A/N: This is impossible! Another upload within the span of a month? What?
Anyway, I'm glad to be back!
Enjoy!
I knew that look dear
Eyes always seeking
Was there in someone
That dug long ago
So I will not ask you
Why you were creeping
In some sad way I already know
I will not ask you where you came from
I will not ask you and neither would you
Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips
We should just kiss like real people do
-Hozier 'Like Real People Do'
I've asked Starrk to spend the night at my apartment every night for the past month. He even has a key to the place, and even a drawer to put his things.
But he still leaves his fucking shit everywhere.
I grimace as I pick up a pair of his boxers from the bathroom floor. I don't really mind cleaning up after him, honestly. It's just that as he's slowly bringing his things over from his uncle's, they get kind of scattered around the place. I told him we needed to keep things tidy because Kisuke likes to pop in randomly, and he probably wouldn't enjoy the fact that Starrk is staying here, let alone that I lied to him. But whenever I ask Starrk if he can help me straighten up, he gives me some excuse. Last night, he pretended to be asleep. But he forgets that if there's anyone who knows his fake snores from his real ones, it's me.
Lazy ass.
This morning I tried to wake him up to help me, but he just turned around and gave me the darkest look from within the folds of my large comforter. I guessed he wasn't a morning person, but he's the worst one I've met so far.
With a chuckle, I shake my head and toss his undergarments into the basket under my arm.
I quietly make my way into the bedroom. The air is filled with loud snores, an indication that Starrk is still asleep. I pick up one of his socks from the bedside table when I notice something silver and shiny. It's a flask, the cap unscrewed and sticking out from under his pillow. He must've been drinking it when he came in last night. That would explain his grumpiness this morning. It's empty, but there's still a bit dripping out, leaving a small brown stain on the sheet. I gently take it out from under the pillow and shove it into my pocket. A sick feeling fills my stomach, but I tell myself that everything is fine. Starrk just likes to drink a little bit. That's okay, right? I won't make a big deal about it.
I make it a priority to not ask much of Starrk. He's done so much for me.
I'd been so nervous when he started staying here, but I couldn't bring myself to ask him to leave. I was just afraid of what he'd see. I was afraid he'd see the real me. I started to have nightmares again, and it started about a week into him staying here.
I woke up screaming in the middle of the night. I shot up in bed, my chest heaving with wild breaths. My cheeks were soaked, and my arms were extended outwards, feeling around in the dark air for nothing. Starrk grabbed my arm and, still being in the state of my dream, I pushed away from him, ripping myself from the bed altogether.
"Hey..." He spoke, his voice croaking. I finally woke up, and when I remembered the dream I'd had, I slid to the ground and started to cry. It wasn't until I started sobbing hysterically that Starrk joined me on the floor, no doubt confused by my outburst. He didn't ask me what the dream was about at that moment, he just let me cry on him. "It's okay, Baby. I'm right here. I'm right here." When he thought I was strong enough, he led me back to the bed on shaky knees.
"God...sorry I woke you," I sniffled. He snorted, as if my apology was ridiculous. After my breathing slowed to normal, he spoke.
"What happened?"
I didn't want to tell him.
I didn't want to tell him I dreamed of his father.
I didn't want to tell him that, in this nightmare, I was back in that classroom, my fingers digging into dirt this time. When I turned around, his face was one too familiar to me.
In this dream, his father turned into him.
I knew it would upset him, but it would upset him even more if I didn't tell him.
"A-Aizen..." I came out as barely a whisper, but I knew he'd heard. His arms had stiffened around me.
"That won't happen ever again. Not while I live."
"I know."
"Maybe you should go see that Zaraki guy again?"
"Yeah."
After that, we exchanged no more words. I didn't go back to sleep, and I don't think he did either because when we got up for school, we both had dark circles under our eyes.
He shrugged it off with a smile, but I know he thought about it all day.
That's happened at least every other night, and I hate that he's seen that side of me.
And even though he has, it hasn't sent him running yet.
I couldn't ask him for more than that.
Well...
I could ask him to fuck the shit out of me, but that's ultimately up to him. I don't want to force him into anything. Besides, he's cooking tonight, and I've never had his cooking before, so that'll suffice for now.
I hear a yawn akin to that of a lion roar followed by an angry groan. I look to the hallway just in time to catch him trudging across to the bathroom. His hair looks like an exploded birds nest, but somehow I still find it attractive. He lifts one hand up to yawn, and it is only then that I 2realize the other one is buried in his lounge pants. I glance away at the prominent tent in his pants and continue to pick up his things until I hear the shower running. I'm sitting on the couch channel surfing when he emerges, a towel hung high on his hips(to cover his scars) and one in his hand roughly drying his hair.
"Mornin'," he croaks, his voice still thick with sleep.
"It's 1:30." I reply as he takes the seat nest to me.
"Jesus." He chuckles a bit. "Didn't realize I'd been asleep that long."
"Sorry," I say, shame coating my words.
"For what?" He's utterly confused.
"For last night. For waking you...again. I'm so sorry. I'm going to see Dr. Zaraki today, I swear, I just—" His lips descend on mine to shut me up, and I relax into the quick kiss.
"Don't know how many times I'll have to tell you to stop blaming yourself." His breath ghosts over my lips.
"Sorry."
He shakes his head. "And to stop apologizing." He's such a hypocrite, he used to do the same shit.
I smile at him and just drop my head on his shoulder. He continues to dry his hair, and silence drops over us like usual. As some Marvel movie plays, his low chuckles break the silence and seem so loud that they could wake the dead. His amusement makes me smile slightly and rest my hand on his thigh. He stiffens a bit, my movement probably startling him. I take the opportunity to glance at his exposed torso, something I rarely see because of his obsession with covering his scars. It's so muscular and toned, and I find myself licking my lips. My eyes travel lower, expecting to stop over his crotch, but a line of bright red catches my gaze instead. It looks as thin as a string, but I can't tell what it is because of the towel. I shrug it to the back of my head and begin lazily walking my fingers up and down his thigh. He sighs heavily and spreads his legs wider, and I know exactly where this is going. To tease him, I lightly breathe on his neck, and I hear him swallow. He grabs the remote and clicks through channels to distract himself, but I won't be so easily forgotten. I press light kisses on his neck, and I slide my hand down under his towel.
He lets out a small hiss, and I look to see that my hand is covering a long, thin, horizontal line going across the skin right above his pelvis. It's a fresh scar, the light crimson color giving it away, and it's no thicker than a thread. My stomach lurches, but I don't want him to know that I know, so I continue my ministrations without pause. My tongue peeks out to lick the warm flesh of his neck, and I unwrap his towel, exposing the slowly rising member beneath it. I descend and take him into my mouth, a loud sigh escaping him from the feeling. The hand that was drying his hair quickly finds itself tightly tangled in my blue locks, where it roughly guides my mouth up and down the slick shaft. He keeps his breathing even, but I can hear him repeatedly murmuring "fuck" under his breath. His voice is still gravelly with sleep, and it makes my own cock throb in my pants. I start to pump myself, pre-cum and saliva sliding down my chin, and it isn't long before I shoot my own mess into my palm. I feel him twitch in my mouth before his cum fills my throat, the salty substance covering every crevice in my mouth. He's silent and stiff as he finishes and when he finally is, he lets out a big breath and pants heavily.
We sigh deeply at the same time, making us laugh, and I grab the towel from his head and wipe my mouth and hand before wiping down his lap. My eyes track to his scars. He almost catches me. He smiles softly and places his hand on top of my head and pets me, a strange but comforting motion. His eyes are cloudy, from the mixture of his drinking last night and my amazing oral skills.
"You seen my flask?" His question immediately ruins the mood, and I try not to show my face falling.
"I put it in the dishwasher." I answer solemnly. He doesn't notice that either.
He kisses my forehead before standing. "Thanks, Baby." I don't complain about his pet name for me anymore. He rewraps his waist with the towel and paces to the kitchen. I turn around to kneel on the couch and watch as he rummages through the dishwasher for his precious flask. "I'm gonna go grocery shopping. You want anything in particular tonight? I'll make whatever you want."
"...Lamb," I answer thoughtlessly and lay my head on my arms.
He stands and looks to me, his eyebrows raised. "...Blue..."
"Lamb."
"That'll take hours..." He groans and leans against the kitchen island.
"Well then you'd better get started." I stand and stretch, my back aching from being in one position for so long during our activities. "I'm gonna be at Ichigo's. I haven't seen him since break started." I see his jaw tick, but he says nothing. He's been actively working on his possessive attitude.
"Alright," he grumbles and goes to get dressed. I stuff my wallet in my pocket and slip on a jacket as I walk to the door. Before I walk out, he grabs my arm and smashes his lips into mine. I let out a sound of surprise but let myself enjoy it. "Don't take all day," he growls with my bottom lip between his teeth. I feel a surge of heat shoot down to my abdomen.
"Do you really have to do shit like that when I'm about to go somewhere?" I complain as I try to shake the redness from my cheeks.
He only smirks and closes the door in my face.
"Afternoon, Mom," Ichigo bows in front of the shrine of his mother then continues to walk towards his room. I bow and say my greetings too and follow him. I take his computer chair and he takes his regular seat on his bed. He starts up his Wii and I grab a controller. "So," he begins, "cutting, huh?"
"Shh!" I frantically look around but immediately ask myself why.
"What?" Ichigo laughs. "It's not like he's gonna hear you!"
"Whatever," I mumble as we begin to play.
"Okay. How long do you think it's been going on?"
"Two years, I think. Closer to three." They were new when I first saw them that day in his room, but who knows when he started?
"Have you talked to him about it yet?"
"Well, I was kinda gonna wait until he's ready. I thought that would be the best way..."
"He's only going to keep this secret if you let him, Grimm." He gives me a concerned look. "I know. My dad knew about Karin doing it..." His eyes track to the floor, causing him to lose the game. "And he thought she would come and tell him when she was ready. But it wasn't until I found her passed out in the bathroom that he confronted her about it. We were almost too late."
"So what do I do?" I ask as visions of Starrk bleeding out in my bathroom threaten to send me into a panic attack. "How do I talk to him?"
Should I go check on him?
Is he safe to be by himself?
I feel a sudden urge to go back home and make sure he's okay.
Ichigo looks up in thought. "Well, I'm not really sure. He used to work at the pharmacy, though I never got to know him that well. But he seemed to respond positively to confrontation. He handles it well, so I think your best bet is to do it as soon as possible. Maybe while you guys are eating?" I nod.
"Hm...He's cooking dinner tonight, maybe I could do it then..." I think out loud.
"No, you idiot!" I look at him due to his outburst. "I meant over take-out or something, not when he's cooking for you. If you did it while he's doing something out of affection for you, it'd just make him upset. Not to mention ruin you guy's night. You wanna do it while you guys are comfortable, but not in too good of a mood."
"If you know anything about Starrk, you'd know he's always in a good mood when he's eating, so dinner may not work."
"While you're watching TV then?"
"Okay, yeah. That might work." Ichigo starts up another game. "He also drinks."
He raises an eyebrow. "Shiro drinks."
"Well, has Shiro been drunk every time you've seen him since break started?"
"I haven't seen him since break started. Where are you going with this?"
"I'm just worried, y'know? I don't have that much experience with alcohol, so I don't really know if he's overdoing it."
"Trust me," he chuckles. "You'll know. Once I had to drive Shiro to the hospital because he wouldn't stop throwing up. His dad was so pissed." He continues to laugh at the memory. If it were me, I'd be trying not to throw up myself. "Don't worry about him, Grimm. I tell you what I told him: The worst thing you can do is smother him."
"You don't know how wrong you are, Kurosaki." I say and shake my head. "That's all he wants from me."
"Fine. But I'm serious. Don't worry. You'll know when something's wrong."
"Okay." We continue playing for at least 10 minutes before I throw another question at him. "Hey—"
"I'm starting to think you didn't come here to hang out with me at all." Ichigo glares at me from the corner of his eye.
"Sorry."
"I'm just joking, man. Shoot."
"You and Shiro, um...do stuff...right?" I can't believe I'm asking this.
His face tints. "Y-Yeah, why? Dude...are you asking for sex advice?"
"No way!" Now we're both blushing. "I just wanted to know because, well, Starrk and I haven't had sex yet, but—"
"Still? I thought you guys would've by now! Wow, when he told me that, sure, I was surprised a little, but that was over a month ago!"
"He told you?" He reads my mortified face.
"Oops." He covers his mouth so he won't laugh. "Look, forget that. You were saying?"
"Well...Starrk and I haven't had sex yet, but he's just so good at other stuff. Like, insanely good. And I don't know how he got so good at...those things. As far as I know, I'm the only guy he's ever been with."
"Have you asked him?" I shake my head. "Then there's your solution. You just need to talk to him about all this stuff. I can only get you so far."
"Ichi~" We both turn our heads to his bedroom door.
"Shiro!" I watch my friend's face light up as he stands and embraces his boyfriend.
They kiss, and Shiro begins to knead Ichigo's ass, and I immediately feel a little uncomfortable. They move towards the bed and fall back, Shiro's hand going straight for Ichigo's crotch.
I stand and put on my jacket. "Well, I've been severely grossed out. See ya, Ichigo. Bye Shiro." I head towards the door.
"Grimm!" I turn to him. "Talk to him!" He reminds me before he is cut off by his own moan.
"Oh, God."
"Sorry, Grimmjow. I haven't grabbed this ass in two weeks." Shiro says and makes Ichigo laugh.
"Okay, bye." I leave before I see anything else I'll regret.
Ichigo's place is about a 30 minute walk from my apartment(don't get me started on the cold weather), so when I get home, I'm exhausted. Starrk still isn't back, so I assume he's still out grocery shopping. I walk back to the room to see the damage he's caused, and, sure enough, his clothes are scattered everywhere. Probably due to him looking for something to wear. I quickly clean up, and slip on his favorite shirt as punishment along with a pair of warm sweats. He likes to wear it when he's relaxing, and no doubt he'll want to wear it when he cooks, so I'll just have it on instead. On him, it's a plain white t-shirt, but on me it hangs down to just above my knees. On the front is a picture of a Native American man, a wolf by his side and tree covered mountains glowing under the full moon. A white owl flies overhead, about to perch in it's nest.
With my comfy clothes on, I take my regular spot on the couch with a small bowl of soup(I don't want to fill up before Starrk feeds me), proceeding to watch Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Just as Hermione punches Malfoy in the face, someone knocks on the door. I get up and open it, and I am greeted with an obnoxious flash of red.
"Long time no see, loser."
"Sure, Renji. Come on in," I complain. I throw my arms around his neck and he swings me around. It feels strange.
"Where have you been? I haven't seen you in at least a month!"
"I've been here, idiot." I sit back on the couch and he sits next to me. "Doing exactly what I'm doing now." I wonder if I should tell him about Starrk. No, he'd accidently tell Kisuke. "Just enjoying my break. You?"
"Been taking care of Mom. She's doing a lot better, and Kisuke even lets her visit Jinta sometimes." He smiles a bit.
"That's good." I return his smile. "How're things with Rukia?" I knew exactly when his face fell that that was the last thing he wanted to talk about.
"Yeah...we're 'taking a break' as she put it. She said her brother wants her to look for something 'more serious.' Whatever the fuck that means." He crosses his arms with a puff. I don't say anything, knowing he'll want to continue. "But I knew that wasn't the only reason. She'd been avoiding me for a few days, and then she just came out and said she needed some space. Something about needing to feel wanted, and not just her body. I guess that was my fault."
"Sorry."
We sit in silence and I'm not quite sure what else to say, so I just offer him the rest of my soup. His nose was red, so I assumed he was cold. He gulps it down and we both sit in silence and continue to watch the movie.
"Hey."
"Yeah."
"When's the last time you smoked?"
"I don't know, like a month ago?" I answer.
"Who with?"
Uh-oh.
"Uh...just some friends." He nods, but I know that he's not done asking questions.
"When's the last time you've had sex?"
"Dude—"
"It's been a while. I can totally tell. It's all in the air around you." He gestures to my entire body with one finger.
I sit up on the couch and give him a serious look. "What the hell does that even mean?"
"Just answer the question!" He sighs. "...I was the last one, right?"
"Renji, what the fuck?" I'm more confused than irritated, but even being confused is frustrating in itself. "What does this have to do with anything?"
"We could do it again, y'know."
"Renji, I swear to God—" I let out a sound of surprise when Renji smashes his lips to mine.
I move to push him away, but he grabs my wrists and slams me down on the sofa. He lays on top of me and maneuvers his hips between my legs. I have half a mind to knee him in the crotch or bite his tongue, but I don't want to hurt him, and I also want to know what the hell has gotten into him. His tongue glides across my own as he grinds down. I feel his hard-on, and it's something I haven't felt in a while, so I feel my lower half stir in excitement. For a second, I think about what sex with Renji was like, how rough and just good it was. I find myself missing the feeling of just sex in general, and it makes me almost forget about Starrk.
But he's too important to me to hurt like this.
I get my hands free and push at his chest, but he traps my wrists again. I moved my leg up this time in an attempt to push his stomach, but I end up kneeing the bottom of his chin. He shouts and gets off of me, a bit of blood spilling from his mouth. I take the time to move away from the couch and toward the door.
"Get out. Now." I don't mean to sound so angry, but I honestly can't help it. I swing the door open and to my surprise, Starrk's standing there, key in the air where the lock would be, and about ten grocery bags on his arm. "H-Hey." I let out in a puff.
"Hey," he replies, but it comes out as kind of a question. He leans in to kiss me and I accept eagerly, secretly hoping Renji is watching. He does, because a few seconds later he's storming out of the apartment. "What was that about?" Starrk asks.
I should tell him the truth.
"We, um...He kissed me."
"Oh."
Did I just imagine that going well?
Starrk paces into the kitchen and puts down the grocery bags on the counter.
"You're scarily okay with this." I mumble. He just shrugs. "You're not mad?"
When he passes me, he places a kiss on my forehead. "Nah."
"Can I ask why?"
"I'm not that worried about anyone trying to steal you. You're mine, and I know that better than anyone else." I let out an annoyed huff at the possessive statement but he only smirks. "I was gonna wear that shirt." I ignore what he said.
"I'm hungry."
"Well then I'd better get started," he says as he opens a cabinet.
I'm watching reruns of Courage the Cowardly Dog when the smell of something spicy invades my nose.
"I thought I said lamb." I call to the kitchen.
"Lamb curry."
I don't reply as my attention is glued back to the screen. A few minutes later, Starrk leans over the couch and smashes his lips against mine. I would've liked that to last a little longer than it did, but when he pulls away, I'm chewing something flavorful. It's meat, packed with spices and a salty-sweet flavor. When I open my eyes to him, he's just staring back at me. He grunts as if waiting for an answer.
"It's good." He just grins and returns to the kitchen. About thirty minutes later, Starrk calls me for dinner, and I eagerly wait at the table. We eat in silence at first, but eventually start talking about random things. I ask him about his college applications, but he veers around the question, talking about Nelliel or about the food, so I don't push him on it.
"So," he says with a mouthful of food. Realizing that he can't talk with his mouthful, he swallows then continues. "I was thinking we'd go to a party tonight. Since it's New Year's Eve."
I was thinking we'd fuck tonight, but partying sounds good too.
"Okay?"
"Yeah, my friend invited me, so I wanted to bring you. I want you two to meet." I nod.
We finish eating and begin to get ready, Starrk grabbing my ass whenever it's exposed. He dresses in a fitted blue t-shirt and tight dark gray jeans. I put on regular jeans and a white shirt. After we both are fully ready, we hop in Starrk's car and head to wherever it is we're going. We pull up to an apartment similar to height and style as ours and head up to the top floor.
"You're friend is living the life, huh?" Starrk puff out a sigh.
"You have no idea." He knocks on the only door on the floor and a tall guy with long blonde hair answers. "Yylfordt!"
His red eyes gleam mischievously "Coyote."
Coyote? How well does this guy know Starrk?
Yylfordt takes Starrk's chin in his hand and kisses him hard on the mouth, slipping his tongue in and pulling him closer by the waist.
Um, what the fuck?
I'm a master at bringing the drama.
R&R, please!
~EMAE