｢Chapter 26 ｣
[Letter]
Fighter, I'm going to ask Ouhi to give you a day off today. You fainted from over-exhaustion yesterday. Please don't do that anymore. You are going to get infection for the wound on your arm. Please take care of yourself, Fighter.
Can we talk tonight? I have something important to tell you.
Love,
Maker
[End of Letter]
'When was this letter written? Why haven't I received it? What was Maker trying to tell me? Why didn't she say anything about it? Why did the letter ended up here?' Series of questions came bombarding Fighter's mind after she had read the letter. She looked at the key that she was holding between her fingers. 'What is this key for?'
Fighter began scouting around the room, looking for padlocks that contained the same key size. She stopped at the bedside table. 'it's this. Since when did this drawer had a padlock on?' Fighter inserted the key in, turned it, successfully unlocking the drawer. She drew the drawer found a series of book, lying in sequence and order. 'What's this?' Fighter thought as she sat down on the bed Maker last laid, pulling the first book out.
My Journey, My Life
'Maker's handwriting' Fighter thought as she flipped open to the first page of the first book.
It was our first day back on Kinmoku. The grounds are emptied of buildings. Revived beings are hopeless. This is going to be a real long project, to get Kinmoku back on track again. Dreams and Romance, they will have to wait. Will she ever know how much I felt for her?
This evening, I saw her in tears, silently at one corner. She's keeping it to herself. I could feel her agony, her disappointment to own self, her lost. Because I'm taking them like mine. I wish I could take them away.
('This is Maker's diary . . . ')
- flip -
Ameno came to me today. She said she felt guilty. I asked why. She replied that she had accidentally injured her during one to one sparing. She lost a lot of blood, yet refused to go straight to the infirmary to get it attended. She's still as stubborn as a ox. We could not do anything about it but to keep it a secret from Ouhi. If Ouhi ever gets to know this, she may be put off her duty as the main commander. She had lost the love. I would not want her to lose her passion as well.
- flip -
We are finally done with the reconstruction work. Finally. Kinmoku had been transformed. from a run down, dead planet, into a green, lively hopeful place to stay in. I'm really glad about that.
- flip -
She asked me today whether do I like anyone. For one moment, I actually thought she was talking about herself. But it was not. She was talking about Mercury. Mercury had allowed me to realised something that I thought I would never had, is actually something that I have all these while. Would she be able to see it one day? Would she feel about the same way I felt for her?
I doubt so. 3 years. 3 years had passed. And she still missed her. I would never be in the heart of hers. Never.
(Fighter felt her heart aching so much as she continued reading the neat writings in front of her.)
- flip -
She injured herself once again. The 9th time this year. Her mind is still filled with her, the princess who managed to take all of her heart away. And all in the same way, she took all of my heart away.
- flip -
Many a times I asked myself
Why had I fallen in love with you
The clear blue eyes of yours
Had deeply captivated my soul
The cheerful smile on your face
Had imprinted deep into my life
The everlasting energy that you carry
Had changed the way I was to be
And all I've decided to do from the start
Is just to love you
- flip -
She cried like a baby in my arms tonight. For once, she had let down her tears in front of someone else. For once in these three years, she spoke out how she felt inside. She still love her. My heart was broken to hear her misery, her torture. I want to love her. But would she accept it? Will I be able to build up the courage to love her? I want to take away the pain, the struggle, the sufferings in her. How I wish I could tell her 'Let me take away your pain.'
- flip -
It's Ouhi's big day today and I know she dread the coming of this day. Yet some part of her is looking forward as well. She came over last night to talk. She talked about the anxiety to see Her again. She talked about the things she would say to Her when she sees her. She talked about the pain growing in her. All I could do, is only to listen to her. Because my heart aches knowing that she's going to do all these things to her. I can't let her know I'm hurting as well.
- flip -
In the end, the her did not came. She was pretty upset. And I hate myself because part of me was actually glad that she was absent for the wedding. I realised, I'm getting jealous of her, because she's the direct influence of her moods and emotion.
And I managed to seek enough courage. I kissed her on her cheeks. My heart was pounding so fast and furious that it felt like it was going to jumped out of the chest at any moment. I wondered, if she had felt anything in the same way?
- flip -
My dreams and romance, they are not going to happen. Never going to happen. We kissed on the lip but it was a prank. Just a prank. My heart is broken in to zillion of pieces, that can never be pieced back into one. Even it's able, it's no longer the heart that it was used to be. Not anymore. I don't think I could find any more courage to face her anymore. I'm afraid I will break in front of her.
('I'm sorry Maker. I never realised these many times that I've broken your heart. I'm sorry.)
- flip -
It's a torture to avoid her. My hearts yearns to talk to her. Yet I'm afraid to feel the heart ache after that. I think I'm going crazy soon.
- flip -
It's her brithday tomorrow. Should I do what I've planed? Or should I just pretend that I've forgotten about her birthday. I think the latter is a better plan. I should take the latter then.
- flip -
We kissed again. We spent the night together. I shared her warmth. She smells so nice, hypnotising me into a deep sleep that I have been ransomed of since the day I followed her. But is all these true? Is she taking me as a backup tire? Should I believe in her words last night?
- flip -
I can't believed that I've made her cry. The hurt in her eyes was etched so deeply in my mind. I couldn't believed that I doubted her.
- flip -
I told her I love her as well. I can't believe that I did it. It's a dream that came true. I never thought this would happen. I love to see her the first moment I open my eyes every morning. Her childlike features, her peaceful sleeping face. I would give up anything just for that.
- flip -
Our first time. . . it was amazing. I never knew how much I wanted her to be mine. I never knew how much I desire for her. I want more.
- flip-
I've found an interesting book in the library today while browsing some books for Ouhi. It's an old journal, about special powers of different starlight. I actually had the power to . . . but there's a ban for star Maker to use that power. I wonder. . .
('What power are you talking about, Maker?)
- flip -
The princess is such an angel. I wonder if I would be able to have a chance to be a mom? Do she like children as well? I hope so.
- flip -
Should I do it? I've decided to do that. My special power. The power to create a star from the dust of two. That's the only chance where we could have our own child. She likes children as well. Definitely. Till then, that will be the right time. I'm sure Ouhi should be understanding. The worst come scenario, would be me giving up my star power.
('What are you talking about, Maker? A child of our own? Can we really? Why didn't you told me anything about that. Why?')
- flip -
Serenity still stands in her heart. I should have know that. it hurts me to see her in such torture. I know she still like Serenity. I know she still had her heart strings on her. I don't want her to be torn between the two of us. I wanted to tell her about this. But Ouhi had a different plan. I don't want her to have any regrets on the choices she made. I've decided that I shall make the choice instead. I'll leave. I'm satisfied with the time spent with her in the past year. I don't think I will be able to like anyone else in my life, because I had her filling up 100% of my heart.
I'm tired of loving you
Just to lose you again
In any way that is possible
That's the last thing I wanna to happen
To let you go
Is Just to love you
We do not need to be together to show that I love you
I will love you in my own ways
I will love you from far away
Just to be able to love you
That's all enough.
('No Maker. I'm not worth of your heart. If loving me is going to cost your life. I would rather that you do not love me. In that way, I could still see you.' The tears of Fighter dripped down, splattering on the surface of paper. 'Maker . . . ')
Fighter closed the book. She had never cried so badly in her life reading something. Reading Maker's diary was like reading Maker. Getting to know what was going through in her mind. Getting to know her better. Fighter cried bitterly. 'Maker.' "MAKER!" Fighter screamed out, hugging the book tight to herself. "BAKA!"
Fighter was so engrossed into Maker's world of thought that she had not realised Serenity's entry in the room all the while. "Fighter." Serenity stood in front of Fighter in front of the bed. "Fighter." Serenity pulled Fighter nearer to her.
Fighter burrowed her face in Serenity's abdomen, crying out loud. 'I'm missing her already. I want to see her. I want to see Maker!"
"Sorry Fighter. It's all my fault." Serenity blamed herself for all these tragedy that had happened. "I'm sorry." Serenity apologised, with tears of regrets flowing down her face and onto the Silver Crystal.
Fighter could not replied Serenity anything. She was choked by her own tears. 'We are all the same, losing the love of our life because ourselves. how lonely our souls could get. Let me chose, given the chance, that night, I will definitely told her that I'll chose her, and probably today, I will still have her in my embrace.'