The Definition of Love

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

Thanks to hphglover, Alex Belle, Tigersflame, .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., zoelol, deathnote18, Melanie-Kisaragi, Luz, Imagination Genius, britxx, jds87, Antara, JJ, CullenGirlBrazil, Mechconstrictor for the reviews.

First, sorry for the long wait. I didn't have much time and when I did have time and wrote something, I ended up deleting it later because I didn't like how it had turned out.

Second, I got a lot of rants, and as Alex Belle said, I'll take that as a compliment. XPPP

So I got a lot of comments on the Cullens actions, and before you all crucify them (I'm not saying that that is wrong) I would like to say something on that by talking about Dom Casmurro, and knowing that most of you won't get the reference (maybe CullenGirlBrazil, but that's just a wild guess) so I will tell you what I remember about it. Dom Casmurro is a book written by Machado de Assis and if you plan on reading it I suggest that you skip this and the next paragraph. So it tells the story of Bentinho and Capitu and how they struggle to be together and the aftermath of their marriage. All thought the book, Capitu is an incredible liar and Bentinho is ridiculously jealous of her and in the end, the book affirms that Capitu cheated on Bentinho. The thing is that the story is told on Bentinho's POV and although he is certain that she cheated on him (he leaves her and almost kills their son because of that), he never actually caught her, nor had he any real proof of that happening. He only had his jealousy and a lot of close calls (which I won't describe because that is totally not the point), which could implicate something.

What is important in this book is not whether she cheated on him or not, but the fact that we discuss it until this day. There are people who agree with him, and people who believe in her, but regardless of that no one will ever know the truth.

I've been rambling all this time, but what I'm trying to say is that this story is told from Bella's POV and therefore tainted by her thoughts and feelings on the matter. It tells her view on the issue and not necessarily the truth. I hope i gave you something to think about. ;)

.I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., I'm glad you liked the ending, I was under the impression that u liked fluffy chapters. Glad to know I was wrong.

Zoelol, sorry, can't change POVs, you will have to wait to hear what they have to say on the matter. Hopefully, you will still be interested until then.

CullenGirlBrazil, I'm glad you are giving this a chance, I ask you to wait a couple of chapters before you make your final decision. ;)

Mechconstrictor, hum, originally no. It wasn't supposed to have a happy ending, it was supposed to end at chapter 5 with what should be chapter 10 (I changed it a lot and added a lot of chapters, and considering this rate I can't guarantee it will be chapter 10). I planned on someday getting back to it and maybe writting a sequel, but apparently I can't write something that ends badly. I'm considering just continuing this story with its sequel (all in one), but I haven't decided yet, I'm not sure I'll have time to write it if it gets longer than how I planned it to end right now.

And for everyone who asked, there will be plenty of jealous Alice in the future. ;)

And one more thing before I forget, most of the explanations for this fic have already been commented on by some you, ones more directly than others. One of you (I won't say which) actually said it with all the letters, I just don't know if you connected that with all that's happening around Bella. For those who haven't figured it out yet, I advice you to simply read it carefully, I may have actually made some mistakes, but most of the things written are on purpose and not really slip-ups. Out of the top of my head, I can remember at least 5 times I already mentioned those moments on the story.

Now, enough ramblings… To the story…

Chapter 8 – Anywhere But Here

Great. Now I had just sent her straight into HIS arms.

The first time after I saw Alice again after The Incident (as I decided to call whatever had happened in my room that day), she was back to her natural good mood and usual cheerfulness, acting like it had never happened, and The Incident was not mentioned again. I was more than happy to follow her example.

Because, you see, there was another thing bothering me. Alice had explained to me that my desire for her had to do with the fact that I was a newborn, and as such, I needed sex. Alice had specifically said I needed sex, and not her. And if what I wanted was sex, then why did Jasper's scent repulse me? Why wasn't I attracted to his scent in the same way that I was attracted to hers?

There was only one explanation that I thought of and that scared the shit out of me.

Was I developing some sort of romantic feelings for my very happily married best friend?

That was the question that I didn't want to think about, because that could be potentially disastrous. I mean, come on! Do I really have to explain why I shouldn't feel that kinda of thing for Alice?

Really? ! ? ! ? !

With that in mind, I decided that I wasn't felling anything other than friendship and lust for Alice, therefore I could keep up with this weird arrangement that the three of us seemed to have.

Never mind that one of the definitions of love that I found mentioned that love was friendship set on fire.

It didn't happen again though. Jasper's scent, not the sex. The sex did happen several times after that, but I was never able to smell him again. Either because Alice figured out why I had thrown her away or because I developed some weird way of blocking it. Thankfully.

For the weeks that followed, Alice's attention was divided between me and Jasper. She would alternate between me and him, and with a guilty pleasure I must admit that she spent more time with me than with her husband.

Of course, that could easily be explained by the fact that I was a newborn and just like a baby needed its mother, I needed Alice's attention. But I guess I chose to believe that wasn't the reason, I wanted to hold on the idea that Alice wanted to spend most of her time with me because she liked me best. Yes, I knew that I was fooling myself.

Much like before, she continued to interact with her husband like a couple, maybe a little more than usual. But that might just be my jealous side talking. Yes, I can admit that I was jealous of Alice, but it didn't prove that I had any sort of romantic feelings her. Vampires are possessive creatures, or so Emmett had told me.

With me, she restrained herself when there were others around, even if she showered me with affection when it was just the two of us.

Before I was changed, my interactions with Jasper were almost none, and after what happened I don't blame him for wanting to keep it that away. We never spoke, unless it was strictly necessary. After all, I can't imagine what he had to go through every day and every night. Jasper looked at me, knowing that I was sleeping with his wife and there was nothing he could do about it.

He must hear us, considering that I could hear them whenever Alice spent the night with him. I hated it, I wanted to barge into their room and rip him to tiny little pieces. I didn't like to share her one bit, so I guess to him it must be almost unbearable.

My relationship with the others was pretty much the same as before I was turned. I liked to hear Carlisle tell stories from the places he had already been. Esme treated me like a daughter, pampering me as if I was the new baby. She bought me clothes, cleaned my room, even if I didn't think it was necessary, and she even liked to tell me how to hunt, not that there was an specific technique, but I think she just enjoyed the idea of feeding me. Rosalie still ignored me, and Emmett made fun of me whenever he had the chance.

One night, we, and by that I mean Alice and I, were left alone in the house and, of course, we decided to make the most of it. We were playing a vampiric and much more sexual version of hide-and-seek, where one of us hid and the other searched the house in search of the first person. Pretty standard stuff, right? Only that with our super senses things became much more interesting considering that I was much faster than her, and she was much quieter than me.

I think this was her away of training me.

That and the fact that whoever got caught had to lose a piece of clothing. Yeah, that kinda put an edge to it. Because there it was Alice only in a skirt and me with my braw and panties. I could smell her, but I don't think she had sensed me yet. My newborn senses gave me a little advantage. OK, a lot. Thing is, I think that I should move because she was getting too close.

But then, why on Earth would I want to move away from a half naked Alice? Hell, I wanted to get caught.

I could almost taste her, I wanted her, I needed her. I wanted to mark her.

I growled.

MINE.

I pounced on her, before she even had a chance to completely turn around when she heard me growl. I had both of her arms pinned above her head, as my body straddled her.

I looked down at her, just to realize that she was staring right back at me. She wasn't afraid of my strength, nor was she scared by my firm grip. No, she was staring back at me like she was challenging me. She was daring me to do something, I just didn't know what.

Deciding that Alice wasn't gonna tell me what she wanted me to do, and giving up trying to figure it out considering that I had a half naked Alice beneath me, I just brought our mouths closer, taking one last look at her before I kissed Alice.

It wasn't enough. I was kissing her, holding her arms above her head grinding myself against her and it wasn't enough. Something was missing. I broke the kiss and looked down at her, she had the same look on her face. The one where she was expecting me to act. It annoyed me. If she wanted something why couldn't she just tell me?

I ignored it and started kissing her again, but this time I didn't stop at her lips. I moved to her cheeks and down her neck. I still felt I needed something, but it wasn't until I got to the valley between her breasts that I understood it. I wanted to bite her, I wanted to sink my teeth inside of her. I wanted to mark her.

I wanted to make her mine.

I moved up again, to her neck and let my teeth graze the flesh above what should have been her pulse point. I wondered if she would let me do it. Was that what she wanted me to do? Or was it something else? And what if it wasn't? Would she get mad that I bit her? I stopped moving, and I think that maybe Alice knew what was going on because she stopped too. She was waiting for me.

I don't know how long we stayed still like that, my mind had other things to consider, but I was still contemplating what I should do when Rosalie arrived unexpectedly and came face to face with me on top of a half naked Alice. Rosalie didn't say anything, she just glared at us and with an eye roll she moved up to her room.

I never saw Alice look as guilty as she looked then, and in that moment I hated Rosalie for making my pixie so sad. Alice quickly detangled herself from me, and in a flash she was locked in the room she shared with Jasper. A locked door wouldn't stop me, but I refrained from going after her. Something told me I was the last person she wanted to see tonight.

I stood frozen in the same spot that Alice had left me in until the moment I heard the rest of the family come closer to the house. That's when I hurried back to my room, without even bothering to pick our clothes off the floor. I couldn't be bothered to do so, not with so many things running through my mind, but the next time I made my way downstairs there was no trace of the clothes.

I didn't see Alice for 2 days after that, she didn't come out of her room, and Jasper was the only one allowed in. It hurt because I really missed her. It was like I needed her.

It was then that I decided to make sure to always keep a low profile around others, because those two days without Alice almost drove me insane.

I spent that time trying to understand what had happened that night. What did she want? What did I want? Why was I feeling like I needed to bite her? Was it normal? And what if it wasn't? Could I ask anyone else about it? Or would they think I was some kind of a freak? It was normal wanting to bite a human or an animal, but was it normal to want to bite another vampire?

That questions were kept hidden away on my mind, I was afraid to ask anyone else about them, but I didn't want to keep dwelling on them. So I ignored them for the time being, but they were never really forgotten.

I was never allowed out of the house on my own, there was at least one member of the family with me, and there was like they had shifts in who would be the one to watch over me. Jasper was the only one who was relieved from this duty. Firstly, because he never had had much of a self control anyway so he couldn't be trusted to stop me, and second, I think that everybody else just figured that it was not a good idea to leave us alone together. But I just didn't know whom they were protecting, me or him.

They kept their routine much like before I was turned. Carlisle and Esme went to work; she had decided to present herself as an architect this time and he was once again a doctor. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie had enrolled high school once again. I can't say I was jealous of them, seeing the same thing for who knows how many times must be boring as hell. But I guess I would take that over being locked inside the house alone all day long. Not that I was actually locked, but I didn't have permission to go out unguarded.

I understand why it had to be this way, it didn't make me dislike this any less though.

I used to wonder around the house, waiting for time to pass. It was not like I was getting any older, but after a while it became really dull. Eventually, I found a book that seemed interesting enough in the library so I decided to read it. I don't know why, but it reminded me of Renée, my mother. I think she used to read books like this to me when I was younger.

I felt an instant urge to call her and tell my mother all about this book. It seemed an eternity ago that I had last spoken to her, I missed her. And I missed Charlie. I really wanted to see them, but I knew that I couldn't.

I lasted 3 days before my urge to call my mom took over and I heard her voice on the phone. There was no one else home with me, of course.

"Hello?" She said, but I remained silent. She couldn't hear my voice, it had changed drastically when I was turned and she would know that something had happened. "Hello?" She tried again, but I kept quiet. "Is this a joke?" She continued, she was getting angry. Renée had never been a patient woman. "I'm hanging up now." She told me, but she had no idea how much I wanted to answer her, how much I wanted to actually talk to her. "Fine." She told me, before I heard the beep telling me that the call had been disconnected.

I stared at the phone in my hand. I don't know how long I stayed in the same position, and truthfully I didn't care. I hadn't talked to my mom in so long that I was happy just from hearing her voice, it was more than I could have asked for in my condition. I thing I would have cried if I could, but I was a vampire now, and vampires didn't cry.

That call satisfied me for almost 5 days, and for those days I was incredible happy, and I think that the Cullens noticed it too. Alice had even commented on my good mood, but of course I never told her the real reason, and it was not like she pressed me on it.

Yeah, it was great at first, but eventually, I felt that I missed her more and I wanted to call again.

I didn't want to call Charlie, actually I did want to call Charlie, but I couldn't. I was afraid that he would be able to track us down, he was a cop after all. And I didn't want to think about what would happen if he found us, because one of two things would happen and I was scared of them both.

One, he would be able to get to me and I would kill him. Two, he wouldn't be able to get to me, because one of the Cullens would have spotted Charlie first and then we would have to run again, and move somewhere else again and the Cullens would be mad at me. What were the chances of them simply kicking me out after that?

I called Renée a few more times after that, but I always made sure that there was no one else at home when I did that. The calls were more frequent as the days passed by. Like an addict, I was growing tolerant of a few seconds of rushed words. There was only one problem though, Renée stayed on the phone with me less and less each time.

I think she figured it out that it was the same person calling and not speaking so she wouldn't stay on the line too long. I didn't like it, but I guess there wasn't anything I could do about it. It was not like I could just tell her who was calling.

When she stopped answering the phone completely, I lost it. I said I lost it because that's the only reason I could find for me to do something I knew that couldn't end well.

But, you see she was my mom, and she was my last connection to my life, to a time where I knew that I was loved and not just a burden to everyone. I mean, I knew my mom loved me, and I knew Charlie loved me, even if he didn't know how to tell me that, and even Jacob, he loved me too. Hell, maybe I could even include Edward on that. He loved me and I cheated on him with his sister. I guess I got what I deserved.

But, as I was saying, I ended up doing something I knew I shouldn't. What do you ask? Well, I called Charlie.

"Chief Swan speaking." He said when he answered. Did I mention that I had called him at work? Did I mention that was one of the dumbest ideas I had ever had? But it was not like I had much of a choice, if I had waited for when he got off work the Cullens would be home too. "Chief Swan speaking." He repeated, bringing me back from my musings. He seemed busy. I shouldn't have called, maybe I should just hang up and he will just think of it as someone calling the wrong number.

"Bella?" He asked, and I gasped, and I think he may have heard that. I think there was no away he would just dismiss this call now, I seemed to have grabbed his attention. How did he know? "Bella, is that you?" He tried again. I wanted to answer him. Yes, it is me and I miss you. But I couldn't, it had been dangerous enough calling him. "Bella, if it is you please say something." I want to, Charlie, you don't know how much. "Are you in trouble?" No, I'm not. But I want to go home. Please come and get me.

An idea seemed to strike him, because suddenly he changed tactics. "Bella, you don't have to talk. Tap once on the phone for yes, and two for no. Do you understand?"

I pondered the question. I had already been carelessly enough as it is, I shouldn't let it get any further, but before I could stop myself, I heard the phone being tapped once.

"Bella, is that you?"

One tap.

"Oh, God! Bella! I can't believe it! I thought I had lost you! Tell me where you are, I'm gonna find you. I will bring you back. Are you in trouble?"

Two taps.

I didn't know what I was saying no to, maybe to all of it. I just knew that he couldn't come here.

"Bella, tell me where you are!"

Two taps.

Why do I feel like a spoiled teenager now?

"Fine, if you won't tell me, I will find someone two trace this call."

Two taps.

But he was already gone, and I knew I couldn't let him do that. Finally, I did what I should have done from the start.

I hung up the phone.

The next day I wanted to call Charlie again, but I knew that it was too dangerous. I was playing with fire. So, I called Renée instead. I didn't really expect her to answer. I thought she would've blocked my number or something.

"Hello?" She said, and once again I kept my mouth shut, she would hang up any moment now. But to my surprise she continued. "Bella?" How did she know? She must have spoken with Charlie, it couldn't be a coincidence.

One tap.

Maybe if they had talked, he would have explained this method of communication to her.

"Honey!" She yelled and I had to take the phone away from my ear from a moment, but I think I still heard her sob a little. "You can't believe how good is to finally speak with you, or whatever this is. You have no idea how much I missed you" Trust me, mom, I do. I understand it completely. "Are you OK?"

One tap.

"That's good. That's very good. I spoke with your father last night. Were you the one that kept calling me?"

One tap.

No reason to hide it now.

"Oh! I'm sorry honey. I didn't know it was you. I wish you would have told me it was you. What happened to you? Why can't you talk?"

I didn't answer, I couldn't. It was not a yes or no question. After a while, she got the hint.

"Sorry, I would have to guess wouldn't I?"

One tap.

"I will look reasons up and the next time you call I'll read them all to you. You are going to call again, aren't you?"

I debated the question for a little while. Very little.

One tap.

"Good. Your father wants you to call him too, he said he won't force you to come home if you don't want to." That's good. I wanted to talk to him too. "And you can call me anytime you want, you understand that right?"

One tap.

"Ok then, your father told me you ran away with that boy, Edward. Is that true?" No, but I couldn't tell her that.

One tap.

"Why? You could have stayed here, we wouldn't have forbidden you from seeing him. I know your father didn't allow much time for you two to be together, but he was just trying to look out for you. He says that if you come back, he won't interfere." Shit! My dad was blaming himself for my leaving. I wish I could do something to tell him it wasn't his fault, but I had no idea how.

Two taps.

No, mom, I'm not going back.

"Is he there with you? Can I talk to him?"

Two taps.

"Ok, which one did you answer? Let's see, answer this one: is he there with you?"

Two taps.

I considered lying, but I didn't see the point, and I was getting annoyed with all the lies.

"Ok, then. Can you call me back once he returns?"

Two taps.

I have no idea if he will return, much less when.

"Bella, did he leave you?" She asked unsure, maybe she was afraid that asking that question would send me back to how I was the time that Edward had left me at Forks to protect me. I almost laugh at that, maybe he wasn't so wrong after all in trying to keep me from his family. You can take that statement either because of the biting or because of the cheating. It was not like I knew in each away I meant anyway.

One tap.

Well, considered what happened, I think his leaving was justified. Too bad that he had to leave his entire family just to get away from me.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. He shouldn't have done that again, especially not after running away with you. But trust me, honey, it's his loss. You are a wonderful girl, and if he can't see that, he is completely blind" Thing is, mom, I think he saw it, as illogical as it was, I think he loved me. And I blew it. "And honey, you don't have to feel ashamed, or scared, or anything. Maybe you just wanna spend some time on your own after that, maybe you already found someone else, or maybe you are already doing something else that interests you, but I want you to know that you can come back home. Whenever you want, you can live with me, or with Charlie. Wherever you are, you just have to say the word and we will come and get you."

One tap.

I know mom.

And that was it. I hope you liked it. See you all in a few weeks, but I'll try to update faster.

Please review.