Air for life

by thebeagle

A story that follows the ninja girl Toshi who's a rebelious orphan. When Kakashi and team 7 is assigned to capture her, they find out that she's quite a handfull, especially for Kakashi. Will she end up in prison? Full summary inside. KakashixOC

16. Air for life Chapter 16

Wow I basically spent two Whole days on this chapter and it came out quite long.
Thank you all for the reviews, they are much appreciated, and I'm sorry that I'm not the fastes update, but I'm very
critical when it comes to getting all the details mashed up in the story and all the correct facts. A lot of Things happens in this chapter!
If any of you have any ideas or inputs feel free to review or PM me.

FOR INFO

This chapter has Money involed, RYO which is the Naruto currency. I did some reasearch on it to give Toshi the right amount of Money.
If you want to understand how much Money she has here's an explanation:
YEN is the Japanese currency, RYO is the old japanese currency.
There is aprox 10 yen on 1 RYO.
In Japan a meal at a restuarant is about 1.000 YEN which Means that one meal is 100 RYO (12 dollars)

Also I listened to Loreena Mckennith's mystics dreams when Kakashi and Toshi enters Suna in this chapter, if any of you want to have some music to set the mood.

ENJOY :D

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"You have proved to be
A real human being
And a real hero"

The fire danced and sputtered in his eyes. He was entranced and vulnerable. Something had reached his core and it scared him and excited him at the same time. It was Toshi, of course, his thoughts circled about. For the first time, with the exception of Gai, somebody was starting to fill the empty void Rin and Obito had left in him. Of all people it was Toshi Setsuko. How had she done it? He didn't quite know. But she'd saved him and stayed by his side in the blistering cold. It was stupid he thought, to put herself at risk for his sake. The way her eyes had watered at the sight of him awake, the way he could always hear her voice outside the hut, trying to persuade people to let her in.

He shifted uncomfortably. People were fussing too much about him, especially the twin girls who had developed a crush on him. The only one who didn't fuzz about him was Toshi when she was allowed to see him. As the only other ninja in the place, she was the only one who understood how much it took on ones pride to be unnecessarily fuzzed too much about and how vulnerable you could be. Therefore she kept a certain distance when she visited him and didn't linger for too long. He liked that and therefore she was the only one he actually wanted to fuzz about him.

He ruffled his silver hair, an odd feeling manifesting itself in his stomach. He was a high ranked ninja an although forming bonds, even having relationships was normal amongst ANBU ranked ninjas, it was always something to be careful about. He could keep a certain controlled distance to civilian acquaintances or lovers, but bonds between colleagues had to be maintained well. Toshi was becoming one of those and even though the attractive young girl was showing big progress, he was afraid that she would grow too much on him. One part of him liked that thought, another part of him wanted her at a distance. Even how flattered he felt that someone as hateful and strong as her had accepted him into her life. He shouldn't feel flattered. He was Kakashi the copy ninja, son of Konoha's white fang and descendant from a strong and proud bloodline, well respected and even notorious around the land, and he was feeling flattered that an orphan girl with a bad mouth, social problems and a immense amount of strength, cared about him without really saying it. Oh, and he wasn't thinking about the fact that she was also delicately beautiful and athletic, and had a hidden womanly sexual power about her...

Hell, maybe they had been isolated for too long as it was starting to mess with his head. But why did he feel a constant urge to be close to her? He thought back to the days in the village before they had set out on the mission. He remembered the hut where he had watched her sleep, and his reaction to his own actions had startled himself.

But that wasn't the worst thing. He was plagued with dreams about her. Not the Toshi he knew, but child Toshi who ran around making mud pies and he even remembered the weight of them, the mud slick and brown between her fingers. He dreamt about child Toshi with light blonde hair and curious green eyes, running around outside in the warm southern rain through woods, drooping branches heavy with moisture, almost as if he was experiencing long forgotten memories. It was unsettling.

Intelligent as he was, Kakashi was starting to put two and two together and remembered a distant conversation he had once had with her.

"If it's so hard to reach inside the sharingan why do Eien keep trying?" he'd asked her.

"Well, it isn't that hard anymore." she'd said in between a mouthful of ramen."Last time she entered, she left a tiny amount of chakra behind to lead through the block of your sharingan."

"So you're saying that some of her chakra is inside me?" he'd asked, trying to get a grasp of the concept.

"Yeah, I guess. Well it can't harm you if that's what you're scared of." She'd said with a shrug.

No, it wasn't that he was scared of that. But he didn't like it. No one knew how it could interfere with him. Maybe she could feel where he was at all times, he had wondered. But now he was more sure. The interference the blast of the hidden chakra pool had done, had somehow made the small amount of Eien's chakra stronger, or at least their connection, and now he was directly in touch with some of Toshi's memories. He had heard about similar cases before, where the connection of two different chakras, created a kind of link that made it possible to feel emotions of the other person. He wasn't sure of this was the case, or if he was just dreaming random things, but he wasn't sure if he should tell her. She'd seen some of his most precious memories before, and hoped for all in the world she wasn't dreaming about him as well. It would be a breach of privacy, and he liked being private, especially when he was trained to be both suspicious to everyone, but also keeping things private so no one could use it against him. Yet it was always like she found a way to make him tell something about himself.

Toshi's POV.

"Finally, jeez." I muttered and pulled the two leather flaps which functioned as doors aside.

I had started to grow anxious in the village ever since we'd gotten back. Although I'd been treated more then well, the cold and the landscape was starting to make me feel trapped. I'd been scrubbed clean from bottom to top by three old ladies when I had arrived, and my arm and smaller injuries had been treated well, although my shoulder was still wrapped in a supporting fabric to help it recover better. Hayate was being a true gentleman, always treating me warmly and keeping me company without overstepping any boundaries. It was an odd thing to be treated so... normally. I don't think I could ever get used to it. But I had realized one thing: friendship was such a weird thing, and not really that hard. You just pick a person you've met and then you're like 'yep. I like this one' and then you just do stuff together with them. Even though Hayate's interest in me seemed to be more than on the level of friendship, I knew I couldn't return his feelings. I was too caught up in my infatuation with Kakashi to ever imagine myself settle for some one like Hayate who lead a completely different life than I. Sure I liked his family and the cozy welcoming feel to the village, and he was an ideal man for most women, but deep down inside I knew I was too caught up in the ninja world to ever go back and live like him and his family.

I was praying and hoping that Kakashi was well as we were leaving tomorrow. Orange light flickered across the low ceiling of the hut, and I could see the black figure of Kakashi sitting in front of the fireplace in the middle, silently watching the fires. I felt an urge to comfort him, as I often did these days, but maintained a distance when I sat down beside him. He was more vulnerable than I had ever seen him, his expression always thoughtful and distant. Silent as he typically was, he was even more silent than usually.

"How are you?" I asked, trying to sound carefree.

He looked at me after a few seconds, the light of the fire sparkling in his narrowed eyes. I wonder what he's thinking.

"Much better." He admitted, giving me a half-hearted smile. I still had to get used to seeing his mouth, not that I minded... at all.

"I tried to get in and hour before, but the twins wouldn't let me." I said, starting to take off the heavy white cloak I had burrowed from him, as mine was gone in the blast by the icecave.

He chuckled and looked thoughtfully back into the fire. From time to time I wanted to reach out and feel his mood, but kept telling myself that it wasn't nice to intrude. He was so distant, and at the same time so relaxed and warm. Vulnerable. The word kept popping into my mind whenever I saw him like that. I would've liked this state of mind if I knew what was hidden behind it, but he didn't seem to want to share. It struck me as it had done before that he never shared anything with me about his life. And so I was constantly wondering how to make him open up to me. Me the one person that had never bothered to open anyone up. How was I supposed to do that now? It was annoying. I cared too much about him to not think about what was going on in his mind. Who does he share with? I wondered. Was this how he had felt when he first met me?

"I'm having these strange dreams." he said calmly.

It was impossible to read his expression. His lips were relaxed, and his one open eye narrow and full of thought. But, hey, this was progress.

"I know!" I stated a bit too obvious.

His open eye snapped to mine, this time more widened. It was nice to see some life in him for once.

"I mean, I've been having strange dreams too." I admitted.

Actually they weren't that strange, only a bit. I always lashed through the forrest in Konoha clothes, searching for an enemy. I never felt like me when I had those dreams, but it was scenarios I had never experienced before.

"Really?" He seemed to relax again, and leaned back on his elbows.

Even though he was wearing one of his black tank-tops it was impossible to ignore the outline of his muscles underneath. That's a nice fire, I averted my eyes, trying to focus on the fireplace.

"Yeah, they seem different from the ones I usually have. They feel more real." I admitted.

"Hm." Was his only reply and he was closed off once again.

I sighed, it was a constant struggle to figure him out even though I felt like I knew him, but ever since we had gotten back it was like he had changed the slightest.

"How's your shoulder?" He asked, now looking back at me, seeming genuinely worried.

"Good, still a bit sore, and the blue has turned green and yellow. It looks kind of gross." I said and shrugged.

He sat up straight now, seeming to have gone out of his thoughtful trance he had been in for days.

"Can I see?" He asked, and reached out for my shoulder.

I didn't know what it was with him and always looking my injuries over like he didn't trust either me or the doctors to do a good enough job.

"No." I said as if it was obvious and pushed his hand away.

He looked slightly shocked at first, his open eye wide in amusement, but then laughed briefly.

"That's the Toshi I know." He said in between breaths.

It was nice to hear him laugh again, although it wasn't something he did much in general. I ruffled my hair sheepishly and smiled back. He was finally starting to give in a bit. A playful glimmer crossed his features and I let him reach out and grab my arm as he pulled me close to himself. The warmth he gave off made me want to shiver. He didn't just pull me closer, but close. Right up against his side.

"Stop that." I said, trying to shrug my arm away.

Even though I liked being close to him, this came so sudden that it took me off guard. I felt kind of oppressed by his presence. His face was so close to mine, my shoulder the only thing between our heads. I looked at him, well as much as I could turn my head, giving him a confused stare. His scent hit me along with the puffs of his breath. His eye was fixated on me, a warm wondering stare penetrating me. It was a different stare this time. He could be flirting at times, but he only used to do it because it made me uncomfortable. This time there was something genuine about it, he was so dominant when he wanted to be. What's going on in that mind of his? I wondered.

"You're acting so strange lately." I snapped and tried to pushed him down playfully.

"Relax a bit Toshi." He said and chuckled, trying to drag me down with him.

"Don't go all sentimental on me just because you had a near death experience!" I said, trying to get out of his grip.

He laughed out loud, showing a row of straight teeth. It was as if something had snapped inside him, like he had suddenly decided to put everything he had ever built and learned aside to just do what he felt like.

"You were always easy to tease." He said, and grabbed my other wrist.

Where I once would've been mad, I couldn't help but laugh at that statement. After all we had experienced together this was ridiculous to be weird about. He could never pull me down without my consent I knew that, we were both too strong for such child play, but I gave in the slightest when I started laughing. I found myself hovering slightly over him, his hands still around my wrists.

"You did save my life though." He said, suddenly serious again, his one eye resting intensly at mine.

I became flustered immediately at being so close to him. He was being so genuine that I didn't know what to do with myself. Long blonde hair trickled down across his forehead and down beside his chin. I looked at his silver hair all messed up from laying down and then to his inviting lower lip. I found myself confused about the situation, and he could see that in my face. Suddenly our proximity, the darkness of the room and his scent were becoming more and more apparent and I felt a heated urge manifest itself in my stomach. It was simply too much, too strange. I had to stop it.

He grunted suddenly as if he was mad at himself, and pulled me down beside him, folding his arm under my neck like he had done on the ship. The moment was gone, and I knew Kakashi had closed himself a bit more again. I gave into the sensation of his arm around me, and put my hand on his chest as we looked into the fire. There was so many unspoken things between us right now and I sighed at the thought. How could two people as damaged as us ever hope to truly relax? There was too much ninja in both of us.

"You make it sound so heroic. I just did what felt right. It was ugly as hell." I muttered.

It was hard to adjust to the sudden contact we had, it had come so naturally when he had opened up the slightest. I felt his warmth and listened to his steady heartbeat, while contemplating. That thing I'd just felt my body do was disturbing and exciting at the same time. It was embarrassing, yes.

"It's nice that I have you to count on." He answered.

I felt his breath washing over my face like a sweet breeze and his words went straight to my core, sending an army of butterflies flying around my stomach. I had to restrain my breathing, forcing it normal as I knew he could read body language easily.

"Of course, who else is supposed to watch your ass when you get us blown up." I said jokingly.

"Technically it was you who messed up when you lost control of Eien." He said, squeezing my shoulder in a friendly manner.

We hadn't discussed that subject yet as we both knew it was touchy. Honestly the whole experience was one big black-out for me.

"I'm sorry about that. I don't know-"

"You don't have to explain yourself. Judging from your screaming it wasn't anything you could control. I've come to learn that the creature in you is beyond any of us' control." He said while shifting uncomfortably, his open eye narrowing at the fire like he was recalling a disturbing memory.

"So... You met her I take it." I asked, biting my lip in restrain from explain myself.

"I did!" He snorted "I met her in your body. It was like meeting a completely different Toshi."

I laughed at that. Although she worked in mysterious ways at times, I could only imagining the shock of being in the presence of such a strong personality.

"I bet you didn't know what to do with yourself." I said.

"I figured immediately that every word and action had to be carefully calculated." He said, his voice growing hoarse and tired.

Well it was good that he had picked up on that quickly. Mind games was her thing, and she was just as calculating as Kakashi could be.

"Just admit that she was intimidating." I said.

"Well, she was in your body so it was like seeing a more..." Kakashi seemed to search for his words, his chest rising and falling steadily. "A more intimidating version of you."

I raised my head to look fully at him, a questioning frown settling itself over my eyes.

"Wait, you think I'm intimidating?" I asked.

"Well... Yeah. Thinking back on you when we first met, you were just a wreck. Now when you're starting to get your things together, you are also more dangerous. Who knows what's going on in there? No one can control what you're doing as long as you blend in with all the other shinobi of Konoha." He said, his eyes searching over my face like he was looking for a peak inside my mind.

He poked my forehead to make his point come across and I tried to wave his hand away with a pout. My pride took a small hit from that 'a wreck' comment, but besides that I had never considered that my good behavior ultimately gave me more freedom, besides being able to roam around the city and go on missions. What Kakashi was saying was that I could go around plotting and do dirty stuff without being a suspect. What more was:

"So you, Kakashi Hatake of the sharingan, former ANBU shinobi, thinks that I, a messed up little girl, is intimidating. You know, that makes no sense." I said.

"Sometimes I wonder if the image you have of yourself is the same as how other people see you," he muttered.

He looked so cozy and tired that I wanted to stroke his cheek. Instead I just lay down on his arm again, enjoying the feel of his warm body.

"I wonder that about you too." I said.

"Really? Why?" He asked, sounding genuinely startled.

As if it wasn't obvious I wondered about the person I spend time with, I snorted at that question.

"Why? Even though I don't know much about your past, I know you have lost a great deal of loved ones. I can't imagine how you cope with that. What happened to that Rin girl I saw in your memories." I asked carefully.

He was silent for a moment and I was afraid I had asked to much of him. Knowing I had him in a vulnerable state, a hope was still spiring in me.

"I... I can't possibly tell you about that." He sighed deeply.

As I looked up at him, there was a sad note to his expression and it made my heart ache. I didn't know how to ever get him to tell me about it, as he so freely spoke about everything else. Even when finding out about his teammates death, he had spoken so neutrally about it. Yet he couldn't go in details.

"If you really want to know. Can you look yourself? For the memory?" He said, not moving his eye and inch from the fire.

I felt slightly taken aback by that. To think he would freely allow me to roam around his mind was almost absurd. I popped up on my elbow again to look at him, his eyes never meeting mine.

"How hard did you hit your head in that fall?" I asked, knowing that this golden opportunity could slide out of my hands like water.

"If it can satisfy your curiosity I wont mind. But I can't promise you that you wont see me differently after seeing this memory." He said.

His eyes shot to mine, an intense stare penetrating me. I didn't know what was going on in his mind to suddenly open so much up to me as he did, but it caught me off guard.

"Satisfy my curiosity..." I muttered, "isn't it normal to get to know the person you are around so much?" I asked him.

"I guess." He answered simply.

His stare was starting to make me twitchy. He only had that look when he was serious about something. God, why'd he have to look like that?! It was unbearable! Something in his attitude seemed like he had given up and succumbed to the fact I would know every dirty little secret of his life.

"Jeez Kakashi! Are you even sure if you want to-"

He grabbed my wrist, his stare intensifying and his expression going stern.

"Just. Do. It!" He hissed, his voice hoarse and tired.

This was unsettling. Now when he commanded me to do it, I suddenly didn't want to know what was hiding behind that face of his. I snatched my hand away, returning the stare he gave me. Fine, if he wants me to pry so badly! I moved roughly to sit on top of him, killing every doubt in my mind and started to gather my hair in a pony tail so it wouldn't get in the way.

"Fine! I'll have a look." I said briskly.

I enjoyed the startled look on his face and the way he didn't know where to put his hands without putting them on my thighs. His insecurity surfaced for a moment:

"So, um, what do I do?" He asked.

"Just stay still and recall the memory." I said, and leaned over, putting my hands on either side of his head.

"Open your left eye too." I commanded.

He hesitated for a moment but then opened the eye, the startling red color seeming to light up in the dark. I watched how the eye adjusted to me, the three dots spinning around the pupil like magnets and there I was utterly mesmerized. I leaned closer, pulling forth that unexplainable power that linked me to another mind. One of his hands came to rest on my thigh and his warm breath came so closely to my skin, that I suddenly had a hard time focusing. Kakashi who seemed so vulnerable at the moment, looked as if he was struggling to hide how this affected him too.

"Wait!" He breathed seeming locked in his movements.

"What?" I asked irritated, the intense, cramped space suddenly gone.

"I, um... Will it be like the other times?" He asked.

"Not if you let me in willingly. Now stay still!" I snapped at him and refocused.

I felt Eien's power surge through me, reaching out to Kakashi. Dammit, why does he look so inviting? No, focus! I pulled forth that power again. He looks at me like I'm going to hurt him. I felt that deep down in my stomach, the urge to comfort him. Refocus! I took in a deep breath to concentrate, Kakashi starting to look awkward.

"Is it happening now?" He asked, his eyes flickering.

"No, stupid!" I growled irritated.

He shut his mouth and grew colder as if he was getting it together, and so did I, tapping into the old Toshi who had nothing left for anyone. And then I fell into his eyes like deep bottomless ponds. I felt myself leaving my physical heavy body as gravity seemed to switch. The black space of the sharingan opened up and the black sandstorm whirled around me as always. Collecting myself, I shaded my eyes from the sand and looked for the small light of chakra Eien had once left behind.

Briskly as my legs could carry me I walked through the storm and towards the light, reaching it within what seemed like minutes. An echo of a roar rummaged through the empty space full of sand, and beside me Eien manifested like a silent sentinel. Her ice blue eyes were on me, staring intensely. Her big athletic body stood proud and gave me a sense of feline power. She was watching my actions silently I knew. The dark door in front of me stood, waiting to unravel Kakashi's memory. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever he was so afraid to talk about and opened the door...

A white light engulfed me and I plunged my hand involuntary forward, the sound of his chidori the first sense that came clear.

Utter emptiness followed. A hollow feeling, anger, regret. My hand had plunged right through flesh and bone, and I looked up at Rin's face filled with horror and pain. Her eyes were wide, her hair a big brown mess. The blue light of the chidori flared behind her.

"Kakashi..." she whispered hoarsily.

My heart was aching and hers was gone replaced by the chidori. What have I done? I killed her.

The scenery changed and I hunted down one ninja after the other, plunging the chidori through their hearts cold heartedly, every time Rin's face showing up behind the lids of my eyes.

I was pulled so suddenly back in my body that I gasped when the dark hut and Kakashi's eyes came back into view. His eyes were wide and he looked almost petrified. A drop fell on his chin. But it wasn't his tears. It was mine. Kakashi threw me aside violently and pitched forward, leaving me flabbergasted with teary eyes. He stumbled to the entrance and outside and I followed bewildered, the images of Rin still freshly imprinted in my mind. The women around cried out confused as I came stumbling out the tent, and saw Kakashi on his knees in the snow. I froze at the sight of him scrubbing his right arm hysterically in the snow as if it was dirty.

He had killed his own teammate. The person he cared most about. It had hurt him so badly. It had turned him cold. A shiver ran through me as I stared at him. He had killed so many people. Kakashi, the man who had believed in me and who I was in love with, had killed more people than I. Mercilessly he had killed cold-hearted in his time as ANBU, Rin and Obito having left him even more hollow than when his farther died.

But he isn't like that anymore.

I knew it was the way of ninja. I knew deep down he had killed many people. Had I come across him when he was younger I would not be alive today though. I went to his side silently and crouched putting a hand on his shoulder to peep at his frantic face. He jerked at my touch and looked at me, his maniacal scrubbing starting to subside. I didn't want to show him pity although that was what I felt. I felt the corner of my mouth go up the slightest, telling him to stop and that it was alright.

He was damaged somehow and it was no wonder to me that he was always so indifferent and anti social.

"Kakashi." I said softly, meeting his eyes.

I felt waves of fright and despair coming off of him. I knew I couldn't hug him, not in front of others and especially not in this state. It would suck too much of his pride away.

"What's going on?"

Hayate who had an unexplainable good ability to always find me, came from around a hut, his expression startled as he looked at Kakashi and I.

"It's alright, we were just experimenting with some jutsu." I said and waved my arm dismissively at him before putting it around Kakashi's shoulder.

Kakashi who seemed to have been looking at me instead of listening to the actual conversation suddenly came back to reality when his cheeks started to go a red color. I looked around the women who had been going about their daily business, some of them blushing at the sight of Kakashi without a mask on.

"Come on you. Those genjutsu's." I said jokingly and tugged in Kakashi's arm to get him inside.

He stood up looking slightly bewildered, and then looked at his hands as if what he was seeing wasn't real. A baby was wailing somewhere, the wind howling in a grey sky. It was as if life continued once again, as people started walking.

"Let's go inside again." I said, trying to tug Kakashi along although I felt like I was talking to a child.

He looked at me as if confused and then nodded, starting to walk inside.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He said once inside the hut again.

"I'm starting to realize I'm not the only one with issues." I said, scratching my neck uncomfortably.

Kakashi picked up his sweater, deliberately avoiding eye contact with me.

"What you did..." I hesitated as I felt my stomach turn at the thought of Rin. "What you did to her... "

"Was unforgivable. But I had to do it. For the sake of Konoha." Kakashi looked at his hand again as if was a person of itself.

That statement gave me the creeps, like a cold chill running all the way down my spine. Who was the badder person? Me who broke the laws or Kakashi who followed them? It wasn't really a question, just another dilemma life threw at me. If the hokage told Kakashi to kill me, would he do it?

"I'll do anything for my teammates, even break the rules. You must understand that Toshi. I was a different person back then." He looked at me fully now a hint of desperation evident in his eyes.

Something in me stayed skeptical while the other side of me believed him. But I was suspicious of nature, I didn't think I could ever put away that feeling that Konoha constantly had its knife at my throat.

"I know." I said low voiced, hiding my inner doubts.

"Excuse me you two." Hayate peeped through the leather-flap doors of the hut, smiling sheepishly.

"We're having a farewell feast for the two of you before you leave tomorrow." He said.

"Right now? Is it already that late?" I asked feeling slightly thrown off by the late hour.

"Yeah, you haven't noticed it's growing dark?" Hayate gave me one of those reassuring warm smiles.

Every time he did that I always got the feeling that he found me amusing, but wanted to keep me safe from whatever danger was thrown at me.

"We'll be there." Kakashi answered before I realized I had been staring at Hayate.

"Great." Hayate answered and chuckled at me before disappearing.

I felt myself blushing at the warmth that he always exuded and snorted at how dumb I sometimes acted.

"He has really taken a liking to you." Kakashi commented, the previous conversation seeming to be put aside.

"You think so?" I said obliviously although I had picked up on that fact a long time ago.

"Definitely. I know what a man looks likes when he's intrigued." Kakashi flashed me a teasing look.

"Stop that!" I snapped at him, giving him a look that told him to shut up.

"Stop what?" Kakashi was smirking at me, and it wasn't much what he was smirking about but more the smirk itself that took me a bit off guard.

"Just shut up already." I snapped and crossed my arms stubbornly.

He pulled up the black mask above his nose and threw on his cloak as I waited for him by the door. It didn't seem like it touched him one bit that another man could be interested in me.

"Let's get going." I said, still feeling slightly embarrassed by Kakashi's 'intrigued' comment.

"Right... And Toshi. Thank you for not judging me." He put a hand on my arm, bending slightly forward because of the low ceiling.

I was taken a little aback by the sudden gesture and his close proximity.

"I owe you that much." I said, giving him a small smile back before we left out the door.

.

Pewter tankards, clay cups, and iron-banded drinking horns clashed together in the main hut where we sat. Laughter and deep guffaws filled the space with warmth, clearly the mead and wine was starting to put its mark on the mood. I wasn't drinking any alcohol myself, but was stuffing my belly with seal stew and flat bread, having grown sick of salt cod, salt beef and hard cheese. Kakashi was sipping at a cup of mead, but all other around us was drinking heavily as was the custom. Isao, who had been found outside the entrance of the exploded cave, was also drinking heavily, having recovered from a deep wound in his shoulder, which was still healing, but not fatal anymore. His legs, who apparently had been in direct contact with the chakra filled pond, was stronger than ever which he didn't hold back on telling everyone. It wasn't the usual gathering of the close family, but a gathering of different people around the town. Hunters, seamstresses, medics, everyone important to the village no matter their birth. The twins were happily playing flute and drums, men admiring them more than Kakashi. I took it all in, knowing that it would be a long time before I would feel this welcome again.

Kakashi was somewhat silent throughout the night although the twins gave him plenty of attention. I could only guess that he was still under the influence of having his memory of Rin so clearly played in his mind again. He who was always so good at seeming nonchalant and carefree was constantly giving people around him halfhearted smiles and laughs out of politeness. But I was the only one who could see that. Hayate who was also getting drunk became more and more friendly throughout the night. I felt so accepted by him and his family that I kept wondering what would happen if I stayed and if I could fall in love with Hayate the same way I was in love with Kakashi. What I felt for Kakashi had come without thinking about it, so I knew I couldn't force anything with Hayate. My doubts about leaving was constantly shattered whenever I looked at Kakashi and remembered the warm days in Konoha.

Such a bother. Get over yourself already Toshi. You're a ninja, you'll grow bored here and you know it.

As if he had read my thoughts Hayate popped the question I'd been dreading he would ask me:

"Toshi. I'll miss you when you leave." His blue eyes sparkled bright in the dim light of the fireplace. His large hands covered mine and lifted them as he looked at me.

"Stay in the village for a bit longer. We could use your skills here and my father has really taken a liking to you. I know you would be most welcome."

It was the first time ever I was hit with a massive amount of guilt because of another person. I gaped at him although I had been preparing myself for this question of staying. He looked so hopeful.

"I, uh..." It was the only thing that came out of my mouth. He sensed my hesitation, a flicker of disappointment crossing his eyes.

"I know its a lot to ask but..." He seemed to consider his words "I have never met a girl like you before. You're so unique, your hair color, your eyes, your personality. You are so serene and relaxed, yet you are such a powerful, intimidating woman." He stopped again to wait for my reaction, but honestly I was lost for words.

No one had ever told me that before, at least not in a positive way. Could he really mean that? He looked genuine. But what was I supposed to say back? I had never met anyone like him before, but I was in love with someone else, someone I could put the exact same words to as he had put on me.

"Hayate... I'll miss you too." God I can't look at those disappointed eyes.

"But you know that we live completely different lives. I could never settle down here." I took my hands out of his, and sighed.

"Come with me outside. Just for a few minutes." He said and got up from his pillow.

I looked at him feeling unsure about the gesture. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be alone with him after these 'confessions', but decided against it as it was Hayate we were talking about.

We snuck out discreetly, and stood outside the hut, the sudden silence pumping in my ears. Hayate gazed up at the dark sky, stars shining down clearly on us.

"Hayate... In these few days I've been here, you have made me feel more than welcome. I've never experienced such a kind treatment before, and frankly sometimes it even scares me. I have a lot of issues that still needs to be solved, but you should know that your warmth has made an impact on me. Somehow my faith in humanity is slightly restored because of you." I admitted. How come it was so easy to share my thoughts with this man?

"And your warmth has reached me too." He said.

His arms were folded casually on his chest and he moved his head to look at me, giving me one of those warm smiles. He knew exactly how to behave around me, turning his body away from me so I didn't feel trapped. Taking up this conversation in the tent with other people around so I didn't feel cornered. It was a shame I couldn't just fall in love with him instead of Kakashi.

"That's the first time I hear anyone say that." I said jokingly.

"That's a shame." He said, unfolding his arms and turning to me. "This is the first time I've been turned down by a girl. Typical that it had to be one I was serious about." He said and smiled sheepishly.

"Well we can't always get what we want." I said thinking about Kakashi.

Hayate's eyes grew serious and his smile faded. There was an intensity to his blue eyes that would've made me blush if it wasn't this cold outside. He stepped a little closer, his breath coming out in white puffs.

"Toshi, any man would be lucky to have you. You should know that. Any man who turns you down is an idiot." He grabbed my hand passionately.

"Thank you, Hayate." His words didn't reach me. They couldn't be true.

"Can I at least... If it's not too much to ask? Can I kiss you?"

Hayate suddenly seemed to tower over me, his robust frame seeming to take up all space. His eyes was so intense I didn't know what to do with myself. It was the first time someone I actually cared about ever seemed interested in me. I didn't loath him, but I wasn't in love with him either. I grew nervous in a way I had never felt before, thinking every possible escape through in my mind. But looking at him I couldn't stand to turn him down. He gave me a sense of comfort and safety that attracted me, but not anywhere near the way I felt about Kakashi.

"I-I guess." I stuttered not knowing what to do with myself.

He moved closer, closing the distance between us. I just stood there, feeling dumb and clueless. He wrapped his arm around my back and pressed me closer, his warmth coming down on me like a fire in the cold. His eyes just kept staring into mine as I let him do whatever needed to be done to do this. My heart hammered through my chest to a point where I started to feel sick. He leaned his forehead against mine and chuckled lightly.

"You look so lost." He said his breath washing over me.

"I haven't... Um." I gulped, completely lost for words.

He chuckled again and brushed his lips against mine. It tickled and strangely felt kind of good. He pressed his lips harder against mine as his other hand traveled up to brush my hair away, his fingers brushing back to my neck. He released my lips shortly and then pressed them against mine again. This time I tried to move mine against his and found that I had to tilt my head slightly to fit better. My before frozen body was starting to move on its own as the kiss curiously continued for a moment. The feel of his soft lips against mine was pleasant as I started to suck on his lips. Hayate pressed me closer and I gasped when I felt the walls of the main hut against my back. I felt him smirk against my lips but still we continued. I had no idea what the hell was going on with my body, but I think I was starting to be, what people call 'turned on'. His hands starting to glide down my body as the kiss started to grow more passionate. There was still some kind of spark missing, despite how good it felt physically. Hayate pressed against me when I felt his warm wet tongue against my lips.

"Hayate." I pulled away, panting from the kiss.

He leaned his forehead against mine with a low groan, his eyes closed. Well, this had been nothing like when Isao had kissed me.

"Sorry. Guess I got caught up in the moment." He breathed.

Waves of longing rolled off of him, and I had to concentrate on shutting out the feeling.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time." He said and smirked as he pulled away.

"You're torturing yourself." I commented, still trying to recover from the kiss.

"Like you didn't enjoy it." He said cockily and took my hand to pull me away from the wall.

"Well... It felt better than expected a kiss would feel like." I admitted, hoping my cheeks wasn't too heated.

He laughed abruptly even though I wasn't quite sure why.

"You sound nothing like a deadly ninja warrior right now." He said.

"Shut up! It isn't funny." I snapped and rubbed my arms embarrassed.

"You're cold. Let's go inside again." He said and so we did.

I met Kakashi's eyes as soon as I entered the hut although no one was paying us any attention. I fought the urge to wipe my lips, hoping I didn't look too flustered. A feeling of guilt hit me as soon as I saw him, as if I had somehow betrayed him.

Nonsense! I should do whatever I want.

But I still couldn't shake that feeling of guilt off. Had I crossed a personal barrier? Was it the right thing to kiss someone I wasn't in love with? As I sat down in front of all of the food I started to brood on my actions. It had felt good. The mountain of a man, Mamuro gave me a nod and a smile as if he knew what was going on. I shifted uncomfortably and glimpsed up at Hayate who looked pleased with himself with a hint of sadness on top. I sighed deeply and looked over at Kakashi again who sat a few persons away from me, and then to Hayate who sat right beside me, open and unspoiled.

"Toshi dear, try one of my sweet rolls." Hayate's mother propped a plate full of cake looking buns in front of me and smiled sweetly.

"They're really good." Hayate ensured me and took one himself which he took a giant bite of.

"Thank you." I said and took one and studied it, before nipping of it, lost in thought.

The night continued until people started leaving for their homes, and so Kakashi and I followed their example.

"I'm sorry if I ruined your night by bringing back the memory of Rin." I said as soon as we had entered our hut.

"Don't worry about it. It was me who insisted and besides, I live with it every day, so it's nothing I'm not used to." He said and threw his cloak in a corner.

I got the feeling he didn't want to talk about it anymore and decided to drop the subject, against my better will. Sometimes it was as if I could still feel Hayate's lips on mine and wondered how the same kiss would have felt if it was Kakashi. Despite my efforts to push away the thought, it was as if a burning longing erupted on my lips every time. I settled down beside Kakashi, pulling up the blankets I had burrowed as my sleeping bag was lost in the explosion along with my other stuff.

"What did Hayate want to talk to you about?" Kakashi asked suddenly, his hands folded behind his head as he lay in his sleeping bag.

The question caught me a bit off guard. The fact that he showed just a little curiosity towards our disappearance was somehow reassuring. Kakashi had already noticed Hayate's interest in me, he wasn't oblivious to what was going on.

"Um... He asked me to stay. He likes me pretty much." I admitted but deliberately kept out the kissing part. Kakashi scooted more into his sleeping back, and turned to look at me.

"And your answer was?" He asked.

I looked at his figure and that messy hair who was blocking the light of the fireplace, and felt that spark of butterflies. Everything about him was just appealing. Now I understood how Hayate felt about me and how hard it was for him to let go of me. I feared I would have to do that some day with Kakashi.

"No, of course. Although I like the people here." I admitted tiredly.

He nodded thoughtfully:

"Right. Even if you wanted to stay, you couldn't. You're still Konoha property, sorry to say so." He said carefully.

That fact struck a nerve in me. I had almost forgotten the leash Konoha had on me and why I was here in the first place. Having been high on life this evening, this took me right back down in the basement of depression. Kakashi picked up on that immediately.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he'll set you free soon. Even I sometimes forget that you were a prisoner not long ago." He said.

"You think so? Jeez, I forgot how depressing my life actually was back in Konoha." I muttered the last thing and snuggled under the blankets.

Kakashi gave a sigh, his eyes searchingly gazing at me.

"Starting to see your humane side, I wonder how tough this whole change has actually been on you. You are just a girl after all, when it comes down the basics." He said.

"And you're just a boy. I think your life has been tougher than mine." I answered.

I turned to my back when Kakashi's gaze was starting to get too intense and I felt that pull towards him again.

"I'm a man, not a boy." He replied.

I felt myself smile at that and chuckled lightly. There was no arguing when it came down to the subject of a tough life. We both had our share of a life full of hurt and anger. The unsaid truth between us was that we both knew each other's sufferings, and therefore accepted them as they were.

.

The whole village was basically gathered at our parting the next morning. Hayate's mother had packed a bag full of tribe clothes for me, consisting of a leather cloak with a fur hoody, hunters leggins and a few tunics and vests. It was more than enough, but she had insisted on me keeping it, although I felt like a savage barbarian woman in the old garbs. Mamuro gave me his infamous bone crushing hug.

"You have really made an impact on my eldest son." He had said, holding me by my shoulders.

"I know that." I had admitted and looked at my shoes in the snow. For some reason the big man always made me feel like a small feeble child.

"He could make you very happy. But I know why you turned him down." Mamuro's presence was so oppressing, his warm gentle eyes staring right into my soul. He glanced over at Kakashi which made me blush. Had he figured me out?

"I know that my girls will never be able to reach a man as complex as him. But maybe you have a chance." He said and smiled as he padded my pocket with the totem.

"Thank you, Mamuro. For everything." I didn't know what else to say, considering the crowded situation.

He nodded at me and gently pushed me along the line of people I had to say goodbye to. Hayate put on a brave face although the tall man was struggling with keeping up a good facade. I could feel the longing and sadness emitting from him, and felt strangely sad at feeling that.

"You can come and visit Hayate." I had told him.

His eyes had lit up by that, and he had agreed enthusiastically. Isao got a handshake. That man would never grow on me. The twins gave me a hug as well, their innocent warmth always melting away the irritation I held for them.

Sleighs had been arranged for us all the way to the harbor due to Kakashi's still weak state. This time I had to sit in the back, supporting Kakashi to minimize any damage on his body. He still had a broken fingers that was recovering, but nevertheless we made it to the harbor in a 6 hours ride with changing of sleighs three times. Two days slow travel across the sea and through the dessert, led us to the warm exotic city of Suna.

The city was familiar with its sand like tall houses and the dry scent of sand. Luckily due to Kakashi's vulnerable state I convinced him to take me to the night market, which everyone had heard stories about ever since they could walk on two legs.

The streets were buzzing with people when we entered the market district. The half-moon sat overhead in a black felt sky, surrounded by stars. A warren of narrow streets stretched out to all sides and stalls with spices, foreign food and colorful clothes stood cramped up along the small streets.

"This is amazing Kakashi." I breathed, taking every impression in with hunger.

Lanterns and lightbulbs in the size if a nose hang across every stall, creating a mess of light that sometimes was so massive that they blocked out the star filled sky. A child like curiosity filled me as we ventured further into the district. I dragged Kakashi along to every stall, my curious mood seeming to affect him even though he had seen the market a dozen of times. Sometimes you could hear music playing over the noise of people, and it mixed with the exotic scents the different stalls offered.

"Why is it they only open at night?" I asked Kakashi while studying a lion figure carved in wood.

"It's too hot in the day time I suppose." He said, his hands burrowed in his pockets.

I enjoyed watching him being so relaxed around me. He seemed genuinely at peace at the moment, although the close proximity of people was a bother to all ninjas.

Kakashi's POV

He couldn't remember to ever having felt so at ease in the Suna night market. Toshi who fuzzed about to every stall, tasting, feeling and experiencing all the new things. Sometimes he could forget how innocent she was and how little experience she had in the world. But the fact that she looked at everything with new eyes was invigorating. The light in her eyes and her energized movements... Everything showed him how beautiful she actually was. But to the men who would sometimes turn their heads in her direction she looked nothing like a innocent 19 year old girl. Her long swaying hair and her relaxed cat-like movements, the hips swaying and the soft steps: everything was appealing to a man, yet she had no clue.

He found himself to be one of those guys fascinated with her. But mostly because of this other side of her. Suddenly seeing her so happy and full of life, he couldn't stop staring at her and let himself be dragged along into her world. It was wrong of him to let himself being so caught up in her, but for some reason he was starting to have a hard time with fighting the logical side of himself. Just for a few days, I'll relax my mind around her, he had told himself when she had visited him on the last night in village of the land of ice. It was somehow... Satisfying.

"What about some tea of love for the couple, huh?" A man called from a stall.

Toshi almost jumped to his stall, looking at the teas with big curiosity, the couple comment completely ignored. Kakashi followed calmly a thick scent of tea herbs overwhelming his senses.

"What is love tea and how does it work?" Toshi asked the man clad in colorful baggy clothes.

"Ah! I see you are curious then! Love tea is a unique blend of fragrant herbs with fantastic soothing properties! It's a blend of rose, chamomile and lavender, made to warm your heart!" The shop owner exclaimed proudly.

That was quite a speech, Kakashi thought, seeing the fascination growing in Toshi's eyes. He immediately felt bad that he hadn't ever taken her to Konoha's market district, just for a fun trip. He had never really taken her anywhere just for the fun of it.

"Really? That's so cool. Do you have anything for strength and health for Kakashi?" She asked, a goofy smile filling her features.

The mentioning of his name snapped him out of his regrets about her and made him focus.

"No, I don't need anything." He said politely and scratched his hair.

"No worries! I have the perfect tea for you! This one with ginger, peppermint, lemon and blackberry will help you heal." The shop owner said.

"Kakashi! Can I burrow some money, please?" She asked him, her eyes growing big like a puppy's.

He looked away, trying not to be too affected by her even though he was realizing it was soon pointless.

"And how do you plan on paying me back?" He heard himself say, that defense mechanism kicking in once again.

She folded her arms over her chest and pouted sullenly like a child.

"I don't know." She muttered.

"What was that?" He asked to tease her.

"I don't know!" She said a bit louder this time and turned to go the next stall.

He chuckled at her behavior and followed her once again.

Toshi's POV

Steams of cooking food floated into the air and drifted away in the night. Bohemians and backpackers stood around every stall as I, seeking out the exotic new things. Barbecue cooked snails, fresh juices and teas was to find everywhere. I had Kakashi stand for half an hour to listen to a story teller and after that we watched a snake tamer. It was impossible to go anywhere without being sought out by a seller, and so Kakashi and I stayed close. High on life and intoxicated by the magic of the place I felt those strong pulls towards Kakashi, sometimes wondering how he could not feel that pull too. Sometimes we could stand right up against each other due to the many people, and still Kakashi remained untouched as a cool pillar in the warm, always dragging me down to earth again.

"Maybe we should get something to eat. My treat." I felt Kakashi hot breath in my ear, and closed my eyes subtly at the sensation of goose-bumps that erupted throughout my neck.

"Where?" I asked him, and turned slightly to look up at him.

He was so close I could feel his breath coming down on me. He had that strange warm look on his eyes, finally showing that he was affected by the mood and strangeness of the place. It was no wonder. Every sense was strongly manipulated by the smells, sights and sounds. Wonder how it would feel to kiss him.

The thought surprised me so much I had to look away. He was so damned tempting when he looked at me that way. I bit my lip and looked at all the stalls around us, the warmth of his chest coming down on my like a drug.

"We should split up and look for at good place and meet here again in fifteen minutes."

His voice took me back to the matter at hand and I exhaled, realizing I had been holding my breath.

"Right, fifteen minutes." I nodded and started walking as soon as he had agreed. I had to get away from the situation.

It was a slight relief to have some space between us, so I wandered the streets in thought. There was so many amazing places I had never visited before, and it was a true shame. I liked this place right now, just as much as I had enjoyed staying in the rough village in the land of ice. This city was so full of life in a whole other way. If I had grown up here, how would I have turned out?

Stopping in my ponder I noticed a few people disappear through a door in one of the sand-like buildings and followed them to peep inside. A colorful restaurant opened itself to me and the sounds of music and raucous laughter drifted out and floated into the street. People were sitting on colorful cushions with spicey food and hookah's, giving the place a scent of apple tobacco. I stood in the door frame, feeling like I was looking into another world of laughter and happiness. In the middle of the restaurant was a big opening in the ceiling, like a small yard where people danced around a large fire, to the rhythm of the wild drums.

"I see you found a place." Kakashi said, and I whirled around to see him stand behind me.

"This place looks so cozy!" I said, clapping my hands together enthusiastically, almost forgetting who I was.

"Let's go inside then." He said and moved around me, his whole figure turning red in the strange light inside.

I watched him trudge inside calmly and moving his head to take in the view of the colorful ceiling and floor. Then he looked at me and I jerked, realizing I had been staring at him instead of following. Could I really be like this? So happy and carefree? It felt strangely good.

We were seated by a small table on the floor. The settings was completely opposite of the land of ice, so as we waited for our food I just stared at the place and people smoking and eating. The people dancing around the fire, black haired girls with thick hair, moving wildly about the fire, jumping and floating gracefully from side to side, twirling around and moving their hips. I admired them and felt a little jealous at the same time. I could never dance so freely like that. At least I could never imagine myself do that.

"Toshi." Kakashi leaned into my ear once again, and I had to repress the shivers.

He had picked a perfect timing as the drums stopped as an odd shrill violin-like instrument played as the run op for the next song. I turned to look at him, sitting there, relaxed as I had never seen him before on big pillows.

"This is for you." He said.

At first I was a little confused, but then looked down to see him holding a small bag of wool with gold embroideries. My eyebrows furrowed confused, my suspicious mind immediately thinking it was a joke.

"For me?" I asked him hesitantly.

"That's what I just said." He answered and held the bag up further, starting to look uncomfortable himself.

"T-thanks..." I took the bag trying my best not to blush.

To think he had bought something for me. It was quite a big thing in my world since, well, nobody had ever bought me anything before.

"It's no big deal." He said, but wasn't very convincing at that when he looked away and scratched the bag of his head as he often did when he was uncomfortable.

But his eyes showed something else. They weren't nonchalant, but still held that warmth and confidence that had been attracting me so much lately. I opened the bag and stuck my hand inside to fish up a another bag.

"Tea of health." I read out loud and immediately recognized it. "You bought the health tea from the guy we met a few hours ago!" I exclaimed happily.

In my ecstatic state of mind I attacked him in a hug. Since we had already overstepped a few boundaries on this trip I didn't see any wrong in it, as long as we were here and not back in Konoha.

"It's just tea, idiot." He said in a friendly manner and returned the hug with one arm.

I pulled away and looked at the bag. I couldn't deny that after visiting this place a strange fascinating for herbs and their properties was starting to grow in me, and the fact that I could get some of it home with me, made me jump for joy.

"Maybe, but no one has ever bought anything for me before." I said and took a sniff at the bag.

Kakashi's eyes widened the slightest at what I said and then that look full of thought was back on him.

"About time then wasn't it? You deserve it." He said like he was telling me something humiliating.

I don't deserve anything, was my first thought but then again, Hayate had also said some kind words to me. Was people starting to acknowledge me or was it me who had changed so much? I didn't want to ruin the good mood by telling Kakashi I didn't deserve his gift.

"Thank you." I said half heartdely and looked at the people around us and the women dancing.

Poets were drumming again and smoke swirled up and died, the lamps lighting up peoples faces dimly. A woman sang beautifully, her voice creating an air of mystery.

The stories are woven
And fortunes are told
The truth is measured by the weight of your gold
The magic lies scattered
On rugs on the ground
Faith is conjured in the night market's sound

Kakashi and I had our share of exotic foods as there was no limit to how much we ordered. It was the first time I had seen Kakashi just order whatever he wanted with no limit. We enjoyed each other's company while watching the dancers and singers, and spoke a few words now and then. It wasn't until a tall woman came to our table I realized she wanted to have me dance with her. At first I was just dumb-founded, still stuffing my mouth with food, but realized as she held out her hand, that she wanted me to join the dance around the fireplace. Suddenly much self aware, my mind came up with countless reasons not to go. One being that I was wearing primitive clothed from the village and the other was I had no idea how to dance. I had thought maybe she wanted to ask Kakashi out, so I looked at him at first, before he mentioned for me to go with her, a teasing glimpse evident on both his and her eyes.

Yet, I stupidly took her hand and let her guide me to the fire. I took everything about her in and wondered why she wanted to dance with a girl. She was tall and had dark thick curls all the way down to her lower back. Her breast was large as well as her behind, but her waist was tiny in comparison. She was wearing a short loose skirt with bells that danced around her bottom whenever she took a step, and you could see some of her flat glistening stomach.

"Show him you can dance!" She said to me, and dragged me into the circle of dancing people.

"What?" I asked still taken aback by the situation.

"Show him your freedom. Show him your spirit." She said and took both my hands, jumping and moving in a rhythm to the drums.

"Show who?" I asked, still feeling completely empty headed.

Honestly I had no clue about what to do, and felt stupid just standing there with an unruly girl I didn't know, in my hands.

"Show the guy you're here with." She said and smiled, and spun around under my hands.

"No.. No, you don't.." A bit my lip. It was impossible to talk to this girl.

She just kept smiling at me, her hair flying wildly around her head to the merry music. Her hands clapped along with the music as most of the dancers did. Everyone was humming along the songs merily.

"Move your feet like this." She said and started to jump from one foot to the other a bit slower.

I looked at her as if she as kidding me, but she gave no such hint. With a sigh I started to follow her directions thinking Kakashi probably was laughing his ass off at that moment. Slowly but gradually I started to get a hang of the steps she took. As the moments went by I grew more comfortable and, who would guess, I started smiling.

"Yes good!" She complimented and picked up her pace, singing along with the song.

If a man lose everything he owns
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes

It felt good somehow, to just move around to the rythm like everyone else did, like a unison of rhythms we all followed:

And that's why we share all we have with you
Though there's little to be found
When all you've got is nothing
There's a lot to go around

No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance
And though you never know all the steps
You must learn to join the dance
You must learn to join the dance

.

"Every man is looking at you. Because they can see that you are free." She yelled to me, in the mist of the dance.

It wasn't true though, but the meaning was appreciated. It struck me deeply at that moment that I was enjoying myself, that I did feel free and I suddenly understood the meaning of being free in the heart, no matter who tied you. Konoha could hold me prisoner, but they could never take away my spirit or my freedom at heart.

I thanked the girl many times after our dance, and returned to Kakashi with a new found strength, and also with a slight feel of embarrassment.

"I thought you were going to quit as soon as she started teaching you." Kakashi said.

"It was actually quite fun. You should try it." I said and sat down beside him.

"I tried once a long time ago. I'm more a slow dancer if anything." He said and chuckled at me. "But you looked..." He choose his words carefully "You looked good up there. Once you got the hang of it." He said.

This time there was no fighting the blush. The thought of Kakashi looking at me dancing around the way I saw those other women, was simply embarrassing. I couldn't possibly look good the way those other women did.

We made our way to the outskirts of the city and hour later, the night heat of the market starting to fade, leaving a feel of quiet tranquility. Kakashi put his arm around my shoulder in a friendly manner, startling me the slightest.

"It's been a long time since I've enjoyed myself so much. Thank you Toshi." He said and squeezed me into his side.

"I don't think I've had such a good time!" I said enthusiastically, once again fighting that attraction I felt towards him.

We were so relaxed, so open with each other that I wished I could be in this moment forever. Friends, I thought and was in no doubt. We were friends now. Not just mentor and pupil, but friends who could have a good time, and count on each other and regard each other's sufferings.

The night was strangely peaceful now. The half-moon still stood high in the sky. Off in the distance a dog was howling. A horse whickered nervously. There was no other sounds. I was glad to be here, glad to be alive.

.

A deep rumbling echoed through the sky from far away. Warm rain was pouring down on them on a windless day, the last few minutes before they were in Konoha. The broad path opened up to the large gates. Their shoes, splish splush, as they walked with all their heavy stuff hanging on their backs. The journey had been hard indeed but nothing, compared to other missions. Kakashi tilted his head towards the sky, enjoying the soft rain after having spent the day in the dessert and in Suna. Toshi stopped and did the same, and he marveled for a second at her relaxed expression and her drooping hair. There was a spicy moist sent to the landscape and he took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the fresh scent. He could hear birds starting to sing, the murmur of crickets, leaves rustling in a gentle wind.

Their mission was at an end and so, he knew, were the closeness between. Despite how sinfully good it felt to be around her, he had to let her go to let her start a life independent from him. He'd never imagined himself to be so close to another girl again, despite their difference in age. A beautiful girl like Toshi would quickly find a younger guy to get attached to, so he told himself, even though the thought irritated him to no end.

Here they stood at the end of where it all began, ironic as it may be. Toshi who seemed to have been watching him smiled gently when he met her eyes in silence. She looked startled as her eyes averted to something behind him, and she grabbed her throat instinctively. He turned to look at a tree that had once lost the bark on one side, but was now prospering again. He realized then that it was the tree who had caused the massive wound to her back a long time ago. He had held her up by her throat, listening to the hitching of her breath and watching her scared eyes as it dawned on her that she may die at that time. He looked back at her again, seeing that she had recalled that memory, and felt a hollow shiver go through him. She averted her hands away when she realized her reflex and scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"I never apologized for that time." He said in all honesty and pointed to the tree. A slight guild consumed him along with some anger for ever having treated her like that.

She looked vulnerable for a second, but then changed to a more neutral facade which hid her actual emotions.

"It's alright. I deserved it." She said, seeming to shrug the memory off.

"No it's not alright. Those scars on your back will always be there, only because I felt powerless and didn't know what else to do." He said, suddenly not knowing where all this came from.

He didn't like that side of himself. The former ANBU black ops captain who had been cold and ruthless in battle after the death of so many of his loved ones. It was a side he was trying to get rid of after retiring, but it came so easily to him that he sometimes wondered if it was enough to retire to teachings to find the human side of himself again.

"Well, it was the right thing, or I would've never come with you. I'm glad for everything that has happened to me, even the tough parts." She said, this time flashing him a more sincere smile.

He liked those smiles and would come to miss them when she would get mad at him for distancing himself from her. It would come, he knew, but it was necessary. He narrowed his eyes, not knowing what to say. Nothing she said could ever take away the feeling of guilt he felt. It was one of the reasons why formin

lose relationships was a no go. As if he didn't carry enough guilt from killing Rin and leaving Obito behind. Right, he would have to visit the memorial stone when he had the time.

"Are you alright?" He looked up at Toshi, not realizing he had been staring ahead at the gates.

"I'm fine." He forced a smile "I was just recalling an old memory."

Her eyes pierced him suspiciously without faltering as if she saw right through the smile and directly into his memories. He moved forward uncomfortably, shrugging off the chills she gave him. She knows me too well.

Toshi's POV

Pushing the subject further wouldn't benefit anyone. Even though he usually was very stoic and in control, I could only imagine how he could go on a merciless rampage when provoked enough, and I think that was what had happened that day. Kakashi had been awfully silent ever since we found the main road to Konoha, and even though I enjoyed the silence between us at times, this silence was somehow unsettling. It was embarrassing to be caught in the memory of one of our first encounters, and I had taken my hands away as soon as I saw the sickening look on his face.

But I was glad to finally be back home again, and hadn't enjoyed rain as much as I did this day. I was glad to be alive, glad to be here, glad to have a home.

Through the predawn gloom the city walls shimmered palely. On their tops, wisps of fog moved like ghostly sentinels. The green doors stood wide open welcoming us in the misty rain.

"It's so nice to be home! Can't believe we were gone for two weeks." I said cheerfully, unable to hold back my excitement.

"Agreed. A nice warm bed is appreciated." He said as the gates towered above us.

"Heey!"

A voice called from the office shelter of the entrance, clouded in the morning mists.

"Hey there." Kakashi called back and we both walked to two figures sitting under the roof.

I recognized Genma, looking tired from the morning shift, but didn't know the other guy sitting beside him as I had only seen him around on a few occasions and remembered his face and the scar that marked his cheek and nose.

"Kakashi, Toshi. Welcome back!" Genma smiled that crooked smile, a straw sticking out of his mouth.

"Thank you Genma." Kakashi said and then nodded to the man beside him "Raidou."

Raidou who had been watching me, muttered a 'hey' and yawned tiredly.

"You two have been gone for a while haven't you?" Genma asked while stirring his cup of coffee in his hand.

"Yeah." Kakashi sounded relieved and satisfied, ready to jump right to bed, but I wondered if that was really his true state of mind, "Two weeks, all the way to the land of ice. It was quite a trip. Toshi hurt her shoulder. It's all green and blue. Looks kind of funny."

He was back at being the casual relaxed Kakashi I'd gotten to know in my time in Konoha and even though I liked that side of him, it also made me all the more suspicious to his actual state of mind. If there was one thing on this trip I had learned it was that he was good at hiding his true nature.

"It's true. We had quite a rough time." and I saved your sorry ass Kakashi. I flashed a tired smile at Genma.

I knew which buttons to push on Kakashi, and right now I didn't want to hurt his pride more than I had on this trip. His image in the village was a lot more different from the Kakashi I'd gotten to know.

Genma looked slightly uncomfortable at my smile and if I wasn't mistaking he suddenly looked much more morning fresh than before.

"Care to show us?" Raidou asked a massive grin plastered on his face.

Genma gave him a dope-slap across the neck, muttering something about manners. Kakashi chuckled awkwardly while scratching his neck and I myself stood slightly dumb-founded and looked at the three. It was just an ugly yellow shoulder, what was the fuzz about?

"Well, see you guys around." Kakashi said and turned to leave.

"Maybe you two will join us for a cup of sake tomorrow? Right, Toshi?" Genma called after we had gone a few feet.

I tensed at the inquiry. I had happily forgotten my incident with sake before we left for this mission, and Genma had been there, now to remind me of that.

"Goodnight Genma." Kakashi waved at them without turning around.

I looked over my shoulder at the two under the shelter, wondering if I should say anything. After having spent so much time with Mamuro's family and friends, I had suddenly discovered a new and more sociable side of myself.

It was odd being back in Konoha. We were walking down the empty streets, both silently enjoying the safety of the city walls. The sky turned a cobalt blue from horizon to zenith, and behind the line of low hills to the east a glow could be seen, pale gold and oyster pink. The city was silent and every brick became red and yellow and blue and orange.

"Nothing has changed." I pondered out loud, enjoying the peaceful view of small houses and sand streets.

"Mm. Nothing can beat the feeling of being back home after a rough mission." Kakashi said and sighed deeply "So full of memories." He added in a mutter.

It was true though. Although I hadn't lived in Konoha for long, the place was still full of memories, good as well as bad. At my low point in the ice cave I could only remember the good things about Konoha, every little detail I secretly enjoyed but took for granted.

We arrived soon at Kakashi's apartment, the old square of a grey building standing untouched. Inside, his apartment remained as always and the scent of his place took me back to warm days of training. Dust particles flew lazily in the morning glow, nothing changed in the two weeks we had been gone. I threw my backpack on the floor and unplugged the heavy scroll we had found on our way to the land of ice.

"I really need someplace safe for this." I muttered as Kakashi went to open a the window.

"You need to learn how to make your own scrolls so you can always summon it if needed." Kakashi said, leaning lazily out the window, peeping at the street bellow.

"Right." I nodded and put my hands on my hips after having placed the scroll against the wall.

"We need to be at the hokages office at nine so you have about two hours to take a nap if that is what you want." Kakashi said.

A light breeze brushed through the window, making his hair blow like waves. It brought in all the scents of Konoha and I closed my eyes to inhale. Sand, trees, people, dew, flowers and Kakashi's pine like scent. God it was good to be back.

"What about you?" I asked casually and started to dig through some of my clean underwear stuffed inside the unused shelves by his door.

"I'm going to fill in the report and hopefully I can catch up on some sleep after that." He yawned and moved away from the window, scratching his head tiredly.

"Right. I'm going to take a much deserved shower!" I answered.

Even though he seemed lazy and indifferent most of the time, he was truly a work-aholic. There! I pulled out the desired underwear, and then started to look for a shampoo. My spare clothes burrowed from the village and my dirty underwear was randomly stuffed into Kakashi's bag so I pulled most of it out

"Jeez this is a mess." I muttered to myself, sitting in squad to dig out everything from the only surviving bag from our trip. When I looked up, Kakashi was looking at me.

"What?" I asked, caught in the moment of digging out a pair of trousers which I could now see in the depths of the bag.

"You really feel at home here, don't you?" He said, sitting by his desk a warm and somewhat sad look filling his eye.

"Finally!" I pulled out the the trousers and got up "Yeah, I mean this is more of a home than any other place I've lingered by for a longer period of time."

A halfhearted smile reached his eyes and he nodded at me. I stared at him suspiciously. What was that about? I grabbed a clean towel as he went back to his report and went to the bathroom to take a shower, leaving the apartment with a strange feeling.

The hot water dampened the air as I turned on the shower, and the silence of the bathroom made me suddenly realize how exhausted I was. This trip had really changed me. Goosebumps trickled all over my body as the warm sensation of water washed over me, washing away the mission like it was years ago. I washed my hair in shampoo, wondering when it had gotten so long. After, I leaned against the wall and let the water spray me and allowed myself to space out, disregarding my worries about the future and allowing the memories of the mission to sink in.

Rin...

I looked at my right hand, seeing her scared face on the back of my eyelids, when Kakashi had killed her. It was a horrible memory. I wondered why he wasn't suffering more from any kind of post traumatic stress.

He's hiding it all...

Everything about his personality made more sense now that I knew him better.

Knock knock. I jerked when someone knocked at the door and almost tripped when I looked up. There was nothing worse than getting surprised when vulnerable and naked!

"Who's in there!? We are other in this building who needs to use the shower!" an old and raspy voice called.

I'd almost forgotten the old angry lady down the hallway, who always seemed to claim the shower whenever someone else was using it for too long.

"I'll be out soon enough gramps!" I growled, and old irritation starting to surface in me.

"Good!" She shouted and I flinched when she knocked hard at the door one time.

"Jeez, that old lady" I muttered and reassumed my position against the wall in the shower.

This time I couldn't make room for the mission. I couldn't figure out what to do about my feelings for Kakashi. How did I get rid of them? How did people make other people like them in that way? Did I even stand a chance or was this a lost course?

Knock knock. I jerked again, knocking the shampoo bottle down to the floor. Couldn't I be alone for a few minutes? Was that too much to ask?! A fierce irritation spread throughout my body as I shouted:

"Still occupied gramps!"

Knock knock. I grit my teeth as the knocking continued and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel violently, tying it neatly above my breast and stomped to the door, flinging it open with all my temper.

"I swear if you-" I almost bit my tongue when I saw Kakashi standing in front of me.

I think I went red all the way from toe to head in embarrassment as he stood there looking at me dumb-founded. I skidded backwards when he took a step forward and into the bathroom, his eyes fixated stubbornly on me.

"Toshi." Kakashi held out his hand like he was going to explain something but seemed to hesitate.

I held the towel close to make sure it wouldn't fall down, praying with everything in me that Kakashi would leave. I felt so vulnerable, standing trapped in the bathroom with him, that I was completely lost for words of the intrusion.

"I... um." His eyes fell down my body and suddenly he tensed.

I must've looked very uncomfortable cause he cleared his throat, a slight pink starting to paint his cheeks and he backed away. What was is up with him?

"I was just worried. You've been in here for quite some time now." he said, putting on his casual facade again.

"Jeez, you scared me!" I breathed.

"Sorry." He scratched his hair still fixated intensely at me.

Well, this was awkward... An unbearable silence fell between us, the shower still running in the background. There was an edge to his stare which left a strange impression on me.

"Sooo..." I held my hand out, mentioning for him to get all the way out of the bathroom.

"Right. I'm going back." He said and glanced around the shower forlornly.

"Thank you!" I said giving him an annoyed smile, raising my eyebrows at his odd behavior.

He turned around awkwardly, stuffing his hands into his pockets before leaving silently. As soon as the door was closed and locked I breathed out heavily and leaned against the door. What the heck was that!? I wondered if he asked himself that question right now.

The mirror in front of me showed a bewildered girl with damp tangled hair and red cheeks. I took a hand to my cheeks feeling the heat of them. How could he make me fall speechless like that? When I saw myself I looked like someone who had just been kissed by the love of her life for her first time. Embarrassing... Just embarrassing. Apparently being in love with someone meant that you became a weak speechless wreck of a girl. I didn't know if my pride could take such intensity from him again.

I brushed my hair through and dried it with the towel and put on the clean underwear along with the standard marine blue sweatshirt- and trousers. It was some of the only clothes I owned besides a few tank-tops and my old clothes.

A red and white bear mask looked up at me as I entered the apartment. An ANBU black ops sat in squad in Kakashi's windowsill a scroll of paper in his hands.

"I trust you will deliver this to The Lord hokage." Kakashi said.

The ANBUs always gave me a strange impression. They were so anonymous and carried so many secrets that I suppose that was what made me uncertain around them. I knew that Kakashi had been ANBU captain, and had been in the service probably since he was kid. I felt the eyes of the masked man rest on me for a moment before nodding and disappearing.

"Was that the report?" I asked.

"Yeah. All done." He answered.

I nodded and hung op the wet towel, not able to rid myself of that awkward feeling from before. My futon was still on the floor, the sheets ruffled as if I'd gotten up this morning. Deciding that it would be a waste to go to sleep for one hour, I started sorting the clothes I'd borrowed from the tribe twins.

Dumb-founded I at looked at Kakashi when my stomach growled loudly. He was making his way to the shower and was almost out of the door, and we both agreed to go out for breakfast before going to the hokages office.

.

"Maaan I've missed the food here." I stated, slumping in to a chair as we waited outside the hokages office.

"Agreed." Kakashi answered, leaning against a wall.

We had been waiting for about ten minutes and with bellies full of food, we were both starting to feel the sleep depravation. Kakashi yawned lazily and it rubbed off on me.

"You two." I looked lazily to the left and saw The Lord hokage with a cup of tea in his hand, looking morning tired. He was making his way down the hallways, and opened the door to his office and nodded for us to follow.

"I read your rapport Kakashi, seems that this gathering of chakra was buried away in the explosion. I'm sorry you didn't get to collect more information." The old hokage said after he had sat down by his desk.

"As explained the whole place collapsed." Kakashi answered.

I stood silently by as I always did, trying my best to keep my tongue in place. I could still not help to feel a slight recent towards he hokage. The man was strict and didn't tolerate any mistakes from my side. But at least he listened to Kakashi. They went way back I could tell.

"Yes yes." the hokage muttered and took a sip from his tea. "And Toshi?"

He startled me by mentioning my name as his eyes met mine. I felt my eyes widen a bit and bit my lip nervously. What could he want to say?

"I can understand that you saved Kakashi's life in the explosion, and-" the hokage looked at down at the papers and started to read out loud "You portrayed exceptional teamwork and ninjutsu skill." He looked up again "And also you seem to have matured a lot and was very liked among the natives."

I looked over at Kakashi completely taken aback by the kind words he had written in the report. He glanced at me a smile evident in the curve by his eye.

"Um... Thank you. Lord hokage." I stuttered and bowed slightly, remembering the manners I'd been taught.

"No, thank you. It seems I was right about you." He said and nodded in approval.

I struck me that in the very end, it was the hokage who had allowed me to train with Kakashi and who had allowed this for me to happen. It wasn't Kakashi who had any faith in me from the beginning, but the hokage, who had assigned Kakashi to take care of me.

"As a reward for your hard work you can now purchase or rent home here in the city." the hokage started searching some papers through. "Here's your official papers of citizenship, the code to your bank-account and your confirmation of active duty as a ninja." He pushed the papers forth on his desk, and I went hesitantly to pick them up.

This means I'm not going to live with Kakashi anymore. I have to move out... The thought made me sad and excited at the same time. Even when I looked at Kakashi he looked slightly startled at the generosity of the hokage.

"Kakashi you're relieved from watching her anymore." the hokage said.

I stared at the papers in disbelief. Now Kakashi had no reason to be around me except for the friendship we had build up. Would it last, I wondered in fear. I couldn't see how it could not.

"I have another mission for you Kakashi and I want you to leave tonight. It's urgent." The hokage said.

I looked up at the sudden change of subject and stepped back as the hokage handed Kakashi a scroll.

"Right." Kakashi nodded without any complaints.

"But Kakashi your fingers are still broken." I said, taken aback by the sudden mission.

He sent me a look that told me to hold my tongue. I had happily forgotten that the Kakashi I had experienced on the mission wasn't the same when he was in Konoha. Here he was the former ANBU captain and leader of team seven, nonchalant, relaxed at times and sometimes lacking of any emotions. Here he had an authority which he had put on the shelves when we had been on this mission.

"That wont be a problem. I'll have them looked at before I leave." He reassured the hokage more than me.

"Good. You can both leave now." the hokage said, immediately starting to dig through the piles of paperwork stacked on his desk.

"Congratulations Toshi." He said and put a hand on my shoulder in a friendly manner as soon as the door the hokages office was closed.

"Thank you." I said half heartedly and looked at the papers.

"This is quite overwhelming." I added, feeling a surge of mixed emotions run through me.

"It's good news indeed! Now you can build everything from the start and up. You don't have to sleep on the floor anymore." He said.

He looked genuine, but I didn't feel as happy as he looked like. Maybe he really was glad that I was moving out so he could have his private life back again.

"You're right about that." I said, cocking an eyebrow.

"You should visit your bank soon to check up on how much money you have earned." He said "I'll go the hospital to get my fingers healed." he added.

"Right." I tried to sound enthusiastic but wasn't sure I was very convincing.

.

"Bank of the hidden leaf." I read out loud as I looked at my parchment of paper.

I had never been to a bank before, let alone had any account, so I was pretty clueless about what to do. I walked inside hesitantly and looked around the line of people that were waiting to be helped. I followed their example and waited in line for about ten minutes before a squinty eyed man with glasses looked at me, waiting for instructions.

"Um..." I moved forward in the line and went to the hole in the wall, not really knowing what to do.

"Can I help you?" He asked, his tiny eyes not wavering in any way.

"I just wanted to know how much money as saved in my account." I said holding up the piece of paper to look it through.

"Name?" He asked.

"Toshi Setsuko." I answered

"Password?" He asked.

"Uh.. 8j5j63rf94." I read out loud.

"This is your first time visiting the bank." He stated and handed me yet another piece of paper.

"Please sign this piece of paper and choose a personal password."

Wow, this guy is a like a robot, I thought and looked the paper through.

Password: Eiennohonou1

Confirm password: Eiennohonou1

Signature: Toshi Setsuko

"Here." I pushed the paper back, thinking that my signature looked like a six year old boy's handwriting

The thin man looked my paper through with a cocked eyebrow and nodded affirmatively, and printed something out on a small peace of paper.

"Here's your current balance."

I almost hitched when I saw the number on the small piece of paper. 38332,5 ryo it said. Adding that this was my money after taxes I felt completely speechless. With this I could effort to pay the deposit of a rented apartment and even redecorate the whole place. Not only that but I could buy so much food and herbs. Had the hokage been giving me money for my time spent here, or was it just the long missions I had been on? Or was this just to insure my loyalty?

"Excuse me miss, do you want to draw any money out of the bank?" The man cleared his throat annoyed as I had been staring at the number.

"Oh... sorry. Yes, I would like to draw 1000 ryo thanks." I said and stuffed the parchment down in my pocket.

"One minute." He muttered and disappeared muttering some incoherent words.

.

I stood in the streets, having realized I didn't have a wallet. I had to stuff my pockets with money instead and the sudden freedom was still overwhelming me a bit. Kakashi wasn't there to follow around, I could go wherever I wanted. All this money was burning in my pockets so I decided to head for the market district to look at the possibilities.

Definitely going to buy a wallet, I thought. But going to the marked district with all this money was a mistake. It wasn't the same as in Suna, but still the temptations was all around. Sweets, herbs, food, decorative objects, everything was there ready to be bought with my money. I was so lucky as to run into Naruto, who at first wasn't very comfortable with meeting me. Whether he was up to some prank I didn't know, but he ended up following me around showing me his favorite stalls. I bought a small bag of a wallet in a soft fabric that was blue and light blue.

"Toshi, where's Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked all of a sudden.

"I think he's at the hospital. He broke a few fingers on our mission." I said casually, trying to hide the fact that I felt weird about being away from him.

"Isn't he supposed to watch you?" Naruto asked, his eyes appearing as small lines as he looked dumb-founded at me.

"I've been doing so well that I don't need anyone to look after me anymore." I said confidently and flashed the blonde kid a smile.

"Really?! Awesome!" The kid shouted and smiled brightly up at me.

"Really!" I said and high-fived him, hoping I seemed convincing.

"Hey what about some ramen? My treat!" I said, feeling Naruto's enthusiasm for my position was rubbing off on me.

The little guy had a way making life seem to simple. Just treating him ramen put me high in his opinion. Maybe it wasn't that bad that I had to move out. I could show Kakashi that I could be independent too and create my own home and make new friends. I already had a friend in Naruto, or so I felt like. But Kakashi and I were friends too, there was no way we could fall apart.

So at least I thought.

Kakashi returned from the hospital at eight o'clock when I was already home, reading a tiny book Naruto had convinced me to buy. It was a child's story about a ninja hero, but quite okay nonetheless.

I sensed something was up immediately and put the book aside as the silver haired man walked into the apartment. It was a strange sensation he gave off, like something was pressing on his mind but he didn't want to show it. His casual demeanor was up as he trudged inside and threw his shoes off. As it had in the past few weeks been so normal for us to be in the same room, I suddenly didn't feel welcome anymore.

"That was a long visit. Did you catch any sleep?" I had to say something to break the ice.

"Yeah I did and my fingers are ok now." He said and pulled out his backpack from under the bed.

"Oh, good." I answered strangely.

"So did you check your bank account?" He asked casually and started finding clothes for his next mission.

"Yeah I did! Seriously, my amount of money is almost too much. I can't imagine how many money you must have. I met Naruto too, he showed me around the market district, it was really great!" I said, wanting to tell him every detail of all the impressions.

"That's good to hear..." He glanced back at me, this time his eyes holding a kind of cold sadness to them.

"So..." He said, seeming to search for his words, he stopped and folded a shirt in his hands and turned to me, his eyes having grown emotionless.

A slight panic took hold of me at seeing him like that. What could possibly be on his mind?

"Can I expect you to be out when I return home?" He asked, his voice carefully neutral.

It was like being slapped with a cold hand. I looked at him slightly taken aback by the sudden change in mood, and his sudden so cold way of saying it. I thought we were over hiding such small emotions as showing just a little bit of sadness about moving out, when we had been so open with each other on the last mission. A swirl of emotions whirled up in me, and the old Toshi came back to the rescue and suppressed them all into a cold emotionless facade, as his. Kakashi's eyes squinted briefly when he saw the change in me.

"How long is the mission?" I asked calmly.

"Approximately three days." He answered just the same.

It was like a thick wall was suddenly placed between us, and his indifference towards our parting hurt me so deeply that I had to keep up the facade in order to survive it. Three days wasn't much to find a new apartment in, he knew that. I wanted to argue, wanted to scold him for being so cold, but I clenched my jaw instead. It wasn't like him to be so cold, especially not to his friends. He had always had at least a pleasant tone to his nonchalant behavior, but this was just down right cold.

"I'll be out by then." I answered coldly.

"Good." He nodded and continued packing again.

The tension between us had grown thick and awkward. I pretended to continue reading my book, but couldn't in any way focus on it. Why did Kakashi have to make that conversation so uncomfortable? His approach was completely off. I wondered if it was because he had a hard time with parting too and couldn't express it in other ways. Before I knew of it I had been brooding for so long that Kakashi was ready to leave.

"Right. I'm off. Take good care of yourself Toshi." He said, seeming to force a smile to his eyes.

"You too." I answered silently.

He crouched in the window sill and glanced back at me before he disappeared into the dark night. I sat for a moment in complete silence, the wind sighing in through the window, feeling the loneliness sinking in on me. It made me furious. I wanted to smash something badly. I wanted to scream at him, scold him, beat him. Maybe the old Toshi would've done that, but I couldn't get myself to run on a rampage. I rushed up from his bed, and fiercely pulled out a another backpack and started packing every single belonging of mine together. I wasn't going to stay a minute more in this apartment if he wanted me out that badly. Maybe I was baldy bruised, but I wasn't broken. I would find another place to live, I would rise. I didn't need him to be happy, I knew that now.

At ten I walked into the night streets of Konoha, after having packed the few things I owned. My burning temper had settled into a hollow pit after having calmed down, and now I just needed to find a place to live. I knew I would have to wait until morning before going hunting, but at least I was out of that horrible apartment now.

I found a tree with a thick branch I settled onto it for the night. Sleeping outside was no biggie as I had done that my whole life. I looked up at the moon and the stars. It reminded me of the days back in my old town Nanae. That hollow pit I had learned to live with and couldn't feel, I was now able to feel again. But other memories interfered too. Memories of sleeping outside in Suna with Kakashi by my side, happy memories of spending time by the fire in Kakashi's arms... I pushed the feeling away when my eyes started watering. What was wrong with him?! Did he still push people away from him? Even me, one that knew the reason why he did it?! I couldn't believe him.

It wasn't long before sleep caught up on me after having spent the whole night walking to Konoha, and then using the day in the market district. It came heavily and dreamlessly.

The next day I woke up early and went to the market district to catch the newspaper in search of available apartments. There weren't much fit for a ninja, and some apartments was too expensive in my opinion. The location didn't mean much to me so I visited a few places. Most didn't want a ninja living in their building, some even went as far as to say that they didn't want anyone who had been in prison. Some had a lot of applications for ninjas, where I wasn't lucky enough to make the cut. It was hard and lonely work to find an apartment myself, so in the late morning I took a nap at a nearby tree to see if it could help my mood.

A warm presence infiltrated my sleep in the afternoon. It wasn't before I opened my eyes tiredly that I saw a pair of dark brown eyes staring into mine, bushy black brows frowning down on top of them.

"Awake I see."

I jerked at his voice and pressed myself immediately up against the trunk of the tree.

"And what, if I may ask, is the young Toshi doing out here sleeping?" Gai asked me and straightened himself with a satisfied smirk.

It took a moment for me to collect myself thinking about the past events that had happened the night before.

"Speechless I see. Well that's no wonder when you're in the presence of Konoha's green beast." He said again, balancing perfectly on the branch I had been sleeping on.

"Gai?" I said, taking a feel of his name on my tongue. I had almost forgotten about the hyperactive guy.

"Ah! You remember my name! I'm glad!" He said enthusiastically.

"Gai-sensei! Is she awake?!"

I looked down to see... Well, Gai junior, who looked just as happy and full of life as his sensei did.

"Who's that?" I asked still dumb-founded about the whole situation.

"Lee! It's impolite not to introduce yourself!" Gai called to the kid.

"S-sorry! I'm Rock Lee, nice to meet you Miss Toshi!" He yelled and waved at me from bellow.

"Miss?" I muttered and took in the green jumpsuit and the bowl haircut.

"What are you doing here Toshi?" Gai asked me once again and this time I caught up.

"Oh... Kakashi wanted me to move out immediately. So I've been searching for a new apartment ever since." I answered and yawned, scratching my side.

"What? That wasn't very nice of him." He answered and took a hand to his chin.

I shrugged, trying to push away the feel of sadness that came with the thought of him.

"Kakashi can be so rude sometimes. I take that he isn't assigned to you anymore then?" Gai asked.

"Correct. The hokage gave me permission to roam freely." I said, in an indifferent voice.

"Well that's great news! Come!" Gai grabbed my arm enthusiastically and dragged me up.

Startled I looked like him as if he was mad. I had never done anything for him, so why was he being so good to me?

"Wh-what do you want?" I asked him startled.

"I know how Kakashi can be sometimes. But don't let it take you down! Lee and I will help you find an apartment. I know a lot of people. But first, we'll have something to eat." He shouted making me flinch at the high pitch voice he sometimes reached.

He recklessly jumped off the branch still holding my arm and I basically stumbled awkwardly after him.

"What do you say Toshi? Doesn't it sound good?" I staggered when we landed before he took his arm around my neck and squeezed my head into his sides in what, I suppose, was a friendly manner.

"Jeez!" I squirmed in his strong grip starting to live up again "Yeah yeah sounds good! But just let go of me!" I hissed and broke free from his grip feeling slightly flushed at his intense interest and then brushed myself off.

"Yay!" Lee screamed enthusiastically.

"That's the spirit Lee!" Gai said and gave him a thumbs up.

Gai and Lee dragged me along to a restaurant I didn't know of. Gai had bluntly turned down any of my suggestions about ramen as it wasn't healthy enough in his opinion. I didn't know Kakashi's friend very well, but I could tell he was genuine about everything he did. He had a positive energy about him, and didn't dig further in to what was happening between me and Kakashi. Why he felt the need to take me out to dinner and help me I didn't know, but maybe it was just in his nature to make friends.

"To become a strong ninja, this should be the food you should eat every single day Toshi. Lots of vegetables and lots of meat! No noodles, no rice, no white bread! In order to help your muscles develop you should buy some extra supplies of protein to make sure that they get the right amount of nutrition in order to grow properly!" Gai had been lecturing me about food the whole time we had been in the restaurant.

It didn't bother me much, actually I found it quite calming that I could focus on something else. I had never really thought much about my diet, but apparently Gai knew just what was the right things to eat depending on ones energy level and training. Though I wasn't much used to eating salad I ate it all on Gai's behalf along with some beef. Lee was listening concentrated to everything Gai said, apparently the kid had picked him as a role model, which I found quite hilarious.

"We should split up and go ask everyone. We'll meet here in two hours! Toshi you just wait here!" Gai said as we were finished stuffing ourselves with food.

"You guys don't really have to help me." I said.

"Nonsense Toshi! We'll always help a friend in the need of help, right Lee?" Gai said, holding his fist up clenched.

A friend? Was I already their friend? That sentence went right into my heart, forcing me to hold me breath to get rid of that grateful feeling.

"Don't worry Toshi." Gai's hand landed heavily on my shoulder and he gave me a more serious genuine smile.

"Thank you Gai." Wow, I was really starting to say that a lot.

"Hahaha! No problem!" He laughed sheepishly a faint pink tinting his cheeks.

I sat down outside the restaurant. Suddenly the day seemed a lot brighter. The sun stood high, the streets were buzzing and I was sitting with a cup of lemon tea, completely relying on and a guy I barely knew and his student. Kids ran by laughing and playing tag. An old couple was holding hands while walking up the streets and two or three shop owners was transporting food and merchandise in small wooden carriages.

Maybe Kakashi had been cold and harsh, but I could withstand it. I could not let it affect me. I would treat him like nothing had happened, I decided. Maybe he had a hard time being so close as we were, but as long as I didn't let it go, he couldn't push me away. I would melt away his facade slowly in time.

Gai and Lee returned only and hour after they had left, with good news. Apparently Gai knew an old couple by the outskirts of the market district who was looking for a ninja to live in the upstairs apartment on top of their shop. It was already lifting my hopes as it sounded promising.

The building was very old just like the district. It was small wooden shop cramped in between houses of the same caliber, except this building was a bit taller and broader than the rest. It had a subtle front, with only a small sign hanging by the door, telling people of today's offer. Followed by Gai and Lee I walked inside and I was immediately hit by the scent of tea and herbs. Large drawers of dark wood was placed all the way from the floor to the ceiling, leaving nearly no normal walls except for the one by the door. Having already found a strange fascination in herbs I knew at once that I wanted the apartment on top of this shop!

"Gai!" A plump old lady with whitening hair stepped around the counter and greeted the tall man in the green jumpsuit.

"Hana! This is the girl I talked to you about." Gai said and turned sideways to let her see me.

Hana gave Gai a squeeze at his arm mussed forward slowly, her squinted old eyes taking me in from top to toe.

"Nice to meet you Toshi." She said and smiled gently.

"Nice to meet you too." I said and bowed politely as I had been taught.

"This is such a nice shop you have!" I added, hoping it would give her a good impression.

"Are you interested in herbs? This shop has been in my family for generations!" She smiled at me and took my arm without hesitation.

"Come, I'll tell you a little bit about it." She added and tugged in me to follow her.

"Oh, okay. Sure." I said, taken a little bit aback by her openness.

Gai sent me a satisfied smirk as the women let me to the right wall full of drawers.

"The reason why we want a ninja to move in, is because it's reassuring for us to have someone here who can protect the shop in case of a robbery. We very well are aware of the fact that you have to go on missions and that fits us very well as we're often busy here." The old lady stopped and looked up the long row of drawers.

"We sell herbs and teas here. People can mix them just as they want to, or they can buy a blend. The making of herbal tea is a fine art, but it is also blessedly simple. If you've never cooked a thing in your life, trust me, you can make a good cup of medicinal tea. All you really need is a quart jar with a tight-fitting lid, the selected herbs, and water that has reached the boiling point." She smiled at me again and tugged me along to the left row of drawers.

"We don't expect you to work here, but it's nice to know that you like herbs just as much as we do." She said.

"Yeah, well it is a new found fascination, but I think it's exciting to know the properties of different herbs. I have a blend of healing tea from Suna." the tought struck a nerve in me, but I pushed it away immediately.

"From Suna? That's exciting!" Hana said and chuckled. "An interest in herbs is a very good thing. They're healthy. Herbs are plants that are valued for their medicinal, aromatic, or savory qualities. Many are tasty, too. A fresh tea made from fresh herbs captures between 50 and 90 percent of the effective ingredients of the plant. Much of what you can use in your tea may already be growing outside, and what is not there you can easily plant or purchase." Hana turned and tugged me over to Gai once again.

"But enough of that. If you have the interest you can always ask us. You are searching for an apartment. Let's go an take a look at it!" She said.

We followed her behind the counter where she sat down and opened a wooden sliding door just under three sets of drawers. We all had to crawl through the door, and entered a large kitchen filled with kettles and pots.

"This is my husband Shoji." Hana said and pointed to an old man sitting by a large stone fireplace in a rocking chair.

The old man was skinny in a way normal for people his age. His wrinkles fell around his eyes, making them appear as thin lines. Nonetheless he seemed to be enjoying his time by the fire.

"Who's this Hana?" He asked and looked at me suspiciously.

"It's Toshi, she's here for the apartment!" She said "And you know Gai and Lee."

"Yes yes, how are you Gai? Have you married yet?" The old man called.

Gai moved uncomfortably and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Of course not-"

"Gai-gai!" I jerked when a small girl came running from around the big table in the middle of the kitchen.

She seemed to be about six years old and had shoulder length dark hair and brown eyes. Her nose was like a cute little button and her eyes big with wonder. She ran to Gai who picked her up with great enthusiasm.

"Azami!" He said and hugged the little girl.

"Why's the weird lady here?" She asked him as he held her in one arm by his chest.

"Weird lady?" I muttered as she looked me over.

"Now now, we can explain later." Hana said.

"Is she your girlfriend Gai-Gai? She has a weird hair color."

"Why you little!" I hissed and gave her a stare that made the little girl squeak. Gai laughed nervously and put the girl down before she ran to Shoji.

"Azami is our granddaughter, we watch over her from time to time." Hana explained and walked to a set of wooden stairs.

We followed her upstairs to a small hallway and then in through a door to the right. It opened up to an apartment larger than Kakashi's. The walls were white and the ceiling was made of light wood. It looked warm and cozy although the only thing filling it was a small dining table for three standing between a newer kitchenette and a space that could only once have fit a bed. A french balcony was placed in the wall right ahead of the door, which made me at ease that I had a ninja door of my own. To the left was a closet, and right beside the door was another door that let to the bathroom, which pleased me very well to have my own bathroom.

"If you want it, it's yours!" Hana said and smiled at me.

Gai smiled a gaping smile, his nostrils flaring in excitement and did I need to say that Lee did the same?

"I would really like to move in here! But what is the rent and how much do you need in deposit?" I asked.

"10.000 ryo in deposit and the rent is 1.500 ryo." Hana said.

"I'll take it!"

"Yes!" Gai shouted out and jumped victoriously.

"I'm glad. You'll fit in well here, Toshi."

That night I laid on the floor of my new apartment and took in the feel of owning something of myself. It couldn't be a more perfect place for my first apartment. Gai had insisted on helping me with the shopping I needed to do tomorrow morning, and I couldn't possibly turn down that kind of excitement. I was going to turn this apartment into my personal home. I needed fresh herbs to grow, books, things for cooking, although I was always welcome to use the downstairs kitchen in case I needed more advanced kitchen gears. I didn't have an oven here for example. There were so many things I needed for this new apartment, and honestly I was excited to go and buy whatever I needed tomorrow.

"A single thread in a tapestry, though its color brightly shine, can never see its purpose in the pattern of the grand design." I hummed recalling the song I had danced to in Suna.

The memory was like blurred mess of colors and a feel of freedom and warm happines. I sighed deeply and took another look around the room. There was no Kakashi to talk to or watch. Just me, here in the dark. Tears welled up in my eyes again, this time I wasn't able to hold them back, but let them roll down. I was so happy to have all this, and at the same time sad. It was an odd sensation.. I wondered if Kakashi would come to visit me when he got home from his mission, or if he would shut me completely out. Either way I would not allow myself to fall in despair. I would show him...

"how can you see what your life is worth or where your value lies? You can never see through the eyes of man, you must look at your life through heavens eyes" I hummed again, starting to ponder the meaning of the song.

"You must learn to join the dance." I muttered.

I would learn to join the dance of the world and most importantly learn to join Kakashi's dance...

---

I hope you Guys enjoyed this chapter!

If any of you recognize the song you can find it on youtube
It's called "Through heavens eyes" from the Prince of egypt soundtrack.
Actually I didn't Draw any inspiration from that song until I was finished with the chapter and edited it, but it held much of the mood I wanted
in the Suna restaurant.

I'm going to Work on Toshi personal Development in the Next chapte (Of course Kakashi will be involved) but I think she needs to become more adulty
to ever be strong enough to attract Kakashi to the point where he can't resist her.