Alex fell asleep in Olivia's arms. The brunette kissed her forehead and gently slipped out of her grasp.
Alex groaned in protest.
"I have to shower."
Alex did too, but she could afford to sleep some more before Munch arrived.
When Olivia got into the bathroom, she realized there was a hickey forming on her shoulder. "Oops!"
She turned on the hot water and got in. Her muscles needed the reprieve.
Benson's phone rang while she was in the shower. Alex heard it, but had no intention of getting up. She put a pillow over her head and closed her eyes.
Olivia quickly blow-dried her hair. It would look strange if she left with wet hair.
Good enough!
She roused Alex. "Munch will be here soon."
Suddenly, reality dawned in. She was a mess and her bedroom reeked of sex. This would not do. She quickly yanked off her sheets and tossed them into the washer machine. Then she went to take a shower and put on her pjs.
When Alex came out of the shower, she smelled amazing. Olivia pulled her closer. Alex's hands found her hair, ruffling it as she struggled to decide. Does she lean in or does she back away.
The doorbell rang. The choice was made for them.
When Munch came to relieve Olivia, he noticed that her hair was mussed and she had a sly smile on her face.
"Good Night Olivia."
"Good night."
Alex was wearing pajamas and had her hair up. "Liz made cookies. They're really good."
She offered him one and took one for herself.
"How was your day?" Munch questioned.
"It was pretty good. My sister in law came to visit and she brought my niece."
"How long are they in town?"
"Until tomorrow afternoon. We're getting brunch in the morning."
Munch gave her a knowing look.
"What?"
"You just seem pretty perky for this time of night."
Alex flushed a deep red. "What are you insinuating?"
"Just making an observation. You look happy. It's a good thing."
"I am happy."
"Good."
Alex fixed herself a nightcap before bed. She needed something to take the edge off.
Olivia called Casey on the way home.
"Sorry I missed your call. We were watching Men In Black."
"Do you want to come over?"
"Sure." How long can I keep this going?
Olivia headed to Casey's apartment. When she got there, the ADA wrapped herself around the brunette. She hoped Olivia was in the mood
Olivia kissed her quickly and then pulled back. "Tell me about your game." Olivia had to keep her shirt on at all costs.
Casey grinned when she recounted, "I won it in the last inning."
Olivia started to rub Casey's shoulders as the short stop gave a play by play of the game.
The passionate redhead talked until she was ready to fall asleep.
Olivia tucked her into bed and slept beside her. Her stomach was racked with guilt. It's Alex. It's always been Alex. What do I do about Casey?
When Olivia woke up, her girlfriend was in her arms. "Good morning Baby." She gave Olivia a kiss.
"Want to sleep in?"
"I don't want to sleep anymore." She rolled on top of Olivia.
Every time they made love, Olivia thought of Alex. At first she thought about what Alex would do instead of what Casey did. After that, she contemplated whether or not Alex had found someone new. Third, she tried to convince herself it was better this way, that like belongs with like and Alex should find someone of her own caliber. It was always about Alex though. Every time, Olivia felt like she was cheating on Alex in some way. Now it was worse than ever.
Most of their sex focused on Casey. The ADA was proud to have such a talented lover, but really Olivia had a wall up. She was afraid of letting go in front of her. It was her way of confining the relationship. Olivia couldn't get her heart broken if she never handed it over. She was like this with most all her lovers; Alex was the exception.
Alex demanded (gently of course) to be able to please Olivia with her mouth.
Do you enjoy it when you please me?
I love it, Olivia had told her.
Then why do you deny me that same pleasure?
Olivia had tried to explain why, but Alex forged ahead, kissing and nipping at her thighs before sliding her tongue across her lover's sex.
Alex had torn through all of her defenses and left her vulnerable. When she joined WPP, Olivia was a mess. When she came back, Olivia was cured just to go through the pain of losing her again. She was afraid of someone having such a hold on her. She tried to break it with Casey, and it didn't work. It just didn't work.
"That was great, Baby!"
Olivia kissed her cheek. She didn't want her voice to betray her.
The Cabots went to dim sum on Sunday morning. Waitresses pushed carts full of food and everyone pointed at what he or she wanted.
"What's that?" Cassie pointed.
"Chicken feet," John told her.
"EW!"
Alex got her some taro puffs instead.
Cassie liked the surprise element of trying so many different new foods.
Lexi was skeptical about most of it.
"Maybe we should just get her some dumplings," Alex got her a bowl.
"We have a very 'American' diet at home," Lisa said. "Graham doesn't like ethnic food."
"Any of them?" John questioned.
"Nope. He's as white and pasty as can be."
Alex couldn't help but guffaw. "That sounds like Graham."
Lisa did love her husband, in spite of his close-mindedness. She knew there was more to him, since he gave a street rat like her a chance, but he was closed off for some reason. She wasn't sure what it would take to open him back up.
After brunch, they got ice cream at the Chinatown Ice Cream Factory, and then Lisa and Lexi had to head to Penn Station.
"I hope you can join is in July," Lisa told her as they got into a cab.
"What's in July?" Munch questioned.
"Family reunion in Cape Cod."
"Sounds like a roaring time."
"Have you met my family?"
"If they're anything like you, I'm sure it will be a blast."
When Lisa called, she interrupted somewhat of a tiff between Olivia and Casey. Casey was annoyed that Olivia was going home before she would be going to Alex's once more.
"I barely see you all week, and you never answer your phone when you're there."
"I don't always hear the phone," Olivia insisted. "It's not like I purposefully ignore you."
"Move in with me."
"What?"
"I think you should move in with me. We'll save on rent. Even with your long hours, I will see more of you and …"
"I'm not ready to move in with you yet."
"But you've practically moved in with Alex."
"I have not! It's for work. I don't go over there for fun."
"So you have no reason to go back once this is over."
Olivia looked down. She knew she had no business going back to Alex's, but she refused to let the blonde go. "There's still Cassie. She's a great girl."
"You can see Cassie, just not at Alex's apartment."
"You don't own me!"
Casey got mad. "This is about Alex. You're fucking her aren't you?"
"What? No."
The phone rang. Olivia answered.
"Hi, Lisa. How are you doing?"
"…"
"That's great. Can I call you back? I was on my way home."
"…"
"Talk to you soon. Bye."
"Who's Lisa?"
"She's a friend who lives in Boston."
"Is she married?"
Olivia didn't appreciate the accusation, even though Casey was right about Alex. "Yes and to a man. She also has a daughter. I'm going to go home and call her back. We should talk after my shift is over."
Casey grumbled.
Olivia called Lisa once she was out of the apartment. "Sorry about that."
"I wanted to finish the conversation we were having earlier. You said something about my husband."
Olivia recounted what happened when they had a "friendly chat" at the house. Ever since, she had feared she wasn't enough for Alex, despite the ADA's reassurances.
Lisa was upset and angry that Graham would do that to Olivia or Alex. "I hate to suggest this as he is my husband, but he may have been trying to upset you just because you were with Alex."
"What?"
"He's always had a sore spot when it came to his sister. He may have just been making waves just to make them."
Olivia never considered that. "But what if the other Cabots agreed? I couldn't see Alex picking me over her family."
"I could. You have to understand she's not like us. We feel the need to get other people's approval, to get affirmation that we're not our parents. She's a Cabot. Everyone has always accepted her because her parents were great, so she was assumed great.
She doesn't realize how much we value it when other people approve of us, and if her family had rejected you, she wouldn't have put much weight to it because she doesn't know what rejection feels like. It would have seemed inconsequential to her."
"I never thought about it like that."
"You both need to talk a lot more about this. She needs to know what makes you hold back so she can reassure you, and you need to let her love you. Don't think you have to settle for something comfortable with a girl from a more similar stock."
"How did you?"
"I know. Believe me, I know."
"Thank you Lisa."
"You're more than welcome, and I believe I've now paid Alex back."
When Olivia got to her shift, Alex told Olivia that they had to talk.
Olivia's eyes fell. She regrets last night; she regrets me.
Alex touched her hand reassuringly. "It's not bad; it just needs to happen."
Olivia nodded. Cassie came out and the three started to play. It was hard to stay too upset when there was a four-year-old mini Alex tugging on your heart strings.
Olivia was, however, nervous when Cassie went to bed.
"Did you want a beer?" Alex asked Olivia.
"Um sure."
Alex got her one and got a wine cooler for herself. "I have a few things to say, and I'm going to try to get them all out before I either chicken out or get myself confused."
Olivia lightly nodded, silently telling Alex that she wouldn't interrupt.
"I still love you," Alex told her unequivocally. "I never stopped, but we can't jump back into a relationship right away for a few reasons.
Practically, the ringleader behind all of this is still out there, and I don't want us distracted when Cassie's safety is on the line."
Olivia nodded.
"On a related note, the defense will try to say that I create a conflict of interest in the investigation. I removed myself from it officially when I took in Cassie, but Jim is my subordinate, and they may try to say that my motives in the case are questionable. To make it even more confusing, I became a witness when Walsh took me hostage. I can't also be dating my security detail in the same case. They'll say I'm exploiting resources to my own ends, and to a certain extent they'd be right.
When we start again, I want us to start the right way for the right reasons. I don't want us to be a dirty little secret."
Olivia wasn't surprise that Alex had put a lot of thought into everything she said and did. Some things don't change.
"We also need to talk about Casey. I need to know that you love me and only me. I don't want you to rush to me because you and Casey have been arguing just for you to regret it and want to rush back. I need to know that it's me and only me, and I'm willing to wait until can make that decision objectively."
Olivia was all confused. "What are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is, don't break up with Casey because you had fun fooling around with me yesterday. Take the time to make sure that you know exactly what you want. I'd rather you decide you don't want me now than us to start again just for me to get hurt even worse."
It made sense, but for some reason, it made Olivia upset. "You think I'm just going to flip flop like the sand shifting between your feet." That came out more bitterly than Olivia had wanted it to or than Alex had expected.
"I don't know what to think Olivia. There was no doubt in my mind that we'd pick up exactly where we left off when I came home, and for one night we did, just for it all to be cruelly taken away. I still love you, but I don't know if I can trust you fully. With my life yes, but with my heart, that's going to take some time."
Olivia nodded. "I know, and I'm sorry, about everything."
Alex nodded somberly. "We'll have to talk it all out, but Rome wasn't built in a day. We'll have the conversations that we need to have, but not right now. Right now, I want to watch a black and white and snuggle in front of the television."
Olivia could agree to that.
They settled on It Happened One Night. It was a charming film and Alex's commentary was hilarious.
"I know I'm gay, but I think I would have fucked Clark Gable in his prime. Doesn't he just exude sex?"
Olivia gasped. "He's your type?"
"You didn't think it'd be Munch did you?"
Olivia turned beet red.
Alex had fallen asleep on the couch. Olivia had tucked her into bed, and she couldn't help but climb in beside her and go to sleep.