Chapter 2: Last goodbye
"Some believe that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I found that it is the small things. Every day deeds by ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay" - Gandalf
We rode back into the town, the mood of the returning parades never changes. There is always an atmosphere of tension and quiet among the townsman that stand as they watch us march in. Some stifled gasps will be heard, sharp intakes of breath as relatives and lovers catch sight of their retuning loved ones. They don't let their joy show, for the sake of those collapsing on their knees. The pattern repeats everytime, but its occasionally broken by the confused voice of young children asking where their daddy is. They run up to the captains of their father's team, pulling on their boots. It just never happened to me before. I had been captain for so long and I've had many of my men die under my charge, but I've never been confronted with a child quietly demanding to be carried up in arms of their daddy. School might have been hard that week, the school bully may have had taken all her lunches, and she just wanted to hug her daddy and remember what it was like to feel safe and secure.
"Where's my daddy?"
My voice caught in my throat and the world shuts down for a moment, and all I could see was the young girl holding a dirtied teddy bear, staring at me, waiting patiently for me to answer her. I could be a coward right now, keep riding and never look back. Refuse to account to why her daddy would no longer be tucking her into bed. I could almost laugh, because I knew that I would rather ride out alone, beyond the walls and back into that forest to bring her daddy back, than to tell her the truth. Slowing my horse to a stop, I dismounted and got my knees in front of her and gently took her hands.
How does someone tell a child that their father was dead?
"Your daddy is…erm…ah…" I docked my head, I couldn't look at her, I couldn't breathe, I could only see the sea of red where the bodies laid. So many lives, husbands, fathers, mothers, daughters, wives. My tirade of thoughts halted as soft little hands cradled my face, "why are you crying?" Her childish voice was soft and compassionate. Was she comforting me now? She tilted her head to the side, her chubby hands clumsily wiping my tears away. I laughed softly, "I…I…" I pressed my lips together, I couldn't say it.
Suddenly I felt her little hands ripped from mine, and the face of a beautiful young woman contorted with anger, snarled at me, "don't you dare touch my daughter, everything you damn soldiers touch and do is cursed. You only know how to take lives away from us!"
I staggered back from the intensity of her hate. Speechless. What could I say to a woman who just lost her husband? Her lover is dead, while I am still alive. Was I supposed to be apologetic for living?
Her palms slammed against my chest, pushing me on to the ground and knocking my breath right out of me. My ears rung with her voice as she began screaming into my face and her fist never stopped in its relentless assault against me. I gasped for breath; every breath that I took was quickly knocked out of me. Every expedition was just like this, wasn't it? We all are left breathless from this road we walk, while some will come to a journey end, many of us will continue, all the while praying that we would see them again. Oh, why do the white gulls call? How often have we wished that the grey curtains would roll back? So that we could see over the horizon, across the waters, watch all turn to silver glass, as the ships would bring our loved ones to shore. Perhaps then our hearts will be able to say farewell, but even if we screamed till our words dried out, all things are doomed to fade. And after every expedition, some young hearts would learn of this and sorrowing they must go on.
As her strength seeped out of her, she collapsed into me, clutching at my cloak, as if clinging on to an anchor that would keep her afloat above the memories that threatened to drown her. My arms wrapped around her and as she cried for her lover, I cried for those still living, "It's okay, it's okay, we'll be alright".
That evening we held the burning in the town square, a large wood pyre was set up. Civilians and soldiers alike watched the fires climb high into the sky. The crackling of the fire filled the silence of the night, the quiet melody to the song in each person's heart.
Though each person stood alone in the darkness of the night, our hearts were as one. Some cried, some simply watched the smoke rise up to the stars, curling and dancing over the flaming pyre, as though the dead soldiers were rejoicing to have been released from the war. I closed my eyes, listening to the songs of the flames, in that moment, I begun to sing.
I saw the light fade from the sky
On the wind I heard a sigh
As the snowflakes cover
My fallen brothers
I will say this last goodbye
Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away
Over hill and under tree
Through lands where never light has shone
By silver streams that run down to the sea
And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell
Many places I have been
Many sorrows I have seen
But I don't regret
Nor will I forget
All who took that road with me
To these memories I will hold
With your blessing I will go
To turn at last to paths that lead home
And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell
As the words faded into the night, a young man came and sat down beside me. Wordlessly, he handed me a piece of bread. I looked at him from the corner of my eye, it was the young man from before. "Thank you," I whispered, taking a bite of the warm bread as I waited for him to articulate the words on his heart.
"Teach me"
I smiled and laughed softly, "teach you what? There is nothing I can teach you, that your own captain can't."
"No, I want to learn from you. You are different from the other captains." I turned and regarded him, though half of his face was hidden in the shadows, and his eyes reflected a fierce glint that not even the darkness of the night could hide.
"What's your name and who is your captain?" I said as I moved to get up.
"Elon Armiel under Captain Vitor from team 68," he raised his head to follow my movement, his green eyes held my gaze unwaveringly.
"Get a good rest tonight, meet me at training ground 4 at 9 am tomorrow morning." I paused and gripped his shoulder firmly, "let me see what you've got, first."