Chapter 3- facing the demon

Clint sat beside Lila Craddock in her old Toyota. In the back of the car was one bag containing the personal items he'd need for the stay. It was not a large bag, a testimony to the fact he hoped his stay was not a long one. Beside the bag was a laptop that had been given to them by Nick Fury. At a time of his chosing he could use that laptop to contact Loki. His eyes seemed to be unable to leave the laptop as he thought of talking to the God,not something he felt comfortable doing yet."Nobody is going to push you into making contact until you feel up to it", Lila had noticed his stare and correctly assumed what he was thinking. "How it is even going to happen boggles my mind", she added. How could a simple laptop connect to a man on another planet. "Well perhaps Loki invented the internet then inflicted it upon our world to create chaos", Clint suggested drolly. Lila could not help the snort of laughter that escaped her lips ,Clint could be funny at times. Then she snapped her mouth shut as she realized he might have been serious. She took a look at him to see if he was annoyed.

Clint gave the doctor a quick smile to indicate that yes it was a joke. He noticed she looked relieved. It was quite brave of her to be taking a known assassin off to your cabin in the worlds all alone. But then again maybe they would not be alone. "Is it going to be just you and me in your cabin or is someone else going to be there, a boyfriend or partner perhaps", he asked. This was a very personal question he realized. But he figured he was allowed to get personal. He had to have parts of his life dissected ,so why not know more about the person who was undertaking that dissection.

Lila wanted to keep Clint calm and in balance and if getting to know her better did that then so be it. "I am single at the moment Agent Barton", she told him.

That response made him turn to look at her more fully and she felt a blush coming on . "I cannot see a reason for that", Clint said. Oh boy now he was being charming as well . The fact that she was going to be in close quarters with him made her feel suddenly hot. "Just remember he's mine", she heard Natasha Romonoffs voice in her head. The black widow had come to tell her to keep her hands off her boyfriend just before they were about to leave. Since she was cleaning her nails with very sharp knife at the time Lila took her very seriously. She had assured the redhead that the relationship between the two of them was and would remain purely professional. No matter how close counseling him made them become she vowed not to cross the line.

With that thought in her mind she turned back to driving. Clint lazily looked out the window .

It was another 2 hours before they reached their destination. The city had faded away and a more remote setting had taken its place. There were rolling hills ,decked with tall green trees, a different smell hung in the air, the freshness of pine. Clint decided he was going to like it here.

The 'cabin' was a lot larger than he'd expected, it was in fact a 3 bedroom house with a large garage.

"Here we are", Lila announced as they pulled in beside the garage. "This is going to be your home for awhile Agent Barton. Feel free to go wherever you want", she told him.

Clint looked out at the forest of trees, " there are bound to be good places to practice with my bows out there", he decided. Idly he wondered if Fury was still monitoring him. He'd given the director assurances he was not about to run off but he doubted his word was going to stop SHIELD keeping track of his wereabouts. His mind didn't want to think about what the higher ups in SHIELD had to say about the chaos he'd inflicted while under Lokis control. He had heard a rumour that someone had suggested he be locked away somewhere. That was why he was here now willing to undergo this therapy.

Watching as the garage door opened Clint found his eyes drawn to the old motorbike that rested against one wall. "Wow that looks like a classic Harley", he remarked. There was a sadness in the smile Lila gave him. "It is, it was my fathers". Clint guessed from that that Lila's father was most likely deceased. "Well she's a beauty he must have been proud of her", was all he said. Lila brushed the tear from her eye. Her father had often referred to the bike ,as a she, just like Clint. She thought her father would have like Clint Barton.

"Unfortunately the bike needs a bit of work", ,she informed Clint. She watched his eyes light up and saw an opportunity coming. Keeping Clint busy was a way to keep him grounded and focused. Boredom could be a dangerous thing in a man as highly trained as Clint. Even though the motorbike was very personal to her, she knew she was going to have to let Clint tinker with it.

"You can spent some time working on it, if you want", she offered. Clint could tell the offer had been a hard one and reached out and took her hand. It was warm in his grip and he noted she did not pull away. "Thank you", he told her . She held onto his hand for a second before releasing. "The bike can wait" ,she added," l'll show you the rest of the house then we can have some lunch." Clints grumbling stomach gave all the answer that was necessary.

The room she gave him was large and comfortable. He tossed his bag on the bed and began to unpack. It was barely 10 minutes later that he joined Lila Craddock for lunch.

After lunch came a counseling session that consisted off him talking through all the dreams he'd had since he'd been broken free from Loki's influence.

He felt rather drained again after that talk so he went off to work with the motorbike.

The next couple of days followed the same pattern, talking, eating then working on the bike .Those were the parts that weren't so bad. But every night he'd have the same nightmare . He'd wake screaming everytime , then pad out of his room and down the hall to talk to Lila. The fade outs during the day still happened as well, leaving him feeling tired and drained.

It seemed like he was not making any progress, just going around in circles having the dream, talking about the dream but then still having the dream again.

Clint felt a heavier wariness creeping upon him not matter how hard he tried to shake it off. It felt like he was slowly getting worn away.

Lila felt frustrated, she was making no disernable progress in making things better for Clint Barton. Sometimes she still got the feeling she was missing something important . But she'd always tell herself that going off on a different tangent was not going to solve anything. The lack of progress was simply because Clint Barton was still trying to control what he felt.

He was looking more tired day by day and she knew the lack of sleep would eventually take a physical toll. But she shied away from medicating him knowing it'd just make him feel more off balance. She did relent in using some SHIELD technology though. Fury had given her a small monitor that would record Clint Bartons brain waves in a form that would allow them to watch his thoughts like a movie. It also could help him control the dream. That part had really bothered her. Clint had already experienced control by a type of technology and did not need to feel that type of intrusion again.

But after four days she had taken a look at the deepening circles under Clint's eyes and decided that both of them need to take risks to make any type of progress. Clint would have refused to use the technology at the beginning but he realized that any breakthrough would only come if he worked harder and challenged himself more. So he agreed.

After placing the small round discs on each side of Clint's temple all she had to do was wait for him to have another nightmare.

Clint was pacing his room trying hard not to fall asleep. The nightmares were just too real and he was getting to the point where he would ask Lila to drug him. Getting some dreamless sleep would clear his head he was sure. His eyes fluttered shut and he lurched and nearly fell onto the floor. Dammit he could really not avoid going to bed and dreaming again. He had been fighting hard to not let the nightmares win but maybe getting past them meant surrendering. Determined to take control of the dream this time he sat on the bed then drew up his legs to place them upon the soft down surface of the mattress. He then lay back onto the soft pillow.

Minutes later he was once again in the nightmare. He was sure he could feel the restraints upon his arms and legs as they held him down uoon the bed. The rough material chafed painfully along his skin as he wiggled and tried to get free. Looking down at his legs he could see blood coming from under the bonds. That was how hard he had fought to get free. It had not worked and he could feel his body getting heavier as a deep sleep came upon him. It was not a natural type of sleep being something he should fear. He knew that as soon as he was unconscious the doctor standing at the side of the bed was going to do something terrible to him. Neither the doctor or the woman that watched the proceedings had offered any choice . Sleep was sucking at him hard though and he could not resist for long. Turning his head slightly gave Clint a view of himself strapped in another bed. The blue eyes of this image of him stared into his own. He seemed to be in the same type of pain as Clint could see tears leaking from his eyes. He could feel that scream coming again…

Clint found himself wrenching his mind from the nightmare before the screaming happened. The devices on the sides of his head had allowed him to stop the dream. He sat up in his bed panting heavily. "I hate this", he stormed to the darkness. The walls had no answers for him . But perhaps something else did. Clint did not need to turn on the lght to find what he sought, the laptop was on top of a small table in his room.

Okay maybe he should wake Lila and ask her to be by his side when he did this. But then perhaps that was the problem, he was not brave enough to face down Loki alone.

"Just do it', he told himself firmly. Before he could talk himself out of the act Clint had engaged the lap top and was seeing a picture of Loki inside what he assumed was an Asgardian jail cell.

He stared at the man and felt a smile coming on. It did help to see him there helpless behind a force field. Perhaps it was enough to stop the dreams happening. He was about to break the link when the God suddenly became aware of him. "Well, well, I wonder how they did that", Loki remarked as he looked at Clint Barton. Clint did not answer just keeping up the staring.

"So is that it then Barton, you just wanted to stare, to see for yourself what has befallen me", Loki asked. "Yeah it is kind of good", Clint hurled at him with a smile. Loki appraised him slowly and Clint tried hard not to squirm. "You look tired Barton, something bothering you?", the God asked. That comment made Clint feel suddenly angry, sure that Loki was playing him in some way. "You know damn well don't you", he accused. "You may have lost control of my mind but you left something behind to give me nightmares". Loki came closer to the screen, a mocking look on his face, "why would I bother to play with a puny human", he remarked. "You were only useful to a point Barton. I was going to kill you after I'd finished'. He grinned at the screen with a type of glee that nearly made Clint slam down the computer screen. But no he had to face this down, "then you should have done it earlier", he parried back, 'all that attitude did you no good".

Loki had to concede he was right. The jail was boring and at least this talk was providing some entertainment. He could take a wild guess at why the archer was calling him in what would be the middle of an earth night. This should be interesting . "So back to the reason you called", Loki remarked softly with a smile, "nightmares involving screaming I'm guessing". He turned his back on Clint for a moment, a taunting act. Clint gripped the screen and shook it hard with a fury that indicated that had the God been present he would have been using his arrows instead. "So you are responsible", he stormed. "Oh I am definitely responsible" , Loki admitted," the screaming coming from your damaged mind bothered even me, so I reached out and promoted healing. I dearsay whatever was trapped in that brain of yours is now trying to break free. I hope it is painful", he added for malice.

Clint found himself staring, he had thought Loki had planted a nightmare, but the GOD reckoned he had given him something. He was saying something completely different to Lila. Who was the more trustworthy of the two was obvious to Clint. "You lie", he remarked. Loki stared at him, 'why would I bother Barton, if I was still torturing your mind I'd admit to it and I'd want some sort of payment to help set you free". But perhaps you are just torturing yourself. There is something in your mind Barton and you need to let it out", Loki told him.

Clint held his gaze for a while as he thought over his words. While he did not trust the God his words did have something in common with Lila's . Both of them were telling him to relax his mind and let the dreams come. He decided maybe it was time to listen. "I hope you rot in your cell", he told Loki firmly. "Yeah and I hope your screams go on for eternity", Loki hurled back with a grin. "Well they won't", Clint stated as he quickly cut the link. He knew it would just go on and on like that with both of them hurling insults at the other. Having the last words felt good.

Closing the laptop Clint worked on the calming breathing Lila had taught him. In ,out, breath,in out breath. He lay back down upon his bed and felt himself being drawn back toward sleep.

Soon the nightmare was upon him again. His screams were loud in his ears. But he forced himself to stay in that place and not awaken. He could clearly see his other self also fighting the bonds . "Don't Forget", that other self told him. "Don't forget what", he asked in the deep recesses of his mind. "Don't forget me", came back the answer.

Trapped in the dream Clint was thrashing upon the bed. Never before had he heard these words. If he'd been awake he was sure Lila would tell him the words still related to Loki. That god did want him to suffer. He looked at himself strapped down upon the bed, "don't forget me Clint", the voice now almost sounded different to his own. His head could no longer turn to look at the image of himself, instead it focused on the ceiling .He could still talk though ,"why do you look like me", he demanded. "Don't forget" ,was the only answer he got. "Why not, you are just part of my sub conscious fears. Why don't you go away", he demanded. He was sure the device on the side ofhis head would make this possible and the nightmare would end. "No", the scream ripped through his head with an intensity he had never felt before. Yet his mouth was not moving he could see only his images mouth moving in the mirrored ceiling "Don't forget me", came through strongly followed by the two words that ripped his mind apart, "it's Will". "What", Clint could feel his confusion. "It's Will, I am your brother, don't forget", the other one screamed. A blurriness that had hung over the others image suddenly cleared and Clint Barton suddenly saw that although they were identical looking, there were differences. If he'd simply been looking at himself those differences should not exist. There was only one reason for them.

In his mind the final piece of a puzzle fell into place and Clint Barton remembered what he had lost. He jolted awake as he pulled his mind free. He sat upright in his bed panting as sweat ran from his hair to drip upon his already moist body. "Will", he tested the word upon his lips. The anger came soon after, 'how could you do that mother", he said. "You ripped him from my mind because of your own fears".

Throwing off his soaked sheet Clint got out of bed. He puled the monitors from his temple forcefully and threw them hard against the walls. He would not let anyone make a choice for him again.

On soft silent feet Clint Barton began to get dressed.

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Lila Craddock opened her eyes to her head toward her clock she was surprised to find it was nearly 8 am. This had been the first night her sleep had not been interrupted by Clint's nightmares. She wondered if that meant the choice to use the dream device had been the right one.

She was sure she would find out. Getting up she padded past the bathroom stopping when she heard the shower running. Turning back down the corridor she went to the kitchen and began to prepare breakfast for both of them.

Lia enjoyed cooking and spent time immersed in making the most perfect omelettes. Looking up at her wall clock she realized a bit of time had passed. Moving to put her head down the corridor she listened and heard the shower still running. Clouds of steam were now billowing from under the door.

Deciding she had better check on Clints welfare Lila moved down to the bathroom door and knocked loudly," Clint are you alright in there", she asked. No answer came. Hestitating with her hand on the door knob Lila stated, "alright I'm coming in".

She opened the door and found a cloud of steam rolling toward her. It hit her with a rush of warm air then passed by out the doorway. Now Lila could see more clearly and felt her heartbeat immediately speed up, there was nobody in the bathroom.

Turning off the shower Lila hurried out and ran to Clint's room. Flinging open the door she took note of the disshelved bedding as well as the obvious fact Clint was not here either.

"Dammit , don't do this Clint",she found herself saying as she raced down the corridor toward the garage. A horrible sense of foreboding filled her as she ran.

Seconds later she found out that her fears were correct and both the motorbike and Clint Barton were gone. She could hope that he'd just gone on a ride to clear his head. But somehow she knew tht was not the case. Sinking to the ground Lila knew that Nick Fury was not going to be very happy about this latest development. He would want to know why Clint had fled and for now Lila Craddock had no answers.