A/N : Hmm, people are reading but not reviewing, bar A Amanda A, for which I thank you. Fair enough, am persevering anyway. The song of choice is "Need Your Love So Bad" by Fleetwood Mac.
Disclaimer : Not mine, never have been, never will be. However, any grammar mistakes are all my own.
I've been awake for about the last 15 mins according to Quinn's alarm clock and given it's set for 7am means I've got over 2 hours to ponder the latest change in my life before she has to get up, seemingly to collect our daughter.
Maybe I should go to the shops and get groceries to treat her to breakfast in bed? Or would she prefer just a cup of coffee and a bagel on the way to my mum's before we take Charlotte out?
At present though, it's hard to do anything other than look at her, what with the way her hair is fanned out all around her whilst her eyelashes rest against her beautiful face. Her cheeks are slightly flushed, no doubt from last night's booze or perhaps even our mutual indulgence?
To be perfectly honest, the fact that happened at all is amazing enough but that I didn't get sent back to Mike's even better. I know we've got stacks to talk about with each other, regarding our relationship, our living arrangements, how we're going to move on from my stupid, moronic mistake six or so months ago and where this is all headed. I know that when you're boozed up, you tell the truth, I think there's some expression for that or something, but was Quinn being honest or doing what she thinks is the right thing?
From the moment I met her, all those years back, to now, she's always tried to do the right thing, be it go to cheerleading camp followed by bible camp as a child to making sure Lottie gets what she wants rather than what we want for her. The Fabrays are a perfect example of how not to raise your children.
Her sister stays as far as way from them as possible too although we have been to see her and her UPS loving husband a few times on the other side of the state line. It's good for our girl to have some contact with her cousins from that side, even if they do give me recurrent nightmares about the Giardi boys we babysat way back when. Especially as Rebekah isn't having any kids for a very long time. A very long time indeed, given she's at the age Quinn and I were when our little one was conceived.
Charlotte can never be considered a mistake though, particularly given how wonderful she is. She's the most talented little girl in her school class, no bias at all, and not only that, she's kind, open, honest and immensely caring. Lord knows where she gets it from as both Quinn and I are uber defensive with people and even now, our daughter has us beat in the popularity stakes. She has more friends than even Quinn did at that age. Her ballet teacher once told me, when I was picking her up, that while she may not be the most naturally graceful ballerina, she's the easiest to teach, a joy to have around and a credit to her parents. I may have puffed up a bit with pride and when I told Quinn later that night, it's fair to say we both had tears in our eyes.
Has it been a struggle? Of course it has but what isn't these days in life? Do I ever wonder what it'd be like as a 25 year old man with no responsibilities or obligations? Yes, many a time, Saturday nights usually, but then again when I look at the life Quinn and I have put together, sitting around the dinner table, having a chat about this and that with Charlotte happily slumbering in her room, I wouldn't change it for the world.
Who knows? If we hadn't been naïve and I hadn't said that the rhythm method was a good contraceptive, would I still have found myself with Quinn and this dysfunction known as our relationship? I like to think so. She's the only woman I've loved who isn't related to me and for all my sleeping around, that's the way it has remained. I don't know if it's because she's the only one to really see me or if it's that she is the only one I've let see the real me.
When Finn first told me he managed to wangle a date with the "Ice Maiden", as she was known then amongst the boys, I actually felt myself deflate. It pained me to wish him well with her. How could he do that to me? She was the girl that haunted my dreams, who made me both angry and happy when she raised that eyebrow at me, the one whose legs tormented me when she joined the Cheerios and when she was watching our awful team from the sidelines was all I could concentrate on impressing, the one who always looked at me with that wretched half smile and the girl who nicked my heart in that "Seven minutes in heaven" incident back when we were both thirteen at Matt's house and never bothered to give it back. But Finn was my boy and all that had to swallowed down for the code.
In fact, I should probably phone Matt up and find out how he's doing, maybe even thank him, not that he'd understand why. His birthday party, longer ago than I care to remember, may well have changed my destiny. We were all bored playing "Truth or Dare" as no one was being truthful and no one would do any proper dares. Obviously it was before any of us discovered alcohol so Brittany came up with "Seven Minutes" as an alternative. We all wrote our names down and put them in a hat Matt rustled up. Brittany drew Mike and so they went. After that, Finn pulled out Marcia, Matt's cousin. Matt got Santana and once they came back, it left Quinn and I.
Off we went to the laundry room and which one of us dragged our feet more is still something I can't recall. As soon as the door was shut, she jumped up on the washing machine and just crossed her arms, sniping that nothing was going to happen. Like I really cared. I told her she wasn't my type, I prefer girls who don't walk around with a stick up their bums. Her face crumpled a bit and she started slowly sobbing.
Maybe it's because I have a little sister and a mother who has been through the wringer but I can't bear to see females crying. Of course I apologised and tried to get her to look at me but the curtain of hair was in her way. I tucked it behind her ears and tilted her chin up so she'd see me. Her eyes were pink rimmed, her skin had gone blotchy from the crying and her Bonne Bell lip gloss had started to smear but in that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss her. So I did and when she kissed me back, I realised why the game mentions heaven because that's exactly what it felt like. I don't know how long we were in there for but when Matt came by to pound on the door, we broke apart, just staring at each other and then she did that patented half smile. To this day, Fresh Peach is my favourite.
It's nearly 7am, she's already started to stir, should I try to pretend that I'm still sleeping and haven't spent over two hours reminiscing about part of our past like a schoolboy with a crush or should I dash to the bathroom before she hogs it for the next hour? Damn it, she's already awake.
"Hey babe", I say whilst nonchalantly putting my hands behind my head.
"G'morning Puck, how long have you been up?", she says, her voice still full of sleep and deeper than normal.
"Not long", which isn't really a lie when time has swept by so fast. "Would you like a coffee or anything? I was thinking that once we've both showered, we can go pick Charlotte up from my mum's and take her out for breakfast."
"Puuuuck", she whined, "you know we still have so much to discuss about things, don't you? Last night wasn't an error or a drunken mistake because I do love you and I do miss you, every day in fact, but it's not as simple as going out for a family breakfast and that's it. I don't want to get Charlotte's hopes up if you're just going to flirt with every woman in a skirt that catches your eye nor do I want to be wondering all the time if I can trust you.", she said with the saddest expression on her face.
I put that expression there, I've got to be the one to fix it and not only make things right but also secure. She's correct too, I've fucked up more times than I can count and not only that, she's put up with a hell of a lot, especially recently. I never actually did anything with Sophia Blake six months ago but the temptation was there and had Charlotte not needed picking up from school because Quinn was doing some overtime, I might well have done something I would have regretted right there in my portakabin.
When she got home that same evening, I told her. I assume it was the guilt that made me say it but the look on her face still makes me think that dealing with the guilt myself would have been far more sensible and less foolhardy. She'd obviously had had a long day, trying to get some more income in for a trip Lottie's school was putting on and here I was acting like another child for her to deal with except instead of shattering a cheap vase, I was breaking her heart. I felt like a schmuck there more than possibly any other time in my life.
She poured herself a glass of wine, sat down and without any emotion, told me to get what I needed and leave. No argument, no discussion, no histrionics, just resignation to the shit hand I just played her. "You're welcome to see Charlotte whenever you like but please give me some notice so I can be sure she has everything she needs. I'll be in touch with your mum so she knows too. No one has to know what's gone on, Puck, but if you want to tell people that's your prerogative. Please lock the door behind you when you're done." and that was it making the last six months the longest I've ever known with the only peace I got finally coming last night.
"I'm going to freshen up, get the cotton wool feeling out of my mouth and then it's all yours but please, think about what you want Noah. Listen, I'd happily have a dozen more kids with you, have the full on suburbian dream we both want but not whilst you're so indecisive about everything and where your current family seems to be an afterthought." She looked at me with those pink rimmed eyes and I was lost all over again. That and she used Noah, I know it's beyond serious.
If it wasn't so early, I'd phone Finn and ask him for some advice but he's bound to have his hands full with little Josh and not forgetting Rachel, who's enough of a handful at the best of times herself. Great for Finn though, after that punk Jesse St James debacle was over of course, and she's doing great things on Broadway, according to him and Quinn.
That's it, the inspiration has just hit me. I'm going to take the wonderful mother of my child and said child to New York. Rachel and Quinn can catch up and Finn can help me get my masterplan together. I can't quite afford Harry Winston or Tiffanys but NYC is bound to have more choices than Lima, OH and who better to show me the ropes than someone who already has the ball and chain as well being a New Yorker currently? Excellent!