Chapter 11

Cloud

It was a few days after Cloud had been employed to the club when he was idly flipping thru today's newspaper in the kitchen. Idly because certain brunet was doing dishes and Cloud of course had the perfect view to the others back and… Once again Cloud yanked his eyes lower and tried to stare the printed words instead, failing miserably at it.

He leaned into his other arm that was resting on the table, sighed silently and thought how damn grateful he was when he was able to have such a wonderful person as his friend. How boring his life would be without Squall. How miserable more likely. It wasn't really that long ago when he had been bordering the depression again.

Cloud's eyes rested on the strong figure. He felt calm whenever Squall was near and enjoyed it now wholeheartedly. Had this happened a year ago it would have made him just uncomfortable. Squall had that amazing impact on him that made him just want to be a better person.

But was it all just friendship?

There were moments when they could fall into such behavior that was common only between lovers. There were times when they joked about the matter themselves. And always after those moments and jokes, there was a long silence that spoke hidden meanings in every said word. It was more than enough to make Cloud ponder things a bit more seriously.

Not that long ago he had admitted to himself he was in fact seriously interested in Squall. And now, as he was this thoughtful, he was ready to admit his little infatuation was more than just that. He was falling in.. Yeah, that big word. That big L. He shifted on the chair and bit his lip as if he was almost scared because of the thought of being in an unknown situation. He had never been in love with anyone. Not really. Not like this.

Cloud frowned. Why was it what he was so scared of falling in love with anyone? Or was it just with Squall? If so, then it might have something to do with the not knowing if Squall just considered him to be a really good and close friend or did the man actually have some other feelings towards him.

He sighed. It was always like this. He tried to rationalize the whole matter and ended in this same vicious cycle of unanswered questions. Of course there was always the option of actually asking Squall what the hell was going on, but that was something Cloud wasn't ready to go for. Not yet. He enjoyed this situation too much to risk it all. Sometimes it was easier to give up and stand back and maybe wait and hope for the impossible to happen.

Squall turned to look at Cloud who was softly smiling at himself. Squall smiled too, warmly. And of course, Cloud missed this impression of clear affection.

Christmas

Squall

The twins had disappeared into the kitchen, to make some coffee with the dessert and had left the older pair of men to sit in silence on the couch in the middle of the mess the gift opening had caused. It pained Squall to just sit like this and not clean up the ripped papers and strings, but maybe he should loosen up just this once. Even Cloud wasn't rushing at collecting the trash up, which was enough surprising to him. Cloud was fiddling with the mp3-player he got from the twins, reading idly the manual booklet about it. Suddenly Cloud turned his head to face Squall.

"I do have something for you." Cloud said smiling sheepishly. Squall raised one eyebrow.

"Oh? And here I was thinking I had not deserved a thing from you." Squall grinned, pleased, since he had been a little surprised as the twins had gotten each something from Cloud and he had remained without anything. And yet he had said nothing, wondering in his privacy about the weirdness of the situation. Cloud smiled widely.

"Well.. you've been such a bad boy lately, you certainly do not deserve anything. But since I'm nice and all.." Cloud reached behind the arm of the couch and handed Squall a huge parcel, wrapped in golden paper. As he took it he noticed first how damned huge it was, then noticing the weight of it. He shot a curious look at Cloud and ripped the paper off without any patience. Cloud was wearing a small, nervous smile over his lips as he watched Squall unwrapping the gift.

Finally he was holding a long black wooden box over his knees, looking at its smooth surface that gave out no other indication of what was inside except the huge silver head of the lion. Exactly the one he had around his neck and as a key chain, that too, was all thanks to Cloud. Three silver clips held the lid closed. Gently, heart racing rapidly, Squall opened the box. His eyes widened, mouth went dry and then he simply gasped. Looking up to Cloud, who was still smiling next to him, then back down, again up and down. This was certainly something he had never even dream of receiving!

"You..! This..!" He quickly placed the box on the living room table and jumped to Cloud's arms, half on his lap, hugging the man tightly. "You stubborn prick! Honestly this is too much!" Squall buried his face to Cloud's shoulder and refused to let go, so close at wailing out loud he was. He felt the blonds' arms to wrap loosely around his waist and heard Cloud laughing softly near his ear.

"I had to figure something brilliant, as your gift was so generous too." Cloud tilted his head suddenly and placed a chaste kiss on the brown hair. Squall closed his eyes, inhaling the familiar scent from Cloud's soft shirt.

"I can hardly compare a copy of the apartment key and a new smart phone to this..." He couldn't believe that Cloud had managed to get this particular piece in his hands. It had probably been damn expensive too! Which did explain the lack of any other gifts meant for him. And the double jobs Cloud had been doing since November. "Wait.. Don't tell me someone ratted out my intention of letting you stay with us permanently to you?" Squall loosened his desperate grip around the shoulders, noticing finally he had nearly jumped into Cloud's lap and was now snuggled to his side quite nicely. He leaned back and searched for the eyes he so loved to look at. Cloud's grin was lop-sided, the blue of his eyes warm and deep, inviting.

"Gee.. try to guess which little bird, or birds, told me a month earlier." Squall's eyes turned towards the kitchen for a moment and he wrinkled his nose. "Well, all they did was to hint that something big was going to happen, that's all. So I went and tried to best you." Cloud winked at Squall who snorted.

"Those little gossip-loving-twits.." Not that he was really mad at the twins for blabbering about his intentions, not really. He was too overwhelmed about what Cloud had given him. "I seriously thought for a moment that you loved those two more than me. Which would have been a fucking disaster, honestly." Squall grinned, feeling his heart swelling with joy. He let out a very uncharacteristic noise of happiness and leaned forward again to hug Cloud tightly. "You really shouldn't have."

"I wanted to." Cloud had not let go Squalls waist and was now tightening his hold and Squall could feel him inhaling deeply. For a moment they were still, before Squall heard the twins to giggle in the kitchen and realized how dangerous it would be them to be seen like this. There would be no end of the teasing if the boys would find them in this position. He loosened his grip, regretting it, as usual. It wasn't very often that they got this close and Squall did love every passing second of these moments.

"If they see us like this.. I don't think either of us can endure the torture they'd make us go thru." Squall mumbled quietly next to Cloud's ear and immediately felt the arm around him letting go. Sighing, Squall settled back to his previous spot but made sure he was near enough to feel the warmth radiating thru the white blouse Cloud was wearing. Which, Squall noted, suited the man so damn well. "You should wear white more often." He tried to hide his embarrassment that had crept on his face behind the veil of his brown locks and tried to figure a change of subject quickly. But Cloud beat him by actually answering.

"I promise to wear nothing but white when I get married." Cloud was laughing softly again and Squall shot a look at the other. What the hell was that suppose to mean? That there was no way that Cloud would wear more white, ever? Or did he have a special someone somewhere that he didn't know about? Cloud had been suspiciously cheery at times lately. Squall shook his head, trying to make the annoying questions disappear before they would ruin his now the most perfect Christmas evening.

Now that he thought of it, it made sense why Cloud had been so damn persistent about taking another job. Squall knew it was hard to work outside during wintertime and honestly, he had more than once thought Cloud would collapse from being so exhausted when he hauled his skinny ass to the club after a long day of deliveries in blizzards, and yet managed to pull out strength to serve the thirsty customers at Salvation. But Squall knew for sure the gift he had received was expensive to the point of being ridiculous; he didn't wonder why Cloud had insisted on working so hard. Though.. it left him questioning the motives of Cloud. Who, to be plain honest, would give their best friend such a present? It had more personal feeling in it, than just friendship.

They sat in silence, hearing how the twins were talking in the kitchen and watching their small decorated Christmas tree and its bright lights. Squall had given up on protesting about the decorations as Sora always won the argument year after year. The world outside was dark and cold, wind howling against the window glass. Squall was happy he didn't have to go outside now. He startled when he felt Cloud moving next to him, shifting so he could rest his head on the Squalls shoulder. He blinked feeling rather surprised but said nothing. Cloud remained silent as well, simply resting there.

Maybe it was because they had drunk wine with dinner before and were slightly tipsy from it, but Squall certainly didn't mind sitting like this. He felt himself leaning against Cloud, wanting to feel more of that warmth against his body. Neither of them said a thing but Cloud moved again giving Squall a perfect chance to slide his arm behind him and take a loose hold around the slim shoulders, pressing their bodies even closer. Both of the let out a small content sigh.

Squall recognized this particular fragrance no matter what state he would be in. The unique smell of Cloud was filling his nose and going straight up to his head, like it was similar with the wine, making him slightly drunk. Cloud smelled clean, like soap and.. today there was something sweet too. Chocolate? It was probably because Cloud had been in the kitchen whole day, creating the fabulous dinner and baking something that was still hidden somewhere in depths of their fridge.

Sitting like this, in silence, Squall always felt a funny warm feeling spreading around his chest and making it ache and throb gently. There just was nothing he wouldn't do for Cloud anymore. He had first thought the attraction of his had merely been physical, because Cloud was, to put it nicely, fucking hot. But after these months they had basically lived together the lust had transformed into something more permanent and stable. If it was the big L yet, that he didn't even want to think about, but something like it. Sure as hell it frightened him and the mere thought that Cloud would never look at him with eyes full of care and affection was devastating.

But he had seen the little looks that Cloud gave him when he thought Squall didn't see. And all the little gestures.. it all was enough for him to believe there would be something mutual in the future. If there already wasn't. He didn't dare to ask since he was afraid that he had only been imagining it all and confirming that would shatter his world and break his poor heart so completely. He had had a shattered heart before, yes, but with the man cuddle next to him it would be a lot worse than it had been back then. Completely different kind of feelings anyway.

Cloud had been in a good mood for the past month and had not dwelt in depression much, not in front of Squall at least. It seemed that Cloud was happier the more work he had to do. Cloud loved to push himself to his limits. That was clear. Somehow it made him a masochist, since seriously, who would love working at two places at the same time, doing housework, looking after late teenagers and a grumpy almost-a-roommate? Well, the only one would probably be Squall himself. Of course at the same time Cloud's behavior was making him worried and yet, happy. For now, things were stable but if there were any hints Cloud was about to break down Squall would insist Cloud would stop the insane amount of work he was already doing.

The blond spikes were soft under his cheek as Squall let his head to rest over Cloud's head. It still amazed him how soft those could be. He had seen them to get wet in pouring rain and during very windy days and yet the spikes never lost their shape. He loved this blond hair and its utter gravity defying form. There weren't many things he didn't like about Cloud. Even when Cloud was depressed or pissed off, or they were arguing about something, Cloud had found his way to Squall's heart and refused to fade from there. It saddened Squall that Cloud didn't seem to know how much he cared for the other. Though.. Squalls eyes wandered over the gift he just got. Maybe he did know. The gift really was a bit too royal gift to hand over to just someone.

The box had contained the one thing he wanted most, when it came to owning materia; a new weapon. A new gunblade. The only version that actually shot bullets and was as beautiful as the frosted trees in moonlight. It must have cost a fortune for Cloud to get. Squall knew they made this particular weapon only when requested and that was enough for him to suspect Cloud had a little more than just friendly feelings towards him. Squall's heart skipped few beats only because he thought of the possibility for Cloud to share these emotions.

The mentioned man was being very quiet, which was nothing new to Squall, but the silence seemed to be deeper than usual. Squall tried to peek down, but saw only the spikes and thru the locks, the tips of Cloud's eyelashes. He seriously couldn't have…

"Hey.. are you sleeping already?" He squeezed the shoulders he had wrapped his arms around and got no response. "Honestly…" Squall sighed, smiling and leaned back to lean his cheek against the blond hair. It was stunning how Cloud could fall asleep so quickly no matter where he was. Not more than once had he found the man leaning to his hand at the cafe Squall worked, and sleeping peacefully right there, in the middle of the busiest time when the place was filled with people rushing in and out.

There was a soft noise from behind Squall that nearly startled him.

"He fell asleep, didn't he?" Roxas' voice was quiet as he walked towards the table, carrying a tray where four cups were steaming. The smaller blond sat on the armchair and seemed to observe the other two on the couch, comfortably placed there so close together. Squall just nodded.

"..not sleeping." A soft mumbling voice came from somewhere under Squall's chin and Cloud moved as if to prove he actually was awake.

"It's a miracle!" Roxas exclaimed, clapping his hands.

"Fuck off.." Cloud grunted.

"No, seriously, dude.. You can fall asleep almost anywhere and anytime if you're given the chance." Roxas was grinning deviously at Cloud, who tried his utmost best to look menacing but ended up looking just plain cute since he was still very much cuddled next to Squall.

"And you seriously can sleep with your brother anywhere and anytime." Cloud's snide reply was enough to just make Roxas' grin only more wider.

"Oh, you bet."

"Now now, children. Play nice." Squall cut the bantering short, sounding a little amused too. "We are not going to talk about incest tonight. So behave or I'll make you scrub the bathroom with your toothbrushes." Cloud punched Squall to his side and Roxas stuck out his tongue just in time as Sora returned to the room with a huge cake in his hands.

"Aww, you're having fun here without me! Not fair.." Sora faked a sad face, placing the cake on the table. Squall felt Cloud cuddled under his chin to move and loosened his hold of the man so he could sit more straight. Though, he never let go completely of the other. He had no intention of even doing so. Let the twins see and torment him later, he just felt like he wanted to be like this tonight.

"You found the dessert, I see." Cloud stated the obvious, making the twins to snort simultaneously.

"Well, obviously. It's been few hours already since we ate and you know.. you should have put this piece of delicacy somewhere else if it wasn't meant for eating tonight." Sora grinned, cutting a huge piece out of the chocolate covered cake. "Ooohh.. what's this inside?"

"Raspberry mousse.." Cloud glanced quickly at Squall and then quickly averted his eyes to the floor, embarrassed.

"Really? Then I'll have a piece too." Squall smiled widely. Sora giggled, cutting a piece and handing it over to Squall who immediately took a spoonful of the softness. He loved dark chocolate and raspberries, more than anything, and their brilliant cook sure did know that. The taste was enough sweet and a bit bitter to make him want to purr. He scooped up another spoonful and held it before Cloud's surprised face. "It's delicious. Say aaa~" Cloud had a confused expression over his face for a moment before he managed to open his mouth and take in the spoon.

Cloud smiled faintly, licking his lips and causing Squall to avert his eyes off from him. The twins were quietly watching them, which was enough for Squall to fear they were on to something, which would only lead into trouble.

"I don't.." Cloud spoke finally and they all turned to look at the man. "..usually even like sweet things, but this really is good. Even if I say it myself…" A faked, self satisfied grin crept upon the pretty face. "I'm just too awesome, ain't I?" Sora and Roxas let out a loud snort, but Squall just smiled widely. He reached over to wipe a crumb of the chocolate from the corner of Clouds mouth.

"Yes, you really are." Squall's smile turned warm and tender, the twins lifting their coffee cups high and simultaneously cheered something like 'Aye aye, sir!' grinning madly. Cloud blushed furiously and tried to make a serious face, failing miserably at it and hid his face back to the safety of Squall's shoulder.