Unfinished Business

Chapter 20 : McCoy Talks

April, 2273

McCoy wandered into the rec room just as Kirk and Spock sat down at the chess board. Gleefully rubbing his hands together, he sat down to kibbutz. Unbeknownst to any of the three men, just around the corner, out of sight behind a tall potted plant, sat the communications officer, deep in thought. She did not realize that they were there, either.

This was the first time the two men had played chess together in almost three years. It felt slightly strange, and yet very familiar. Spock indicated that Kirk should move first, and as usual, the captain took very little time in making that first move. He had no sooner lifted his hand from the board than Spock made his move, and McCoy cackled at the rueful look on Kirk's face.

Kirk began to study the board, trying to decide his next move, and McCoy took advantage of the lull to present his first question to Spock. "Whatever made you decide to study kolinahr, anyway, Spock? Did us illogical humans finally get to be too much for you?"

He thought for a moment that Spock would not answer, but then the Vulcan drew in a deep breath, and spoke. "I suffered a great emotional shock, doctor, and did not know how to handle it. Gol seemed to be the only viable alternative at the time. I know now that it was not the correct answer."

The doctor knew better than to question what that shock had been, and besides, he had a pretty good idea of what the Vulcan was referring to, having dealt with the other half of that problem himself. Kirk raised his head from his observance of the chess board though, and looked questioningly at Spock. "I wasn't aware that Vulcans actually HAD emotions, Spock."

"I have endeavored to explain to you on multiple occasions, captain, that Vulcans do indeed have emotions, but simply work very diligently to control them, so that they do not control us."

"So for something to completely unhinge you like that, it had to have been pretty big." Kirk was carefully considering the other man as he spoke.

"This is true. I believe you are out of time, Jim, and need to make your move." His attempt to change the direction of the conversation was very transparent.

Kirk looked down at the board, and made a move, purely at random. Spock pursed his lips, and shook his head slightly. "That was not an optimal move, Jim." He reached out one hand, and made his own move, hardly seeming to pay any attention to where the captain's pieces were on the board.

McCoy had listened carefully to everything that had been said, and noticed things that had not been said, as well. He knew that poking at the cause of that big emotional breakdown, here in a public place, with witnesses, was not the thing to do, but maybe, just maybe, he could say some things to make the man start thinking on his own. "Why did you decide to resign your commission? Couldn't you have continued to serve after completing the kolinahr training?"

Spock seemed to consider this question carefully. "I suppose that I could have, however, at the time I was in no condition to consider this. I did not have any idea how long it might be before I regained any sort of equilibrium, where I would be able to resume my duties. As it was, it was 2.8 years that I was away from StarFleet. It could have been much longer. It was only the pull of the intruder's presence that persuaded me that it was necessary to return."

Jim looked up. "So it wasn't any of us that influenced your return? It was that artificial intelligence?"

"There was great danger posed by the intruder. It would have affected many people, including those I had served with for many years. This was a factor in my decision. I also had the thought that this intelligence might hold the answers I was searching for."

McCoy jumped in now. "But you said it didn't."

"No, it did not. However, that lack of answers did help me. The knowledge that such a superior intelligence, composed of pure logic, had many of the same questions that I did, and needed the answers just as desperately, forced me to reconsider the direction I had been pursuing. I was then able to change the focus of my research and discover what I had been looking for in an entirely different area." He looked down to the board again. "Jim, it is time for you to move once more. You do not seem to be focused on the game."

Jim looked at Spock, and swore lightly. "You keep distracting me with these revelations you're making. But please don't stop." He picked a piece and moved it, only realizing when he had removed his hand that Spock was shaking his head, his mouth compressed in a tight line. He sighed. He had done it again. He was not at all surprised when Spock's next move put his king in check.

McCoy tried once more to elicit information from Spock. "I know you say that the training you received as a child taught you to control your emotions, but it seemed more to those of us who tried to befriend you that you often tried to completely suppress your emotions. Is that what they taught you at Gol?"

Spock looked at McCoy, and then his eyes unfocused slightly, and he shook his head lightly, before looking back to McCoy and beginning to speak. "I believe at this point that my father felt that forcing me to be the most Vulcan of Vulcans would remove some of the stigma of my hybrid birth. This was an unfortunate decision on his part, because although I have Vulcan emotional depth, I have only human control over them. What he wished for me was simply not possible. Instead of being able to control my emotions, I was forced to suppress them in order to be able to handle them. What they attempted to teach me in Gol was to ignore them entirely, as though they did not even exist. They discovered that this was not an easy task. It was one which I finally concluded was entirely impossible."

Both of the other men looked at him, fascinated. They had gotten more insight into how Spock worked then they had ever received from him in the past. And around the corner, the woman who had been listening intently to every word of this conversation sat there with tears trembling in her eyes, trying so hard to be quiet and undiscovered.

Jim looked at Spock and considered carefully what he would say next. "And have you found it difficult to deal with us illogical humans again? More difficult than before, maybe?"

Spock shook his head slightly. "Actually not. I find I have more understanding of myself than I ever had. Perhaps it was the teachings at Gol, or perhaps it was my resistance to them, that opened my thought processes up so that I could have more understanding of them. Or perhaps it was V'Ger, and its desperate unhappiness that led me to greater understanding. Most probably, it was all of these things. Jim, there are three possible moves that you can make, and all of them will lead to checkmate in four moves or less. What do you wish to do?"

Jim uttered an oath, and tipped his king over. "Obviously, tonight is not my night to play chess."

McCoy laughed at him. "Might I suggest that we adjourn to my quarters. I have something lovely there that will take the edge off. And I think you might actually enjoy the taste, Spock."

"I am amenable." Spock rose from the table and followed the other two men out of the rec room.

Around the corner, Uhura leaned forward, and buried her face in her hands, struggling desperately to retain her composure. When she felt sure that she would not be noticed, she rose and returned quickly to her quarters, where she sat and pondered all that she had heard, and wondered how he was processing all this new insight.