Unfinished Business
Chapter 5 : I Will Endure
January, 2271
Lieutenant Nyota Uhura sat at her desk at StarFleet Headquarters in San Francisco, and processed the unending stream of paperwork directed at Rear Admiral James Kirk. She did her job well, her skills as a communications officer helping her to deal with the people who insisted that it was imperative that they see the Admiral right this minute. She was civil to the other employees on the floor where she worked, but she did not socialize with any of them, although she had been invited. She did not socialize with anyone. When her workday was finished, she returned to her quarters, and nearly always stayed inside until she left for work again the next morning. The synthesizer in her quarters had a wonderfully varied menu, and she seldom went to the mess hall.
In the evenings, she sat alone in her dimly lit rooms, and worried at what had happened to her. She still did not understand it. She had awakened all alone in that hospital room, and they had told her that Spock had brought her possessions, and left them there, and paid all her bills, and left her an account with the transportation system, so that she might go wherever she wished when she was released. There had been no note from him, nor any recorded message, nor had he given any reason to the people he had dealt with that explained his actions. She did not understand it. Not at all. Nor did she understand what had happened to him. He had simply vanished.
Over time, she spent less time worrying about these things, and began to accept an occasional invitation to join some of the others for a meal, or a drink. But she remained reserved, and did not ever really let herself become involved with anyone or anything. Not even Jim Kirk, although he slowly began to try to tempt her out and about. She always politely refused. She had her work, and it kept her mind busy all day, and that was sufficient.
Across space, on a dry desert planet, in a monastery on top of a mountain, Spock sat and meditated. He worked at purging the memories of his years in StarFleet from his mind, trying to forget the friends he had made there, and the research he had done, and the duties he had left behind. He did not find any of this at all easy. In fact, he found it almost impossible. However, that did not stop him from continuing to try.
Some months after his first visit, Sarek came again, and sat and talked to him. He asked what he intended to do about his commitment to StarFleet. He replied that he had exceeded the service time expected of him, and that he would resign his commission. Sarek sighed, and said he would inform StarFleet. Sarek tried again to get him to come away with him, to put himself in the care of healers, and he replied that there was nothing to heal. That life was dead and gone, and he must accept that. Sarek left, unsatisfied, and unhappy.
The following week, when he contacted StarFleet and informed them of Spock's decision, there was consternation. There were demands to speak directly to Spock, which he could not grant. Unfortunately, he had made this call from his home, and not from his office, and Amanda overheard part of it, the loud part of the man on the other end, demanding access to his son. When the call was over, she came into the room, and demanded to know what was going on. He sighed, and told her what he knew. She sat there beside him and cried. He felt like crying himself.
And in the monastery, on top of the mountain in the desert, there sat a man, in meditation, who realized, finally and fully, that he had failed. He had failed the one who meant the most to him, he had left her, alone and traumatized, to deal with problems that he should have been there to help her with, to grieve alone. He was no longer fit to be considered a man. He was contemptible. There was no possible way that anyone who was aware of the facts would look on him in a favorable aspect, ever again. She was lost to him, and his life was only bitter ashes.