The Definition of Love
After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.
Don't own anything.
Avarenda, gooby, 1WiththeButterfly, Kyraaah1992, zoelol and Melanie-Kisaragi thanks a lot for the reviews.
So, i read them, and i tried to fit all your ideas in the story. Most were not in this chapter, but they will happen soon (up to 50 years or 10 chapters, whatever happens first lol).
Melanie-Kisaragi, sorry, but Edward will have to come back at some point. His power will be needed, but i'll try to delay it as much as possible ;)
I also saw that most of you want to know what is going on on everyone else minds, that is something that i cant change. When i started this story, i was going to write it in third person, like all my other stories, and then i thought it would be cool to let it only on Bella because she didnt really know what was happening and everyone would find out along with her. So you all will have to stick until the end if you want your questions answered (insert evil laugh)
Also, 1WiththeButterfly, as i was reading your review, i found one of your lines really funny and i kind of put it in the story, hope you dont mind. Now, i'm daring you to find it. BTW, what is frankenstein style?
So, i know i said i would post this last night but i kinda fell asleep. So not nice waking up with your face on your keyboard. But hey, at least now it is here.... Hope you all like it.
Chapter 4 – You and I
"Yes, of course." My little pixie answered. Wait, when did she become mine?
I waited for Alice to show me the way, but it took Jasper a moment to let her go. He was not happy about it, quite the contrary; he made no effort to hide his pain, so I turned away. I did not want to come to face with another person I hurt.
There was no doubt in me that he was prolonging this moment for as long as possible, he didn't want to leave us together. That much was clear. I think I wouldn't either if I was in his position. Alice was the masterpiece, and he knew he was lucky to have her.
"Come on, Bella." Alice told me when she was ready, as she led me to my new room. She did not have her usual bounce in her step, actually she seemed that she was being taken to the death roll. Like that could happen. Well, I guess it could, if we were talking about the Volturi, but I digress.
I think I was a little hurt, okay, not a little, a lot hurt that it caused her so much suffering to be alone with me, but I guess there was nothing I could about it now, just maybe talk to her and try to salvage whatever friendship we still have left.
I followed her to what used to be the guest room, Esme had just told me that I could change it as I saw fit. The mother of the house was still kind and gentle, but I could see how something was missing, like she had lost someone she loved dearly. Considering Edward, I think that was to be expected.
We got to the bedroom, I mean my new bedroom, and I waited for Alice to begin. I had no idea on how to start this conversation.
It took her a while to start talking and I began to wander around the bedroom, trying to feel at home here. Alice just watched me. I think she liked that she got more time to stall, I didn't mind, I had nothing better to do for the rest of eternity. Maybe being here in her presence might not be the worst thing to do until the end of days. Okay, where did that come from?
"Bella" She whispered, she didn't want the others to hear what we were about to say and I decided to do the same. "I don't really know what to say here, and you are not helping either because I think you are kinda indecisive so I can't see what will happen, and that's making me nervous." Alice was babbling, I don't think I had ever seen her babble, or nervous for that matter. But I guess it was cute.
"Trust me, Alice. The feeling is mutual." I guess if I was a human I would be fidgeting, but seeing as I was a vampire, I didn't see the need for that anymore.
"It doesn't really make it better, but I suppose that I'm in no position to demand anything from you." I'm not sure I was supposed to hear that. And I had no idea what to say.
"That's not true, Al." Al? "You can ask me anything. You are my friend." I added as an afterthought.
"You are too kind, Bella. But, I think that maybe I should start by telling you that I'm sorry. I know I don't have the right to ask for your forgiveness. But I really am. Sorry, I mean. I don't know why I lost it, Bella. I swear I don't. I wasn't even thirsty. I hadn't seen it happen in any of my visions. I promise, if I knew I would have never invited you." Alice pleaded, and I didn't need to be an empath to see that she was torturing herself with guilt.
"I know, Alice. But there is no need to apologize, I'm not mad that you turned me." I assured her. This must have been killing her.
I still hadn't had time to consider what being a vampire meant. When I was with Edward, he made sure I knew he would never turn me, so I never actually wondered what it would be like, not really, just silly thoughts. And with Alice it was so quickly, everything was happening to me at once and I needed to sit down to let it sink, I think. But either way, I was sure that I wouldn't be mad at her. No one could possibly be mad at Alice.
"I thought you might say that, but still, even if you wanted to become one of us, it could have been done a little different. You could have known about it beforehand, for starters."
"True." I replied chuckling, and after a moment Alice joined me. God, I really loved her laugher. "Alice, it's okay. I'm not mad. I think we just got caught up in the moment, I think it just meant different things for the two of us. You being a vampire and all."
"I should have behaved better, I should have been able to control myself. I will say this, even if you don't believe in me or if you don't care, I will continue telling you that I AM SORRY."
"I'm not." I quickly replied, coming closer to her and holding her hands, I wanted to comfort her. She made no mention to let go.
I felt small tingles run up my arms, and take over my body. It was not new to me, it had happened every time we touched. However, I was surprised with the intensity of it. It had never been so strong, maybe it was me being a vampire, maybe there was another reason, but either way it took me a moment to get used to the feeling and pay attention to what she was saying.
"Either way, I'm gonna help you with anything you need. I'll teach you everything I know. I'll make this transition as easy as possible for you." She had let go of my hands to caress my face and I shivered. "I promise I'll take care of you."
"Thanks." I know that if I was a human my heart would have been beating like crazy. But now, my body was reacting differently. I could feel myself getting aroused by her gesture. I told myself to calm down, this was Alice, my best friend. Nothing more.
"And about the other thing that happened there-" That's when I pulled away. I didn't want to hear her dismiss me or what had happened between us. Don't ask me why.
"Alice, it's alright. We got caught up in the moment. I'll not cause trouble for you and Jasper." I said, walking to the other side of the room, staring at the woods outside. She walked behind me, turning me around. Her fingers were touching the bare skin on my arm, and for a moment that was everything I could think about.
"It's not that simple, Bella." She replied looking down at her feet. "Not anymore."
"How come, Alice?" I asked slowly, I'm not sure I'd like what she had to say. My brain was still a little foggy, after all she was still touching me.
"You are a newborn vampire, Bella. Vampires act on urges, newborns more so than normal. I'm sure you have already realized. Blood, yes. But there is another one." I tried to clear my head and think what the answer could possibly be. I thought over what I had crossed my mind ever since I woke up. And like a brick wall, it hit me.
"Sex." I mumbled.
It was true, there were several times from the time that I woke up to now that I had imagined throwing her on the floor and having my way with her. I don't remember having these feelings as strong as a human, even if my memories of my human life were all blurred and mumbled up together.
I do remember a few dreams and doing some stuff with her. But that's normal right? It was because we always hang out together, not like they meant anything. They were just dreams, it's not like they would actually happen. Except maybe the one time they did happen and I became a vampire, but who is keeping score?
She started to draw circles with her hands on my skin and I had to take deep unneeded breaths to calm myself down. Is she trying to kill me? Again?
"Yes. And although you have shown an amazing self control, we don't think it's a good idea to make you give up another one of these desires." She explained slowly, as if she knew that I battling myself to pay attention to what she was saying. "You will need all of your strength to keep up with our special diet"
She had a point, but still it was not like I was going insane with the blood lust or anything. Actually I think I was having more trouble controlling my urge to fuck her than resisting my desire for blood. But that was probably because there was no human nearby.
"What are you saying, Alice? That if I feel the need to have sex, I can just take anyone in the house and screw them?" I asked, sarcastically. Even with I had to live with the lust, I'm not sure there was anything that could be done. I couldn't really force someone to have sex with me. Besides, after what I have done, maybe I deserved it.
"Not anyone, Bella." She replied, staring into my eyes. "Me. You can take me, anytime you need."
"Alice? That's an absurd. You are married." I pretty much yelled, not really caring that the others could probably hear me. What she was suggesting was completely ridiculous. I pulled back, keeping as much distance between our bodies as the bedroom allowed. I need to get my head to work properly.
"So are the others, its better if it is me." I finally understood what she wasn't saying, what she would never admit. She thought it was her fault I was a newborn vampire, so it was her obligation to do this. "Jasper knows, he has agreed with it." And I'm sure that he was just so happy with that. Yeah, right.
"It's better if it is no one, Alice. I can't let you do this. I won't." I informed her, regaining my calm. It would be like forcing her to have sex with someone she didn't want, she was my best friend, and I cared for her. I would never hurt her, not if I could help it.
"But you don't see it, Bella. It's not about want." She said, invading my personal space. "It's about need."
Her hands travelled up and down my arms and I forgot why I was so against the idea. There it was again, the lust. The one I had never felt before, not that I had much experience, but I could not see how this could be normal.
I had not recovered from the sensations that her touch just moments ago were doing to my easily excited body. That's why when her lips touched mine, I let go of anything holding me back and just surrendered myself to her.
We were lying in bed, naked, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Alice was lying on top of me, caressing my cheek, planting light kisses on my face. I could feel butterflies moving around inside my belly.
"Is this how it's always going to be?" I asked her, before I lost my mind again. I could feel it slipping away from me.
"I don't know, Bella. I'm also new at this. I have never turned anyone." For some reason that made me happy, knowing that I was the only one. How screwed up must I be to feel jealous of her biting someone else? "What do you want to happen?"
"I don't know. It's so much." I answered truthfully. "But you don't need to keep doing this, Alice. I am sure I can find a way to manage by myself."
"Do you not want me?" For a moment I thought she was joking, but it took one look in her eyes to know that she was serious. That she was actually scared of being rejected. I don't know how that was possible. She was freaking amazing. Who could ever say no to her?
"Of course I do." I said after a while. I didn't want to admit that, it was like admitting a weakness or something. And by admitting it I would give her power to control me, and that's something I despised. I think I have already told you, I like being the one in control of myself. "But you don't need to keep doing this for me. It's not fair to you. It's like I'm forcing you."
"Bella, I'm not doing anything I don't want to." She kissed me after saying that, I think she was trying to prove her point. It was sweet, but at the same time powerful and I could tell she felt the same desire that I felt for her. If Alice was Ok with it, and Jasper was OK with it, I wasn't going to be the one that was going to have a problem with this agreement.
"Alice, can I ask you something?" I asked timidly, I wasn't really sure how she was gonna react to that.
"Anything." My pixie said, kissing me. I think she may be taking a liking to that. I really didn't mind, but that was really distracting, and if she kept that up, I would never be able to ask her what I wanted to.
"What really happened between you and Edward? Emmett said he almost killed you? How is that possible? Wouldn't you be able to see his moves and protect yourself?" I said quickly, trying to get it out there as fast as possible. Before I lost my nerve and my will to ask. Why should I talk when we could be doing so much better things with our mouths?
I could see that she was not comfortable answering this question or maybe she was not comfortable talking about Edward in general, I'm not really sure. But I know that for the first time, she stopped touching me and shrunk away to the other side of the king sized bed. I followed her, keeping a certain distance between our bodies, as she had intended. I still wasn't sure what we were to each other, and I was not sure she wouldn't be bothered by me.
Talk about killing the mood.
"I stopped. That day, for some reason I stopped and I don't know how, Bella. I don't think you know how close you came to actually being dead. I had already given up fighting and then suddenly I stopped. Another minute and I would have sucked you dry." I knew that there was more to that story than she was letting on, but I let her get away with it this time. I would make her tell me the rest someday. "I knew I wouldn't be able to just suck the poison out of you. I ran back and I found Carlisle. I told him what happened and he left to find you. He came back holding you in his arms saying that there nothing else anyone could do."
I stopped her story with a kiss on her cheek. I wanted to comfort her. She didn't seem to mind, actually I was sure I saw a smile in her lips for a second.
"It's Okay, Ali." Here it is again, what's up with me and the nicknames?
"Edward got home at that moment. I think he read my mind, because suddenly, he was furious." She took an unnecessary breath before continuing. Her eyes were closed and her face was tense. "He was attacking me with everything he had. I could not protect myself because he wasn't planning anything. He was attacking me in blind rage. He didn't decide his next move, so my power was useless against him. And that moment, I really didn't feel like I should be defending myself. I really thought I deserved what Edward was doing. Eventually, Carlisle was able to stop him." There was so much remorse in her voice, so much pain and sorrow. It killed me to see my best friend so sad.
"Alice, I'm not mad at you. You don't need to feel guilty over turning me." I reassured her, breaking the space between us and holding her. When she didn't pull away, I figured it was okay to continue. I snuggled myself against her and she welcomed me, hugging me back.
"No, Bella, I was reckless. I felt myself losing control; I should have run away and left you there. Anyone could have come back to pick you up later. I don't know what came over me; I don't know why I stayed. It was like I had no control over my body."
"It's Ok. I don't blame you. I won't blame you or be mad at you for turning me. Not now, and not ever. And I'll keep saying that until you believe it." I said caressing her arm, I was starting to like this feeling.
Alice just looked at me for a moment, that could have lasted hours for all I cared, and then she pulled me into her lap, kissing me fervently. And there it was. The lust. Again.
And there it was. next one should be up in a week, that one will have major changes according to what you sugested. Also feel free to give any other ideas.
Please Review.