Prologue: Gone

March 2007

South Dakota

Sarah and her foster son Miguel were at home discussing a hike that they wanted to take this weekend. They were an unlikely pair, she was clearly white and he was of Puerto Rican descent, but over the past two years, they had forged a bond that very few people could possibly begin to understand.

They both lost their loved ones and their lives. No, they weren't zombies or ghosts, but they felt like it sometimes. They were both victims of the horrific system called Witness Protection. Every day they lied to the world about who they were and where they came from. Every day, they tried to hold onto a hope that was slowly dying. Every day, they looked at each other and said, thank God someone else knows who I really am; someone knows that this isn't some bizarre dream induced by LSD.

They didn't have much, but they had each other, and now, they had a trip to the Badlands to plan. Miguel's spring break was coming up and Sarah wanted to do something fun with him.

"Maybe we could hike on the Saddle Pass Trail," Miguel suggested as he looked at one of his mother's many brochures.

"Circle any of the ones you like," she told him. She was just handing him a pen when her phone rang.

She got up and answered it. " Johnson residence."

"Sarah," It was Jack, DEA Agent Jack Hammond. "Velez is dead."

"What?"

"He got taken out in a gang war. He and his top two lieutenants are dead."

"What does this mean?"

"A lot of things, but it means you and Miguel can come home, if you want to."

She knew he wanted to. So did she. "I'll have to call you back to confirm, but assume it's a yes."

"You know how to reach me."

He was the only person she knew how to reach.

"Antonio," she said as she looked at him. "That was Agent Hammond."

"What's wrong?" He only calls when they have to move.

"Velez is dead. His cartel has fallen apart."

"What does that mean?"

"It means we can go home. "

He was too shocked to believe it. "It's not a trick."

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"I'll flip out if he's wrong."

"They never call until they're sure."

He jumped into her arms. "Sweet Mary, we can stop lying now."

Alex kissed his forehead. The lying was one of the hardest parts. "We can be us again."

Chapter One: Back

One week later

Alex and Antonio flew side by side from South Dakota to JFK. They would be returning to the city that they had once called home; the one that forged both of their lives before Velez had them stolen, using a pathetic puppet called Liam Connors.

It was here that they would claim back what was rightfully theirs.

"You aren't mad, are you?" Antonio decided to live with his mother's family instead of staying with Alex.

"Of course not, Honey." She knew they might get split up if this happened. She just wasn't ready to lose him so fast. "I want you to be happy, and you deserve to see your family. It's been a long time."

"You're my family too," he told her. "It's just that … you're not from my world. I'm a poor kid from the Bronx. I'm used to having too many relatives in a small house, aunts yelling all day and stuffing you full of food, and everyone speaking Spanish. When we were away, I was starting to forget what that felt like. I was starting to forget who I was."

Tears ran down Alex's face. "I know the feeling. I had to stop being a lawyer. I felt like I wasn't me anymore. I was just some shell. You need your family to give you back that comfort, and I need mine too." She needed Olivia now more than ever. "But you have my number. If anything happens, day or night, you call me, and I'll be there."

They hugged tightly before Antonio went off with his Aunt and Uncle. The couple had given Alex a silent thank you for keeping their nephew safe. He was healthy and smiling. They hadn't seen that from him in two years, two long, terrible years.

Now, Alex was no longer a mother. She had never planned on becoming a mother, but now she felt empty. Her emptiness was set aside, however, when she realized she had to get a move on. She did not have a lot of time before tonight.

I have to get my keys, get into my apartment, and find something to wear. She left most of Sarah Johnson's clothes behind. They weren't Alex Cabot clothes. They would not do in New York.

She went to her lawyer's office where they had plenty of paperwork for her to sign.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to claim an estate on behalf of a dead woman?"

"No, and I don't want you to tell me. I've had enough of being dead for one lifetime."

"Welcome home."

She got into her apartment. Her mother hadn't had the heart to sell it, and it needed to be cleaned out. It had a musky scent from sitting idle for so long.

Alex called up a cleaning company to schedule their services. She then went into her closet and looked for clothes she could put in the washer machine, so they would be ready for tonight. She found a sleeveless top and jeans that would do the trick just fine.

After spending the next two hours gussying up, Alex went right where her heart was, to Olivia Benson.

Olivia was having a terrible night. She had been at a birthday celebration for Casey Novak, but it quickly got out of hand when Casey started accusing her of flirting with the waitress.

"I didn't flirt with her." Olivia hadn't even noticed the woman flirting with her either.

"I saw the way you looked her up and down."

Casey was scared. She had just heard that Velez was dead.

What if Alex comes back and Olivia leaves me for her?

"I thought her necklace was cool." It had a funky pattern. Olivia asked the waitress what it meant. It was a life charm bracelet; she added a gem for various milestones. She already added one for her wife and one for her son.

"You were scoping out her tits!"

Casey had made such a scene that Olivia left early. She left the party before she could give Casey her gift or even get drunk. Maybe I should just sleep.

She was about to turn off the lights when she heard a knocking at her door.

Is it Casey? Is she ready to apologize!

Olivia opened the door just to see a tall blonde jump in her arms.

Soft lips captured Olivia's, and it felt like a blast to the past. Olivia had not felt these lips since the Connor trial.

Alex FUCKING Cabot is in my arms! Olivia didn't know Velez had died. She didn't know that her old lover had raced home to be with her once more.

Olivia's hair was longer than before, and her body was a bit softer, more feminine. Alex had fallen in love with a butchier detective, but she would happily take any Olivia Benson she could get.

Olivia went into autopilot. She shut the door behind her, slamming Alex into it before she turned the lock.

"Oh Liv," Alex gasped as she felt hot lips on her neck. "Take me now!"

Olivia ran with her into the bedroom. Clothes flew off. Alex looked just as sexy as she had two years before, with her perfect pink nipples and flat stomach. She even had her belly button ring in again. Olivia kissed it.

"I missed you."

"Me or the piercing."

"Both."

Olivia pulled Alex into a bruising kiss. Alex grabbed Olivia's hair and tugged it, bringing her impossibly closer.

Sweat and pheromones filled the room as they gyrated on one another. Alex was so wet that she was practically flooding the bed.

Olivia's fingers found their way inside. Two at first as she probed the velvety folds that had craved her touch for two years.

"AAAHHH!" Alex cried out. Olivia went in and out quickly. She needed to feel Alex come for her. She couldn't take the time to tease her.

Blue eyes locked in on brown ones as they moved as one.

Olivia's name tore from Alex's throat as she came harder than she ever could with her vibrator.

Olivia had a satisfied smirk on her face. She made her perfect Ice Queen come like there was no tomorrow.

"Did you miss me?"

"You know I missed you. I waited two years for this, and I couldn't wait anymore."

"Where's Velez?"

"He's dead. Hammond called me and I had to get home as quickly as I could. I hated South Dakota."

Olivia kissed her. "Now you're home."

It was mostly pillow talk before they fell asleep. Alex had so much to tell Olivia but it could wait until tomorrow. She was having the best sleep of her life. Her lover was wrapped around her. Nothing could go wrong.

Olivia woke up, sure that her passionate night with Alex had been a dream when she looked and saw the naked blonde in her bed.

SHIT!

Olivia had a girlfriend, and she was not Alexandra Cabot. She prayed that Alex would leave before Casey got here, or maybe Casey would dump her over that stupid waitress, and it would be okay.

Before she could figure out what to do, her phone rang.

"Please let it be Elliot!" A case would be better than dealing with this.

She answered the phone. "Benson."

"Liv, I'm so sorry," Casey started to apologize.

"I'm sorry too. I didn't know that the …."

"It wasn't your fault. I was upset because I was afraid that I was going to lose you. You're so beautiful and amazing and …"

Olivia didn't deserve any of this praise.

"I forgive you Honey. You know I wouldn't fuck around with some waitress."

She would, however, fuck around with the girl who got away.

She guiltily hung up the phone, hoping that there was a way out of this.

She lied back down into bed.

An hour later, she got a call from Elliot.

"We got a case."

Olivia had to get to Mercy.

She woke up Alex to tell her. "I have to go to work."

"I'll go with you."

"What?"

"I miss the guys too. I want to tell them that I'm home."

Shit! Casey will be at work. "That's not a good idea. This case is a nasty one."

"I was your ADA for over three years. I think I know how nasty your cases are."

Olivia couldn't lie. She had to confess. "I can't bring you with me because … I'mdatingournewADA."

"You're what?" Alex had no idea what she was saying.

"I've been dating our new ADA."

"YOU CHEATED ON ME!"

"No! I didn't think you were …"

"You told me you'd wait for me. I waited for you."

"I know you dated that claims adjuster," Olivia argued.

"I went on two dates with him and there was no sex. It was just to keep up my image while I was in the program. You knew that!"

"I couldn't lose you again. The first time, it broke my heart. The second time, it broke my soul. I couldn't risk having you walk away with whatever was left of me."

"So you started a relationship with someone else, just to cheat on her when I came back."

"You didn't give me a chance to explain. You jumped on me and kissed me!"

"BULLSHIT! Yes, I jumped on you because I thought we could finally start a new life together, but you slammed me into the door and kissed me like there was no tomorrow, you carried me to bed, you ravished me like I was the only girl in the world, just to say, sorry I have a girlfriend. Well fuck you!"

Alex fled the apartment. She wouldn't be coming back.

Olivia couldn't even begin to process what happened because SHIT! She had to get to work.

Alex made it home before she started crying, but once she got to her bed the waterworks wouldn't stop. Olivia replaced her with her fucking replacement of all people. If that wasn't bad enough, Olivia had to get one more fuck out of it first, she couldn't just tell me the truth right away.

Alex felt used and alone. Her mother was dead. Antonio was back to his real family. Olivia was gone.

"My mother is dead," Alex finally said aloud. She had been avoiding dealing with it for some time. She had been Emily when it happened.

"I never said goodbye." She probably didn't even know that Alex was still alive. Alex was wracked with guilt because she left her mother to bury her. She started to sob all over again.

Elliot could tell Olivia was not in her normal headspace when she came into work.

"You alright."

"No, but this is not a good time."

Elliot knew not to ask anything else and started to fill her in. "Stacey Peterson is 25 years old. She was found unconscious in an alley after being beaten and raped. It's unclear if she was dumped there or attacked there and she's in and out of consciousness."

The man who found her gave his statement to Munch and Finn.

"I had been walking my dog when he started pulling the lead. I try to keep him under control so I fought back, but he started wailing, not his usual bark, but really loud, so I followed him and he led me to the girl. It was terrible. Her shirt was all messed up and her jeans were sliced open. I just knew she had been …."

The man checked out. He was an orthodontist with no priors and his wife said he had been at home with her.

Olivia was trying to sort through her thoughts when the doctor came out.

"She's awake, but she's pretty skittish."

Elliot nodded. Olivia would do the interview alone.

Not wanting to spend any more time in her apartment, Alex went to see her mother's grave. Her father had been cremated. His ashes were scattered by his favorite tree in the backyard, just like he wanted.

Caroline Cabot, however, had been buried beside her daughter; well she thought she had been. Seeing Alex's own tombstone made her cry even more.

She thought she was resting next to me. She should have been with Dad.

Alex left gladiolus and lavender. They were the two flowers that symbolized how Alex remembered her mother: strong, faithful, proud, and beautiful. Caroline didn't look like her daughter. She was shorter with dirty blonde hair and brown eyes, but she was a beauty.

Alex's father, Alexander had fallen for her at first sight. He just knew.

"I'm so sorry Mom. I'm sorry I took the stupid Sandoval case. I'm sorry that cretin shot me. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when you died of cancer. I'm sorry you thought you died before me. I'm sorry that you and Dad died so young. You two had so much to give and so much more you could have done for the world. I'm sorry that I'm the one who will have to try to fill your enormous shoes. I'm sorry I didn't visit you more."

Alex wept alone, finally mourning her mother and everything she lost in the past three years.