A/N: Man...I'm really bad at this...

I know I lack the ability to upload within a reasonable time-frame, but I want you guys to know that I always finish what I start, so don't fret. I've just started my senior year, so I can guarantee long breaks between chapters, but they will come, and that's a promise. :)

There's a bit of a time-skip in this chapter, but how long isn't really significant. Just letting you know so there is no confusion.

Also, the next chapter might be the first in Starrk's POV, but I haven't decided yet.

Things are going to get very deep with this story...deeper than I anticipated.

I hope you'll enjoy the ride...

Pick apart
The pieces of your heart
And let me peer inside
Let me in
Where only your thoughts have been
Let me occupy your mind
As you do mine
Your heart's a mess
You won't admit to it
It makes no sense
But I'm desperate to connect
You can't live like this

-Gotye 'Hearts A Mess'

Me and Starrk have been dating for a few weeks now.

It's actually really fucking great. Which I hadn't expected.

I expected this to be just an awful train wreck, no doubt due to my unstable personality, but it just turned out to be a little awkward at first. Just recognizing that we were actually in a relationship was bad. But, thankfully, we moved past that. And it's greater than I'd ever anticipated.

Starrk and I love to be around each other, and he loves telling me how much he likes me. Which is good because I'm not really able to do that for him. I've never been much of an emotional person. But he's cool with that. For now, anyway.

We have a good amount of fun together, but we're still getting to know each other a bit more. I've known Starrk for about two and a half years, but I've never known him. Before, he was just a guy I was attracted to, his mom had cancer, and he was someone who I sometimes smoked with.

But now he's the guy I'm in a relationship with. He's the guy who religiously wears fugly sweaters(I'd never tell him how much they piss me the fuck off). He's the guy who peacefully falls asleep if he's in any kind of relaxed setting. I now know how much he loves American bands. He likes to cook and he loves video games, like me. Starrk's the guy who doesn't care about my past, or even that it could fuck up my future. He likes to watch me sketch. He likes to sneak kisses and ass-grabs at school(which I hate).

He's the guy who might make this all better.

Did that sound too sappy?

Right now we're in Starrk's room. He's totally blowing in trig and I'm trying to tutor him. It's not going as well as I'd like, but I have to keep reminding myself that not everyone is on the same level as me. And I care enough about Starrk to spend more than an hour on math with him. I hear him groan and spin around in the swivel chair. I place my pencil in my math book and look at him. He's sitting on the bed tapping his pencil on his own book and staring at the pages. He scratches his head with the pencil before licking up his wrist to catch a drop of juice from his popsicle. He takes it into his mouth and gives a hard suck before biting a piece off. I swallow the nervous lump that formed in my throat and look away from him to try to prevent my face from flushing any redder. Watching Starrk reminds me of a week ago when he gave me a blow job.

He was going to give me a ride home after swim practice so he waited for me(out of sight, of course). His motorcycle was in the teacher parking lot on the south side of the school. He was standing there, leaning against the brick wall and smoking a joint, just waiting. When he looked up and saw me, he threw and stepped on his roach then pulled me to him. I could smell the freshly smoked weed in his shirt. I was afraid it'd seep into my still damp hair and I'd never be able to wash it out so I pulled back. He looked at me with heavier-than-usual eyes and leaned in to kiss me. I blushed and called him a dumbass, reminding him that we were still in public. He rolled his eyes and said he didn't care before pushing me hard against the brick wall. When he shoved his tongue in my mouth I stopped caring, too. We kissed for just a moment before his lips pressed against my jaw, then my Adam's apple, then my sternum, and his hands began to massage my ass. My heart began to beat faster, and I started to fear that he wouldn't stop if I told him I didn't want to have sex yet. I was about to open my mouth and say something, but my words caught in my throat when Starrk dropped to his knees and undid my pants. He had a determined expression and his face was reddening from the high. I knew what he was about to do, but I had never had it done to me before, so I was nervous.

When I told him he didn't have to, he kind of just snorted and said 'I fucking want to,' like he'd done this so many times he grew to enjoy it.

I began to wonder if he'd ever slept with another guy.

I only faintly remember some things from being in that haze of pleasure, but there are others that stand out as clear as day. I remember his warm mouth and the way I felt when he looked up at me and stared into my eyes. I remember the feel of him swallowing around me and the tightness that grew in my stomach. I remember my nails roughly scratching the wall. I remember the sound of him gulping down my cum before he wiped his mouth and rose to his feet. He smashed his lips against mine and I remember him tasting salty and bitter. As he kissed me, he sloppily redid my pants before shoving my helmet at me. I had my arms wrapped around his waist on the ride home, and I could feel his still hardened cock pressing against his pants.

I've thought of that late afternoon everyday since, and I've had so many questions.

Mainly: Why? And also, did he expected me to be just as forward with him?

I've never sucked anyone off, and I don't plan to anytime soon. But...Starrk deserves the same amount of affection he puts out. All his life, he's been spoiled with love. I must be such a change for him. It must hurt, being with someone who is basically emotionally retarded when it comes to dating. I'm not entirely confident I can give him that much affection, but maybe—

"You alright?" Starrk's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I just blush a bit and nod before looking down and continuing my work. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I answer calmly before turning a page. "Keep working."

"I will, but there's gotta be a reason you're blushing over there." When my hands freezes I can practically feel him smirk.

"It was nothing, just an embarrassing moment I remembered. Do your work, idiot." When my voice shakes, I know I'm in trouble. I slide my book further up to cover the hard-on that started to grow due to my previous thoughts.

"...Embarrassing moment, huh?"

I mentally curse myself for sitting so close to him. He's able to grab the arm of the chair and roll me over to his bed. He grabs the book and slides it off of my lap, causing it to hit the floor with a loud thud. He looks at the bulge in my pants before glancing up. We look at each other, and it's fine at first. I like looking at Starrk. I mean, he's fucking gorgeous, am I right? But there is something more in his eyes. A small smile grows on his face and I return it. Moments like these are the ones I like the most. When his hand touches my calf I don't move, but his thumb slowly begins to move back and forth. His hand slides up, where it rests on my thigh and squeezes it lightly. I drop my head and let out a shuddered sigh. In the small amount of time we've dated, Starrk has made it a mission to know where all of my sensitive spots are.

He found this one when we went to the cinema.

We were seeing Guardians of the Galaxy(obviously my choice, considering the slight geek inside of me) and there were only a few seats left in the back. Starrk kept trying to make-out with me, but even while we were, my eyes were glued to the screen. I even unconsciously pushed his face away to cheer for Groot with the rest of the crowd. Starrk was a bit irritated with me, but he was civil about it. When he finally gave up, he rested his hand on my thigh and when it slid to the inside of it, I stifled a moan. He smirked at me, and when we got out of the movie he found an empty hallway and pushed me against a wall where we made-out for at least ten minutes, Starrk all the while rubbing and squeezing my thighs.

I'm sure he's been waiting for an opportunity to do this again. I'm surprised when he gently grabs my chin and brings my lips down to his. The kiss is slow and deep, the way I like it. We can't help but slightly smile into it. I run my hands through his hair and twirl it around my fingers. I feel Starrk's hands unbuttoning my pants and a bit of nervousness washes through me. His soft lips move down, and soon press against the hem of my underwear and I shudder. They move lower and touch my growing hardness.

Now this is where I could make the choice to stop him and continue our homework, or enjoy watching him suck me off again.

I'll make a third option.

Starrk lets out a sound of surprise when I push him back. I move out of the chair and stand in front of him. He pulls me down to straddle his lap and I slightly gasp. Starrk's hips are almost painfully wide between my thighs but I ignore it. I can't ignore the hard lump that's pressing against my ass, though. His back hits the bed with a soft thud and I lean down to kiss him again. I tug off his shirt, and this time, my lips move lower. Down to his jaw, his collarbone, his stomach. I unbutton his pants and reach inside, grasping his hot flesh and pulling it out. When I feel how large it is, I think about turning back. The thought of something this massive eventually finding its way inside me makes me hesitant, but I'm already this far. It's hot and pulsing against my palm. I can feel veins jutting out and disrupting the smooth skin.

Now or never, Grimm.

When I take the head into my mouth, he spreads his thighs widely while giving a drawn out oh shit and gently lays his head back into his pillows. I've never sucked someone off before, but apparently I'm making all the right moves. If I just remember how he did it, this should go smoothly. I glance at his hips and feel my arousal deflate a bit. I need to focus on what I'm doing. But I can't. I imagine the pocket in his wallet that I found, a razor tucked inside. There's a deeper, fresher slice just under my palm.

No.

I don't want to look at his cuts.

It's not that they make him unattractive, but...they make me sad.

The more of him I take into my mouth, the quicker his body unfurled, the quicker the rippling and undulating wildly beneath me become. I finally swallow the last inch, and it touches the back of my throat. Tears form at the corners of my eyes and I gulp down excess saliva, making him let out a low grunt. My nose is briefly buried in soft brown curls before I come up for air.

"Fuck baby, yes...like that...just like that..." He mutters lazily. He's never said something dirty like that to me before. I like making him like this.

The hoarseness and pleasure in his voice make me blush. My cock throbs in my slacks. His does the same in my mouth. I kinda like it. I run my tongue along his length slowly, being sure to lick away the clear liquid that beads from the slit. It tastes strange, but I keep doing it anyway because he likes it. I earn another groan when I go lower, moving to lick his sensitive balls. Only one, though. He doesn't appreciate my teasing and starts gently thrusting into my mouth. I bob my head in rhythm. Starrk stays quiet for the most part, but his sighs grow loud and full as he wraps a hand roughly in my blue filaments and begins to guide me. He's losing himself. I fucking love it.

He holds my head down and curses again.

I come up with a soft cough, a thin string of saliva connecting with his dick.

I want him. I want to bury myself in him, emotionally, mentally...physically...

I want to be wrapped in everything that is Coyote Starrk.

I wipe my mouth and keep our eyes connected as I crawl up to him. As I smash our lips together, I move my hips between his thighs and raise them to rest on my waist. The bulge in my pants presses against his ass.

I want to fuck him.

I don't care how we do it(I don't think he does either), I just want to fuck him now.

I roughly tug at his pants until he slides out of them. I get out of mine and begin to suck lightly on his Adam's apple. Starrk grips the back of my shirt and I grab the hem of his briefs before pulling them off too. I pull mine down, and I kiss him before proceeding to roughly thrust our cocks together. The friction is fucking incredible. Starrk's strong thighs tighten on my waist and we start moaning into the kiss, and I almost forget we aren't fucking yet. I notice my breaths are shaky, so are my hands and my legs.

What the fuck...What's wrong with me?

I freeze when I think about reaching for my cock.

"I'm nervous." I don't look at Starrk when he says it. I sigh deeply into his neck.

What? Why is he nervous?

And just what the fuck am I nervous for?

"STARRK!" I let out a growl when his uncle comes home. "GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" Starrk rolls his eyes and gently pushes me from him, which is strange because usually he wouldn't take his uncle's shit.

So why...?

"Be right back..."

He gets up and I stare at his ass until he slides on some boxers. He turns around and smirks at me. I blush and gulp. When the door closes, I lay back on the bed, my briefs around my thighs and my hard dick still throbbing against my abdomen.

What the fuck is up with us?

I can't tell if we want to take this step or not.

And I'm usually very sure about who I want to fuck.

I make my way to the bathroom in Starrk's room and try to rub one out so that he and I can continue our homework, but yells from downstairs make it impossible. Eventually my hard-on dies on its own and I clean up before I make my way back to the bedroom. Starrk is in there, furiously packing up his homework.

"C'mon, we're out of here." His voice is somber.

"Um...okay." I begin packing up my stuff too.

I sling my bag over my shoulder and he takes my hand. When he opens the door, things are quiet. We go down the creaky stairs and I spot Starrk's uncle. I'd never really seen him before, but he looks like Aizen, so he intimidates me. Same brown hair, same gentle features. I squeeze Starrk's hands tighter when he looks to us. I remember that look. He glares at Starrk and when I look, Starrk is glaring back.

"Next time I expect this house to be clean when I get home," he says.

"Whatever."

"Yeah, next time you think whatever about what Shunsui tells you to do, he might think whatever about you living here." It's a woman's voice this time. I see her next to him. She's got short black hair and glasses. Starrk stops.

"You know what, Nanao, fuck you. My dear old uncle may make it easy for you to tolerate his habits, but you have no idea what he's like when you're not around. So back off." Starrk never gets this angry, so I lean up to his ear.

"Let's just go, maybe we can—" I try to say.

"Don't talk to her that way! You know what? Get the fuck out! Both of you!" I return the glare from earlier and gently push Starrk out the door.

"I need to get gas."

"Okay." We slip on our helmets and he speeds off faster than usual.

At this point, Starrk has it tougher than me. His uncle is a really bad drunk, and his girlfriend keeps trying to convince him to kick Starrk out so that she can move in with her kids. Starrk doesn't fight it, he's just waiting it out and he talks to me about it. I think it's a bad idea, because when things do fall apart, it most likely won't be good for him. While he pumps the gas, I ask him where he's going to stay tonight. He says he's going right back there because his uncle will no doubt be out-cold drunk when he gets there. I think about asking him to stay st Kisuke's, but I remember that Kisuke doesn't like him so much because of how upset he made me before.

"That kid is no good for you, Grimm."

He's probably right, but I can't tell just yet.

"Where are we going?" I ask when he starts up the engine. He doesn't answer. I accept his silence and just put on my helmet. I see his lips move but I can't hear him.

"I don't know."

We drive, stop and smoke, talk a little.

He misses his mom so much, he says it hurts.

I know it does. I know because he's still cutting himself.

I've come up with a conclusion.

Starrk cuts because he wants to prove his pain. I don't know why, but he's always talking about how hurt he is, so maybe it feels better to be able to prove the pain if it's physical and not emotional.

Or maybe he feels guilty.

Maybe it makes him feel good. Gets him off or something. God, I hope not.

I don't know.

More driving.

When my eyes get heavy and my grip gets looser around his waist, he decides to take me home.

I get off his bike and yawn when I take my helmet off. "You look so cute when you're sleepy, Baby." I make a noise of disgust as I shove the helmet at him.

"Don't ever fucking call me that again," I warn in a pissed-off tone. It sounds terrible and makes me feel like I'm his bitch or something, which I'm totally not. Starrk chuckles.

"Sure thing, Baby."

Before I can open my mouth to say something, he grabs my chin and kisses me hard but slowly. His tongue is mean and rough as it forces mine to dance and play with it. His hand runs through the side of my hair and I feel him smirk into the kiss after I let out a low whine. Kissing him hasn't ever felt this good before. I don't know if it's built up anger from today or what.

Maybe I am his bitch.

He breaks the kiss and roughly bites my bottom lip before giving me a soft, gentle peck. His kissing style is so bizarre, but it does things to me. He gives me a knowing smirk then starts his engine.

"Want me to pick you up in the morning?" He asks with a lazy smile.

I'm about to say hell yes, but then I remember we can't be seen together. I will away my eager smile and shake my head.

"We'd better not. Too many eyes at school. We can hang out after practice?"

It's more of a question than a statement, like he'd angrily say no or something.

"I can't. Practice starts tomorrow and I'll be too tired."

"Um...Saturday?"

His smile goes too, and he just simply nods. It makes me feel bad for some reason. Is Starrk not okay with that? If he wasn't, he'd tell me, right? He gives me a small wave before speeding off. I watch him until his tail light disappears, then I walk into the house.

"Where were you this late on a school night?" Kisuke calls from the kitchen.

"I was with a friend," I answer as I head up the stairs.

"With that Starrk kid?"

"Yep."

"I don't like him."

"I know," I respond nonchalantly. "Relax Kisuke, we were just doing homework." And I sucked his dick...but he doesn't need to know about that.

"That's not the point, Grimm." I sit on my bed. "It's just that—Oh, whatever." He waves his hand. "Anyway, I've got some news. It's about your little sister." My ears perk up and I look at him. "They'll be waiting for a relative to come and claim her down at the county orphanage. Lots of people will be lined up out of sympathy, but I think that if you show up, they'll interview you sooner."

I'm completely speechless. I hadn't even really thought about taking care of her. I'd just assumed the police would handle it. But now that I have a chance to take care of my only blood, I've gotta do it.

"When is it?"

"Saturday."

I nod. "Okay. Yeah, let's go."

"But there is one thing...if you go, questions will be asked. About your parents, why you ran away...The police will want to know what happened to you back then." I stay silent for a moment, thinking it over. I don't completely think I'm ready to relive my past, but it's for the sake of my little sister.

"Okay."

As the week goes by, the only thing I can think about is Saturday. My sister is waiting for me, I feel like I need to do this. Starrk sits near me at lunch on the roof everyday, and I scoot away to avoid suspicion. Only Orihime and Kurosaki know about us, and I'd rather keep it that way. I remember telling Kurosaki. I was sleeping at his place, and a 'Starrk and I' type of phrase slipped out. He laughed and I had to threaten him not to tell anyone. Saturday rolls around and I get ready as quick as I can. They're holding my sister somewhere that's at least a 3-hour drive, so we have to get up early. I didn't really sleep the night before, so it wasn't a problem for me to get up. When we get there, people are lined up around a building. Kisuke said that they are only considering people with a certain set of traits, but because I'm a relative, I might be pushed up to the front of the line. Though I'm nervous.

The people inspecting the line notice me immediately because of my hair. They ask me what I was doing there, and before I answer, I look to Kisuke. He nods, and I tell them that I am her older brother. The two look to each other, then pull me to the front of the line. They sign me in, then bring me to a room to be questioned. I tell them about what happened to me...probably to her...and what Kisuke did for me. They ran my records and found no trace of me and my parents, not even school records. I tell them I'd be willing to take a DNA test. They agree and take a blood sample. A few minutes later(let's just pretend these work this fast) they tell me I'm positive, but because I'm not over 18, I need a practical guardian to sign for her.

Thank Christ for Kisuke.

He and I are brought into a quiet room, and we wait for some time. The door opens, and I see her again.

A mirage of my mother.

A pain rushes through me, and I'm sure Kisuke senses it because he steadies me before I collapse.

Her small hand grasps the pant leg of the social worker as she nervously looks around. When her big brown eyes land on me, they light up, and she begins to run towards me.

"Vati!"

This word is foreign, and I've never heard it before, but I know what it means.

She wraps her arms around my legs, and I start breathing a bit harder.

I don't look like him.

I would never look like him.

Kisuke immediately kneels down and begins speaking a different language, his lips forming in a way I'd never imagined I'd see. He points at himself and speaks his name, then does the same to me. She nods in understanding.

"Kisuke." She points at him. "Vati." Kisuke shakes his head. I clench my fist. "G-Grimmjow." A smile tries to break through when she says it, but it comes out as an awkward sneer. She points to herself. "Nelliel."

Kisuke smiles. "Nelliel," he repeats. She smiles back at him as he stands. The two have a short conversation, and she lights up, probably from finally speaking to someone who understands her. "I'll have to teach her the language. Was your father German?" I just shrug.

"Not sure."

"Okay." He nods."Well, let's go home."

On the ride back, my eyes are glued to the rearview mirror. Nelliel quietly sings to herself in German, and Kisuke just drives. I'm still horrified at how much she looks like my mother, and that she mistook me for our father. It makes me feel strange, having someone so much like me so nearby. The reports in the file said nothing of her being abused, but that couldn't be right. She must have been too scared to tell the truth...

Yeah...

Maybe she needed someone who went through the same stuff to talk about it with.

I couldn't really speak with her easily, but maybe Kisuke could translate...

I tried to relax in the way home as I thought of what the fuck I was going to do with a little sister.

So, things are thickening up in their relationship. They're still opening up, and I think Starrk is holding in a destructive amount of emotion. More of his situation is coming out, and Grimmjow is starting to notice that Starrk isn't as well off as he thought. Theme of the chapter? Nobody's perfect, in my opinion.

What did you guys think?

I'll be back soon, I promise!

R&R, please!

~EMAE