part of him was here and another part elsewhere.

"I know, I just wish you didn't know," Dean replied honestly.

"I'm sorry you went there for me," Sam's voice was a whisper.

"I'm not … I'd do it again," Dean's voice was strong and sure.

"I can't put into words what it was like with him inside. He plays with your mind, your weaknesses … when he was beating you, I…"

"Sammy…"

"No, he wanted me to hurt to finally break me by using me to kill you. I wouldn't give in and he said he felt me scratching away inside, I think he wanted me broken, so he had nothing opposing him especially his vessel."

"Sammy, you beat him, you got control," Dean spoke evenly. "I don't think anyone else could have done that. I'm alive because of you … you stopped him from killing me."

"No, you did and …"

"And, what?"

"The Impala," Sam answered honestly.

"Huh?"

"You kept saying you were there for me that I wasn't alone that you weren't leaving me but…"

"But?"

"He was going to kill you Dean with that final hit … crush your skull with that punch but the sun caught on the chrome around the window and then I saw the plastic toy soldier and the memories of when we were kids came flooding back and then everything else came back and I took control…"

"I'm proud of you Sammy," Dean ran his hand through his brother's hair.

The night drug on for long hours and Sam talked and Dean listened. He told him what he could remember of the cage and God, a presence and a voice he heard that peeled Lucifer from him like an onion layer and coming to Cicero and finally leaving when he was sure Dean was okay … settled. Sam fell into a restless sleep and Dean was too tired to try and sleep in the chair and he wasn't leaving his brother, so he climbed in top of the covers and stretched out next to his little brother. Sleep washed up and over him like a wave and he let it pull him under but not before dropping and arm across his brother's back reassurance for both of them and sleep came … peaceful and safe.

Dean woke to the pale light of early morning and looked to his side and smiled. Sam had turned toward him in the night and his hand was bunched in the tail of Dean's shirt. He glanced at the clock and rubbed a hand over his eyes to clear the fogginess in them, it was a little after 7 AM. Dean remained still for a few minutes and decided he'd make some coffee and breakfast. He reached over and gently tickled his brother's nose. Sam snuffled and released the grip he had on Dean's shirt to absently rub his nose in his sleep. Dean stifled a chuckle and slid out of bed. He glanced at Sam once more before going down the short hall to the kitchen, his face looked relaxed, less burdened, if only a little.

Sam was pulled from his slumber by smells of sausage and bacon commingling with the scents of coffee. His stomach responded with a gurgled roll. He rolled from his side to his back and stared at the wood beam ceiling for a few moments and listened to his brother bang and clang as quietly as possible. He went over the events of the previous day in his head and what he's said to Dean. He took a shaky breath and sat up. A slight painful twinge in his arms as he pushed up reminded him of what he'd done. He looked at his unblemished arms fully remembering what they looked like before, he had felt dying was the best thing to keep Dean safe to make everyone safe, but seeing his brother's agony the other night told him he'd made a stupid decision, but he was still a time bomb of sorts and he knew it. There was a level of rage scratching away inside him he was afraid to release fully. He scrubbed a hand across his face and then ran it through his long hair.

The sounds of Dean humming broke Sam from his troubling thoughts and he listened, not Metallica, so he's not nervous, he thought to himself as he tried to decipher the tune and then smiled, Led Zeppelin's Ramble On, Dean was relaxed, dimples creased Sam's cheeks and he climbed out of bed. A little dizzy still from yesterday's blood loss but better than he had been. He walked out of the room feeling the cool wood floor on his feet.

Dean looked up when the floor creaked, "Mornin' Sunshine," he smiled. He glanced at the clock, "8 a.m., eh? Wow, for you that's practically sleepin' the day away Sammy," Dean teased.

"And?" Sam just smiled as he took a seat at the table in the small kitchen.

"Nothing," Dean offered lightly. "Just playin' with you little brother." He looked his sibling over quickly as he turned to flip a pancake. "You look a little more rested," he replied casually as he worked with the pancakes. "Any nightmares?"

Sam thought for a moment and answered honestly, "Nah, none that I can recall."

"Good … so, you want pancakes, eggs, sausage or bacon to start?"

"Yes," Sam answered with a glint and Dean looked at his brother and laughed.

"Ha," he barked. "I've converted you, finally it only took years, you have been assimilated," Dean joked. "Welcome to the collective Sammy," Dean teased. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Jerk," he said under his breath. Dean just smiled.

"Bitch," his tone was uncharacteristically gentle. "So, the buffet it is," he jested and started loading a plate for his little brother. His heart a little less heavy than it had been in a long time.

They ate and talked about nothing special, it was easy, relaxed and Dean wasn't going to push. Sam would talk as he was able and Dean would just follow his cues on when to ask and gently nudge. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"We've been here a few days now and …" Sam played with his eggs.

"You ready to go back to Tonganoxie?"

"It's just that I've missed a lot of days Dean and I wasn't even there for the end of the biker bash…"

"Jack said it was okay to be here for how ever long… but, we can go back Sammy if it's what you want."

"We?" Dean looked confused at his brother for a moment.

"Yeah, we," he reiterated. "Where would I go?" Sam looked at his big brother as if he'd sprung another head.

"Cicero dumb ass," he replied with a look of astonishment. "I mean, have you even called Lisa since we've been at the cabin?"

"No reception here dude, she knows I'm with you."

"Your life is in Indiana now Dean, look you can come whenever you want, okay? I'm stayin' in Tonganoxie for a while."

Dean sat for a moment and studied his little brother. He knew him once better than anyone but he could see that his brother had added some new layers to himself that he needed to learn, "you're my family Sammy, my little brother and I'm where you are, okay?"

"No, Dean" Sam's voice was understanding and soft. "Look I'll email everyday and you can call me or whatever, hell even come for weekends now and again when you want. Go back to Lisa and Ben," he urged. "But, I can't go there man, it's not where I feel I fit for now, it's in Tonganoxie and the bar."

"We'll head out in a little bit, okay?" Dean looked at Sam. "We just gotta clean the place up and stuff, pack …"

Sam offered a tentative smile and went back to eating as Dean nodded at him.

Dean's mind and heart filled with dueling thoughts while his soul held another decision. It was a battle he wasn't sure of the outcome.

To Be Continued