The Definition of Love
After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.
Don't own anything.
A.N.: Thanks to Avarenda, Melanie-Kisaragi, gooby, 1WiththeButterfly, Antara and .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies. for the reviews
Melanie-Kisaragi, about the wall, wouldn't you like to know? i guess you will have to wait to find out.... lol. about the wolves, i truly dont know. they will show up again, but i'm not sure how much trouble they will cause....
.I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., i thought of that too, but i guessed it was still too early for him to start making jokes. But seeing as you want it too, the jokes are on their way...
i hope this wasn't too much of a wait, and i hope you enjoy this one. It also didnt exist when i first started to write this story....
Chapter 6 - Vampire Carlisle
I was mourning the loss of my friend.
We ran. I didn't know how much, and I also didn't care. Vampires didn't get tired, so I could run forever. Literally.
At some point we stopped so that everyone could feed and then we continued on our way. I'm pretty sure that by this point I don't have to repeat that we drank the blood from animals.
Carlisle decided that it was best that we always traveled through the shadows, he didn't want us to expose ourselves by letting a human see us under the sun. Vampires sparkled under the sun, like diamonds. For that reason, and maybe to confuse anyone that could be following us, we didn't move in a straight line, and I'm saying that knowing that I was never good with directions, even if that sense did improve after I became a vampire. All I knew is that sometimes we ran south, then east, and then we changed directions completely and ran north and then west.
We passed through the cities of Shelton, Astoria, Pendletlon, Baker, Idaho City, Riggings, Yakima, Kalama, and so many others. We never entered any of those, of course, my self control wasn't good enough for that. I had to keep my distance from humans. I now finally understood Jasper's aversion to school; besides me, he was the one with least willpower in that area.
We reached Seattle, and that's when we stopped.
Seattle is the largest city in the northwestern United States. It is located between the Puget Sound to the west, and Lake Washington to the east. The sea, rivers, forests, lakes, and fields surrounding Seattle were once rich enough to support one of the world's few sedentary hunter-gatherer societies.
But the fact that it had an average of 201 cloudy days and 93 partly cloudy days per year was the most important information to us. It meant that we, I mean, the others; the Cullens could have a semi normal life here. They could go to school, work, or whatever other thing they wanted. Unfortunately, I would have to wait behind. I couldn't get close to the humans.
I guess that the wolves could have followed us here, but they chose not to. Maybe they just wanted to protect their own people, and they didn't care about us as long as we stayed away from them. Or maybe that invisible wall was still keeping them from us. Whatever it was, I was glad that we didn't have to worry about them anymore, I was tired of looking over my shoulder, wondering if they were behind us. Jacob was the only one that I would miss.
The family, minus me and Alice, went into the city to find us some sort of living arrangements. I couldn't enter city limits; there were too many humans for me. I could easily let my control slip and kill someone, and not only that, but also expose our kind to them.
Instead Alice and I decided to make good use of our time alone together, and as soon as the family was out of earshot, we were in each other's arms. It was not like they didn't know what was going on, but I didn't think there was any need to rub Jasper's face in it. I have a tiny suspect that Alice agreed with me.
Her lips were on my mouth and her hands were on caressing all over my body when she suddenly froze. My mind was going over a mile a minute, trying to understand why she had stopped. Had I done something wrong? Did I cross some line? Did I say something?
I couldn't consider what I could have possible done, but that wasn't unusual. When Alice touched me, she made feel things that I didn't imagine possible. My body was on fire, my mind went blank. And my soul, well, that was something that I couldn't even begin to explain.
Let's just say that any kind of cognitive function was nearly impossible in the state she left me in.
She seemed to be concentrating on something, and I tried to focus on the environment around me. I wish that I hadn't, because after a while of trying, I succeeded in finding out what had happened.
HUMANS.
I was sure of it even without ever having come close to any of them after I was turned. No other scent could be so inviting.
They were in a car not too far away. Four heartbeats. Four humans. Two adults, and two children. Their voices penetrated my conscious, their scent invaded my nostrils. I could almost feel their blood on my tongue, as I drank eagerly from them. I would first take the adults, the children wouldn't be able to get away while I finished off their parents. And then, I would go after the younger ones. Before they even noticed what had happened, I would have drunk them all.
I felt the arms around me strengthen their hold. Someone was trying to come between me and my delicious blood. I knew that whoever was trying to stand in my way was not strong enough for me. I was going to defend what was mine. The prey was mine, the blood was mine.
I growled in warning, as my throat burned for blood.
"Don't breathe, Bella." The creature said. And such a beautiful voice it had, maybe I could share some of my food with it. Not that I was happy with that, but I guess I could make an exception for a creature this beautiful.
But we needed to get moving, I couldn't let so much blood get away, and they were speeding up away from us. I tried to move, but the creature held onto me. I growled again, I was losing my patience. The pain in my throat was getting stronger by the second.
"Focus on me, Bella. Pay attention to my voice" Why? Why was she so set on us staying here? Couldn't she see that the blood was getting away? "Don't you remember me?" Remember her? Why should I? There were more important things to do at the moment. We had to hurry. We needed to get to the blood. "It's me, Alice."
Alice? The name was familiar.
But I needed the blood.
Alice was my friend.
My throat ached.
I liked Alice.
Their heartbeats sang loudly in my ears.
When Alice touched me, she made feel things that I didn't imagine possible.
"Don't breathe, Bella." She repeated, with her lips a few inches away from my right ear. And this time I complied. Was she going to make me feel that amazing sensations again? "Can you focus on me, Bella? Only me, Okay?" She whispered. "Forget everything else."
The creature named Alice was trailing kisses down my neck, but oh so slowly. Instead of trying to break free from her hold, I pulled her close, tight against my body. I was urging her to continue. I needed her touch like a drowning man needed air.
After a few torturous moments, her lips met mine and I remembered myself. I remembered her. I remembered us. And just like she had instructed, I let the world around us fade away to the back of my mind. And for a few hours, we were the only two people in the world.
We were already dressed when we heard the rest of the Cullens return, and we stopped caressing each other. It hurt me to give up touching Alice, but it hurt even more when Jasper pulled her up against him and kissed her.
I turned my head away, I had no right to feel what I was feeling. Jasper was her husband, and I was just the best friend.
"We bought some land outside the city." Carlisle informed me and Alice. "We will build our new home there." Wait, we are gonna build a house? How am I supposed to do that?
"I already have the design almost done. We should leave, our supplies will arrive any minute now." Esme explained. Sometime ago, Edward had told me that Esme was an architect and an engineer. I guess she had a lot of time on her hands. She had been the one that had drawn most of their houses.
Without any other word, they left. I waited for a while, I didn't want to be there when whoever was gonna deliver the so called supplies arrived. My almost slip up earlier was still fresh in my mind. I could have waited on my own and then followed their scent, but I was thankful that Carlisle stayed with me.
It was the first time Alice left me alone, and I was disappointed that she had. I pushed the feeling to the back of my mind, this situation was only temporary. She had a husband, and the only reason she was doing this was because Alice wanted to help me. She pitied me, and I was using it to satisfy my own selfish needs. I am truly a monster. Who would do that to their best friend?
"Is there something on your mind, Bella?" Carlisle asked, after a while of dead silence.
Yes, a lot. Anything I want to share? "No"
"As you wish." He knew I was lying, but he wasn't going to pry, and for that I was thankful.
We were standing still, and I felt no real desire to move, but that was just us being vampires. Vampires didn't need to move, we could stay in the same position for long periods of times, like statues. We didn't feel cramps on our limbs, ours muscles didn't get sore, there was no anxiety to stir. We could stay like this for eternity, or at least for a very long time.
Actually, Alice had mentioned that we needed to remember to shift a little around humans, because to them it was not normal to stay still for so long. But it wasn't like I needed to know this, well, not for at least a few years.
Then I remembered that I had something I wanted to ask him.
"Carlisle?" I whispered, but I know that he had heard.
"Yes?" His voice was compassionate, calm, collected as he had always been.
"Why is it so easy for you?" I questioned, as I remembered my first encounter with a human. It was like I didn't know who I was, I wasn't the one in command, and that scared me.
"What is easy for me?"
"Resisting your vampire side. How can you work in a hospital full of blood, and not kill everyone inside?"
"I think you spent too much time with Edward." He observed. What does that have to do with anything?
"What's that supposed to mean?" I replied defensively. He had no right to tell me how much time I could spend with any person.
"There is no need to become agitated, Bella." Carlisle said, and his voice was so kind that I felt my anger slip away from me. "I was merely stating that you share too much of his views of the world, of being a vampire."
"How come?"
"Edward believes that he has to battle his vampire side. He is able to abstain himself from humans because he confronts the vampire in him every second of his day. The others in my family share his view, to some extent."
"And you don't?" I questioned confused. That's what everyone else in the family had told me to do.
"No. I embrace it. There are not two sides of me, there is only one. There isn't Carlisle without the vampire, as there isn't the vampire without Carlisle. There isn't one without the other. I'm vampire Carlisle." Carlisle's voice was soft and slow. He wanted me to have time to comprehend what he was saying. I have a feeling that he had already explained this to the rest of the Cullens. Something also told me that they hadn't fully grasped it.
"And how can you stop yourself from hurting humans then? I thought that every vampire's most primitive desire was blood."
"That is true. Vampires can't survive without blood; that is not negotiable. Its source, however, is quite flexible." He clarified, but something didn't sit right with me. It went against everything I had been taught about vampires.
"I thought human's blood was the tastiest. That's why vampires lose control around humans." That information had been drilled into my skull. It was the reason Edward and I couldn't go past a few hugs and kisses when we were dating. And it was the reason that Alice had lost control when she turned me.
"And why do you think that is, Bella?"
"What?"
"What makes human blood taste so much better?" The question had caught me off guard. I had simply accepted the information that had been given me. I had never questioned it. And I took a moment to think about it. Carlisle waited; I think he kinda expected me to do so.
"I don't know, I've never tasted it." I said after a while.
"Exactly. I believe that human blood must taste better to some, the same way that a lion's blood would taste better than a bear's blood to others. I believe that our infatuation with human blood has more to do with the fact that we need to give the human race that kinda of importance." He paused, I think he was letting all the information he had just given me sink in, before he continued. "That is my theory. I could be wrong, of course."
"You think we prefer human blood because we want to?"
"Yes, something along those lines. Human blood is superior because either we want to give what we used to be some more significance or because we want to reconnect to it." He paused, I think he was wondering whether he should continue "May I assume that you are questioning me on this topic because you met a human already?"
"Yes."
"How close were they to you?"
"I'm not sure." I tried to remember details of what had happened, but I couldn't. "Not too close"
"How did you know that they were humans?" He continued, but my memories of what had happened were fuzzy. Not like when I was human, it was more like they didn't belong to me.
"I thought it was by their scent, they smelt delicious. But I'm not sure."
"And how did that make you feel?" I think that was the one question I could answer.
"It was like I was someone else, I didn't recognize myself. I wanted the blood. That was the only thing on my mind."
"Was that different from what you feel when you hunt other animals?"
"No. More intense, maybe."
"I see. Have you ever tried controlling yourself around animals?"
"What?" This conversation was making me more confused than ever.
"While you were hunting. Have you ever tried controlling yourself? Keep yourself from killing them?" What a weird question, why would I want to? If I went out to hunt animals, why would I want to control myself?
"No."
"I would like you to try. And then we can continue this discussion."
"Ok." Where was he going with this?
"In that case, come find me once you do. For now, I believe we should find the family. I'm sure that you are safe now. The delivery men are already gone." His tone was final, and he was preparing himself to run towards his wife.
"Carlisle, just one more thing before you go." He paused, waiting for me to finish. "That invisible barrier, or whatever, that the wolf pack couldn't cross. What was that? Was it the treaty?"
"What happened there was quite uncommon, Bella. But there is no need for you to waste your time on that. Don't be troubled by what happened, I assure you that it is being handled." And just like that he left. He didn't wait to see if I would follow, he knew that I would.
For a moment, I contemplated staying just to spite him, but I thought better of it and started to run, following his scent. I didn't like to be left alone, I was afraid of what I could do if there was no one else to stop me.
But he had pretty much just dismissed me, and that annoyed me to no end. He didn't get to decide what I would or wouldn't worry about. And if I wanted to worry about that freaking invisible wall, I would worry about that freaking invisible wall.
That was it. So, what do you think?
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