This is a filler chapter since I think as this whole arrangement progresses, they would talk about more intimate subjects, and also some concerns that each have. The point of this one is that they have reached the point where questions could be asked and a more open and frank exchange could be had between them. Thank you for the great reviews on all the chapters thus far. I hope you like this one. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise.
Bones was enjoying a very nice dinner at her apartment with Booth. The case they'd been working on was now closed, and they were celebrating with a dinner. Normally they would go to the Diner, or Wong Fu's, but seeing as this was the week of Christmas, she had offered to make them dinner. Knowing that he liked lasagna, she had made two individual lasagnas, one vegetarian and one meat, for them. Booth had made a face at the tossed salad, but he'd ate his without a word of protest, and he'd made up for the salad by his eating most of the garlic bread she'd prepared. Now he was having a large piece of apple pie that she'd purchased that afternoon from the Diner. She herself was enjoying a dish of chocolate mousse.
The last couple of months had been very positive. The team was beginning to come together with Dr. Saroyan, though at first it had been questionable. She had her own agreement with the other woman, and so far it had worked rather well, though she did not appreciate how Dr. Saroyan was demanding that the members of her team not carry out the experiments that had made them such a successful group to begin with without express permission. It was something that she intended on bringing up to the Board if Saroyan did not back off on this point.
Personally, she was still very happy with the way things were working out with Booth and their arrangement. The time spent outside of work, and not enjoying the "benefits" side of their friendship, was very satisfying, while the "benefits" portion was still unbelievable. Booth had proven himself to be a fantastic lover, and it was only getting better as they learned each others likes, dislikes, and desires more fully. The last was what she was focused on this evening as the learning to date had been much more in the way of being in the moment, as opposed to actually talking about the subject. That was what she was hoping to do tonight. Desires and fantasies. At least a good discussion of them. But she also wanted some answers to some questions about their arrangement.
"Booth?" she asked as they made their way to her living room with a beer. They'd planned on watching a movie that night at some point.
Yeah?" he asked, feeling very comfortable right then. Bones was sitting next to him, leaning into him actually, and it was a very nice, warm atmosphere.
"Why haven't we ever really talked about our sex life?" she asked.
Booth didn't react with much surprise as he'd been preparing himself for just such a question for some time since this was Bones and she loved discussing everything. He'd also learned not to be so skittish about the subject around her, even though he was not nearly as sexually outgoing and adventurous as she was.
"Honestly?" he asked rhetorically. "You enjoy discussing everything, Bones, and I guess I figured that if you had concerns or questions, you'd ask."
"But what about your questions, or concerns?" she pointedly asked, making it clear that she considered the whole concept a two way street. She smiled inside at her own mental use, correctly, of a cliché.
"So far I haven't really had any," he replied. He took another deep drink of his beer.
"I'm trying to be serious, Booth," she said, a bit frustrated at his rather casual attitude to a serious issue. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with their sex life, but she wanted to know that it was possible to discuss it without feeling like someone was somehow doing something forbidden by bringing the subject up in a non-sex related setting. The reason she'd waited so long to even bring the subject up was because it seemed out of line somehow in light of the basic idea of a Friends With Benefits arrangement. She was moving forward a bit in her conception of their relationship, and was at least ready to admit, to herself, that this kind of conversation was a good thing.
"I am being serious, Bones," he told her with a chuckle. "When we've been together we've discussed a lot, and also what was bothering us. Nothing has really happened that has made me want to have a discussion outside of that. Is there something that's bothering you?"
"I don't know if bother is the right term," she sighed. "Maybe curious?"
He smiled at her attempts, so like her, to be as precise as possible. He didn't mind, as it was a benefit on almost all occasions, especially in the work they did, though she did take it to extremes every now and then.
"Okay. What are you curious about?" he asked.
"Everything," she answered literally. She knew what he was talking about, but she enjoyed teasing him, so she said it deadpan.
He chuckled and shook his head. "About the topic at hand, Bones," he clarified.
"How come you made exclusivity a condition of our agreement?" she asked. "I'm not upset over it, Booth, but I would like to know."
"What did you tell me you were going to do if I didn't agree to the Friends With Benefits idea?" he asked her.
She cringed a bit, though she wasn't embarrassed. She rarely got embarrassed about her sexual past and her honest sexual proclivities. She also found nothing wrong in what she had intended if he had refused. "I had planned on arranging for a male escort to see to my needs for that night," she replied.
"And what had you been trying to set up before your conversation with Angela?" he asked.
"I tried to arrange a night with one of my previous lovers who I would call occasionally for a one night, no strings, encounter," she told them, "but none of the seven men who I have relied on fairly regularly were available."
"I'm not judging you about how you've viewed sex and your sexual history, Bones," he told her calmly, though he would love to make serious judgments if it wouldn't get him killed, but it would, so he had to let it go. "But I will be very honest with you and say that to me, you're a Hell of a lot better than any of that. I can't claim to be a Saint in my own sexual history, but it really pains me to know that you could be so casual with yourself. You deserve a lot more than a one night stand, and you sure as Hell deserve a whole lot more than to pay for some young guy to fuck you for a night. I guess I wanted to show you how it could be to be with one guy, and to be able to depend on that guy for your needs."
"But the very nature of our agreement precluded a serious emotional attachment," she countered, though she was a bit humbled by his view of her. She'd known that he cared and felt she was a good person, but this showed her how much more was at the heart of his view of her.
"Yeah," he said slowly, "but can you honestly say that we've kept it at that, or that it ever was really that shallow?"
"No," she told him. "But I'm not ready to really get into that. I'm still trying to understand how I really feel."
"I know," he told her with a serious look right into her eyes.
"And that's why you haven't pushed the issue," she understood. She saw him nod in agreement. "Thank you," she told him.
"How long have you been using escorts?" he asked suddenly, not sure if he wanted to know, but it was something he'd wondered about off and on. He was like her in that he was not a believer in the idea that prostitution, per se, should be illegal, but he was a bit surprised that she would engage in an illegal activity. Not that he'd ever turn her in, but he wanted to understand. As they were discussing the whole issue of their sex life, this seemed the best time to ask.
"About six years," she told him. "I had submitted a proposal for a novel to a book agent, and the agent had arranged a book deal with a publisher. I was invited to a formal event, but had no date. The editor I had at the time, Monica, suggested that I hire an escort, and even gave me the name of the escort service I've used ever since. She implied, pretty strongly, that extra services were available for those willing to pay. I got the impression she was a frequent purchaser of those extra services."
"And you did," he surmised about that first time.
She nodded. "I arranged for a man to come to my hotel room so we could go to the event, and I asked him about the extras. I wasn't seeing anyone at the time, and hadn't for some time, so the idea of having a night where my needs would be seen to was rather appealing. He let me know what it would cost and I agreed," she explained. "It was a very good night, and I decided that if I was not involved with anyone and wanted to deal with my urges without the hassle of finding some willing guy at a bar, or none of my usual former lovers was available, I would utilize the service."
She could see him mulling this over, and knew that he was serious in that he was not judging her. The pedestal he seemingly put her on, though, was a difficult barrier to his acceptance of some of the more socially questionable activities she'd engaged in before making this arrangement with Booth. She herself found nothing wrong with how she'd dealt with her urges, and she likely never would, though that didn't mean she didn't hope that this arrangement with Booth would possibly develop into something more, though what that more was, was what she was struggling to come to terms with.
"Is there anything else about it you would like to know?" she asked. She was willing to tell him anything he wanted to know, and he was rather open about discussing things this evening.
"I don't need a play by play, Bones," he chuckled. He'd been curious about how she had started using escorts, but he had no desire to hear about how they were in bed, or what she did with them in bed. Given that she liked to control a situation, he had a pretty good idea about that already.
"I don't know what that means," Bones replied, a bit confused.
"It means I don't need all the details," he told her.
She got a mischievous grin. "But the details are so much fun, Booth," she said in a soft purr. With some of her previous lovers she'd enjoyed talking about sexual experiences, but with Booth she knew that that would not be the wisest course as he preferred their own experiences to others. Booth was no prude, she now knew full well, but she would have to talk about fantasies and desires in a more abstract fashion. She looked down and saw the beginnings of an erection stirring to life. "Besides, I have something I want to discuss with you that's more important than how I started using escorts."
"God that's embarrassing," Booth groaned in frustration.
"Why would getting an erection be embarrassing?" she questioned. She would likely never understand how a normal bodily function, or reaction, could be embarrassing for a person. The result may be embarrassing, such as if he ejaculated in his pants, but not that actual erection itself.
"Because we're having a serious discussion, Bones, and I get a damn hard on from it," he said, his tension and frustration obvious. "That is just not right. It makes me feel like I'm a sex crazed pervert, or something."
"Have you participated in this conversation seriously and been honest?" she asked, knowing she needed to make a point before he got wrapped up in his own narrow focus.
"Of course," he told her. He'd never be anything less than honest if she was trying to have a serious discussion about anything.
"So getting an erection hasn't prevented you from fully participating in and contributing to the conversation?" she pressed.
"No," he replied, now knowing where she was going with this. "So you're saying it shouldn't matter whether I'm hard as a rock, or limp as a noodle so long as I'm taking the conversation seriously."
She nodded with a wicked smile. "That's right, Booth," she told him, not adding that the conversation had been having some serious effects on her, as well. "Though I can tell you that I much prefer the former as opposed to the latter state."
"Now you see, Bones," he whined in good humor, "talk like that is why I seem to have a perpetual hard on whenever I'm around you."
"And you're complaining?" she teased a bit further.
"Not when we're alone," he conceded with a chuckle.
"Is there anything that you'd like to do, sexually, that we haven't done so far?" she asked. "Or perhaps a fantasy that we could play out?"
"I don't know," he replied, a bit uncomfortable. "And as far as fantasies, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, Bones. Fantasies aren't necessarily meant to be real, you know."
Here was the more skittish side of Booth that Bones was well aware of. Having learned that he wasn't a prude hadn't taken away from the reality that discussing some sexual topics made him a bit uneasy.
"Not necessarily, but they can be," she told him. "Playing out fantasies can enhance a couples sex life, Booth. Perhaps a little role playing? Or maybe having sex in a risqué location? What about one of us dressing up in a risqué outfit?"
"Is that what you want?" he questioned.
"Maybe," she shrugged. "I won't lie and say that I enjoy all of that with the right person and if I'm in the mood. And then there's different experiences, too."
"Like what?" he asked, curious. They'd done a lot, but he was sure she would have some things that she liked that he wasn't really thinking of.
"Well, do you like anal sex with a woman?" she asked.
He'd had a sinking feeling that she may bring that up. "Is that something that you would like?" he asked in return.
"It's something I've enjoyed in the past, but it has to be with someone I trust, sexually, and not many men had met that standard, despite the number of men I've been with," she told him honestly. "I trust you that much, if you were wondering. It's not a necessary part of what I consider important in my sex life."
"I can honestly say that it is something that's never really interested me," he informed her.
"Then we don't have to do that," she told him. "I'm not trying to come up with a variety of things for us to do, Booth. I just want to know that we can talk about what we both want and would like to try. For example, what about a threesome? I know most guys would love to be with two women at the same time."
"Sure I've fantasized about it," he admitted. "Why? Have you been in a threesome, Bones?"
"A couple of times," she admitted. "I prefer men, sexually, but I don't have objections to being with a woman. A couple of boyfriends I've had in the past were interested in having a threesome with me and another woman and I agreed. Those times were fun, but not something that I actively seek."
"I don't know if I want anything different at this point, Bones," he said finally. "I won't say no instantly if you want to try something, but at the same time, I won't agree right away if I'm not comfortable with something. Does that make sense?"
"Of course it does," she told him right away. "Like I said, I only want to be sure we can discuss things between us. I'm not trying to force anything on you, and I know you won't with me. But it is nice being able to have an honest discussion about this, isn't it?" She paused. This seemed like a good place to end the conversation now that she had accomplished what she'd wanted to. "How about we put the movie in and enjoy that this evening?" she asked. "I'd kind of like to just spend a quiet evening with my best friend."
"Sounds great, Bones," he smiled as he stood up and walked over to the DVD player.
Bones watched him as he moved across the room and not for the first time imagined this arrangement turning into a lot more. He'd been right when he said that they already had the emotional entanglements when they began this arrangement. Oddly, she didn't mind. She was still working out the implications, and what she really wanted, but she knew that she was closer now to coming to a resolution than she had been a few hours before. When he came back to the couch she settled in close and placed her hand in his. A small gesture, but an important one. One more tangible sign that the entanglements were not an impediment to happiness, both professional and personal. She looked down and saw that his erection was still there. She smiled as she wondered what he'd do if she had a bit of fun during the movie.
"Hey, Booth?"
"Yeah?" came the distracted reply as the opening credits rolled.
"Ever had a hand job while watching a movie?" she asked. The loud groan and cough as he choked on the drink of beer he'd just taken were music to her ears. She moved her hand down to him with a wide grin. "If not, you will tonight," she said as she pulled down his zipper.
"You're going to be the death of me, Bones," he said as his head fell back when she had her hand on him. He wasn't going to complain, though. He made a note to make sure that he got Angela a fabulous Christmas gift this year for giving the Bones the idea of a Friends With Benefits arrangement with him. She damn well deserved it. His mind drifted off into La La Land as he heard Bones chuckle as she began to really work on him. He decided that these conversations were a good thing.
A/N: As I said, this was just another filler chapter to move the story along a bit more, and have the whole thing make better sense. I wanted to have this conversation between them to show the growth on both sides. For Bones it's a realization that while she may like a lot of things, sexually, it isn't necessary to do all of them to still have a satisfying, and full, sex life with her lover. She is also coming closer to realizing what she really wants with Booth. For Booth, he has grown to the point that he can discuss these things without being ashamed or embarrassed, and also that it can be beneficial. I hope you all enjoyed it. I didn't write a sex scene for this chapter as I wanted to have it stand on the merits of the conversation. Gregg.