A/N: Hey guys!

So I know you probably got my alert chapter, which is probably gone by now. Here's what I'm going to do:

I'll keep posting here until something actually happens.

I'm counting on FanFiction to pull the bullshit like the last few times, so I'm actually not all that worried. If my story does get torn down, I will repost it and link the mature stuff on another site. I really want to complete this and will do anything to go through with it. Just make sure you follow me just in case.

So no worries, guys. I'm going to keep posting. And without further ado...

Enjoy! :3

No one knows the hard times I went through

If happiness came I miss the call

The stormy days ain't over

I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost

Now I've watched all my castles fall

They were made of dust, after all

Someday all this mess will make me laugh

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...

If I ever feel better

Remind me to spend some good time with you

You can give me your number

When it's all over I'll let you know

-Phoenix 'If I Ever Feel Better'

Oh, Kami.

I don't know how much longer I can stand here with his hand around my wrist.

It annoys me how persistent he is.

What could he possibly still want with me?

Why can't he hate me like everyone else? Kurosaki, too. What's wrong with them?

Ugh...it's annoying because I can't understand.

I'm just fine with everyone else hating me because I know why they hate me.

But when not everyone hates you, and you have no idea why, you get a little pissed.

"Let me go," I say.

"Just let me talk to you," he replies softly. "Please, Blue."

Starrk's the only other person who calls me that.

But he doesn't know me.

He has no right.

"I don't want to—"

"Shut the hell up about what you don't want to do!" He shouts. It scares me a bit. "It's not like I'm asking you to fuckin' marry me! I just wanna be your friend so we can at least figure this out!"

"I don't want any friends!" I whip around and face him again. He stares in my eyes for a moment like he's memorizing them, like he'll never see me again. I memorize him too, just in case.

His face is the same, grown-up but still soft in its natural kindness. Brown locks fall longer on his shoulders. He has a little stubble around his cheeks, his goatee is still there. The polo under his apron is too small. It looks so good on him though. His muscled arms look like they're about to rip through the white fabric. The black cargoes he wore looked like they couldn't really fit around his hips, as I could see his pelvic bone. Even his black Converse were too small for him. As long as I've known Starrk, I noticed he's never had clothes that fit. He has the money, but he doesn't spend it on himself.

He hasn't been sleeping either, his eyes are sunken in, the gray orbs dull and not shining like normal. They're puffy and a little red, like he's been smoking weed or crying, or both. He couldn't have been that upset over me, so what was it?

Had something happened...?

It makes my stomach lurch not knowing. I want to ask, but I'm trying not to get too close to him. He notices the long pause between us and breaks it.

"Then what was all that friendly shit with Ichigo?"

"Being friendly is different from being actual friends. Kurosaki's not my friend anymore. No one is. And I've gotten used to it," I snap and pull my wrist away. "I don't want to be fuckin' friends with you." He looks so hurt, and his expression makes me hurt. "Don't think that just because we both have daddy issues that it makes us friends."

Wait, that's not what I meant.

Fuck.

"This has nothing to do with—If you think I'm anything like...like him...then—"

I grip my hair in both hands and growl loudly. Things are about to get weird.

"That's not it! Shut up!" I shut my eyes and try to block out the invading thoughts.

"Sorry—"

"Don't fuckin' talk about that!" I shout and keep my eyes shut, trying to scratch the images out of my head.

Now he's seen a fraction of how messed up I am.

Maybe I finally scared him off.

"...Okay, Blue. We won't talk about it, ever. Unless you want to."

What the fuck, he's so fuckin'...what?

Something's wrong with him. No doubt.

"We don't have to hang out or be friends or anything that makes you uncomfortable. But talk to me." He lightly puts his hand on my shoulder. "I need someone to—I can't fucking do this by myself." His hand slides smoothly down my arm towards my hand. He shouldn't do that because it reminds me of how much I want him. In anger, I shrug him off of me then take a step back.

"I don't care about what you need, or what the fuck you can't do," I say, the words seething. I turn around so I don't have to face him. I didn't mean it but it's already been said. It was a low blow, but maybe I can follow through and drive him off. "Don't touch me. I don't fucking like you. Leave me alone."

Without looking back at him, I leave the pharmacy with the bag in my hand. As I walk out, I don't hear any movement.

Good. Maybe I hurt him enough.

He can get over me, find someone...better for him. Better than me.

Starrk's too perfect to be with me.

I don't want him because I don't deserve him.

It feels weird and unnatural for someone to be that nice. And to me.

He's too much of a free spirit to be with me. I'm introverted and routine-based, he's outgoing and spontaneous. I'm not saying we're too different, I'm saying that I can't see him being happy with me. I'd hold him back.

And I want him to be happy. He's such a good person, and he means too much to me.

And I can't say that because he already sees me as an enigma.

He'd call me stupid and try to hug me or something because he doesn't understand. I need him to stay in the dark.

Maybe he'll get fed up and give up on me, find out what he really wants. He thinks he wants me, but he has no idea what being in a relationship with a person like me would do to his mind.

Honestly, I'd probably use him like a punching bag, take all my frustrations out on him, take him down to the lowest point he's ever been in life.

He can't fucking tell me he knows what he wants.

When I get in the car, Renji drives off. I know he's heard the yelling, but he doesn't ask. I'm glad.

I just don't want to talk about it.

He parks in an empty lot under the highway with a great view of the city. Renji prepares two perfect blunts then one for us to share. We lean our seats back, "toast," and light it up. He smirks and we both take a drag at the same time. He blows his directly out, but I let mine sit and intensify in my lungs for a bit. I open my mouth slowly and the smoke leaks out in long, thick tendrils. I suck it back in through my nose then blow it out for good. I like to take advantage of every fume.

"So," Renji starts then takes another drag. "Before this kicks in, want to talk?" I look at him like he's plain stupid then blow my smoke in his face. He waves it away with a frown.

"You know that's not what I wanna do," I answer. He shrugs then taps his chin in thought.

"Hmm...Wanna fuck?"

I snort at his question. Though I look at him and think about it then shake my head.

"Not in the mood today."

"Huh. We'll see," he chuckles then turns on the radio. Loud rock music comes on and he turns it down a bit.

I personally don't like it. I'm into classical and instrumental stuff because to me, music is best when there are no words. It helps me think.

"Got anything else besides this shit?" I ask, starting to feel the fuzz kick in.

"I will be governing this evenings selections." he mocks an uppity voice then snickers. Yep, he's already gone. "Fuckin chillax, dude. I told you we'd have fun, didn't I?" I shrug then continue smoking.

Renji tells me he likes my technique and tries it, but ends up choking. We both laugh way too hard then continue to imitate his incident. When we finally get over it, I sigh contently. My muscles are loose and my body feels heavy.

I'm finally relaxed.

But for some reason, I start thinking about Starrk.

When I first met Starrk, I hated him. He was assigned my partner in art class, but he never showed up. So technically, I hadn't met him yet. But I hated the fact that I had to do all our assignments alone. And I couldn't look for him because I had no idea what he looked like. I guess technically the first time I saw him was one day Nnoitora was just avid on pissing me off. Him and his stupid gang of assholes (one of which was apparently Starrk) were running through the halls and he pushed me out of his way. I hit my head on the lockers and dropped all my shit to hold it. A kid, who I didn't know was Starrk at the time, stopped running and picked my stuff up.

He didn't even look at me before bolting after his friends. What confused me was that it was so random. It was almost like he did it on impulse, like it was an instinct of his to help me. I mean, he didn't even look at who he was helping! He just laughed as he picked up my stuff then shoved it at me and ran off. I just couldn't make sense of it. But I had only had a taste of what Starrk was really like. When he actually came to class one morning, the teacher excused all of his absences and I lost it. I cursed him out about how his ass didn't even know what class he was in and how I had been doing all the work.

I got detention.

So...there must've been something I was missing, right? Some lazy-ass kid finally shows up for class and I get punished for it. Where was the logic in that?

I'll answer: there wasn't any.

After that, Starrk would show up sometimes. But when he would, he would sleep all day. It made me want to kill him. My other classes started suffering because I was so focused on that class. It was somewhat easy because I loved art, but it was a lot for one person to handle. What I couldn't understand was why he was so tired, and why he missed so much school. All I knew about him was that he was the captain of the schools soccer team and had a girlfriend named Harribel. But these were all things Ichigo and his friends told me, so I wasn't really sure. Even with all that, you wouldn't be that tired.

Because I lacked the ability to balance and manage my classes, I started to fail them all except art. I had detentions lined up day after day, so I had to start clearing them.

"So glad you're taking detention seriously now," Aizen, the professor of my Psychology class, said as he straightened some papers on his desk.

"I didn't really have a choice. You've given me one everyday since the beginning of the year," I replied with a glare.

"Only because you earned them. Take a seat." I rolled my eyes then climbed the stairs to my regular seat. With a sigh, I placed my head in my hands and began to wait. "I hope you don't mind if I get a bit more comfortable. It's still very hot from summer."

"Why would I? It's your classroom, do whatever you want," I mumbled.

Aizen shrugged then ran his hand through his wavy brown hair and slid up his glasses to rest on his head. It was then that I realized how young he was. The glasses made a huge difference, the professor looking like a college student himself. Though I think he was somewhere in his early thirties. Anyway, I guess him "getting comfortable" involved loosening his tie and a few buttons on his dress shirt. A little weird, but I wasn't saying anything. Aizen noticed me staring at him, so I casually looked out the window on the other side.

"Grimmjow?"

I don't like the way he said my name.

"Hm?" I grunted back.

"Grimmjow, I want to help you," he stated then stood from leaning back on his desk. I scoffed. "You're a really smart kid, so I don't think you should be failing the way you are. It just doesn't make sense to me. Help me understand why you're struggling." Aizen started up the stairs and stopped next to my desk.

"Tch. Why?"

"It's my job. I'm a teacher, and you're a student. That's the way it goes. And I want you to pass your other classes besides Art. I'm a pretty well-rounded teacher, so I could help you with virtually anything." He leaned down and rested his elbows in front of me. "What do you say?"

I don't say anything.

Why did he want to help me?

None of my other teachers really cared.

Why did he want me to succeed so badly?

I don't like how friendly and nice he is, or how long he's been looking at me.

It made me uncomfortable.

His brown eyes seemed to be hiding something while trying to uncover what's behind mine.

"You have such beautiful eyes, Grimmjow. Has anyone ever told you that?" A look of bewilderment took over my face at his statement, and a light blush quickly crept up my neck.

Wasn't expecting that.

I noticed a small smile grace his full lips and I swallowed nervously.

Only one person had ever told me that.

I love your eyes, Grimm. Big and blue, just like mine. So beautiful.

My heart was thumping hard against my chest now and I was severely creeped out.

Or scared, I couldn't tell the difference at that point.

I couldn't stop my hands from beginning to tremble.

The man was probably just being nice, but goddamn, I haven't been this shaken up in years.

"I-I...gotta go," I stuttered then quickly stood. After tripping a few times, I made it to the door. I heard Aizen call after me but I just kept walking. I bumped into someone, who I recognized was Nnoitora when he stopped me.

"Where ya goin' in such a hurry, Blueberry?" He said and jumped in front of me. "We got detention together, c'mon!"

"Get out of my way," I growled menacingly. His eyes widened before he stepped out of my path. I continued to walk fast.

I don't know what it was, but my gut was telling me to never go back there.

I shudder out of my memory then take the blunt me and Renji are sharing. I take a long drag.

I need it after that flashback.

"Don't hog it all!" Renji shouts.

"I wasn't," I snap back as he takes it from me.

I let him. My brain is fogged with memories and my body feels strange. I think the loud music is doing weird things to me. I like the feeling it gives me, but it's something I'm not familiar with. The warmth from my entire body settles in my lower half and I feel myself getting aroused by the music. But it's not a good kind of aroused. This kind feels pesky, like an annoying itch that you can't scratch. It's a horrible ache instead of that nice warm throb I usually get. I squirm in my seat a bit, trying to get the feeling to go away. I push down on it like it'll help, but it still doesn't.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Renji asks and raises an eyebrow at my strange movements.

"...I'm fuckin' hard," I admit shamelessly with an angry growl then turn away from him. "And it won't fuckin' go away."

Goddammit...so fucking horny...

He laughs hard for a few seconds before sighing contently.

"That's what happens when you smoke really good weed, and listen to really good music."

"But this isn't good music," I turn my head slightly and input.

"To you, maybe. But it doesn't matter. You're reacting to it. The experience does some crazy shit to your brain. Sometimes it makes you horny." The redhead gestures down to my covered crotch. I groan and sit up, letting out a hiss when my jeans rub against the sensitive flesh.

"Fuck..." I curse then roughly grip my armrests on either side. I can't help myself from throwing my head back and grinding my hips down into the soft leather.

Renji watches me for a bit. It's probably turning him on.

"Hey, stop dry-fucking my seats! These cost me a fortune!" He reaches over and places a firm hand on my thigh to stop me. But that only makes me ache more.

"Then what the hell am I supposed to do?" I seethe through clenched teeth.

"Well," he thinks. "You could wait until you lose your high, but considering how much we've smoked," he smokes the last of it then throws the roach out the window. "That could take a while. And it wouldn't be much fun."

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said, baka," Renji says in a lower, throatier voice.

I know exactly what's about to happen, and the thought makes me shiver. I stop watching his sinful hand creep up my thigh to look up at him. He's got those intense, dark eyes again. They make me shift and swallow thickly. Those are the ones that tell me he wants it bad. I don't really, but the high makes me hornier than ever. All my senses are tingling, my mind is telling me to fuck him just to fuck him. Not because I want to or because I need to.

But because I simply can.

He kisses me and I open my mouth to let his tongue in. It's a slow kiss since we're not all there mentally, but it feels better than anything I've ever experiened. He intensifies it and I moan a bit. I feel him traveling towards my groin and I tense up. His hand slowly unfastens my jeans making me sigh loudly. It takes the strain off of the growing member that was under that cursed button and zipper. His sinful hand slips under the waistband of my boxers and lightly grazes my sensitive hairs before grabbing me firmly. I break the kiss to gasp because it felt like the first time I'd ever been touched there.

He pulls my head back a bit to suck on the one spot on my neck that makes me go crazy. I arch off of my seat and begin breathing heavily, my body ceasing to stop its undulating motion. He tries to hold me down but there was no way in hell that was gonna happen. He hadn't even been jerking me off for two minutes and the inside of my boxers were damp with pre-cum.

"So who's this 'Starrk' guy you keep calling me?" He pants without ceasing his movements. I don't even register the question at first I'm so deep in the pleasure.

"N-No one. Just...fuck...just ignore it," I barely answer back.

"Will do."

Renji wipes the sticky fluid before he moves deeper into my pants. His wet finger circles my entrance and my lower half twitches violently. He kisses me and shoves two in without hesitation. I shut my eyes tighter at the intrusion but eventually relax and he starts to move. A low moan escapes my mouth when he combines the two sensations. His fingers suddenly curl, grazing the bundle of nerves that makes my whole body jolt. Seeing my reaction encourages him to jab that spot roughly a few more times before I come in my clothing, groaning loudly and grinding down on the seat again.

I can only see blue stars as my breathing slows and my stomach stops tingling. When I regain my senses, I look over to Renji. He has a concentrated look on his face as his come-covered hand works furiously in his sweats. Quick, violent strokes make him arch a bit off his seat as low growls escape his mouth. Watching him gets me hard again. I grab his wrist and stop his movements then surprise him by crawling over the emergency brake and straddling his lap.

It's only fair that I repay the favor.

His hands immediately grip my ass as I kiss his neck. I lift his shirt over his head and rub up and down the excited and sweaty skin. Renji starts moving my hips and I know what he wants. Hell, I want it too. I grind in his lap a bit to tease him before he stops me and looks me in the eye.

"Stop fuckin' around," he growls.

I smirk and give him room to arch off the seat and shimmy down his pants. I do the same to mine before seating our bare thighs together. I grab his cock and guide it, my entrance quivering for what's to come. Before I sink down and get the party started, he stops me.

"I don't have a condom," he groans and grips his hair. I roll my eyes and push him into me, surprising him. "Shit...Well, okay."

I don't even care at this point. I just need to fuck something and quick. As soon as he's fully seated within me, I sigh and lay on his shoulder. When we're both ready, I grip his shoulders and move my hips slowly. We both let out a moan and I bury my face in his neck. There's hardly any thrusting, mainly just me riding him as hard and fast as I can. He hates when I grab and pull his hair, but what else would it be there for? I grip that shit like it's reins and pull his head back so I can bite his neck. My drug hazed mind turns long, red hair into short, brown waves, and chocolate orbs into lust-filled slate ones.

Why am I thinking about him...

The drugs intensify our libido, so it doesn't take long for us to reach our peak. I ride him harder and he grips my straining member once again and starts stroking.

"Fuck...S-Starrk...gonna come..." I whine lowly in his ear then wrap my arms tightly around his neck and bury my face in it. "Starrk..."

I'm not even aware of what I said.

He spills into me, and the feeling makes me come on his hand and chest. I can hear how loud I'm breathing, but I don't care. The most intense sex I'd ever had just took place, so I could care less about how loud I am. He's breathing equally as hard anyway. I feel his dick begin to soften, but we still don't move. Out the back window, I notice red and blue lights flashing. Thinking it's just spots in my vision from my fading orgasm, I ignore it.

But when me and Renji hear a short siren blare, we both tense up.

"Oh, shit," he speaks what both of us are thinking. "Just act normal."

"So me sitting here with your dick shoved up my ass is normal?" I ask in a panic.

"Whatever! Just don't say anything!" I follow his lead and hide my face in his neck once again.

The cop strolls up to the car and taps on Renji's tinted window. He rolls it down a bit so that they can see his eyes.

"All the way," a woman's voice speaks.

Fuck.

In my experience, female cops are the meanest.

Renji rolls the window down and looks directly in front of him.

"Can I help you officer?"

"You know this is private property, right? What the heck are you..." She trails off and her eyes rake over Renji's shirtless torso and my pants around my thighs. I guess she put two and two together. The car reeked of marajuana and body odor. You'd have to be a bonafide idiot not to know what was going on. "U-Um...step out the car please." She steps back from the door and Renji throws his head back with a groan.

"Hop off real quick?" I do as he asks and we both froze when I feel a warm liquid start to leak out of me. I look down and see that Renji's spent member is now covered in his own cum. "Dammit," he says then wipes his crotch with his discarded tee. I hold back a laugh then roll over to my seat. "Shut up."

Renji opens his door then gets out of the car. I proceed to clean myself up as I wait for him to wrap it up with the cop. Something in the car buzzes, and I look around for his cell phone. It's under his seat in the back so I reach and grab it. It was a text message. I type in his password then begin reading.

You were right, Pineapple. I did end up using your number. Honestly, I couldn't stop thinking about you all day. I know it's odd for a girl to ask, but do you think you could pick me up from work in an hour? We could go get coffee or something. :)

-Rukia

My eyes widen at the text before I smirk.

Looks like Renji's finally gonna score with some chick.

The door on the drivers side opens and Renji quickly slides in. The necklace on him clangs against his bare chest at his abrupt movements before he starts the car. He backs up and turns left to drive out of the lot.

"What happened?" I inquire curiously.

"That cop's a freak, man," he exclaims. "She would only let me go if I promised to let her join us next time." A shudder racks his body and a loud laugh leaps from my throat.

"So you gonna call her?"

"Hell no," he says as he rips up the paper with the cops number on it and throws it out the window.

"Do you get a lot of offers like that?" I ask with a slight chuckle.

"Well, yeah," he rubs the back of his neck. "But I don't usually act on them. I mean, I know I'm hot and all," a gesture to his torso makes me roll my eyes. "But my standards are higher than that, y'know? I won't just fuck anybody."

"Then who's this Rukia chick?"

"Hm?"

I read the text to him them state her name at the end. The car veers off to the side then screeches to a hault. He grabs the phone from me then skims it quickly. A loud laugh erupts from him and he rakes his hair out his face with his fingers.

"No way," he sighs blissfully. "I met her earlier today at this little outlet store. She didn't seem that into me, and I'm sure I pissed her off with how persistent I was, but I insisted that she'd use my number eventually," a smile grew on his face as he continued. "Dude, she's so amazing. She's cute and feisty. Oh, and she's so small! You know how I like 'em small," he said with a smirk.

As I listen to him talk about Rukia, I get a little jealous, but I'm still happy for him.

At least he has someone who he can give all his feelings to.

"Man, I gotta see her. Can I borrow one of your shirts? Y'know, since mine is kinda..."

"Sure, Renji," I laugh.

"Cool," he smiles then drives a bit faster to drop me off. When we get back to Kisuke's shop, my mouth drops.

The outside is covered in graffiti and paint. The lawn is a mess with it too. My window is even busted.

And what makes it worse is that it's not the first time it's happened.

It started right after the incident.

Kisuke's is outside on a ladder, whistling peacefully and scrubbing the shit off his shop. He hears the car pull up then turns around.

"Oh, hey boys! Grimmjow could you go give that medicine to Jinta?" He says like nothing's wrong.

I'm also jealous of Kisuke.

He can stay calm in any situation, while if it were me, I'd be blowing up all over the place.

"Sure," I say lowly. "You want any help?"

"Yeah? This looks pretty bad," Renji adds.

"Nah, just go take care of Jinta. He should be getting ready for bed soon. And you should too, Grimmjow, since you have an extra appointment tomorrow."

"Okay," I respond then go inside. Renji follows me upstairs to my room where he promptly begins looking for a shirt to wear. "Here." I toss him some jeans and a shirt that'll actually fit him.

It's actually an old shirt of his, "Pierce the Veil," one of his favorite bands, printed across the black fabric in big white letters.

"Wow, you kept this? I thought you didn't like this type of music," he says intrigued.

"I wear it as pajamas," I say with a shrug.

"Sweet," he smiles and nods before running to the bathroom to clean himself up and change. A thought registers in my mind and it makes me frown.

But it's something I gotta do.

I follow after Renji to the bathroom where I hear water running. I knock a little harder so he can hear me.

"Hey, Renji?"

"Yeah?" He shouts.

"Hey...I was thinking...maybe we should stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop...y'know...doing what we're always doing." The water stops and I hear some shuffling around before the door opens.

"Why?" He wonders.

"Well, you seem really into this girl and, well, I don't want to wreck anything. Plus I'm not one for cheating so..." I rub my arm and shrug. Renji nods a bit.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. That makes sense. But this won't change anything between us, right? You're still my best friend?"

"Yes, baka. Like hell that'll change." He wraps me under his arm and we laugh. "I'm going to give this medicine to Jinta. Just leave your clothes in my room and I'll wash them for you."

"Thanks man."

"Don't mention it," I say as I walk downstairs.

I feel good about what I did, since Renji will finally get to date somebody.

But on the other hand, what the hell am I supposed to do when I get horny?

Whew! Really long chapter! But I liked it! I revealed quite a bit in the story, but I tried to keep it as subtle as possible.

I hope you guys enjoyed that lemon, because it the last one for a while.

Alas! It's true! No more sexy times between Grimmy and Renji! But don't worry, I have another way for Grimm to work out all his pent up engery.

I hope you guys like this chapter!

The next one will be another therapy session, with greater detail about Starrk's life and some other junk.

R&R, please!

~EMAE