A/N: Being as terrified of deep water as I am, writing Grimmjow with such strength is so therapeutic.
Also when you see '**' it notifies a time skip. I'll always let you know how long the time skip is.
For this chapter, we're back to Grimm's POV.
Please enjoy!
Your songs remind me of swimming
Which I forgot when I started to sink
Drank further away from the shore
And deeper into the drink
Sat on the bottom of the ocean,
A stern and stubborn rock
'Cause your songs remind me of swimming,
But somehow I forgot
I was sinking, but now I'm sunk
And I was drinking, and now I'm drunk
Your songs remind me of swimming
But somehow I forgot
I tried to remember the chorus
I can't remember the verse
Cause that song that sent me swimming
Is now the life jacket that burst
Rotting like a wreck on the ocean floor
Sinking like a siren that can't swim anymore
Your songs remind me of swimming
But I can't swim any more
-Florence and the Machine 'Swimming'
**One month**
"Go!"
I dive in and come up for air as quick as I can and begin stroking freestyle.
I'm going to beat Kensei this time.
We've been going at it all afternoon. All because I can't get Starrk's stupid ass out of my head long enough to focus. But I have it this time, I swear.
That day was really great, though.
Starrk got his car back so we hot-boxed before doing anything else. We made out a little, he gave me at least four hickeys(two of which I didn't find for two days), and we bought eight big-ass burgers to split between us. When I felt tired, we went to my apartment and Starrk fell in love with the place. I sat on the couch and turned on the TV and he laid on my lap. I played in his thick hair while he flipped through channels. After a while, we got really touchy, and I swear to you, I was so ready to let Starrk fuck me stupid, but he didn't make any further moves. I've wanted to fuck him for so long now, but something either gets in our way, or he just...stops. And he never says anything about being ready...But I'm patient. And both of us were too stoned out of our minds that night anyway, so we just dry-humped each other until we were too tired to get ourselves to come.
Not a bad day.
After the high from his arousal faded, Starrk fell asleep on top of me, and I wasn't going to wake him because I didn't want him going back to get his ass beat by his uncle again. No doubt he had bought more alcohol, and he was probably just waiting for Starrk to show up. I realized Starrk cares so much for those he loves, that he'd put his own safety at risk for their sake. I've never met a person like him. It's like the pain of others makes him physically unable to function without at least trying to help them. I stared at the dark purple mark and broken skin across his eye, and I felt myself tearing up a bit. I can't stand to see him hurt like this. I don't know why it affected me so intensely.
Maybe I...
Starrk snored violently, frightening me, and blinked for a couple of seconds before falling back to sleep.
I chuckled to myself and laid my head back. I followed his lead and woke up with a crick in my neck. Starrk tried to be cute and kiss it better, but I told him some things can't be fixed easily. After arguing over what to have for breakfast, we drove to school. I asked him to drop me off a block away, and I could tell he was pissed, but neither of us said anything.
I didn't want to say anything.
He already knows how I feel and I don't want to explain it over and over.
All that thinking just made me hit my head on the pool wall.
Kensei wins again.
I'm glad we're only in the conditioning season, because if it were spring right now, I'd be dragging my team to the bottom in the competitions.
"Just give up, Jaegerjaques!" Shinji taunts. "You're never gonna win!"
Great.
Now I have to go eat with the team today.
"Don't look so excited, Sunshine." I shoot a glare at Kensei as I rise out of the pool and he smirks. "C'mon it'll be fun, I promise!"
"You also promised you'd ease up on me, Captain." When I say the word, I see him clench his jaw.
Weird.
"Well, promises were made to be broken anyway," he teases with a wink as he walks by. I roll my eyes and follow everyone to the locker room.
The soccer team rolls in again, and I can't help but feel a bit small. When they see me, they mumble amongst themselves, glancing at me every once in a while.
Starrk looks at me.
His mouth curls smugly and his eyes drink in the sight of my nearly naked body.
I blush slightly with a glare and look away, remembering I'm only in my speedo.
One of the team members walks up to Kensei with a smirk on his face.
"Wow. I can't believe you let him on the team." I don't see it, but I feel his finger pointed at me. "If I were you, Kensei, I'd watch might my back. He might fuck you then take everything you have away from you."
Woooooooow what a dick.
Before I can even defend myself, Kensei steps in front of me.
"Y'know, I heard the same thing about your mom," he says like it's a normal conversation. Everyone in the locker room freezes. "But I guess that didn't stop your dad, right?"
My mouth drops in sync with the guy.
Never had someone been so quick to defend me. And Kensei did it effortlessly, like he had it stored in the back of his mind, ready to go.
"Aaroniero, let's just go," Yammy called him.
"No way! What? You think that just because you're captain of the swim team now, that you can just walk all over your upperclassmen, huh?" He walks right up to Kensei and gets in his face. Kensei says nothing, he just stands his ground in front of me.
"Aaron," Starrk speaks this time, "leave it alone." His voice is steady, but I'm the only one in this room who knows what he's feeling right now.
Mine, is what I think he's growling in his head. His eyes track me again. I can feel the possessiveness in Starrk's voice. It always makes me feel objectified. And it's been getting worse in the past few weeks since that day under the bleachers.
"Tch. Whatever. You may be able to sit by and accept what happened, Starrk, but I can't. This ain't over, Muguruma. He's gonna get what he deserves, I'll make sure of that."
"Is that a threat?" Kensei's voice has more bass in it now. It frightens me a little. His fists clench defensively.
"Nope. Just a promise of karma."
"Aaron, we're leaving." Starrk grabs his arm and pulls him out of the locker room. The rest of the team follows him out.
Aaron...I think to myself. Starrk told me about him before, Nnoitora's full-blooded brother, unlike Ulquiorra, who is only his half.
Kensei lets out a sigh, "Let's just get out of here."
The thought of someone actually having it out for me scared me, and I'd never been threatened before, but Starrk assured me he wouldn't let anything happen to me as long as he lived.
But that just made me feel weak and insecure.
He does that a lot, and I know he doesn't do it intentionally, but it still bothers me. Like, a lot.
Shaking my head of the negative thoughts, I finished getting dressed and follow Kensei's lead.
"You can ride there with me if you want," he says over his shoulder.
"Sure."
I send Starrk a quick text.
Going to lunch with team.
His reply is almost instantaneous, as if he'd been waiting for it.
Not gonna lie. I don't like the sound of you going out with a bunch of other guys.
Possessive ass...I let out an annoyed sigh as my fingers slide across the screen. Get over it.
His next reply takes a little more time.
No promises, Baby.
Stop fucking calling me that.
It's your contact name. Fits you so well.
I ignore the last text, since I'd gotten my message across. I wasn't really in the playful mood today. When I step outside, the November winds lightly bites at my face, and I quickly remember that I'd have to get Nelliel to the beach before it gets too cold.
Bruder, don't forget! She'd whined with a pout in her cute little accent. I smile lightly.
Nel and I have gotten incredibly close in the short amount of time that I've known her. She's grown accustomed to living with Yoruichi and Kisuke, even finally getting comfortable with calling them 'Mama and Papa'. She always follows me around whenever I am at the shop, and I try to have as much conversation with her as possible. She likes everything about me from what she's learned from Renji and Jinta(who are her 'Bruders' too, as far as she's concerned), and I've tried to be around enough to learn more about her, I swear I have, but, what with living on my own now, I barely have the time or resources to see her regularly. No one really told me how to be a good older brother.
"So the beach? That's a good idea." I totally forgot Kensei was there, even though he is the one who's driving. "You should let me know when you're going. I take my little sis all the time, now that I have a car."
"You've got one too?" I ask. Kensei laughs.
"You make it sound like she's a dog or something. Yeah, I've got one, name's Mashiro. Total pain in the ass and hell-bent on making my life as difficult as possible. But I wouldn't trade her for anything." He smiles, and one almost breaks from me because of it. "What's your sister's name?"
"Nelliel." Her name brings the smile all the way out of me. Kensei nods.
"Nice. She a nuisance too?"
I shake my head. "Just very curious. She's five, if that helps."
"Oh God, I remember five. My sister's twelve now, but when she was five..."
I am really glad Kensei's okay with carrying the conversation. I'm naturally quiet around people I don't know that well, and, even though I've known him for at least a month, I'm not quite sure if I can trust him or not yet. With it like this, all I have to do is give the occasional nod or grunt in response. He asks for way less than Starrk. With Starrk it's always about me. He demands to know everything that's on my mind, like not knowing is killing him inside. Talking to him forces me out of my shell, and I don't think I ever speak so much than when I am with him. It's not entirely a bad thing, it just gets overwhelming sometimes. Starrk makes me forget the person I really am. The quiet, reserved, snappy-if-provoked Grimmjow is non-existent with him. Well, maybe the snappy part sticks around, but other than that, being around him makes me feel as if I've just remembered how to swim, or breathe, like I've just resurfaced before drowning in a sea of pretending. He may be possessive at times, but I can be...me...around him.
I can't thank him enough for that feeling.
Maybe if I spent a little more time with him, he wouldn't be so clingy. Or maybe that would make him more so. I don't know. Does it matter?
"Here we are." Kensei's voice brings me back. We're in front of a pizza place. He's looking at his phone. "Crap."
"What is it?"
"Everyone's bailing. It's getting too cold apparently."
"Well that sucks." I cross my arms. Social settings are easier when there are a lot of people to make up for your lack of conversation contribution. But with just two people? Yeah, not so much. Fuck. I could've been home by now. Or with Starrk. Speaking of Starrk...I pull out my phone and start texting him immediately.
Where are you?
"Well..." He swallows before he speaks. "We could, um, eat w-without them. I mean, since we're already here," he scratches the back of his head, "it'd be kind of a waste of gas if we didn't..." His cheeks tint very lightly, but I still notice. What's up with him?
"Oh...yeah. We could do that." My phone buzzes in my hand.
Home. Why?
Thank God.
"Unless...you had something else to do..." It's more of a statement than a question. He probably heard my phone vibrate.
"Um...I didn't finish some chores. My dad is pretty pissed." His face relaxes.
"Oh, yeah, I totally get it." I hate lying. But in this situation I've convinced myself it's for the better.
"But you can grab something real quick if you're hungry. I just need to get back."
"Sure. I'll be right back." Kensei gets out and jogs to the to-go line.
Be ready. Omw.
"You can just drop me off here, I don't want you driving me all the way to my house." I actually just don't want you to know that I live in an apartment by myself, or anything about my private life for that matter. "I'm going to get a ride with a friend who's going the same way."
"You sure? It's no problem. I don't want you to get in trouble with your Dad." Kensei parks in front of Starrk's uncle's house and looks at me with what seem to be pleading eyes.
"No. It's fine. We're already here." And my body is already halfway out of your car. "I'll see you tomorrow at practice, though."
Kensei smirks. "Tomorrow is Saturday, Grimmjow."
"Right." I shake my head then smile slightly. "Monday then. Hopefully it'll be warmer."
"Hopefully." He shrugs. "Okay. Bye then."
I wave as I walk towards Starrk's front door, but to my horror, he emerges out of the garage, big, dumb smile on his face and hands shoved in his pockets. I stop, but as he nears me, his hands come out of his pockets.
"Starrk wait—" He takes my face in his hands and presses his lips firmly to mine, being very generous with his tongue, and making the kiss deeper than I'd like. He groans audibly before pulling away, leaving a string of saliva between our lips. I struggle to open my eyes again.
"Hey, Baby." In my usual daze, he pulls my back to his chest, holding me tightly across the shoulders(possessively, might I add), and waves at Kensei. I see that his face is flushed an angry red, and he gives a small, awkward wave before starting his car and driving away. "Who was that?" Starrk asks like he's done nothing wrong. I fume.
"DUDE!" I pry myself from his iron-like grip. "Why would you come outside!?"
"You told me to be ready! I'm ready! What did I do wrong?"
"You knew that was Kensei! Why would you do that in front of him!?"
He raises a skeptical eyebrow. "You're my boyfriend aren't you? I thought I would be allowed to kiss you after not seeing you all day." His lips form a tight line. "Or did I need your permission?" I don't like his tone.
"Yes. You should've asked." I felt like shit as soon as the words left my mouth. I know how he feels about the whole 'no PDA' thing, and he'd held up his end of the bargain pretty well. And in his defense, it's the weekend, and he probably felt pretty relaxed. Though it still doesn't answer my question.
"...Did you need me to take you home or something? Let's go then." He turns towards his car.
I flush in embarrassment. "Actually, I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the beach with me...and Nelliel." He stops walking and turns his head.
"...Like I'll get to meet her?" I give a small smile and nod. He turns to face me and scratches the back of his head. "Well, yeah, you know I'd love to."
"Okay."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have freaked out." He takes my face again and lightly pecks my lips.
"Let's go," he says, a hint of excitement in his normally lazy voice.
We drive to Kisuke's and I tell him to wait in the car while I grab beach stuff and Nel.
"Kisuke!" I call as I quickly run upstairs. I stuff two pairs of beach shorts in my bag and cover them with some towels.
"Yeah?" He shouts back.
"Can I take Nel and Jinta to the beach?" I hear a loud squeal followed by the sound of small feet pattering down the stairs.
"Please, Papa! Please, please, pleeeaaassseee!"
"Uncle Kisuke! Can we go, can we go, can we go?" Kisuke will get enough of that to say yes, that's why I asked so loudly. I go into Nel and Jinta's room and grab some of their swim stuff as well.
"And how do you expect to get them there? Jinta let go of my leg."
"We were going to walk!" I rush to the storage room on the second floor and grab the beach chairs and a bottle of sunscreen from the bathroom on account of my skin's terrible history with the sun.-
"Okay, but just be sure to be back before dark."
"Got it! C'mon guys! I already got your stuff!" The kids rush to meet me at the door and we head out. I'm super paranoid that Kisuke is watching us, so I make sure that we walk around the block before we get into the car with Starrk.
"Grimmjow, who's this?" Jinta asks as I open the door for them.
"This is my friend." I look at Starrk. "It's okay. You can trust him." I gesture towards the back seat.
"I don't know...Uncle Kisuke says not to get in the car with people I don't know."
"Smart kid," Starrk says.
"And he's right, but it's okay because I know him. And I'm going too." I try to assure him that Starrk's not a total creep.
"If Papa said we shouldn't..." Nel agrees and takes a step back.
"Guys! I promise it's okay! When have I ever let anything bad happen to you?"
"Okay..." Jinta climbs in first, and before Nelliel follows, she looks to me, and I give her a reassuring nod. I climb into the front seat after I secure them in the back.
"So, you must be Jinta?" Starrk asks in a gentle voice as he starts the car. "And I'm guessing that means you're Nelliel?" I can see Nel blush and nod sheepishly in the mirror on my side of the car.
Yeah Nel. He's really hot, right?
"Yeah, and who are you?" I hold back a laugh as I recognize Jinta's defensive voice.
"My name is Coyote Starrk. But you can just call me Starrk." Jinta voice immediately changes.
"Oh! You're the one Grimmjow talks about in his sleep all the time!" I stiffen and dread what's going to come out of his mouth next. Starrk looks at me and raises his eyebrows.
"Uh, Jinta—"
"Sometimes it's so loud, it wakes me up."
"Jinta!"
"What?"
"Is that right?" I blush, and Starrk grins at me, prompting me to roll my eyes at him. I punch him in the arm before he can retort with anything more embarrassing.
The kids carry on a conversation with Starrk, asking him who he is and about his relation is to me, and as he answers, I smile. They really like him, and he seems to like them too, considering the way he honestly answers their questions. They talk until we hit the beach, and I hand them their beach toys and watch them run off. Starrk changes into the trunks I brought him out in the open, and I almost see his dick, but I look away so that I don't show through mine. I'd just love to not be hard at least half of the time I'm with him. He grabs the chairs and I grab the snacks out of the trunk before I run and catch up with him. He holds the chairs under one arm and traps my fingers in a firm grip. I think about pulling away, but then I glance at the beach before me. Hardly anyone is here, even less likely someone we know, so I don't really feel the need to be so careful. The beach is beautiful today, the windy weather not daring to extend it's icy fingers to the shore. The clouds cover the sun, but some of it's heat still touches our skin. It makes me unusually happy and I feel warmer inside than I should. I wrap both my arms around his free one and lay my head on his shoulder. He stiffens, put off by my unusual affection. I look up at him and he's already looking down at me. I let out a heavy sigh.
"Don't you say a fucking word," I demand, not wanting the moment ruined by one of his snarky remarks. He just silently smirks and looks ahead, searching for a spot to place our things.
My eyes don't leave him, and it isn't until he is exposed under this light, that I realize how fucking beautiful he is. The gray light makes his eyes seem impossibly lazier, and it shows me that they're edged by light blue rings. My cheeks fill with heat just from that, and it gets even worse when I notice how filled out he's become. I can see how big his arms have gotten through his muscle shirt.
This is so un-fucking-fair.
I feel the butterflies I haven't felt in a while, and I assume it's due to my sudden intimidation of his god-like form.
"Here's good?" I barely hear him ask.
"Oh, y-yeah..." I reply and set the snack bag down.
"You okay?" He asks then wraps his arms around my shoulders and bends down to look into my eyes. I nod, but I can't really look him back in the eyes, and I think he gets it because he just shrugs and sets up the chairs.
I don't know what's wrong with me today. I've been so sheepish and moody, and I feel like it's somehow all rooted to Starrk, but I don't have any evidence. None except for when he kissed me in front of Kensei today. As I wallow in my thoughts, Starrk goes to play with the kids and I just watch. He's so good with them, better than I'll ever be.
But once again, I'm grateful that someone else can take over.
He runs back over to me, leaving the kids to eat their snacks by the water and sitting next to me on the double-wide beach chair. He suddenly pulls me into his lap, startling me, but I couldn't feel more pleased. He nuzzles his face into the side of my neck and I just rest my hands over his arms. We have one of our moments of silence for a minute, but I break it with a question:
"Why did you kiss me like that in front of Kensei?"
He sighs into my neck. "I was hoping you'd forgot about that," he admits.
"Nope. You're still in trouble," I tease. "I just want to know. I'm not mad or anything, I promise. Just wondering."
"Mmm..." His throat vibrates against mine and I let out a soft sigh. "I was...jealous? No, that's not it..." I don't rush him, because I want the most honest answer he can give. Maybe half a minute passes, and I just listen to his soft breathing, but he finally comes up with a response. "I guess the word I would use is intimidated..." He looks at me. "Get me?"
I think back to the days when Harribel would go with us to see his mother in the hospital. I remember the anger I felt when his mother would fawn over her, the fire that burned in my belly when I watched her kiss him, the consuming need to assert myself and claim him as mine, even though he wasn't mine to begin with.
Yeah, I knew the feeling.
"I get you."
"I don't know why, but seeing him with you didn't make me jealous, it just made me want to make sure he knew you were mine. I don't know, when I saw you getting out of his car, I just...I thought back to earlier in the locker room. He stepped up to face Aaron without hesitation, and the only thing I could do was pretend that I didn't care." I feel his grip around my stomach tighten. "I hated the feeling of not being able to defend you, and it just came so easy for him. And Kurosaki told me you don't like to be smothered, but honestly, Blue, you have no idea what it's like to watch something like that, and not be able to do anything. I swear to God, if you didn't have that stupid rule about keeping secrets, I would've bashed Aaron's fucking teeth in."
I can feel him trembling slightly, and instead of scaring me, it just fills me to the brim with the most nauseating feeling I've ever experienced. It's sickeningly pleasant, but I've never wanted something to go away so badly before. It makes my throat tighten, and makes me feel as if I'm being rushed with electricity. The feeling settles in my stomach, just below where his arms are crossed, and the heat is unbearably nerve-wracking.
But I fucking love it.
Is this what love feels like?
It's frightening, but I also don't want to forget the feeling.
Does Starrk feel this way? Would he ever feel this way? Is this just the feeling of love personalized for me? I'm fucking terrified. I'm scared that I...
I...
I fucking love him...
This asshole...
I turn around to straddle his waist, and roughly smashed my lips onto his. He lets out a sound of surprise but wraps his arms around me. My shaking hands rake through his hair and slip my tongue through his lips. I feel his hands rub up and down my back and I thoughtlessly grind my hips down on his crotch.
"What are you doing?" He breathes heavily on my lips through a small laugh. I ignore his question and frantically kiss him again. I feel an intense anxiety attack coming on, and I don't want to be seen like that, so I just try to busy myself with him. I feel like I need him to breathe, and there's not enough of him to keep my lungs filled. I feel so pathetic, wanting him this badly, but I just can't help myself. He pushes me away for a second and I just kiss him again, not wanting to let go. He laughs and pushes me back again. "I don't know where this is coming from," he stops to catch his breath, "and, don't get me wrong, I love it, but I wanna remind you that we're at the beach." I look around and he chuckles.
"I don't care," I say through my heavy breathing. I give him the most serious face I can muster, but it just comes out as a childish pout.
He smirks. "'Kay." His lips gently connect with mine again and I feel his hands in my hair. He gives it a light tug to pull my head back and presses his mouth to my neck. I get lost in the kisses and bites he leaves everywhere, the cool breeze drying the wet skin and sending tingles through me. His gentle touches and soft nibbles overwhelm me, and I barely feel him slip one hand into my swim trunks. His fingers barely graze my tip and my hips buck, causing me to thrust my half-hard member toward his hand. He grips me firmly, stilling my hips and making me whine. "Be still," he commands, sending shivers up my spine. He kisses me and starts to stroke me at a slow pace. I immediately ignore his command and begin roughly rocking my hips back and forth in his lap, moving my mouth to his neck to bite him so I won't cry out.
"G-God, Starrk...I'm..." I speak through a shaky gasp.
"That's right, Baby...Come for me."
This is a fucking joke.
It doesn't take long for me to do just that, a pathetic two minutes, and when I do, I hold onto him for dear life.
"A-Ah, ah, ah..." I moan and cover my mouth from making any more noise. My hips ride into his grip again, causing me to wildly spurt gooey ropes into his hand and the inside of my swim trunks. My body slumps against him as my stomach relaxes and I recover from what may have surprisingly been the most explosive orgasm of my life.
Just from him jerking me off...
What the hell is he doing to me?...
I feel his cock, hard and throbbing under my ass, and I have just the foulest urge to take it out and ride him as hard and fast as I can in this lounge chair, but his one arm has such a grip around my back it's ridiculous. Plus he's already got his hand in his shorts so I think he's got it covered. His groans rumble in his chest, and I almost fucking lose it again. I give his neck gentle kisses and speak soft, encouraging words into his ear to help him over the edge, and it doesn't take him long either. His orgasm is much more elegant(if an orgasm can be described that way) than mine, his body under his control and his breaths patterned and stable. I'm jealous of how much self control he has. I watch him as he pulls his hand out and frowns at the mix of our fluids dripping from his fingers.
"Shit."
"Oh, here." I take his hand in the towel I brought for myself and wipe it clean. I then proceed to wipe the inside of our shorts too. His dick is still slightly hard under the towel, but I will myself to pay it no mind.
"Bruder!"
We both stiffen at the sound of Nelliel's voice and I tie his shorts quickly.
"Y-Yeah?" I answer.
"Can we go home now? Jinta says he's getting tired." I glance over to the water and see Jinta sprawled over the sandcastle they built together with Starrk. "Can you grab him? Nel and I will get all the stuff packed up."
"No!" Nel shrieks. Starrk and I give each other concerned looks. "I want Starrk to stay with me!" I look offended at him and place my hand over my heart.
"Fine," I say and watch Starrk as he chuckles. With a returning smile, I get up and walk over to him.
The kids sleep on the whole drive back, and the silence doesn't help my panicking thoughts.
If this is love, then Starrk can't possibly feel the same way. Not when he's so calm and collected like he always is. And all I feel from him is possessiveness, not love. It's frightening to think that I'm in this alone, and instead of sending Starrk home, I ask him to stay the night at my place.
I have a very special treat for you all in the next chapter! :P
Let me know how you liked this one. I sure had a great time writing it.
I love writing about Grimmjow and Starrk. It just...does it for me.
R&R, please!
~EMAE