FINALLY i new chapter's up! I feel really bad that i haven't posted anything in a long time but I just got my
inspiration back resently and have been working intensly with a lot of enthusiasm! So i hope you like this new chapter :D
That night I woke up several times feeling awfully disorientated and sick. I felt a bit panicky about the fact that I couldn't see very well in the dark and I didn't really know what was going on. The only thing I was sure about was that my covers smelled like Kakashi's.
After a dreamless sleep I once more woke up at the break of dawn being clearer in my head. I turned around having faced the wall, when I realized that I was lying in Kakashi's bed. Sleepy and confused I maneuvered around in the covers and looked over the edge of the bed to find Kakashi sleeping.
"God." I moaned silently and fell back in his bed while rubbing my forehead.
In a sudden realization adrenalin ran through my body as it suddenly stood clear to me that I was missing some clothes. I fumbled my arms under the covers to feel what I was wearing and felt to my relief that I still was wearing a lot. I lay a bit and recalled, to my mortification, some of last night's events. I sighed and felt embarrassed about what I'd been doing in the bar as I tried to remember everything after that. Another question that filled my mind was why Kakashi had let me sleep in his bed. I tugged myself more into his covers and felt the soft mattress under me. It felt nice.
… Shit. I'd hugged Kakashi. I'd been way to open last night, not to mention I'd made a complete fool of myself. I felt my cheeks warm up and smacked a hand to my forehead. Why was I always so stupid? I recalled the feeling of the hug, remembering how good it felt to feel him so close. I sighed deeply; knowing Kakashi and his private, professional attitude, he probably didn't even want to talk about it, or mention it for that matter. He would be like 'there nothing to talk about' and then smile with his eyes and start reading his book. I guess I would just have to talk about it with myself… And keep hitting myself mentally for it! I mean; I knew why he didn't like that I hugged him. Not because he didn't 'like' hugs, but because he probably felt I was crossing a line in our 'relationship', and he wasn't the kind of man who got too close to people. If it was up to him he wouldn't even form any relationships with anybody. But he couldn't stop other people from forming relationships with him. Like that Gai-guy and the kids.
Kakashi's head popped up from the edge of the bed and looked drowsy ahead. He looked cute somehow. For a moment there I just looked at his side profile and his messy hair which was a bit off to the side he had been sleeping on.
"I'm going to ask you why I'm in your bed." I said and turned to look him better in the eyes.
He turned to look at me as well still looking a bit sleepy and seemed to think a bit.
"Because I felt sorry for you last night." He said and scratched his hair while chuckling.
Okay, just screw everything I'd just thought about him, being unable to form relationships. He was actually telling me his actual feelings here and didn't come up with some lazy excuse. I suppressed a blush and looked a bit startled.
"Nah just kidding. It was easier to help you get off your clothes that way. After carrying such a heavy girl like you, my back didn't feel like bending all the way down to the floor." He said and threw off his cover and stood up.
Once again I felt stupid. Just as I was about to think that he was being genuine he prove me wrong.
"I'm not heavy!" I muttered and sat up.
"Anyhow, we better get moving Toshi. Hurry up." Kakashi said and stretched his arms above his head with a satisfied growl.
Just as I'd thought he acted completely normal and untouched by my behavior yesterday, which was completely out of character. I snorted; feeling a bit insulted and crossing my arms, I threw off the cover with a grunt. There was no sign of guilt, embarrassment or any emotion that showed something about yesterday. I didn't want to use the mind jutsu to reach out and feel his emotions, cause he was so good at hiding them that even my jutsu was useless. As I began to pack our last equipment alongside Kakashi my mind wandered off in other directions. I always enjoyed his presence somehow. We both struggled with each other's personalities, being just as different as cat and dog. He was distant and closed off when it came to forming close bonds. The things he had experienced made him push people away, with a few exceptions. There was me, who had absolutely no idea about what love was, what friendship was. I also kept people at bay but for other reasons. I had to say that we weren't a very good combination unless one of us got over our fear of forming bonds with people. Kakashi was already on the right track. To me he had lots of friends, but no one who were entirely close. I glanced over at him and studied his side profile and recalled the young Kakashi I'd seen. I had to sigh over the memory and closed my bag harshly. I had no idea how to get close to him, but apparently he knew how to get close to me…
.
We quickly reached the forests outside the gates of Konoha, and we traveled the whole day through the thick wild, until we reached the desert by night time.
"Thought we were going to the land of ice." I said with sarcasm, feeling the heat from the sand seeping upwards.
"We'll cross the sands in high speed. The sooner we reach Suna the better. It gets cold out here at night." Kakashi said, ignoring my comment while he looked across the sand with a faraway look in his eyes.
I gulped and looked towards the desert in awe. I tried to hide the fact that I was absolutely amused by the sight of so much sand. Never in my life had I seen so much blank surface which disappeared into the horizon. So much space and so little life. A chill ran through my spine as there was something oddly familiar to this place.
We sat off and sprinted through the desert, up and down the sandhills. To be honest I started to get worried after an hour of run. The night was falling over us and the only thing that gave light was the moon and the stars. But I felt faithful that Kakashi knew where we were going in this darkness. Our feet hitting the sand with heavy thuds, was the only thing I could hear in this god for saken desert. The hide of the dark, vast sky gave me a feeling of entering Kakashi's mind. Because of his sharingan I always entered a dark dessert. Shaking the thought of out my mind I began to get impatient by the never changing landscape, and just as I was about to say something Kakashi finally spoke up.
"There it is." He stated, still running in high speed.
I looked up hopefully, expecting some kind of oasis, with a waterfall, trees and merry people. But I saw nothing, at first. I narrowed my eyes into the darkness and saw something a bit darker then the sky, like a cliff of some sort.
"Is that the sand village?" I asked confused.
"Yes, that's Suna." Kakashi said happily and started to slow down.
If I wasn't mistaking, he was taking some kind of pleasure in my amused, yet disappointed tone.
"They have a Kyubi there, just like Naruto," He said, a hint of alertness to his voice.
"Really? Do you think he's like Naruto?" I asked imagining a boy exactly like Naruto, but with more desert-like clothes.
"Probably not." Kakashi answered, as we got closer to the cliff.
I didn't reply to that, as I was busy wondering how much taller that cliff could grow in front of us. The closer we got the more outstanding the cliff seemed. Apparently it surrounded the whole city. We had to walk a few feet around to get to the entrance which turned out to be a huge gap, which formed a passage all the way through the thick cliff. Lanterns had been lit up all the way through so it was easier to see where we were going. Kakashi walked into the hollow of the passage casually as I followed him with wonder. I looked up at the old rock foundation which appeared to have been there for centuries. I was almost sure that I was walking into an ancient city. My amusement was disrupted quickly when I sensed two chakra signatures and two ninjas landed in front of Kakashi and I.
"Identify yourself and state your business." One of them said, a tall man who stood lean and proud in his clothes, suitable for the desert.
"I'm Hatake Kakashi and this is Toshi. We're from the hidden leaf village and are just seeking shelter for the night." Kakashi said, deliberately I was sure, leaving out my last name.
One could never know if my name was known here, and if any rumor spread about me, this stay could turn out to be pretty troublesome if any bounty hunters were in the neighborhood. The two ninjas exchanged glances and I had no idea what it meant. For what I knew about, Suna and Konoha were on friendly terms. Besides, every village knew about Kakashi – the copy ninja, and that was probably enough to let us pass.
"Fine you can continue." The tall one said standing aside with his arms folded.
I felt uncomfortable when I saw the smaller ninja eye me up and down as I past by him, and temporarily remembered that I was also I girl and that I got a foreign hair color.
The passage began to end, and as the city came more into view the more I started to marvel at it. Telling the size of the city was hard from the passage, but as we slowly came closer I started gawking at the sight. The tall sand-like buildings were lit up by the streetlamps and the streets were buzzing with activity even though the sun had set. It was like a whole other world to me as I'd never seen a city like Suna before. I felt that pang of irritation that I'd wasted my time in the same town for 19 years when I could've visited places like this.
"This city is so marvelous." I breathed looking into the sky as we walked into the street.
"I guess." Kakashi shrugged like it wasn't anything special and stuffed his hands into his pockets casually, his eyes wandering around the many people as if he was trying to see what I was seeing.
"Look at the food! What is it?" I stopped by a stall and looked through boxes of spices.
"Toshi, we have to keep moving." Kakashi walked up behind me and tugged my sleeve lazily. Apparently this trip had taken some of his strength too, or he had just gone into relaxed mode after entering the city.
"But look at all these stalls." I mused turning around to look down the street filled with different stalls. Kakashi sighed and rolled his eyes at me.
"Sometimes I forget where you're from." He muttered and grabbed my arm firmly, dragging my along before my curiosity got the best of me.
"But… I want to look." I said following him reluctantly.
"Toshi, we need to get as much rest as we can for now. Remember that we're on a mission, not a vacation." He said suddenly sounding irritated. His manner left a strange impression on me, and I tried to ignore it without success. It wasn't often I saw him irritated and suddenly felt like little child being dragged along by her father. I didn't want Kakashi to see me that way. I yanked my arm out of his grip.
"Stop dragging me, I'll follow you." I said firmly and with more confidence then I'd intended to.
Kakashi's posture relaxed a bit more and he seemed to warm up suddenly.
"I'll take you another time, I promise." He said starting to walk again. My whole mood felt at ease again and I knew that I had to except that Kakashi apparently had a strange grip on how I felt. I actually felt a little bit flattered that he wanted to take me to the night market of Suna sometime, no, he had promised to take me. Lost in my thoughts I bumped into Kakashi as he stopped by a stall.
"Ouch." I groaned and rubbed my nose while peeping around Kakashi. He chuckled at me and moved his eyes to the owner of the stall.
"One chicken please." Kakashi said and threw the owner a coin. Apparently he had stopped by a meat stall. I looked in disgust at some hen feet piled up just in front of me, and moved my eyes to watch all the other weird things he had in his stall.
"Here you go." The owner handed Kakashi the chicken in a paper bag.
"Thank you." Kakashi looked down at me as I looked everything over.
"You want an eye to eat on the way Toshi? They're supposedly very healthy to eat." He asked.
I couldn't help but noticed the humor behind his question, and I frowned at the very thought of eating a squishy eyeball.
"No thanks." I muttered darkly and turned around to follow Kakashi.
.
It wasn't long before we reached the outskirts of the city and ended up by the big wall that surrounded the city. Here there were loose sand and not that many houses, but I could hear from the wind that we were sheltered from a harsh wind outside the city wall.
"We'll need these rocks to keep us warm at night. It would be stupid to summon our backpacks just yet." He said and kicked a solid stone with his foot.
"… We're going to sleep on rocks?" I asked, disbelief filling my voice.
"No, not on rocks, but surrounded by rocks. You see these black rocks absorb the heat from the sun due daytime, and can stay warm all night." He explained and put down the chicken, starting to gather rocks.
I raised an eyebrow and shrugged, turning around to get a better look at where we were. There was barely enough street lamps around the place and those that were, were a bit far away.
"Try to find some dry turf and sticks so we can start a small fire." He commanded.
I glanced over at him, working peacefully with the stones. I sighed over my constant awareness of him and decided to make a clone to make the collecting go faster.
"Go and find some turf and sticks." I said pointing it off in some direction.
"So rude." It muttered at me swirling around with a frown and disappearing to somewhere.
I always found it strange to look at myself in front me. It was no wonder that people kept their distance from me when I was in a bad mood like my clone had been.
"Clones." I stated and started to go searching for turf.
Kakashi's POV.
It worried Kakashi a bit that it took Toshi so long to get some turf. The city was filled with it so getting a larger stack shouldn't be that hard. He lay down between the rock formation he'd made and looked into the dark sky, stars glittering down at him. He couldn't help but smirk when he thought of her drunken episode. He'd never seen her like that before and wasn't sure if he wanted to see it again. She was becoming too attached to him, and maybe also the other way around even though he didn't like to admit it. He turned with a sigh and looked straight ahead. He still couldn't picture her as being the most reliable comrade for a mission. He moved a bit uncomfortably again trying to get rid of all the thoughts that circled around Toshi. Yes, she was attached to him, but only him. She wasn't good at getting to know new people and he was afraid that she would become like Haku. Wanted by no one, dedicating her life only to him… No, Toshi wasn't like that, she was more independent and she also liked the kids. It was inevitable that he would have to start a process of pushing Toshi away at some point. That was also the reason why she couldn't hug him.
He sat up again, unable to concentrate on anything else. Maybe he could read his book in the dark with his sharingan… Nah, he would just read it too fast then. He sat there for some time looking blankly into the distance, relaxing his mind without closing his eyes. He glanced up when he heard footsteps nearing and saw the figure of a woman. He knew it was Toshi, and he watched her subtly, noticing her cat-like walk; stepping carefully and softly. She never plunked her weight into her leg. Actually he'd never thought about how much she resembled a cat, having taken on her lioness nature much more in her human form than he realized. Cats were known for their grace and beauty in movement, the flowing way that their bodies move through space. They moved from the center of their bodies, and the motion and energy flowed out from the center to the extremities. He wondered if she knew that she was exactly like that. Maybe that was why she was so good at those soft, slow, almost thai chi-ish movements when she did that wind-thing. Why hadn't he thought about that before? Learning to use the energy focused in the center of your body, was hard and learning to let that energy flow out to your extremities in a continuous manner, would lead to a smooth, circling, and spiraling type of motion of the body and extremities while practicing. One of the things that made her walk so cat-like to look at, was that much of her gracefulness came from her ability to relax her muscles. She used the minimum muscular tension necessary to move, and relaxed the rest of her body. Because there was no unnecessary tension in the muscles, there was no blockages of kinetic energy, and everything flowed. But she wasn't much calm all the time; while she appeared placid and calm, she was nevertheless able to respond in an instant to her environment…a striking, and seemingly paradoxical combination of serenity and alertness. She was beautiful, yet intimidating especially in her lion form. He caught her eyes now, only the slightest hint of green visible in the night air feeling slightly mesmerized by her.
Toshi's POV.
It wasn't long before I got back from my 'turf hunt' and I was relieved to finally be back where Kakashi was. He'd already set up our sleeping place, and seemed to be in a relaxed mood. His eyes lingered at me as I came closer, as if he was deep in thought. I frowned uncomfortably and held the turf tightly.
"What're you thinking?" I asked and dumped the turf and sticks in front of the u-formed rock formation he'd made before I plumped down beside him. He definitely looked tired now.
"Well… I was thinking—" he stopped and looked at me wary. I didn't know why but something about the look he gave me made me feel… how should I put it? Equal to him. His grey visible eye was penetrating me in all silence.
"Ahem!"
Startled I looked up to see my clone that stood in front of us looking indifferent and bored. It dropped the turf it had collected and raised an eyebrow at Kakashi, who apparently was still looking at me. I looked back at him confused and then back at the clone.
"Umm…" I muttered, just as my clone disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Oh well, better start the fire." Kakashi said seeming to be in a completely different mood.
It wasn't long before I was sitting with a stick with the chicken at the end, roasting it over the fireplace that Kakashi had made, deciding to not think about the look Kakashi had given me. I felt relaxed, sitting beside him in silence listening to the crackling sound of the fire.
"Thanks for finding firewood." Kakashi said, breaking the silence. I looked at him a bit stunned. He was looking into the fire, his eyes lost in deep thought again. My eyes flickered away; he was quite handsome sitting there.
"No problem." I muttered.
We sat for a moment more in silence as a random thought crossed my mind.
"I saw a kid today with a tattoo on his forehead. It said love." I said while kicking a stone into the fire—" I wonder what I feels like." I sighed and watched the orange bright fire in front of me.
"To get a tattoo?" he asked dumbly. I moved uncomfortably in the sand and turned the chicken slightly.
"N-no, I mean… you know, love. Sometimes I think I'm immune to it." I admitted, embarrassment hitting me the second I'd finished the sentence. I felt Kakashi's eyes on me; I wished I hadn't started the conversation. I knew that Kakashi would avoid it anyway.
Why? Why did I say that? I mentally slapped myself over and over, trying with all my strength to hold a good poker face. I didn't have the guts to look at him now.
"I guess you'll find out some time. Love can be defined in many ways" he said.
I glanced over at him seeing him shrugging as he looked back into the fire. I enjoyed looking at his side-profile that way. The orange fire reflecting in his eye. I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me.
"Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure 'I loved that meal' to intense interpersonal attraction 'I love my girlfriend'. This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states."…
I could definitely tell that there was no love in that sentence. Either Kakashi was too intelligent to describe love, or he deliberately gave me an objective point of view to keep his own opinion out. I looked into the fire a bit stunned. It didn't sound very appealing when he put it that way. He sighed deeply.
"If you really want to become a fully fletched ninja, it's probably good that you're immune. It's one of the hardest feelings to conceal." His voice became a bit softer and he seemed lost somewhere again. He was probably thinking about Obito.
"But I thought you weren't like that anymore. I-I mean to show that you care about someone, maybe love them. Isn't that why you're so obsessed with teamwork?... Y-you tend to push people away though so they won't come that close to you." I stuttered. I felt like I was on empty grounds, and concentrated on the chicken in front of me.
He was probably going to react like he usually did; talking about it like it was no big deal. But I was wrong this time. I felt him turn his head, his eyes gazing at me with an enmity I'd only seen a few times in my time with him. Well, maybe it wasn't enmity but it sure felt like it. I stared at the chicken in front of me, pretending to roast it carefully. After a minute of his burning a hole in my neck with his eyes, I decided to change the focus.
"You know, sometimes I'm afraid what I might be like if I ever find out what it is and—" Kakashi cut me off mid sentence.
"Toshi… Don't think so much about it. You might be closer than you think." He said and finally looked away from me.
I looked into the fire, feeling a bit saddened. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should just stop thinking so much about it and just focus on being a ninja. We sat there for some time, both in our own world.
"By the way—" I started.—"I might as well just tell you. I don't know if I can control myself, or Eien. Especially not when I can see both of your eyes." I admitted.
"So you are telling me to be on my guard?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. I sighed and brushed my forehead in frustration. It wasn't as funny to enter some one's mind, as it used to be. Now I actually cared if I hurt somebody with it.
"Yes… Even though I will try my best to control her. I wish I knew how to save me from myself sometimes." I said now resting my head on my knee.
"Well, that's what I'm here for." He said and elbowed me once.
"Yeah and you're not doing a very good job." I teased, smiling to myself.
"I'm not?" he asked in complete seriousness. Sometimes I forgot how little humor he had.
"Jeez, I was joking Kakashi." I said smugly and rolled my eyes at him.
He shrugged lazily and chuckled as he put his hand on my shoulder to get up.
"Well, wake me up when it's ready." He said and took a few steps backwards to lie down between the stones.
.
As time progressed I was starting to feel the cold of the desert. I listened to the dying fire in front of me and Kakashi's steady breath from behind. I lost track of time as I stared into the fire lost in thoughts about life. I watched how the fire got bigger and bigger and… No no no! I yanked the chicken back in a quick move as it had caught on fire.
"Noo!" I hissed and threw it in the sand to stop the fire from ruining it.
I sighed when I saw how black it had gotten, and on top of that was filled with sand. My stomach growled in protest. I hissed irritated and threw the chicken away, hearing it land somewhere in the darkness with a thud. What a waste.
I moved around and walked over to Kakashi who sounded like he was asleep. He hadn't made much room for the both of us and I sat down, trying to push him a bit to the side.
"Kakashi, move." I said and nudged him in the side, finally getting him to move the slightest.
I tried to lie down beside him without getting too close and moved around a bit uncomfortably before I found a good position. I felt the warmth form the stones surrounding us, the same warmth that Kakashi gave off at times. I looked at him sleeping with his face upwards feeling very self aware when laying so close to him. I remembered the time when I'd accidentally tugged myself into his side while I was asleep, recalling the feeling of being so close. Getting stubborn I turned around to lie on my back, trying to avoid his arm that was folded under his head. This city was completely silent except for the brisk sound of wind outside the wall. I looked into the sky, enjoying to familiarity of the shining stars as I adjusted to the warmth coming off the stones and Kakashi. I sighed and glanced over at him; he looked peaceful, more human and less ninja. I closed my eyes feeling how tired my body was and gave into the heavy feeling…
I'll keep working on the next chapter as soon as I'm done with laundry! xD Hope you enjoyed.