Chapter 2: Here We Go

Alex's week had gone from bad to worse. She called her brother to let him know she was back in New York, and he gave her an earful.

"Nice of you to call, finally!"

"When was I supposed to call? I was in Witness Protection."

"Why couldn't you tell us you were still alive?"

"I wasn't allowed to call anyone. I woke up in a hospital, was told I was dead, and got flown out that night."

"You didn't have phones where they sent you."

"If the cartel found out that I was alive."

"So you didn't trust us?"

"I was trying to protect …"

"Do you have any idea how devastated you left this family? Mom wept until she died. Laura made me name our daughter after you."

"What?"

"There's another Alexandra Cabot. She's two and a half."

"Graham, I'm sorry this happened. I …"

He hung up on her.

He wasn't the only one upset with her. Her aunts (except for Margo who understood) were all mad at her too, and her cousins just wanted her money. They thought they'd get bigger inheritances because Alex was dead, but then the money went to a foundation that was really there for Alex.

Alex cried more and more until the tear ducts were dried up. Her brother hated her. Her parents were dead. Antonio moved on. Olivia moved on. Alex Cabot had no life to come home to. She just had a fancy apartment and a big bank account.

"There's nothing for me here," she realized. She turned to a bottle of Scotch that had been in her apartment for four years or so, and started to drink.

Olivia spent the week trying to avoid Casey. She spent her free time at the gym, hoping that Casey wouldn't think to look for her there. The first few days it was because of back scratches that Alex had left. Once they healed, Olivia realized how wrong she had been not to confess right away. Now, she was stuck.

"Are you still mad about last weekend?" Casey asked her.

Olivia had been trying to come up with an excuse. "No. I'm sorry. This case is just …" Hide behind work, Casey never really questions it.

"I know. You never want to rest until the bad guy is gone. I just miss you."

"Maybe I can come over tonight, pizza and a movie?" Olivia couldn't bring Casey over to her place. The sheets still smelled like Alex. Olivia enjoyed the scent.

"That sounds great." Casey was just glad she didn't lose Olivia.

A pit of guilt formed in Olivia's stomach. She ignored it.

Before Alex knew it, 1/3 of the bottle was gone. She knew if she didn't snap out of it, she'd finish the whole thing. She needed help and could only think of one person to call.

"Hey Do you live in the same apartment?"

"…"

"You do, great. Would you be up for a visit?"

"…"

"I'm leaving my place right now."

Gone Again

Alex grabbed the same bag she took home from South Dakota and headed to catch a cab. She needed to get her head on straight.

Four hours later, Alex was in Union Station. She came out to the taxi stand and gave the cabbie the address.

Alex hadn't eaten all day. The booze mostly wore off on the train ride as she slept. Now, she was just tired and sad.

Twenty minutes later, she was pulling up in front of the house. She handed over a $20 and said keep the change.

He gave her the bag from the trunk and she wheeled it up to the door. She rang the bell.

Abbie answered it right away; she had been expecting her. Before she could say something witty, like Alex Cabot, Back from the Dead, the former ADA collapsed in her arms.

Alex was cold and shaking. Abbie ushered her inside. "It's alright. Whatever happened, you're safe now."

Her throat was too sore to talk. Alex just rested her head on Abbie's stomach.

The federal prosecutor lived alone. She had been with Serena Southerlyn for a year and a half, but it didn't work out. Serena had fallen in love with her longtime friend Kim Greylek, and once Abbie could see it, she let Serena go. The three were still friends, but Serena and Kim moved to Philly, leaving Abbie alone in DC.

"I'm sorry that you had to get me like this."

"Don't apologize for anything. I'm just glad you're here."

It was over an hour before Alex tried to talk. "I came home and got my keys, got my place, got all gussied up and went to find Olivia."

Abbie knew it was bad if Alex wasn't with Olivia now. The two had been stupid in love.

"She opened the door and I jumped into her arms. I had two years worth of kissing to make up for." She explained how they ended up in bed and how she learned of Casey in the morning. "I never knew anything could hurt so badly." It made being shot feel like a cakewalk.

There was so much more that happened. There was so much went wrong, but this felt like the one thing she couldn't recover from. Olivia had been her anchor. Now, she was lost at sea.

Abbie would be lying if she didn't say that Alex was incredibly beautiful, even when she was sad and crying her eyes out, even when she smelled of Scotch and likely didn't eat any proper food in days. She would never make a move when her friend was this vulnerable, but damn, she'd be glad to have Alexandra Cabot. She thought Olivia was a moron for letting her go.

"Let's get you in bed. I'll bring you some water and get you a proper breakfast in the morning."

Casey was curled up against Olivia's shoulder. The detective had an arm around her girlfriend but she wasn't paying attention to Casey's attempts to be more affectionate.

Instead, she was watching North by Northwest. She hadn't told Casey this, but it was Alex who got her into Hitchcock. Olivia had been more of a fan of modern thrillers, but Alex talked up To Catch a Thief so much that the detective became curious. Eventually, she watched them all.

After the movie, Casey said, "Let's go to bed Liv."

Olivia had to snap out of it and be a good girlfriend. She followed Casey to bed and took good care of the redhead. The whole time, Alex was on her mind. What was she going to do?

Over the next few days, Alex explained to Abbie everything that had happened recently: losing Antonio, the fallout with her brother, seeing her own tombstone when she went to visit her mother, it was all just too much.

"I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be this fearless prosecutor and now I'm just an empty shell."

Abbie put her hand on Alex's shoulder. "I know exactly who you are," Abbie told her. "You're Alex fucking Cabot. You are an inspiration to us all. Bad guys go down because people like you won't back down.

I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes right now, but I do know that you will get that spark back. You may not feel it for a while, and you might have to fake it until you do, but it will come back. You're like a volcano you can only be dormant for so long before it's time to explode."

Alex hugged her. "What would I do without you Abbs?"

"I would do anything for you alley cat, you know that. Just say the word."

Eventually, Alex realized she had to go back to her life. She couldn't distract Abbie from hers anymore. I have to go back to New York. I have to face everything.

"I'm only a phone call away," Abbie said before kissing her forehead.

Back Again

When Alex got back to her building, the doorman told her, "Jack McCoy has been looking for you."

Of course, he doesn't have her new number, why would he? Alex nodded and looked up his number online. She dialed.

"You reached the office of Jack McCoy, Maggie speaking."

"Mags, it's me, Alex."

"Finally, we thought you got lost on your way to New York. Let me give you to Jack."

"Alex, how are you?" he asked warmly.

"I'm fine. I went to visit Abbie."

"That explains why no one could find you. I have a job waiting for you if you'd like it, actually I have two, but I think you'll hate one of the options."

It was time to start faking it. Alex had to get her groove back somehow "I'll take it."

"Great, how about you come here for lunch tomorrow and we'll go over the details?"

"See you then."

"Welcome home Alex."

"Thanks Uncle Jack Jack."

When Alex came to lunch, she wasn't the only lady waiting for him.

"Aunt Liz?" Liz Donnelly was waiting for her.

"Welcome home, Alley Cat." The two women shared a big hug.

"I should have called when I came back."

"I would yell at you for that, but I heard you didn't call anybody."

"I had a rough return."

"It's never as easy as you hope it will be. A lot can change in three years."

"You can say that again."

Jack had to hug Alex when she came into his office. He had to make sure she was really here. "You gave us all a fright."

"I'm sorry about …"

"Don't apologize for a damn thing," he told you. "You survived. That's what you were supposed to do."

He started to explain her position. She would be the Bureau Chief of Homicide.

"I know it's more administrative than you're used to, but you can still try the tough cases."

"First, I want to get used to being a prosecutor again."

"You haven't lost it. It's in your veins along with your blood cells," Liz told her. "You just have to wake it up."

For the first time since that fateful Saturday morning, Alex had a big smile on her face. "I'm started to feel it."