Oh man it's been ages. Sorry for the delay, I've been so busy with all my other stories, tons of one-shots and the inspiration to this story just didn't want to come. But here it is again and I hope I can make myself to post them more regular now the holidays are over. For all you Make More Sound fans, new chapters of that one are coming soon, I was hit by all kinds of ideas for that one and have figured the next two chapters out already ;)
By the way, people with a weak stomach can better keep a trashcan close. I don't think it's too bad but better safe than sorry right? I promise not to be too graphic though.
Chapter 19: proven
The next time I wake up Donnie is the only one in my room. He's reading something at his desk but because his back is turned towards me I can't see what it is. I move slightly, groaning at the headache that's flaring up again. Don looks up and comes walking over immediately, leaving the book that's as thick as a dictionary alone on his desk. There's a smile on his face but I can see it is a fake one. My immediate younger brother has never been the best actor, or a liar for that matter. Also, I can't imagine how he would be happy to see me awake. The last time I've seen him he had to kill a guy. He was more upset, shaken and angry than I've ever seen before. And that's just weird because he always covers everything up with that usual level-headedness of his.
"Hey Raph, how are you doing?"
The phrase, so familiar, so ordinary. But at the same time his voice sounds a little croaky and the bags under his eyes tell me that he hasn't slept well tonight. And that actually says something because no matter how smart Donnie is, he still believes he can survive on only a couple of hours of sleep a night.
"I'm fine," I tell him eventually, glad that in contrary to his, my voice is steady. "My head hurts though."
He nods, scribbling something down before coming over to my other side to check the bandages wrapped around my torso, a little above my waist. Oh yeah, that's right. I got stabbed, I think dryly. I had almost forgotten because of the terrible pain I had felt in my head.
"Hey Don," I say when my little brother injects another dosage of pain medication into my IV. "When do you think I can take the eyepatch off? It's pretty annoying to see through only one eye, you know. And it doesn't feel as bad anymore."
I try to keep my tone light to reassure my brother a little, keep the conversation as normal as possible. I know he went through hell, just like the rest of my family.
"Didn't Mikey tell you?" Donnie asks, his face paling rapidly. I can see him swallowing thickly when I shake my head. The only thing Mike bothered to tell me is how much of a douchebag I am and guilt trip me even more by breaking down. But I don't tell Don that.
"Your eye it was… I couldn't save it, I'm sorry."
There is genuine regret in his voice which I hate to hear. Don is the smartest person I know and I'm sure that no matter how messed up last night was, that he did his best. He shouldn't apologise for anything that happened, especially because it was my own doing.
What he tells me though, it's a little hard to process. My hand flies to the left side of my face but of course the eye-patch is still there. For a moment I feel bumps underneath, like something is stitched shut there. Or maybe it is just my imagination, I don't know. I didn't notice it before.
"I don't know what they did to you but it was horrible," Donnie explains. "It wasn't exactly acid but more like a bacteria. The cells it came into contact with started to degenerate, then when they were destroyed, it spread to other cells. Your eye reacted so violently because the tissue isn't as strong as that of your skin. When I finally managed to clean your eye and get your eyelids to open up, it was already too late. All I could do was scooping the remains out and stitching the area shut. You're going to be in pain for a little longer, at least until the wound has healed. But the bacteria have stopped working when they came into contact with the rubbing alcohol, like most species do, so you are out of imminent danger for now."
I let Don ramble for a little. It calms him down and gives me some time to think this over once more. I'm strangely okay with being half-blind for the rest of my life. I don't know why. These last few years I've been hurt almost every single night, some of them worse than others. Nothing lasting except the scars but I've always thought of the day I might get hurt beyond repair. Not that I envisioned something like this at all. It was more that I needed to figure out that when there was going to be a wound I couldn't take care of myself, if I would go to my brothers with my tail between my legs or just leave it like that and risk disfiguration and death. And even though I tended to favour the second option more and more, this time I didn't really have a choice when Leo and Don saved me and dragged my sorry as back to the lair.
But no, that isn't what is going through my head right now. What really bothers me is that the Foot carried such a dangerous bacteria with them. I mean, this isn't really their style, they're more the old-fashioned fighters. However, this change in tactics makes them all the more dangerous. What if they use it again? What if they use it on someone else? What if they use it on my brothers?
"Don," I interrupt him when he starts on some kind of chemical formulas which might be the reason why the bacteria died so quickly after the alcohol was used. "You gotta be careful with that stuff. Don't want you guys to get hit by it too. It hurts like shell."
But Donnie shakes his head, his mouth forming into a rueful smile. "This isn't a new Foot weapon Raph. It's way too impractical to use in combat. I saw a couple of them who had gotten some of the liquid on their hands as well. They just brought it because they wanted to make you suffer."
"Oh." It's all I can say. There is an uncomfortable silence between us in which Don starts to fumble with his wrist wrap, the way he always does when he hopes for a distraction to what he's thinking of at the moment.
"Hey Raph?" he asks eventually. "Are you really going to stay from now on? I mean, when you're healed again, do you want to go back to fighting?"
I shake my head. I try to offer him a smile but I know it'll look more like a grimace than anything. I'm not good at smiling, never was. We used to have Mikey for that kind of job.
"I'm not leaving if you don't want me to, little brother," I eventually say. "I made you a promise I wouldn't. But you're gonna kick me out eventually."
Don comes over again, sitting next to me on my bed while he studies my face. His own becomes unreadable but his voice tells me enough. What I just said hurt him. It wasn't what he had hoped to hear.
"We aren't going to sent you away. You're our brother Raphael and believe it or not, but we want you home. It doesn't matter how impassive Leo might be or how angry Mikey acts, they both want you to stay."
"And you?" I ask. I know what the answer will be, I know Donnie wants me here. I can see it in his face and he basically just told me the same. But I want to hear it in his own words. My immediate younger brother is really good with those, you know.
"I just need my big brother back," Don admits, his cheeks reddening slightly, his eyes suddenly drawn towards the floor.
It's a simple answer which I actually had expected to come from Mikey. Donnie usually is too smart for simple answers like this. But what he doesn't understand is that this request is more complicated than it sounds.
"I'm not the brother I used to be, Donnie," I say, grabbing his hand so his eyes will return to mine. "I still have a major debt to pay. I hurt you and the guys in the worst ways possible. I couldn't protect you last night little bro and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I made you do, I'm sorry for messing your family up. I'm just so sorry."
Donnie stands up again, walking over to his desk to grab a glass of water for both me and himself. It's a typical Don-thing to do. Whenever things get too much, he stops and takes a moment to think while doing something else. It calms him down I think. It's the reason why Don doesn't get into fights that much. He's the complete opposite of me, brains over brawn. Calm and self-composure over emotions and irrational decisions. After a couple of sips and a feel calming breaths, he continues.
"I don't blame you for any of that. Do you even know why Mikey is so mad at you?"
I shrug. It's obvious to me. He hates me because I couldn't protect him while I was the reason he got hurt. And now I come back to mess up his older brothers some more when they try to help a lost case like me that has already given up years ago. I let him down. Again.
"He's angry because you left him, Raph. We all are. We never wanted you to leave. You were hurt just as much as Mike was, maybe not physically but mentally. You were captured too Raph and that man almost broke you. And instead of staying with us, letting us heal you, you decided to go away?"
He's wrong. What does Donnie know about Mikey anyway? I've seen my little brother and I know he resents me for what I've done to him. Same goes for Leo, I know my brothers longer than today. Don just wants to keep me here, he's trying to sway me over.
"Donnie, I'm different now. You can keep telling me you want me here. That you want your brother back. But he's gone and he isn't going to return just because you want to. And I'm not going to pretend that it will happen either."
His face falls, desperation and sadness filling his eyes but none of those emotions resounding in his voice. "I don't mean you have to change big bro," he says honestly. "I know you're screwed up. I know you're always going to be screwed up. But you're my brother and probably the strongest person I'll ever meet. So unless you want to prove me wrong… and hurt me, please stay here with me."
I give him a smile, pulling him a little closer so I can pat his arm a little. I don't like seeing him this way. It's a big brother thing, you just can't stand it when your younger brothers look like this, so downtrodden and upset.
And not only that, Don is scared now. I don't think I've ever seen him this scared before. As children we all had our own fears and nightmares, but never Donnie. Even then he could comfort himself with what he knew, his precious knowledge from the books Master Splinter sometimes found in the dumpster of a run-down middle school nearby. He would tell Mikey that monsters don't exist and that the dark can't hurt him. He would tell Leo that heights are merely another dimension, that it isn't much different from going up or moving forward. He would tell me that the insects in the sewers couldn't hurt me. That with one step I could squish them underneath my feet.
But on the other hand, this isn't a childhood fear, this is real. He's afraid his family will fall apart right before his eyes. It makes me wonder if I should tell him that we've already fallen but I chose not to. He needs some reassurance right now. Just enough so he can sleep tonight. God knows he needs it.
"I already promised you I would stay here, remember Don? I'm not going anywhere. I can't even, my head hurts like crazy and I can hardly see."
A small smile edges on his face while he re-checks me for anything that might worsen my discomfort. When he's sure I'm properly taken care off he goes to sit at his desk again, claiming that he needs to do more research in case the wound on my side will get infected. Within half an hour he's out.
I settle with a smile, wondering which brother will be next for me to apologise to, or at least try to apologise to. The person coming through the doorway next though, surprises me.
And that's where we leave it, lol. Not that much of a cliffhanger, considering the mean cliffies I've had so far in this story but still something you can crack your little brains over for another week or so. First Make More Sound, yay! I'm so excited!
See ya!