This is one that I wanted to do as it sets a very important tone that would be a part of the relationship from the nature of the work that they do, and this would be especially true now that they have admitted the feelings that they have and the step forward beyond being just Friends With Benefits. Namely that they are able to face, and deal with, traumatic events without hiding, and also that if one has difficulties it is okay for the other tpo push a bit to help come to a resolution. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Bones had been silent since he and the rest of the Squints had rescued her and Hodgins from the horrific situation they'd been in. He couldn't imagine the horror of being buried alive and wondering if anyone would find you in time to save you. Booth wasn't pressing, but he made sure she knew he was there and to his surprise she had not let go of him, or at least his hand, unless she was being examined by the EMT's or the doctors at the hospital. It was the silence that unnerved him, though. He was petrified that she was rebuilding her walls again, and he couldn't let her do that. He knew all too well what would happen if he let his own walls be rebuilt, and he had no desire to see her suffer similar consequences. She had shook her head no about going to her apartment, and nodded yes when he suggested his place. He let her in and she stuck to him very closely as he got them each a beer and they went into the living room and sat down on the couch. She curled up next to him, her body angled and pressing against his side.
"Why don't I feel anything?" he heard her whisper.
"What do you mean?" he asked, though he knew exactly what she was talking about.
"I'm processing everything that is happening around me, but I don't feel anything, Booth," she said as a tear fell down her cheek. She didn't realize that that small tear was a source of massive relief to the man sitting next to her. It showed him that she was indeed feeling, but was not sure how to process it and acknowledge it.
"What do you think you should be feeling?" he asked carefully. He was well versed in psychiatric questioning as he had been counseled many times in the aftermath of missions as a sniper, which was mandatory in most cases, but he also knew how she felt about what she termed "soft" sciences.
"I don't know!" she said harshly. She was ashamed that she was taking this out on him, her best friend, her lover, and the person who had saved her and Hodgins, but she couldn't control anything about this nightmare.
"Yes, you do," he said gently, knowing he was taking a risk. She was defensive and angry, so the emotions were bubbling to the surface quickly, but she was not there yet. He promised himself that if the chance ever arose, he would kill the Gravedigger without a seconds hesitation and would not regret it even once.
Bones started to tremble as she felt the rage building inside. She tried every technique she knew of to tamp it down, but it wasn't working. Finally she grabbed her beer bottle and hurled it across the room watching it shatter against the wall, the liquid running down the grey surface.
"I should be ANGRY!" she shouted as she jumped up from the couch and glared at him. "But I can't be because every fucking time I try and think about it I get angry at you!"
Booth had kind of expected this, so he waited for her to continue.
"I want to be angry at what happened to me and Hodgins! I want to be angry at the Gravedigger!" she continued to rant. "I want to be angry at anything that can explain how such sick, demented people can exist in the world! But what do I do?" she asked out loud. "I get angry. Angry at the one person I should be deliriously happy to be next to. The one person who didn't give up and found me. The one person who makes me happy. But instead I'm angry at you!"
"Why are you angry at me?" he asked simply, though he was pretty sure he knew the answer to that one. He'd felt it himself until the moment that he'd seen the small explosion that let them know where they had been buried.
The shouting had taken a great deal out of her and now all she felt was the overwhelming fatigue and the guilt at having said all of that to him. But he deserved an answer. "Almost the entire time we were buried in that car I kept telling Hodgins that you would find us. You, Booth. Not anyone else, but you. But then we were almost out of air, and we had to face the likely inevitable. At that moment I felt so alone, and it was like when my parents left all over again. I felt abandoned, and it was the worst feeling because it was you who had abandoned me. Not some casual lover or short term boyfriend, but the one person who I have always been able to count on, especially after we began to be more for each other ten months ago," she told him, the first few tears beginning to come down. "And once I got angry at you, I began to hate myself for it because I knew you would never give up. When you pulled me out, Booth, I felt so overwhelmed that you had kept on searching for us, and I felt so horrible for having thought the worst of you. I shut down and haven't felt much of anything since then, and it got me angry all over again."
He held her as she continued talking about the whole ordeal. It was going to be a while before she would be able to handle anything too serious as she was a bundle of raw nerves right then. He almost lost it when she handed him the note that she had written in case he hadn't found her before she had died. He silently read it after she had fallen asleep against him.
Booth~
I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I know you tried your best to find us. There are too many things I want to tell you that I can't on such a small piece of paper, but there is one important thing that I need to tell you. In the last ten months you have given me something that I had never thought I would have. You gave me the ability to believe that I am a person who deserves love, and that there is someone who loves me. Regardless of how much you achieve, or all the wonderful things you've done in this life, to me what you gave me makes you my hero because you saved me from myself. I only hope that in the short time we were together I made you happy and feel as loved as you made me feel. With all the love of my heart and my mind, YOUR Bones.
It was painful for him to think of how lost she must have felt when she decided that he wasn't going to find her in time. From a psychological standpoint, as much as he hated that term, he was forced to the conclusion that her subconscious had let her feel all of the scared, lonely feelings that her parents abandonment, and all of the continual heart aches of being left by friends and lovers over the years had produced. It did tell him something extremely important, though. During the course of their friendship, and then from the special arrangement that had brought them to this point personally, she had allowed herself to trust someone again. Not trust in the ordinary friends sphere, but the trust of someone who has real faith in another. Now that he'd saved her she was reassured, but the emotions she'd felt when she'd lost hope for a time were very powerful.
Booth gently picked her up and took her to his bedroom and laid her down and under the covers after removing her clothes. He didn't feel quite right about placing her in bed naked, but he knew that she was uncomfortable sleeping in her underwear. He quickly shed his clothes, though leaving his boxers on, and slipped into the other side of the bed. Almost as if she sensed his coming into the bed she rolled over and curled against him, holding him tightly. He wound his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, allowing himself to drift off to sleep as well. His last thoughts were of finding and killing the Gravedigger for doing this.
A/N: I wanted to do something that allowed us to see them deal with a traumatic event now that they've progressed beyond the original arrangement and are now a couple. The Gravedigger incident was perfect for that and I hope you all enjoyed this short chapter. I will be bringing this one back to the smuttier side of things for the next couple of chapters. Thanks for all the great reviews on this story to date. Gregg.