ACT XII : DISCORD

Eating had helped, somewhat. It was in no way equivalent to the power he obtained from human souls but it was satisfying enough, and would keep Nightmare going through the next day.

There was still an emptiness, though, that would not be satisfied. One that sent his mind reeling with questions and one that he searched his mind for a way to fill.

He was tired of questions.

He wanted to go back to the days when he had a clear path ahead and seldom a question to harrow him.

But did he want that kind of existence? An unthinking puppet to the will of his creator? Ever since the start of his continuous defiance, he had felt so much more alive, despite this emptiness that refused to leave him. He was a living, thinking being, not a puppet, and that somehow made him feel more real. With more definition to his existence.

Not a puppet, but a living being with a mind and will of his own.

The source of the hollowed feeling, though, was another matter entirely. It was different from the need for souls - that he could recognize. This want was foreign to him, and the jumble of thoughts that were associated with it were anything but clear. He had been fairly stoic and devoid of emotion for the larger portion of his life. And the emotions that came with this want were entirely alien to him. What did they mean?

They were weakening thoughts. They were worthless, they were unproductive.

And yet somehow they were nearly all that remained of Nightmare's consciousness.

Why? What value did they have? How would they ever help him in becoming stronger, more defiant to this blade that had been his sole companion all his life, until he could finally stand on his own?

At their center was always Megumi, no matter how many times he thought them through. His debt to her for keeping him alive, the way she seemed so much to care, how she watched after him. He was above such meaningless concepts, he told himself. And yet when he thought of these things, the want seemed to ache less.

He remembered attacking Siegfried's home village. The way the human's emotions had been so strong as to physically hold Nightmare in place when he saw the one he cared about more than anything. Was that what he had discovered? From what he could remember, the human's thoughts and feelings were similar to his now, only lacking the emptiness.

Then was this the purpose he had found, separate from Soul Edge entirely, to find a way to fill this void?

Was it possible, perhaps, that these emotions held far more power and meaning... than anything else he knew?

The next morning, Nightmare counted on the trip out to the battlefield and once again engaging in the human hunt as being an excellent opportunity to sort out his thoughts. He found it easier to think while the rest of him was distracted with the largely unthinking process of killing. It had become such second nature to him that it no longer required him to devote conscious thought to the act.

Today, though, his opportunities to think the situation through were about to be shattered.

He had just succeeded in taking down a group of soldiers and was readying to go after another one when the unmistakable sound of a blade slicing through the air towards his head caught his attention. He ducked to the side just in time to avoid being cut striaght down the middle by the blade of the scythe now embedded in the ground next to him.

His attacker was a woman, clearly not a member of either army, regarding him as though she were surprised he actually managed to avoid her attack. Her vermillion-orange hair was cut short, peices in the front falling over a headband with a metal guard over the forehead. She had orange eyes like Nightmare, but they were closer in color and expression to coals than a blazing flame.

"You demonstrate guts coming here, Azure Knight. I must say, I commend that, but it seems to be largely outweighed by your stupidity. Did you think I'd be allowing this? Well, you thought wrong." The woman's eyes glinted dangerously as she readied to attack again.

Rage welled up. If there was one thing he hated more than anything it was humans and their indignant self-righteous ramblings. What justification did she have for attacking him?

Before she could, though, a few of the soldiers stepped forward to intercept her. "Commander Uemytlach! He's here with the queen's permission. He's fighting for our side, and, thus far we've had no reason to believe he plans to turn on us..."

"Keywords being thus far..." She looked him up and down, eyes burning with contempt. "So, Megumi recruited you to fight for us? I've always known her to be too trusting, but this is on the rather ridiculous side. No matter. This will be cleared up soon enough and you'll be properly decapitated. By me, of course. In the meantime, the rest of you, move out there! You think the enemy will be intimidated by an army that stands around and makes idle banter? Move!"

The men had mixed responses - some immediately ran deeper into the feild, some stammered "Yes, ma'am," before following after, and some followed more slowly, muttering complaints under their breath.

With a final hateful glance, the woman turned to walk back to the castle, gripping the scythe in one hand the entire time. Nightmare found her extremely irritating, and would have liked nothing better than to silence that condescending rambling of hers, but for the time being he would let Megumi deal with her and turn his attention to the matters at hand.

This time the attack finished before sunset, and the enemy ranks retreated even farther. This war would not take much longer to win.

Nightmare found himself looking for Megumi - she was the only one here he could really speak with, and feeling as out of place as he did among the ranks of human soldiers was beginning to bother him. He passed the room they had been in the day before, stopping when he heard voices through the slight opening of the door.

"Your judgement is skewed. Are you listening to yourself? Do you realize how completely ridiculous all this is?" The woman from earlier. Nightmare's eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"We haven't had reason to doubt Azoth's judgement before," Megumi answered her, her voice lacking the confidence and authority it usually held. "It's my duty as a member of the Order, for the good of all humans, to carry out Azoth's will."

"You were the one saying yourself how you were starting to doubt! Just look at this! Doesn't it confirm your suspicions? Why would any god in their right all-knowing mind tell you to ally yourself with a bloodthirsty monster like him?"

There was a long pause. "...Yes, I have had my doubts that Azoth truly considers the welfare of our world a high-standing priority. But this is one thing, Ismaire, that I know is right. Not because it was an order given to me by my god, but because I know within myself, without any doubt, that it is right."

There was another stretch of silence, and it seemed for a moment that neither of them were going to speak again. Then, "Megumi... You haven't. Please tell me you're not so far gone that you've actually fallen for him." The woman's voice was lower now, sounding drained.

"It isn't something I can exactly control, now is it, Ismaire?"

"Bullshit! Look at him, Megumi. The things he's done, and will do. I may have been able to accept having him as a member of the army, but this... I won't."

"He is changing even now, since severing his mind's connection with Lucifurius. Any way you wish to look at it, he is no longer what you and the rest of the world know him as. He... He's been a puppet all his life, and now he's tasted freedom, and freedom has changed him."

Nightmare could hear the woman take in a breath, as though readying herself to argue, but she sighed. "I can't get through to you when you're like this," she muttered. "Rest assured, I'll be keeping a close eye on this. Very close."

Nightmare moved around the corner as she exited the room, managing to remain undetected. He waited until she was out of sight before walking into the room. Megumi looked upset for the split second before she noticed him and quickly replaced the expression with a stoic facade.

"Have you been looking for me long?" she asked, her voice now far calmer than it had been moments before.

"No," Nightmare responded after a hesitation. She probably would not appreciate that he had be eavesdropping on her conversation. "I only just returned."

She nodded. "Ah. I suppose, then, you've already met Ismaire?"

"The woman who attacked me?"

Megumi frowned and shook her head. "...You'll have to forgive her. She's... rather opinionated. Most would say dogmatic."

"She hates me," Nightmare concluded simply.

"As well as judgmental... But I trust she will be doing a better job of leaving you alone in the future. In fact, I will see to it that she does."

Nightmare nodded. "Who exactly is she?"

"A mercenary. Like you, she has quite a reputation - most call her the Desert Rose. Though she has spent so much time here I have essentially adopted her in as a permanent member of my army. The men all address her 'commander', and they are more than used to taking orders from her."

He thought about what he had just overheard. Ismaire saying that Megumi had "fallen for him", and Megumi admitting she had... Was that true? Had she? But then, why would it matter to him? Such feelings were useless anyway.

And yet there was a part of him that he could not convince otherwise that wanted more desperately than he had ever wanted anything to know for a fact that it was true, that whatever these feelings he had were returned.

"Well, I hope you weren't expecting me to make any sort of attempt to get along, because that most assuredly will not be happening," he stated, an edge of annoyance in his voice.

Megumi sighed. "No. I know. Now, I am aware I had told you we would further discuss the situation of your being here today, which is why I am supposing you came to seek me out, but given the circumstances it would be better if today we tended to other matters. I apologize."

He accepted with a nod before turning to leave. Why had he been looking for her? There was a reason, but it most certainly was not the one she had guessed at.

He realized now that, without his knowing it, she had become the new purpose in his life.

Because even with a mind and will of his own, his existence was still vastly meaningless...

And now she had given it meaning.