Chapter 4: A Learning Experience
Data never knew that humans could get such pleasure from taking a simple shower. He didn't even realize he had been in there for over an hour as the warm, sonic pulses melted away every ache in Beverly's muscles. Invigorated, he stepped out onto the cold bathroom floor, surprised by the unpleasantness of the sensation. Throwing another towel down, he stepped onto it and then paused to examine Beverly's body in the mirror. He knew that he no longer had the ability to collect, access and store information the way he used to, but decided that as long as he had to be in this new form, he might as well use it as an educational opportunity in hopes that when he was restored to his old body he could add the new information to his database. So he looked and he touched with enthusiastic curiosity since his experiences as a male, sexual or otherwise, could never compare to the experience of being a pregnant human female.
Compared to his memories of Tasha's body, Beverly's was taller and thinner, but still in excellent shape for someone her age and condition. Tasha had been almost all muscle and sinew, but Beverly's had a softness and elegance to her that was even further enhanced by her pregnancy. Data ran his hands along her neck, breasts, and the small bump of her belly, and then flexed and studied her fingers. Her nails were trimmed short, and he guessed it was as a precaution and a courtesy to her patients to prevent her from accidentally scratching them during physical examinations.
He shook out the thick mane of red hair and fingered the stray strands, wondering what he was supposed to do with it until his ruminations were once again interrupted by the quick fluttering of the child inside of him, and the realization that this body once again was feeling pangs of hunger.
Tired, rested, hungry, full, sleepy, restless…he was being barraged by a constant wave of emotions and needs in this body, and it fascinated him how humans managed find a way to compartmentalize and prioritize all the random flotsam floating around in their subconscious and focus on what they were doing. In his own body, he had no real needs. He had tasks and experiments and opportunities to learn, but no needs. It was a testament to Beverly's brilliance that she could function as masterfully as she did in her position under these circumstances. Lives depended on it, and although he had always felt what he could only characterize as respect for her, what he felt now was unparalleled admiration.
Wrapping his body in a thick robe, Data moved into the bedroom and opened up Beverly's closet. She had a curious assortment of outfits hanging there-a mix of uniforms, civilian clothing and theatrical costumes neatly sorted by use. He had seen her wearing nearly all of them, except the one outfit pushed far to the right of the rest of them. He opened up some space so that he could inspect it more closely. It looked to be an impossibly short nineteenth century French maid's uniform with a low-cut, corseted bodice.
"Hmmm," he wondered to himself, "I have never seen Doctor Crusher wear this in any of her stage productions."
He shrugged and decided to let it go. Such an outfit would definitely not be practical much less comfortable for what he expected was going to be a long night.
Upright in the chair across from his bed was as close as Jean-Luc was going to get to his mattress tonight. With the exception of the week that the away team was gone, he had spent nearly every night of the past few months sharing his bed with Beverly, and now he was finding it difficult to sleep without her. As his mind drifted back to their recent sleeping arrangements, he mused about how neither one of them really had a side that they preferred; something that he guessed was probably a result of entirely too many years not having to share with anyone.
He found it intriguing that if anything, Beverly favored the middle, which was fine with him as it usually meant that one or more parts of her body would end up draped over him at some point of the night. Tonight, it was that absence of the warm weight of her body that was making the thought of climbing under the sheets all the more uninviting. There was no mane of red curls to run his fingers through or tangle of long legs intertwining with his. All alone in the quiet darkness, his quarters felt as desolate and lonely as he started to drift…and remember.
The vision was a vague shadow at first, but then as he focused, he could see her smiling naked in his bed. With outstretched arms, she lured him to her and pulled him forcefully into an embrace. He could hear her breathlessly whispering his name, taste her sweat on his tongue as he traced it over the soft peaks of her breasts, smell the scent of Edosian lilacs in her hair, feel her trembling under his touch. He loved her with all of his senses and with every part of his heart, soul, body and mind, yearning for her in sleep as much as he did in consciousness.
"Beverly…" he whispered back to the vision of his lover, until the sound of his door chime startled him awake.
It was late, and the only one he could even imagine would come to see him at this time of night would have been Beverly, so he hoped that Deanna didn't get offended when he greeted her with an unintentional mien of disappointment.
"I'm sorry to disturb you so late, Captain. I've just finished checking in on Data, Geordi and Beverly and just thought you'd like to know their status."
"Thank you, yes." He answered, inviting her to come in and sit. "So, how are they getting along?"
"They are handling it as well as can be expected. Fortunately, they are seasoned Starfleet officers and not easily demoralized."
"Good…good."
"And what about you, Captain?"
"I am doing my best to find a solution to this dilemma."
"Of that I have no doubt, Sir, but how are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. I'm not the one who was robbed of my corporeal form only to be haphazardly thrown into another one."
"That may be true, but this accident hasn't just affected them. It has affected everyone who cares about them…especially you. We have all been essentially robbed of our friends and colleagues, but you are being faced with the prospect of being separated from both the woman you love and your unborn child all at once."
Jean-Luc rose from his chair and lumbered over to the window, bracing himself against its frame as he looked into the vast emptiness outside. In the reflection of the glass, he could see his face was pale and his postured slumped, and he could feel the last vestiges of composure draining out of him.
"I miss her."
"I'm sorry, Captain. I know you do. And she misses you too. Beverly has been very guarded with the details about your relationship, but has confided in me how happy she's been lately. And although you and I haven't spoken of it, I don't have to be an empath to sense that you feel the same way."
"Is it that obvious?"
"Only to those who know you."
She smiled sweetly. It had been a hard secret to keep, but he despite his usual reluctance to disclose details about his private life, he suddenly found himself feeling relieved to be able to talk about it with someone.
"I suppose everyone was aware that there has always been closeness between us that is different from what we have with the rest of the crew. But I knew that things were never going to be the same after our experience on Kesprytt. There we were, telepathically linked, our subconscious minds unwittingly divulging all of our innermost thoughts and desires. There was no way we could continue denying what we were feeling after that, and once we decided to stop being afraid of what might happen if things went wrong, we gave ourselves permission to focus on what might happen if things went right. From then on, it became something greater and more satisfying than friendship and I can't remember when I've been happier."
"And when you found out about the baby?"
Deanna watched at his countenance changed at the mention of the baby. He smiled and lowered himself back into his chair while stroking his chin contemplatively.
"It was a sweet fortuity. Once we got over our initial shock, we decided that we were going to allow ourselves time to enjoy the idea impending parenthood privately for as long as we could. I have been told before that a child can change your perceptions of love, but I never imagined that it could be so powerful. And now…"
He couldn't finish the words.
"They're not dead, Captain."
"I know. But I also know that although she is alive and safe and only a few decks away from me, I cannot go to her and hold her and assure her that we will get through this together. Everything I love about Beverly is now residing in the body of my chief engineer, while her body is now a pied-à-terre for my science officer. Starfleet doesn't exactly prepare you for something like this and I do not know how I am supposed to feel. "
"I can't tell you how you should feel, but I do think it's important for you to acknowledge whatever emotions you are dealing with so that you can consider what you will do if you can't reverse this with a clear head."
"No. I can't do that. Perhaps I am only indulging in self-denial by refusing to face the possibility, but I simply will not allow myself to consider it an option. I did not wait all this time for the chance to love Beverly only to lose her. Not this way. Not now. I will not allow it."
Jean-Luc looked into Deanna's dark eyes and could tell that she understood. Without Beverly to hold on to, hope was all he had to get him through, and he was going to hold onto it with ferocious tenacity until his family was back in his arms again.