When you next woke, you were lying on the cold, slimy concrete floor of the lair, several faces hovering above you.
"(Y/n), are you alright?" Haru and Kyoko cried together, each stretching a hand out to help you up. Chrome just squeaked and looked down at you with worry in her eye. I-Pin said something in some foreign language that you didn't understand. Bianchi was looking at Lal Mirch with a morbid smile.
"Wow, how hard did you hit her, Lal?"
"Not that hard. She's just soft," Lal retorted, her gaze sweeping over you before she stalked out of your field of vision.
"Ouch, my head," you murmured, raising your hands to grasp onto Haru's and Kyoko's. The two helped pull you up and rushed you over to sit on one of the couch's that littered the lair. As you sat down, the pain in your head lessened and you looked around the room. Every other person in the room had gathered around you, sitting on couches or chairs in a semi-circle. Kyoko and Haru were on either side of you, I-Pin on Haru's lap. Lal Mirch was standing on a beat-up coffee table, Bianchi was sitting in a chair adjacent to you and on another adjacent couch was a pink-eyed woman in a rather spiffy looking suit, Nana Sawada, and Hana Kurokawa.
"Didn't there used to be a lot more people here?" you asked, looking around.
"What are you talking about? There are only us and the Cervello, who are out scouting at the moment. Oh, and Lussuria but he's sulking up in his hammock," Lal Mirch said, pointing up at one of the hammocks hung above you. Ah, now you noticed the big black cloud above you. But still, you could have sworn there had been more people.
"What's going on anyways?" you asked. "I remember sirens going off when I came into Namimori and then the whole town was made of guys and I thought they were going to gang-rape me but they tried killing me instead! Even Gokudera and Yamamoto and Yama-Papa! It was fucking insane! And then Bianchi came! And she saved me and brought me down here! And then something happened!"
Your mini-rant came to an end as you tried to remember exactly what had happened. All you could remember was this gray static and a lot of pain. And a bouncing sound?
"Okay, who wants to start?" Lal Mirch barked out like a drill instructor, glaring at every last person in the room. You all recoiled a bit under her sharp gaze and nobody volunteered. With a long-suffering groan, she shook her head. "Fine, I guess I will."
She produced a snap-shot, a Polaroid picture, from under her cloak and handed it to you. You stared intently at it. It showed an almost inhumanly beautiful woman. She had thick, wavy pink hair that must have been incredibly long as it flowed out-of-sight of the picture, which cut off at her waist. Damn, how does she get it that color, you thought. And how does she manage to not get annoyed by that hair? You got annoyed by your own hair often and it was nowhere near that long.
She had wide, beguiling, limpid, magnetic, amazing red eyes that clearly showed a wide variety of emotions. They were gorgeous beyond all belief and you found yourself hypnotized by them even in a photograph. Then you snapped out of it. After all, this must be a really bad person. After all, red eyes-take warning! TV Tropes had taught you that and you weren't about to forget it.
You continued staring at the photograph. She had a beautiful face, aristocratic, haughty features that somehow managed to be approachable all at the same time. There were no imperfections on her face and her facial features were all pleasing. Cute nose, sharp and well-defined cheekbones, ruby-red and quite full lips. She was slim to the point where she should look anorexic but totally managed to look healthy and beautiful. And damn, would you look at that chest.
"HOLY SHIT! THOSE THINGS ARE BIGGER THAN ADELHEID'S!"
With that scream, you dropped the Polaroid like it was some poisonous concoction you'd only find in the hands of Bianchi. The others looked at each other, their faces equal parts of confusion and exasperation.
"Who's Adelheid?" Haru asked, rubbing her sore ears which had taken quite the hit from your scream.
"I don't know," you said, tilting your head and racking your mind. "But somehow I get the feeling that this person's boobs are bigger than hers."
"O-Kay then…" Haru drawled out, exchanging a look that clearly suggested she thought you might have hit your head harder than she first thought with everyone in the room.
"Anyways, who is she?" you asked, pointing a finger down at the fallen picture.
All the other women in the room exchanged looks. After a poignant silence, Lal Mirch resumed her information session.
"This person is our enemy. She goes by the name of Sakura Snapdragon Isabella Reiko Blooddemon Enoby Dragona Estraneo Shamal Vongola Sawada Yamamoto."
After saying this, Lal was quite winded and while she gasped for breath, the woman with the pink eyes took up the tale.
"Hi there. I'm Oregano. I'm part of Vongola's CEDEF. It's nice to meet you (y/n)."
"Nice to meet you too," you said, demonstrating a rare bit of manners for you.
"Anyways, I can only fill you in on what we know. We know that this girl magically popped up in the Yamamoto household. Nobody even thought this strange. For some reason, she brainwashed everyone, including the girls here," she said, gesturing to Kyoko, Haru, I-Pin, Hana, Bianchi and Nana, "into believing that she was there all along, a permanent part of the Yamamoto family. She was Yamamoto's younger sister, believed biological despite there being only three months difference in age. It was later revealed that she was a part of the Estraneo experiments when she was much younger. We do not know how the Estraneo got a hold of her since she was a very good combatant even at the tender age of three. But they did and they experimented on her. She now has amazing powers even greater than Rokudou Mukuro's. We do not know quite yet what those powers are but we do know that they are immensely powerful and that their power blows that of the sky flame completely off our radar."
You nodded at this and Bianchi took up the tale.
"Anyways, Shamal stopped by and we found out that she's also Shamal's god-daughter and that one of her middle names was actually Shamal, supposedly because her father owed Shamal big-time for something the pervert did. Things went on as normal for a while but then all the guys started getting weird. She'd been worshipped from the moment everyone set eyes on her. Even Hayato liked her and I always thought my little brother was gay. It even seemed like Yamamoto had a crush on her and that was kind of sickening to think about because he'd grown up thinking he was her brother. But when he found out she wasn't really his sister, damn, did he try to get with her fast."
Bianchi broke off at that, looking quite like she was about to puke. You looked around, seeing who would pick up the tale next. Everyone looked angry and disgusted, even Nana who always looked happy.
"So…what happened? I mean, why are we down here?"
"She did something to all the boys," Haru cried out, tears glistening in her eyes. "They all started turning on the women. Capturing them or killing them. Almost all of Namimori's women are dead or locked up."
"That's right," spoke up Kyoko. "She even tried to have me killed to give Big Brother a reason to angst!"
"Yeah, all the males became brain-washed. They'd do anything for her, including locking all us up. And what's even weirder is that some of the males, Lambo for instance, suddenly got replaced by their adult forms. Their child forms got locked up too," Lal said, her breath back and steady.
Your eyes narrowed and cut to Bianchi as you heard her start to gasp and saw the beginning of a huge melt-down occurring. Tears glistened in her eyes.
"Reborn…" she gasped out. "My Reborn! She locked up my Reborn and replaced him with a drone!"
"WAIT! BACK UP! SHE GOT REBORN!"
You jumped up, looking around the room, fear beginning to grip you. No, that couldn't be true. Nobody could get Reborn. He was the best.
Lal bowed her head and took a deep breath.
"Yeah, she got Reborn and all the other male Arcobaleno. They've all been locked up and replaced by their original, adult forms."
Your knees gave out and you slumped down onto the concrete. Only one thought was running through your head. You punched the ground as tears came to your own eyes.
"Why?" you whispered out, anger bubbling in you.
"We don't know. We speculate that the women are a threat to her, that she wants to be the special, one and only, almighty female that all the men love and adore. She doesn't want competition. As for the replacing the younger males with their older counter-parts, intelligence states that she considers the adult forms better looking."
"But why Lal? Why I-Pin? They're babies for Christ's sakes! Why Nana? Why any of us?"
"She thinks Colonello still harbors feelings for Lal," Bianchi told you bitterly. "And she seems to think that I-Pin might have something going with future Lambo. And as for Nana…"
Her voice trailed off.
"This is where it gets really weird. It turns out, according to newest intelligence, that the Estraneo weren't her real family. It turns out that she was the love-child of Vongola Nono and Nana Sawada, making her both the true heir of the Vongola Family and Tsuna's half-sister. She's held a grudge against Nana, who was such a slut-bag hoe that she threw her child in a dumpster after having a black-market birth to conceal her affair with the Nono, and blames her for her horrible past."
This is where Nana broke down sobbing.
"I'm not a slut-bag hoe! I don't even remember having an affair with anyone! I love Iemitsu! IEMITSU!" she cried out wildly, tugging at her hair with her hands and looking a little insane.
"We know, Nana. We know," Oregano said softly, reaching out to pat the other woman's back.
"But that isn't the worst part," someone spoke up and you jumped a little. Holy shit! Was Chrome actually talking? Voluntarily?
"Really? Because what they've just told me is pretty fucked. How could it get worse than a mind-warping, brain-fucking, let's kill all women and destroy everything good in the world psycho?"
"You haven't heard what she's done to the males."
You looked at Chrome strangely. She didn't look like herself. She looked angry actually, angry and a bit scared.
"What happened to the boys, Chrome-chan?"
"It's horrible. Any males that she wasn't interested in…she coupled them up. Made them into yaoi pairings."
You gasped as Chrome went into a flashback.
It was a normal day in the Kokuyo lair. Chrome was sitting against a wall, watching as Chikusa ignored Ken who was trying to start a fight with the former. All normal and completely okay. But then…then it happened. Ken reached out and grabbed Chikusa by the shoulders, turning him around to face him before he swooped down and kissed the other boy hard. What was worse was that Chikusa wrapped his arms around Ken and kissed back just as hard. Chrome stared, eyes wide and very confused as she saw tongues slithering with each other.
"Kakipi! I love you!" Ken gasped.
"I know," Chikusa said, smirking at Ken.
"Let's go have sex. I'll even bottom, I love you that much," Ken whined.
"Sounds good…but we have something to do first," Chikusa said, snapping his eyes over to Chrome.
Ken's eyes flashed over to her too and she felt very, very scared. They were smirking at her and the whole place felt very dangerous. She was already getting to her feet and as the next words came out of Ken's mouth, she started running for her life.
"Yeah, let's kill the stupid girl already. Sakura will help us break Mukuro out, remember. We don't need her anymore."
And Chrome fled.
As Chrome's flashback stopped, you stared at her. Then, with a cheery smile, you held up a finger, pointing to nothing in particular.
"Wow, Chrome-chan! I just saw your creepy and potentially scarring flashback. Isn't that weird?"
"Yeah, that was weird, wasn't it?" she agreed.
You looked around the room, standing up and placing your hands on your hips. Your eyes narrowed.
"So what are we going to do about this?"
Everyone looked at you.
"We have the Cervello scouting for us at the moment. We have a plan but we're going to need help. We plan on rescuing our males and bringing an end to the bitch once and for all," Lal said, her eyes on you, an approving glint in them.
"We're just debating who we need first," Bianchi said, drying her tears.
"Well, isn't that obvious? We need…" you said.
"TSUNA!" Kyoko and Haru chorused.
"Mukuro-sama!" Chrome gasped out.
"IEMITSU!" Nana wailed.
"Reborn," Bianchi and Lal said.
"CHUCK NORRIS!" you said, pounding one hand with a fist.
At the end of your sentence, everyone seemed to curl up into themselves and they all looked depressed. They rocked back and forth, muttering 'Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris' over and over. They kind of reminded you of those two dweebs Chrome hung around every time someone said Mukuro around them.
"Did I say something wrong?" you asked, glancing around curiously.
Wiping away a tear, Lal looked at the floor as she answered you, still rocking back and forth slightly.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, (y/n), but when Sakura entered this world Chuck Norris self-imploded from the force of two great and terrible awesome forces existing simultaneously."
You gasped, horror-struck. Not Chuck Norris too!
"Then we need Jackie Chan!"
I-Pin said something quickly and Bianchi translated for you.
"I-Pin said her master once curb-stomped Jackie Chan in a martial arts tournament and he's held a grudge ever since. She doesn't think he'll help us."
Damn! I-Pin's master ruins the day!
"Then Jet Li!"
"Jet Li is busy shooting a movie. He said he'd love to help us but he really is too busy," Oregano said in a business like voice.
Then it dawned on all of you, a wave of pure brilliance passing through each and every last one of you.
"THEN WE NEED HIBARI!" you all screamed at the same time.
So, all agreed, you put your heads together, Lussuria even coming down from his hammock to help, and spent the rest of the day and night planning a way to find, capture, and unbrainwash Hibari Kyoya, the strongest Guardian.